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Original poster

Friend asking to use swimming pool

839 replies

bakedbeansandgravy · 29/03/2022 16:20

a few years ago DH came into some inheritance and spent the money on a swimming pool We have always wanted one. Friends use it with us and all is good. However, my friend is asking to use the pool when we are due to be away in May. Access to the garden/pool is straight forward as we have a gate with number pad. However:

last time my friend used the pool when we were away (friend asked in advance) we came back to find the pool chemicals had not been done properly and the pool water was a lot lower than usual (can cause issues with the filter system). DH was fuming and it took him ages to get the chemical balance back.

To leave the pool heating on for my friend while we are away is going to cost us money. Money that could be saved from non-use by us while we are away but instead will be used/accrued by my friend. But I cant say we are trying to save costs ie the pool heating will be off while we are away and then turn it back on the minute we get home - if that makes sense.

I don't mind friend using the pool but it will cost us money (and I can hardly charge my friend), if we were here then the pool heating would be on anyways and last time my friend messed up the chemicals.

Any suggestions on what to do/say ?

OP posts:
Strangeways19 · 29/03/2022 23:10

I think you should be honest with her and say that last time it took a long time to get the level and the balance of chemicals back, and without constant maintenance to the pool this happens, so you aren't going to let anyone use it when you aren't around.

EveningOverRooftops · 29/03/2022 23:10

Your insurance no longer covers it.

Keep it That simple. You’ll be out of pocket for any repairs, faults or accidents due to incorrect chemicals and maintenance and due to this are covering the pool for the time you’re away.

FinnRussell · 29/03/2022 23:12

Sorry but you sound like a total wuss. Say no, it's not possible because the pool won't be heated and the chemical levels may not be right. Ignore her subsequent moaning. Change the code on the gate. Just get on with it or accept the fact it's your own wussiness that's the problem.

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 29/03/2022 23:22

Tell me number, I have no issues with telling the truth.

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 29/03/2022 23:31

I would ask for a contribution toward the pool heating costs due to the price rise for fuel.I really don't see that as cheeky or offensive given the current fuel price debacle.

If she doesn't want to contribute then it's switched off and covered while you are away.

milkyaqua · 29/03/2022 23:35
  1. Change the key code now.
  2. Say no, it's not being heated while away.
  3. If she persists, tell her DH was upset she stuffed up the chemicals last time and let green scum grow, etc, and he has flatly said no.
  4. Check you have changed the key code before you go.
Alisabeth332 · 29/03/2022 23:39

@milkyaqua

1) Change the key code now. 2) Say no, it's not being heated while away. 3) If she persists, tell her DH was upset she stuffed up the chemicals last time and let green scum grow, etc, and he has flatly said no. 4) Check you have changed the key code before you go.
Yes, this ^.
bridgetreilly · 30/03/2022 00:31

“This is what it will cost to keep the pool heated and for the maintenance required when we return. Here’s my bank account details. I’ll let you know the code when you’ve sent the money.”

EKGEMS · 30/03/2022 00:41

When she kicks off when you tell her 'no' just tell her your give a damn is busted after you came back last time and there was the equivalent of a tea cup of water in the pool.

Howmanydaysuntilfriday · 30/03/2022 00:54

Here's your options

No
No
And
No

Plus as others have said change the code, lie, don't heat the pool, explain the costs, explain what happened last time, say someone else is using it

ComeSailAway · 30/03/2022 00:56

Say your insurance doesn't cover guests. (Does it?)

Canuckduck · 30/03/2022 01:51

Just say no. You don’t want her to use it. There were issues last time, the end. No one heats a pool when they’re not there.

Pool chemicals are not easy and you should leave them to professionals if you’re going away. Paying someone to do it for a short time is cheaper than all the chemicals required to put it right if it’s full of algae. We have a pool and always had pools growing up.

I wonder if she cranked the heat up last time? That can cause the water to evaporate pretty quickly!

springbreak22 · 30/03/2022 02:49

Change the gate code.

anxietyfille · 30/03/2022 02:56

Definitely something along lines of being serviced so not available and yes change gate code. Also consider dumping friend!

Totalwasteofpaper · 30/03/2022 03:06

Christ change the code (it invalidates your insurance if you need an excuse) and give her details for the local swimming pool - cheeky mare

Also distance yourself from this woman!!!

milkyaqua · 30/03/2022 03:19

I wonder if she cranked the heat up last time? That can cause the water to evaporate pretty quickly!

I think you might be onto something there!

She really is the gift that keeps on giving. Algae, heating bills, evaporation, entitlement...

ogorange · 30/03/2022 03:26

This person is not your friend.

Hopingforabagofbuttons · 30/03/2022 04:03

This woman isn’t your friend, she sees you as a door to opportunities, such as using your pool while you are away and by the sound of it, many other things.
Shore up your boundaries, if she says oh DD will be so disappointed , just smile and say ‘yes, I’m sorry but there’s nothing I can do’. I would def refer to the fact that your insurance is void if you are not around and an accident happens. Where I live pool accidents happen frequently, this last weekend a 6 year old boy drowned in his neighbours pool.
If she gets arsey and from now on seems disinterested in keeping your friendship going, take it for what it is A massive win.

nettie434 · 30/03/2022 04:07

I agree with the suggestion of practising some conversations with your friend so you've got the answers already prepared. It's not easy to say no to people who are quite forceful, although it will be easier once you have done it the first time.

Start off with, 'now that electricity prices have gone up so much, we want to keep the heating off while we are away.'

If that doesn't work, 'We've agreed that one of us has to be here when people use the pool because it's so difficult to keep the pool chemicals right if you aren't used to doing it.'

If that doesn't work, 'It was actually very difficult last time when we found the chemicals had got out of balance after you used it.'

I find it hard to say no too so this is definitely a what I'd like to say, not what I would find easy to say, suggestion.

I agree about changing the gate code too. If I had a pool, I'd find it quite hurtful if friends asked to use it while I was away - it would make me feel that it was the pool that was the attraction, not my company.

Flatandhappy · 30/03/2022 04:17

I would say that you have some pool maintenance going on, heating will be off and there will be extra chemicals in the pool so nobody can swim, you are taking the opportunity to do this as you will be away so were not expecting the pool to be in use, do change the lock code though as I wouldn’t be surprised if this “friend” ignored you and tried to let themselves in. We treat our pool with extra chemicals from time to time - everyone does - so there is enough truth in the excuse to not make it sound fake.

RustyShackleford3 · 30/03/2022 04:51

She massively takes advantage of me in many ways and I feel immensely pressured into saying yes. I'm weak and I know it and so does she.

She's an arsehole and you deserve better friends.

Change the code on your keypad and say the pool heater will be off for maintenance. Start being busy everytime she wants something from you.

esloquehay · 30/03/2022 05:21

By your own admission, this friend walks all over you.
This woman is NOT your friend. She's a piss taking twat.
If you really struggle so much with your boundaries around her, then maybe just say your husband doesn't want anyone using the pool?

Askingforfriend · 30/03/2022 05:26

"The heating will be off while we are away. Also as we could be considered liable if someone is injured while using our pool, so we have decided not allow it to be available when we aren't there. When there is no heat or swimmers it is easier to keep the chemicals balanced while we are away."

(which it is, lower swimmer load and lower temps require less chemicals, also if you have it covered it requires less chemicals too)

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 30/03/2022 05:30

I have a pool. No-one gets in it unless they have been invited by me, my husband or son. We do have a few pool parties for friends in summer, and people are welcome to use it if they come round for a bbq, outside that its off limits, and I would have no problem saying no to anyone who tried to force the issue. And they wouldn't get an invite back.

Obviously say no, change the code and maybe tell her you are chemically treating it, so anyone who gets in it will get a nasty chem burn.

RustyShackleford3 · 30/03/2022 05:48

If you're really not wanting to lie to her about the pool being chemically treated, then why don't you just actually do it? It might do the pool some good!