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Original poster

Friend asking to use swimming pool

839 replies

bakedbeansandgravy · 29/03/2022 16:20

a few years ago DH came into some inheritance and spent the money on a swimming pool We have always wanted one. Friends use it with us and all is good. However, my friend is asking to use the pool when we are due to be away in May. Access to the garden/pool is straight forward as we have a gate with number pad. However:

last time my friend used the pool when we were away (friend asked in advance) we came back to find the pool chemicals had not been done properly and the pool water was a lot lower than usual (can cause issues with the filter system). DH was fuming and it took him ages to get the chemical balance back.

To leave the pool heating on for my friend while we are away is going to cost us money. Money that could be saved from non-use by us while we are away but instead will be used/accrued by my friend. But I cant say we are trying to save costs ie the pool heating will be off while we are away and then turn it back on the minute we get home - if that makes sense.

I don't mind friend using the pool but it will cost us money (and I can hardly charge my friend), if we were here then the pool heating would be on anyways and last time my friend messed up the chemicals.

Any suggestions on what to do/say ?

OP posts:
BetterBee · 29/03/2022 20:11

Just say you’re having the water treated whilst you’re away and it won’t be safe to swim in.

grapewines · 29/03/2022 20:15

@Horst

Change the code. Text her no. Mute the texts for 24/48 hours. Then grow a backbone.
This. Why does someone who massively takes advantage of you have access to your property? You really need to set some boundaries with this person.
ivykaty44 · 29/03/2022 20:15

just say dh is shutting the pool down whilst we are away as its due some maintenance, so its not going to be usable. obviously tell your dh the same story

if she gives you bullshit blackmail about her dd missing out, tell her there is a lot more to running a pool than meets the eye - then change the subject

FlyingIsEasy · 29/03/2022 20:17

You need a rule that you stick to religiously. As it is your DH pool and he was the pissed off one last time it can be his rule.

"DH has a rule now that nobody uses the pool unless we're here."

She argues it, daughter disappointed, you can trust us etcetera.

"I know, but DH has a rule now. Sorry."

She argues some more.

"Yeah, but DH has a rule so it's not possible."

LoisLane66 · 29/03/2022 20:18

Hard luck on her DD. Time for you to learn that she's a user. We have to learn to accept disappointments in this life and her DD is no exception. Stick to your guns and don't forget to CHANGE THE GATE CODE.
No good moaning on here if you don't take the majority advice which is to tell the truth. If she can't hack the truth get better friends or book some lessons in being assertive. It will stand you in good stead for the rest of your life, believe me.

TheCatterall · 29/03/2022 20:19

Say it’s not possible this time as the pool balance isn’t right at the moment and the risk of some horrible skin eating alien life form bacteria is too dangerous to risk using it.

Luckily for your friend there are public pools she and her DD can use.

She’s being a cheeky mare.

Change the gate code for sure as well - as a ‘security concern’ and don’t tell her the code - you’ll know she’s tried it out if she asks you why you changed it when you come home after you’ve told her no go to the pool.

I’d start slowlllllly being less available to this friend if she’s a cheeky mate elsewhere.

7394GFReg · 29/03/2022 20:21

@Guiltypleasures001

Who's liable if there's an accident? Your home insurance could be void if there's no agreement ref liability ...I kid you not
This was my first though too. No way would I open myself up to that type of liability
Newbabynewhouse · 29/03/2022 20:21

Think you should say, we are going to be turning heating off due to the rise in energy prices sorry about that!...

Newbabynewhouse · 29/03/2022 20:21

Unless youre happy to use it cold

Beekindbeehumble · 29/03/2022 20:22

I am sure her DD will be happy using a public swimming pool if she loves swimming so much.

Definitely change the gate code, unless you are happy your friend using it for parties!

TheRealistBub · 29/03/2022 20:24

Can you say your husband said no?

I know my HB would not give a shit about looking like the bad guy if they took advantage before.

eldora · 29/03/2022 20:24

CHANGE THE GATE CODE TODAY!

WickedWitchOfTheEast87 · 29/03/2022 20:25

@bakedbeansandgravy You say this friend knows your weak and walks all over you why are you letting her? She basically trashed the pool and damaged it last time why the fuck would you even consider letting her use it again? She probably had a pool party last time and will do it again this time. She's not your friend she's a USER she's out for all she can get from you. Friends don't treat friends like this. NO is a complete sentence, don't give excuses or make up excuses you don't have to justify to her why she can't use YOUR PROPERTY if her daughter is so desperate to go swimming they can pay at the local leisure centre like everyone else does and for fuck sake change the code because I have a hunch your friend is a cheeky fucker of the highest order and I wouldn't be surprised if she was to use it anyway with or without your permission. If she asks why she can't use it just say "because I said no" then don't engage

Wintersgirl · 29/03/2022 20:25

OP still not been back, I think the cheeky fucker might be doing the breast stroke as we speak...

ChickinMarango · 29/03/2022 20:26

Then you say in response, “buy your own pool then she can swim whenever she likes” Grin

strawberry2017 · 29/03/2022 20:28

Tell her it's not covered from an insurance point of view and change the code on the gate

SeigneurLapindeGrantham · 29/03/2022 20:31

Just tell them the pool is not available to anyone when you are not at home.

LagunaBubbles · 29/03/2022 20:31

Because I'm weak tbh and I feel selfish saying no

I'm not meaning to be harsh bit of you feel selfish then you clearly have issues I would advise seeking therapy for, thats not normal

Londonderry34 · 29/03/2022 20:31

Be honest. Tell her no because of the chemicals last time and that it takes a lot of time and money to put right. So no.

TripleSeptic · 29/03/2022 20:31

Is there such a thing as blue swimming pool dye that would turn her into a Smurf if she trespassed? If so, get that, and tell her "no" but don't worry about changing the code 😂

alexdgr8 · 29/03/2022 20:40

but OP, you've got a nice husband, haven't you, so why bother with this person who bosses you around.
you don't need her.
you are not vulnerable, or alone, or poor. you have an enviable lifestyle.
have you shared with your husband how you feel about this person.
i'm sure he'd want to support you in brushing her off.
all the best.

TheIsaacs · 29/03/2022 20:41

OP you really need to learn what good boundaries are and how to enforce them for yourself. Letting this person say and do these things is bad for you. It’s not going to get better unless you make the boundaries of the situation clear by saying no and sticking to it.

Momijin · 29/03/2022 20:45

She's not your friend. Change the code and phase her out. Tell her sweetly to take her daughter to the public swimming pool. Jeez

ChristinaXYZ · 29/03/2022 20:51

Tell her your DH is changing the gate code because of maintenance issues and potential damage though misuse when you've been away previously. And get him to do it just before you go. And ask him not tell you the code till you're back.

Irritatedmum · 29/03/2022 20:52

You haven’t explained why you can’t use the money reason?

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