Friend asking to use swimming pool

[bakedbeansandgravy]

a few years ago DH came into some inheritance and spent the money on a swimming pool We have always wanted one. Friends use it with us and all is good. However, my friend is asking to use the pool when we are due to be away in May. Access to the garden/pool is straight forward as we have a gate with number pad. However:

last time my friend used the pool when we were away (friend asked in advance) we came back to find the pool chemicals had not been done properly and the pool water was a lot lower than usual (can cause issues with the filter system). DH was fuming and it took him ages to get the chemical balance back.

To leave the pool heating on for my friend while we are away is going to cost us money. Money that could be saved from non-use by us while we are away but instead will be used/accrued by my friend. But I cant say we are trying to save costs ie the pool heating will be off while we are away and then turn it back on the minute we get home - if that makes sense.

I don't mind friend using the pool but it will cost us money (and I can hardly charge my friend), if we were here then the pool heating would be on anyways and last time my friend messed up the chemicals.

Any suggestions on what to do/say ?

Why don't you work out how much you will save by not heating it for the period? I bet it's a reasonable amount. Just be honest " No we're not heating it whilst we're away to save some money ". I don't see why you couldn't say that, unless you're oligarchs in which case you should just let her use the pool.

I'm jealous- I love using the David Lloyd outdoor heated pool but the membership is too much for how often I use it so I'm going to cancel.

Of course you can use it CF friend, can you transfer me £50/$100 or whatever for the pool heat for the week and £50/$100 for the extra pool man visit.

Thanks hun
XXX

The answer to "DD will be so disappointed" is to say that I'm sure you can explain to her that she's very lucky to get to use our pool as much as she does already.

Or to be more forceful is to say that her DD would be more disappointed if her mother's guilt tripping led to you not being so welcoming in the future.

You know how she takes advantage so draw a line! It sounds like she has more to gain from the friendship than you.

Do you even like her?

My first thought is; just say no because of Insurance and change the keypad.

my DD was soo looking forward to using the pool but now she cant and will be so very disappointed

"Your dd is welcome to join us for family swims when we are around, but I'm afraid we are no longer letting others use it when we aren't here"

Yes to changing gate code!!!

I admit I haven't read whole thread, but it would be a definite no from me. Tell her the cost reason, and most importantly the insurance reason - particularly if she has children. Also, you don't want people on the property in your abscence. Will DH take the blame? Otherwise, you need to find your inner courage.

@Lovebroccoli

If you have a pool cover then it should be on when you are away. If by chance anyone drowned, you might be liable if the pool wasn't secured. I'm only going by French rules here as I've never had a pool in the UK.

Quite, she could also slip and break her leg or arm and sue you, I'm not joking either, it's been known to happen..

I don’t know why everyone’s bothering to give the OP advice.

She’s just going to let her CF friend use the pool.

She’s probably going to install a wine fridge and lay out the red carpet for her, too.

Prove me wrong, OP.

People have given many honest reasons you can tell her as to why she can’t use it. Please don’t bother with ‘DP will be furious’, or ‘I don’t understand the technical maintenance issues that DP was explaining’ - let’s not reinforce the silly gender stereotypes.

Don't cave in OP, cheeky sods like her rely on you being weak...come on we're right behind you!

please at least tell us you've changed the code!

@Aprilx

I am not saying that you should use the cost reason, but I don’t understand why you say you can’t?

Nor do I, it would seem very sensible to have the heating off when you're not there to use it. I would change the number pad code before ai went away too.

I don't know what the legal ramifications are where you live, OP, but I'm getting nervous just thinking about what would happen if someone injured themselves using it when you weren't there and what your liability might be.

Oh hell no. Pool maintenance is an absolute pain in the ass, and as others have rightly pointed out, if anyone is injured or killed using your pool you can be held liable.

She’s a total pisstaker and you’re letting her walk all over you under the guise of not wanting to be selfish. There’s nothing wrong with being selfish when the alternative is acting, and being treated, like a complete doormat.

Say no and change the door code.

I really this is what public pools are for - a private pool in someone's house should only really be used when the owners are home in my opinion.

You just need to say no. Obviously it's going to be hard and you're going to feel bad and she's going to make you feel guilty, but remember what you are saying no to is a peaceful holiday and a working pool when you come back. That is worth a moment of awkwardness. I have learned to say no a lot more in recent years and there's actually nothing people can do if it involves you doing them a favour. She needs to just go to the local swimming pool.

You have a choice. Grow some boundaries or be seething and annoyed. She won’t be any less selfish either way. Her: my dd was so looking forward to it
You: that’s a shame; but it’s not fair to ask dh to spend months getting the chemical balance right again, plus it doesn’t feel good for us using the pool without the chemicals right. That algae build up is not exactly good for you you know.’

@AlwaysLatte

Next birthday, buy her a two week local pool voucher.

Or a spade and a large tarpaulin to create her own pool!

I would use @BringBackCoffeeCreams excellent insurance idea. You can't argue with that.

She won’t care if you’re not insured. She won’t care if the chemicals aren’t done correctly. She will still go and chance her arm.
Say no, dh was really pissed off before that people don’t look after it and you’ve agreed that no one will be using it if you’re not there. Tell her the pin code had to be changed and a camera put up as people took the piss.
If she has a strop, tell her she brought it upon herself. Seeya user 👋🏻

Just say, “No can do. Pool is out of bounds while we’re away”. Rinse and repeat. If you try to make excuses she will just try to overturn them (I’ll pay for extra insurance, the electricity, the pool maintenance person, the chemicals), and it puts you in a bind for next time you’re away. Just nip it in the bud. Daughter disappointed? “Ahh, sad times.” It is not your job to sort her ‘problems’. And change the code on the gate.

As my dear old dad used to say. ... If they're cheeky enough to ask you can be cheeky enough to say no.

@bakedbeansandgravy

She massively takes advantage of me in many ways and I feel immensely pressured into saying yes. I'm weak and I know it and so does she.

^

Then this needs to be your line in the sand. Don't make excuses. Don't blame insurance or maintenance. You must tell her that you are uncomfortable with anyone using the pool while you are away. And that last time they left it in a state that took considerable effort to rectify. So it's a firm no for this but you look forward to sharing it with them when you're back.

"Oh my DD will be disappointed "
Oh really why? tilt head you didn't promise her before asking me did you?
It's still a no.