Page 14 | Friend asking to use swimming pool

Bedsheets4knickers · 29/03/2022 19:32

I would just say the cost . Why dance around it . It's the truth .

Daffodilz · 29/03/2022 19:32

No is a complete sentence

Babymonkeynuts · 29/03/2022 19:33

Say no - your house insurance won’t cover you if there’s an accident. Not worth the risk.

TheNoodlesIncident · 29/03/2022 19:33

I hate to tell you this OP but your household insurance is also likely to be voided on account of your giving a third party unrestricted access. Even if there isn't a problem with the pool, which insurers would be twitchy about anyway, it's like you have given a person outside your household a key to your premises, which should be secure. And they're not secure, are they, because you've told a "friend" the gate security number. (I say "friend" because she absolutely isn't, she's a user whom you wouldn't see for dust if you stopped being of use to her!)

It's good that you recognise that you find it hard to stand up to this person, that's the first step in hardening your resolve to push back. I find the audacity of her utterly infuriating, and I don't know how you aren't getting angry at the cheek of it. Tell her "No, it didn't work out well for us last time so we're not allowing it again" and change the flipping gate security number!

CaptainMyCaptain · 29/03/2022 19:33

@AndAsIfByMagic

Tell her what you've said here.

Yes. It's simple.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 29/03/2022 19:35

'I will tell her she cannot use the pool, and include whatever reason, and she will say (because I know her too well) ''my DD was soo looking forward to using the pool but now she cant and will be so very disappointed''.'

"Well, that was presumptuous of you!"
Go on, OP, I dare you!

As others have said, I wouldn't make/make up excuses such as it not being heated. There's always the time-honoured get-out: "Sorry, that doesn't work for us." Cctv is a good idea as even if you change the code some people might decide climbing over the gate would be a good idea.

DarkDarkNight · 29/03/2022 19:37

I would say you’re not insured for people to use the pool when you’re not there and that your husband wasn’t happy that it hadn’t been properly maintained last time.

NoSquirrels · 29/03/2022 19:40

I will tell her she cannot use the pool, and include whatever reason, and she will say (because I know her too well) ''my DD was soo looking forward to using the pool but now she cant and will be so very disappointed''.

And then you’ll say “Oh dear, what a shame. But you shouldn’t have promised she could, because you hadn’t checked first. I’ll invite you round when we’re back.”

Then change the gate code.

KosherDill · 29/03/2022 19:42

"Saying its having maintenance will stop her this time but no reason she can't use it the next time, or the first half of the week if the maintenance is happening at the end etc. Saying problems with people looking after the chemicals - she'll come over in advance and have a lesson so she's certain she can sort it. Insurance doesn't cover it, dont worry, she'll check for you and it does...

So just flat no, or unspecified reasons. I have used the "its all very complicated and frankly far too boring to get into, but the upshot is im afraid its a no." type answer that just doesn't quite give people like this something to grab hold of and "fix"."

These are good points. What's that acronym JADE Justify, Apologize, etc. don't do it.

Just be vague "It really doesn't work for us to have people on our property while we're away. Thanks for understanding."

silverbubbles · 29/03/2022 19:44

say pool is undergoing maintenance. Chemicals are up the creek so no swimmimg allowed

RonSwansonsChair · 29/03/2022 19:44

Just say no, too many things went wrong the last time.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 29/03/2022 19:45

If her DD is that upset she can take her to a local pool or lido for a few quid. You have to tell people when they're being disrespectful.

This is a very good point indeed, actually.

She'll be expecting the apologetic, guilty-sounding response "Oh, no, I'm so sorry, I don't want to disappoint her" followed by you giving in and letting them come and use it anyway; when the correct response should be a stern "Wow, that is extremely disrespectful of you to promise something of ours to somebody else without even checking with us first - totally rude and out of order of you".

ifIwerenotanandroid · 29/03/2022 19:45

@RonSwansonsChair

Just say no, too many things went wrong the last time.

Winner!

Dameputtingonabraveface · 29/03/2022 19:51

As PP have said, the answer is no. Explain the pool will not be heated, you are not actually insured (which you did not realise before to cut off that line of conversation) and actually last time it was used whilst you were away you came back to it being poorly maintained and people not used to maintaining pools just do not realise how complex this is and what this damage this causes. Just be matter of fact, it is your pool after all and you own a pool for your benefit. Do not make up an elaborate lie, you will just be further drawn in and be anxious about being caught out. Send a text/what's app/email if easier than face- to-date. Just end with 'I am sure you understand-hopefully we will get some use out of it with friends this year'! Try to give her no where to go for further discussion. If DD is disappointed just a breezy 'I am sure you will find lots of other things to do. Children quickly move on!' And please change the pass code.

Hesma · 29/03/2022 19:52

Say no

MadMadMadamMim · 29/03/2022 19:56

I will tell her she cannot use the pool, and include whatever reason, and she will say (because I know her too well) ''my DD was soo looking forward to using the pool but now she cant and will be so very disappointed''.

I'd give her my bored face and say blandly, Oh dear. What a pity. Can't you and your DH save up for a pool and then she'd have one of her own?

This is someone you don't mind losing as a friend, by the sound of it. Don't bother being polite.

Ratatoo · 29/03/2022 19:57

Tell her you're giving it a shock chemical treatment so it's ready for the summer so it's not suitable for swimming.

Then change the gate code as that cheeky fucker might try and turn up anyway.

Dameputtingonabraveface · 29/03/2022 19:59

Just to add OP, the cynical me thinks there is a lot more to it than wanting a splash around with her DD. She is planning some kind of event. I love swimming but domestic pools are not usually big enough, it is not warm enough in May (even if heated and in even southern Europe). I would rather pay to take my DC to a proper pool with there loads of family friendly and fun sessions than commit to maintenance of someone else's!

Hawkins001 · 29/03/2022 20:01

@bakedbeansandgravy

a few years ago DH came into some inheritance and spent the money on a swimming pool We have always wanted one. Friends use it with us and all is good. However, my friend is asking to use the pool when we are due to be away in May. Access to the garden/pool is straight forward as we have a gate with number pad. However:

last time my friend used the pool when we were away (friend asked in advance) we came back to find the pool chemicals had not been done properly and the pool water was a lot lower than usual (can cause issues with the filter system). DH was fuming and it took him ages to get the chemical balance back.

To leave the pool heating on for my friend while we are away is going to cost us money. Money that could be saved from non-use by us while we are away but instead will be used/accrued by my friend. But I cant say we are trying to save costs ie the pool heating will be off while we are away and then turn it back on the minute we get home - if that makes sense.

I don't mind friend using the pool but it will cost us money (and I can hardly charge my friend), if we were here then the pool heating would be on anyways and last time my friend messed up the chemicals.

Any suggestions on what to do/say ?

Damage incured last useage so unless it's supervised while being operated ?

TerribleCustomerCervix · 29/03/2022 20:02

CANCEL THE CHEQUE

CHANGE THE CODE

Hawkins001 · 29/03/2022 20:02

The other option have you got cctv up to show who actually used the area ?

ElevenOG · 29/03/2022 20:07

I sell hot tubs for a living. If she gets Legionnaires because she hasn't taken care of the water then you'll be liable. Just say no, it's not safe. Do it in a text message then turn your phone off. Also change the code.

LoisLane66 · 29/03/2022 20:08

I'd tell the truth and say that the chemical mix and water level were not right after the last time and your DH wasn't best pleased to have to spend time fixing those issues which could have caused more problems.
I'd add that you were going to turn off the pool heating whilst you were away...after all bills are going up in April, she can't argue with that.
Whatever your lifestyle, no-one deliberately wastes money if they have any sense. It's only by being prudent that people have money in the bank.
Tell the truth. If she can't see that you're talking sense, then she's no friend.
If you still want to let her use it, then only with the proviso that the instructions for water level and chemical cleaning are adhered to and the water won't be heated whilst you're away.
You aren't the local benefactor.
Friends should be adult enough to hear the truth. It's not you being tight or nasty. It's her having to be realistic.

TerribleCustomerCervix · 29/03/2022 20:09

Even without the added complications of the CF, surely it’s just too risky to allow access to your property when you’re away?

The chances of something happening- someone slipping and hurting themselves, stepping on broken glass, a chemical burn or something from the chemicals being used incorrectly, drowning or near-drowning- it’s just not worth it.

I think regardless CCTV isn’t a bad idea- there’s threads like this every summer with OP’s getting chancers using their play equipment, outdoor seating, trampolines and pools.

CalamityJaney · 29/03/2022 20:09

You could say the pool maintenance company have advised the pool should be shocked with chlorine whilst you’re away. This would render it out of use for a little while as the chlorine levels would be too high. It should be done every 4 months or so, so it’s a frequent thing and quite common when people go on holiday 👍🏻