Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend asking to use swimming pool

839 replies

bakedbeansandgravy · 29/03/2022 16:20

a few years ago DH came into some inheritance and spent the money on a swimming pool We have always wanted one. Friends use it with us and all is good. However, my friend is asking to use the pool when we are due to be away in May. Access to the garden/pool is straight forward as we have a gate with number pad. However:

last time my friend used the pool when we were away (friend asked in advance) we came back to find the pool chemicals had not been done properly and the pool water was a lot lower than usual (can cause issues with the filter system). DH was fuming and it took him ages to get the chemical balance back.

To leave the pool heating on for my friend while we are away is going to cost us money. Money that could be saved from non-use by us while we are away but instead will be used/accrued by my friend. But I cant say we are trying to save costs ie the pool heating will be off while we are away and then turn it back on the minute we get home - if that makes sense.

I don't mind friend using the pool but it will cost us money (and I can hardly charge my friend), if we were here then the pool heating would be on anyways and last time my friend messed up the chemicals.

Any suggestions on what to do/say ?

OP posts:
starrynight21 · 30/03/2022 06:05

If you are bad at confrontation, do this - 1) say yes sure you can use the pool. 2) change the key pad and turn off the heating.

When you come home and she says she couldn't get into your back garden / she found the pool freezing cold, just say " oh dear, that's a shame".

Problem solved.

2DogsOnMySofa · 30/03/2022 06:38

With the high energy costs I don't think anyone would blame you for turning off the heating whilst you're away. Just tell her that.

dentydown · 30/03/2022 06:40

You wouldn’t feel comfortable her using the swimming pool with out you being around. Accidents happen.

Your partner is having problems with the filter/chemicals/heat and can’t get someone in until after the holiday

No, can’t use it unless we are floating about, last time the pool chemicals went wrong and it took a while to sort.

LollyLol · 30/03/2022 06:49

You just say, "the pool heating won't be on so sorry the pool isn't an option in half term. DH is planning to turn it on and do the spring maintenance on it shortly after though, so how about we pencil in a date for a pool-bbq afternoon one weekend? We're free on xx June, any good? Can't wait for summer!!!!"

Or something chirpy like that.

theyoungishman · 30/03/2022 07:12

We have a pool, and the heating is off if we go away on holiday as it's daily cost is very high.
I would just tell them the pool heating is not going to be on so wouldn't be much use to them.
Definitely don't run up a huge bill for someone else to have a few swims here or there

MsTSwift · 30/03/2022 07:17

Are you scared of her or you are desperate to be her friend or something and she is the Uber queen bee type? The power dynamic sounds super weird that you would rather risk expense annoying your Dh and hassle than say no to her and her princess twinkle toes who just cannot be disappointed..

Imagining Motherland you as Kevin she is Amanda.

BritInUS1 · 30/03/2022 07:28

Just say no

Do t justify it to her or make up stories

tara66 · 30/03/2022 07:38

Tell her to make her own swimming pool! The above ground pools are not very expensive!

SartresSoul · 30/03/2022 07:43

Change the gate code for starters since she knows it and could choose to use it even if you say no. I’d explain what you’ve said here that in the past it hasn’t been looked after properly when you’ve been away and it took ages to sort it and also you’re saving money by switching it off.

janj2301 · 30/03/2022 07:50

if they know the key pad code, change it before you leave, just incase they don't take no for an answer

Aubree17 · 30/03/2022 07:51

@Gowithme

Just text 'Sorry it's too expensive to leave the heating on when we're not there now the electricity cost has gone up so much so the pool will be cold while we're away.'
Definitely this. And that it is also being serviced with extra chemicals while your gone and won't be safe anyway.
maeveiscurious · 30/03/2022 08:01

@Guiltypleasures001

Who's liable if there's an accident? Your home insurance could be void if there's no agreement ref liability ...I kid you not
I agree this cause render you uninsured as you are legally responsible
EthelMerman · 30/03/2022 08:10

@Waterfallgirl

Change the code. Say that energy costs are rising and you have decided not to let anyone use the pool why you are away. Or be honest and say that previously the pool maintenance went out of balance and you will not be letting anyone use it as it was costly to repair / re balance.

You have to be strong OP If she says ‘my Dd was looking forward to it ‘ you have to just rince and repeat - ‘ as I said we have decided that we won’t be letting anyone use the pool while we are away’

This 👆🏻

You are absolutely able to say you no because of rising energy costs.
You say we can’t say yes because you didn’t look after the chemical balance of the pool, we would have to charge you £xxx to put it right again.
We cannot be put at risk if something happens to you/the pool, so no access.

And change the code on the door pad.

Catflapkitkat · 30/03/2022 09:13

If this is causing you so much stress OP, will your DH tell her a more forthright 'no'. I am all for taking care of your own business - your friend, she asked you but is better at at no and fending off confrontations. Especially as he was so annoyed at state of the pool last time she used it. My DH and I have divide tasks according to our abilities.

Agree with the previous posters though, you should change the key pad number. Although it's hard with whiners, her daughter's disappointment is not your responsibility.

SockFluffInTheBath · 30/03/2022 09:41

CF’s daughter wouldn’t be disappointed if CF didn’t give her unrealistic expectations. Are you seriously expected to pay £ in heating and chemicals to save her a £5 swim in the local pool?

VinylCafe · 30/03/2022 13:31

@pangolina

Just say "lol, you're about the 5th person to ask me! We've decided not to let people use it anymore while we aren't here so that won't be possible, we're turning everything off while we're away". It's your pool, you don't have to explain yourself. Definitely change the gate code.

I think this is the best text to send to her.

And, as every pp has written - turn off the pool heating, cover the pool and change the code to your gate.

Drinkingallthewine · 30/03/2022 14:02

The more reasons you give, the more she will have a counter argument. So remember you don't need to offer any reason or explanation. "the pool will be out of action then, you'll have to plan your swims elsewhere"

You've probably realised from this thread some risks you hadn't even taken into account. Someone this pushy would be the first to blame you if anything bad happened to her DD or even one of her DD's friends.

JuvenileGreyFox · 30/03/2022 15:24

The insurance issue is the massive one for me. The potential for personal liability could be unlimited here - someone drowns, someone suffers a life changing injury, someone is the victim of crime (Michael Barrymore!!). The amount of devastating injuries caused by diving into pools... You would not be covered if you allowed them to use it whilst you are away. I can pretty much guarantee your insurance is very tight around this given the potential for death/personal injury/loss.

Google ' broken-record' technique of saying no. Has helped me massively. You give the reason and then broken record. She tries to guilt trip 'Yes I am sure DD will be disappointed, but we cannot allow people to use the pool whilst we are away'. "Yes, I imagine she has been looking forward to it, but we cannot allow people to use the pool whilst we are away'.

LookItsMeAgain · 30/03/2022 15:29

Change the code on the gate. She doesn't actually need it at all and her having it is a safety/security risk. Don't tell her you've changed it.

If she asks again, say to her "Hi Jane*, I didn't mind you using the pool if you do the chemicals correctly and look after the pool. When we got back ourselves the last time it took us nearly a fortnight (make it sound a little worse than it was) to restore the pool to usable levels which DH had to spend so much time over and it meant that it was out of use to us while that was happening. So, it's a no from us for using the pool this time as a result. The civic pool is open Monday - Sunday (whenever it is open) so I'd recommend using that pool instead. Ours is off limits while we're not around."

*Not her real name

iRun2eatCake · 30/03/2022 16:03

@bakedbeansandgravy what are you going to do?

Derbee · 30/03/2022 16:35

Any ideas on what to say?

  1. Sorry, we’d rather people didn’t use the pool whilst we’re not home
  2. We’re planning on switching off filters/pumps/heating whilst we’re away, so the pool won’t be useable

If you can’t tell the truth, make something up

  1. Sorry, the pool is being serviced whilst we’re away, and will be out of action
  2. Our insurance doesn’t cover people using the pool whilst we’re not here, and I don’t want to void our policy for any reason

Also, change the code. Because you can be pretty sure she’ll go and use the pool whilst you’re away, if she has the code for the gates/doors

Betty000 · 30/03/2022 16:44

Tell her what happened last time is the reason you have to say no

TiredTeaAndHotWaterBottles · 30/03/2022 16:49

Gosh!! What I wouldn't do for problems like this :) Your own pool - I am quite jealous OP Grin

Carriecakes80 · 30/03/2022 17:41

If someone got hurt (Cousin broke her jaw sliding on the side of a pool at a mutual friends house, was a nightmare for her and the friend) wouldn't you be liable? Its your pool, and if someone does get badly hurt then that could cause you untold trouble....I would just say no!

Mirw · 30/03/2022 17:41

Charge her or tellher No and why. Your pool, not hers. Grow a pair!

Swipe left for the next trending thread