Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Siblings, one invited to cousins birthday

151 replies

Karenm25 · 29/03/2022 09:08

I've two children 14 months apart. My sisters sons birthday falls in between them. They all go to the same school and play together. My sister invited my son but not my daughter to her sons birthday. My sister said it was "boys only". My daughter would be hurt and I'm annoyed on her behalf. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 29/03/2022 09:10

If it is a boys only party why would your daughter go? How old are they?

PushingAnElephantUpTheStairs · 29/03/2022 09:11

As it's a boys only party then yes. I'm not a big fan of them but if that's what your nephew has asked for then it's what he's asked for.

Take your DD out to do something nice while DS is at the party. It's understandable that she will feel a bit miffed but hopefully you can have a nice time together doing something else.

Butchyrestingface · 29/03/2022 09:12

But if it's a boys only party, then that's what it is. Seems a bit archaic to me in this day and age, but I'm sure there will be some that disagree.

ReeseWitherfork · 29/03/2022 09:12

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I cringe that it’s “boys only”. Not sure what age they are but that’s the bit that doesn’t sit well with me.

MojoMoon · 29/03/2022 09:13

If you pitch to your daughter as a fun opportunity to get 1 to 1 time with mum doing a cool activity together, you may well find she is actually delighted.

Original poster
Karenm25 · 29/03/2022 09:13

They are 5 and 6. There are 9 boys going. Making it a boys party only excludes two cousins (my daughter included). They are all great friends. They are going to a trampoline type park.

OP posts:
Aroundtheworldin80moves · 29/03/2022 09:13

Are the two boys in the same class?
They are school friends as well as cousins. So its similar to her not being invited to a boy classmates birthday party.

MichelleScarn · 29/03/2022 09:14

Will you invite him to her party?

Original poster
Karenm25 · 29/03/2022 09:16

They've always attended each others parties. There's never been a difference made.

OP posts:
Original poster
Karenm25 · 29/03/2022 09:19

No the boys aren't in the same class. They are years 1, 2 and 3. My son is 5, my daughter is 6 and my nephew will turn 6 on his birthday. I was just a bit shocked especially as my daughter counts down until the next birthday. She knows his birthday is coming up. I could just take her on a one on one day out with me.

OP posts:
Holly60 · 29/03/2022 09:19

@Karenm25

They are 5 and 6. There are 9 boys going. Making it a boys party only excludes two cousins (my daughter included). They are all great friends. They are going to a trampoline type park.
Kindly, it actually excludes all his friends/relations who are girls. I think it’s a shame but if that’s what he wants and what his mum has agreed to, that’s what it is.
Holly60 · 29/03/2022 09:20

Could you take the two girl cousins out for the day?

Original poster
Karenm25 · 29/03/2022 09:20

They are 5 and 6. I never treat my two differently and as they're so lose in age they're almost like twins. I just felt it was unnecessary.

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 29/03/2022 09:21

As children get older they will want different things. I assume before parents decided who was on the invite list, but now the birthday boy wants to invite who he wants.

DailySheetWasher · 29/03/2022 09:22

At some point your daughter might want pink princess party or similar with the girls from her class, would you insist she invite her cousin?

They're all going to reach a point where they'll have firm ideas about who they do and don't want at parties, it won't be all up to the parents.

autienotnaughty · 29/03/2022 09:24

I agree I would be bothered on daughter behalf. You could send neither but that seems unfair to ds so yeah I'd say do something with your daughter that day. Rubbish that you have to say she's not invited because she's a girl.

toomuchlaundry · 29/03/2022 09:24

@Karenm25 do you expect your son to go to all parties your daughter is invited to (including non family ones). As they get older twins aren’t always invited to the same parties. It’s good to have some time apart and be independent from each other

axolotlfloof · 29/03/2022 09:26

As they get older this will become more common.
Your nephew wants a "boys" party, and to invite your son.
You can still celebrate his birthday with your daughter: invite him round for tea another day.

MichelleScarn · 29/03/2022 09:26

@Karenm25

They are 5 and 6. I never treat my two differently and as they're so lose in age they're almost like twins. I just felt it was unnecessary.
That's unfair on both. They are separate entities. Is this more about what you want?
watcherintherye · 29/03/2022 09:27

Once they are at school, it’s different. Children start to be more peer influenced and choosy in who they want to come to parties, and it’s very common for boys to only invite other boys, ime. It’s more complicated, I suppose, as the cousins are at the same school, but I think it’s quite common to see boy/girl divides for parties at this age.

Original poster
Karenm25 · 29/03/2022 09:28

No, you're right and I did think would I feel the same if it was her girl cousin having a "girlie" party and my son not invited and I wouldn't. Perhaps because my nephews party is in a fun type park, which all children like as opposed to a princess party where my son wouldn't be seen dead at!

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 29/03/2022 09:29

It's totally fine. They are having boys party then boys get invited. Iv 3 boys and only 1 every wanted girls to come.when.we went from.class partys to small group parties. I let my kids choose

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 29/03/2022 09:29

Are they only allowed to do stuff together?
I have a similar age gap, we take a lot of effort to give them their own age appropriate opportunities.

Even twins go to different parties and activities.

Original poster
Karenm25 · 29/03/2022 09:30

They have been to different school parties, with different friends. This is about them all being friends. They always play together as a threefold and I feel she's being unfairly exuded.

OP posts:
NdefH81 · 29/03/2022 09:30

Op

Going to take a punt

You don’t get on very well with your sister?