Friend asking to use swimming pool

[bakedbeansandgravy]

a few years ago DH came into some inheritance and spent the money on a swimming pool We have always wanted one. Friends use it with us and all is good. However, my friend is asking to use the pool when we are due to be away in May. Access to the garden/pool is straight forward as we have a gate with number pad. However:

last time my friend used the pool when we were away (friend asked in advance) we came back to find the pool chemicals had not been done properly and the pool water was a lot lower than usual (can cause issues with the filter system). DH was fuming and it took him ages to get the chemical balance back.

To leave the pool heating on for my friend while we are away is going to cost us money. Money that could be saved from non-use by us while we are away but instead will be used/accrued by my friend. But I cant say we are trying to save costs ie the pool heating will be off while we are away and then turn it back on the minute we get home - if that makes sense.

I don't mind friend using the pool but it will cost us money (and I can hardly charge my friend), if we were here then the pool heating would be on anyways and last time my friend messed up the chemicals.

Any suggestions on what to do/say ?

I have no sympathy for you . Your being an idiot. So she swims with her daughter and her daughter has an accident . She takes legal action again you. Are you insured ? No you won’t be if your not there. Check with your insurance company.
Don’t be an idiot - are you so desperate for friends that you entertain someone like this .

What would happen if someone drowned in the pool while you weren't there? Dreadful to think about, I know, but potentially you could be liable. I know it's unlikely, but personally, I genuinely wouldn't take the risk.

@icelollycraving

She won’t care if you’re not insured. She won’t care if the chemicals aren’t done correctly. She will still go and chance her arm. Say no, dh was really pissed off before that people don’t look after it and you’ve agreed that no one will be using it if you’re not there. Tell her the pin code had to be changed and a camera put up as people took the piss. If she has a strop, tell her she brought it upon herself. Seeya user 👋🏻

True actually, I call them rail roaders, they're a pain in the arse and never take no for an answer, they're the worst kind of cheeky fuckers. OP if you really can't do it, hand it over to DH saying he went mental last time, and please say you've changed the gate code?

Tell her there’s an electrical fault and hope nothing gets electrocuted whilst you are away.

And when she says ‘ my dd will be disappointed’
You say - ‘well it’s up to you to manage your dd expectations, disappointment is part of life’.

@Horst

Change the code. Text her no. Mute the texts for 24/48 hours. Then grow a backbone.

^^ This

Tell her, you're not heating it until summer because it's costing too much.

Change the gate code, switch off the heating and if you can install a camera - I promise you she will try to use it while you are away.

If she does the whole “DD will be so disappointed” routine then you just reply “It can’t be helped. Maybe you could take her to a public pool?” followed by a tinkly laugh

“No can do. Pool is out of bounds while we’re away”

But you let us use it the last time.

“Yes, and we found out it invalidated our insurance. It’s a hard no. Three line whip.”

I don’t allow people to use the pool when we’re away for a number of reasons. Firstly, I don’t like people accessing my property when I’m away as we’ve been burgled on two occasions when our gates have been left open. Also, and more importantly, if anything were to happen to someone in our pool on our property, I wouldn’t like to think of the ramifications, legally and with insurance. I’m sure we’d be liable. And also, I’ve caught my in-laws using it without permission and have become somewhat territorial ever since.

OP knows what is right.

Pool secured which she never answered me on and insurance which can be quite specific.

Am really upset as people drown and her main worries are her chemicals . This is an awful thread

Unfortunately I cannot accommodate this and my insurance will not cover you, its a no.

Change the gate code even just temporarily.

If she pulls the daughter card, say that she should not have told her without speaking to you first.

@Hiphophippityskip1

Absolute insurance nightmare if there was a drowning or pool related injury and you were not even in the country. Simple as that you just say no sorry the insurance won’t cover pool use if we are not present.

Oh good point. That would genuinely be a nightmare. Change the code and say no

I would be as close to the truth as possible actually. If you feel unable to be blunt, use DH.

Text if it's easier for you.

Hi Friend.

Sorry but after being burnt when we've let people use the pool in the past whilst away, DH has said no to anyone doing it again. It's just not worth the risk of a maintenance issue. We are also turning the heating off to save on bills whilst we are away.

See you when we get back.

O hear what you are all saying and agree but os her pool also covered properly for safety? A cover you can walk over or indoor?
My pool was in France and the regulations were eye watering.

Adults and children drown in pools

I would just say no, it won't be heated and chemicals won't be maintained whilst you are away so not usable.

Good grief!

How are you not angry that your "friend" is manipulating you (if she does things like laying on the guilt with, "oh, my poor daughter will be so disappointed")?!

Change the code, add a lock to the gate, whatever it takes. Blame your husband, if you're too weak to stand up for yourself. I don't imagine he cares if your friend thinks he's a meanie.

She’s pushing her luck - sorry but just say no as DH and you had a problems last time !

Read Anne Dixon, A woman in your own right.
Just say no

No need to lie just let her know that it was a lot of expense and hassle to correct things last time she used the pool when you were away and now we limit who uses the pool when we are not there.

Why are you putting your CF's needs over your husband's feelings? I don't get it. Surely you should be prioritising him?

The insurance thing is a real issue. Just tell her no and get some assertiveness training!

OP hasn't been back in while, I hope she hasn't caved in to the user..

@GraceandMolly

Just say it won’t be heated while you’re away. Why complicate things?

Because that opens the door to friend saying she'll give some money to cover heating costs, or something similar.

I'm weak and I know it and so does she

Ok, well I’m not sure why you’re asking, you will say no she will come back about her daughter, you will agree, I’m not sure what can be done, no one here can help you stand on your own two feet.