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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Siblings, one invited to cousins birthday

151 replies

Karenm25 · 29/03/2022 09:08

I've two children 14 months apart. My sisters sons birthday falls in between them. They all go to the same school and play together. My sister invited my son but not my daughter to her sons birthday. My sister said it was "boys only". My daughter would be hurt and I'm annoyed on her behalf. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
Karenm25 · 29/03/2022 09:31

No of course they have different hobbies and interests and different friends. How we this is their cousin, who they love equally and play with together and she's excluded for veing a girl

OP posts:
AchillesPoirot · 29/03/2022 09:32

It’s boys only.

Even if they were twins they’d be invited to different parties.

ThatsNotItAtAll · 29/03/2022 09:32

Kids do usually go through a phase of several years where their non family frienships are single sex. Its also a practical "nothing personal" way to keep numbers under control for a pay per head party.

Its also extremely healthy for siblings to have separate friendship groups, separate activities etc. once they're past toddlerhood - including and especially twins and close in age siblings.

My older two were "like twins" but not twins - often chose to dress the same, were almost exactly the same height from the younger one being about 3.5 until the older hit puberty (and now they're teens the younger is over a foot taller than the older) but that makes it even more, not less, important not to treat them as a unit.

NdefH81 · 29/03/2022 09:33

Her son Is turning 6

Peak boys versus girls

He’s obviously very boy focussed given all the invitees are boys.

He’s said to his mum who he wants to invite

Your daughter wasn’t on that list.

Your son was on that list.

You and your daughter have a special afternoon together

AchillesPoirot · 29/03/2022 09:33

She’s excluded because it’s boys only. Would be exactly the same if your son was excluded for it being girls only.

Just take your daughter out and do something with her while the party is on.

Kids don’t tend to keep having cousins at parties as they grow up unless they’re particularly close or go to the same school anyway.

lioncitygirl · 29/03/2022 09:34

It’s a BOYS only! Your daughter is a girl! My daughter is having an encanto party in a few weeks - girls party. The mums of the boys in the class know - it’s totally fine!!! There are so many girls abs boys party’s these days.

TrashyPanda · 29/03/2022 09:34

It’s a boys only party, so totally fine.

Justkeepon · 29/03/2022 09:34

YABU - the birthday boy wants a boys only party and it's his day. You're daughter may one day be invited to a girlie party too, it's just how kids are. The age gap between your kids isn't relevant unfortunately.

Ozanj · 29/03/2022 09:36

If your sister wants to pander to this nonsense let her. You can always have a super fun mixed-sex party for your dd’s birthday.

toomuchlaundry · 29/03/2022 09:38

As they get older they may play less together, depending on their interests.

If your daughter wants a ‘girly’ birthday party would you expect her brother to be part of if it too. Surely you just do a family birthday tea at some point. Certainly didn’t have my brother at my birthday party with my friends

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 29/03/2022 09:39

I don't think it's fair to expect an invite on the basis of them being cousins.

It's very normal for parties to evolve from mainly family affairs to inviting school friends only.

You're getting yourself upset over nothing.

LoganberryJam · 29/03/2022 09:40

I'm not crazy about boys only parties or girls only parties, but I do think they can be a good way of keeping it as a smaller group. Or it might be what your nephew has requested. Anyway - if it's boys only I think it's reasonable not to invite your DD. There may be other girls who would like to be invited too.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 29/03/2022 09:40

It's the first time you have come up against this so I can understand.
But honestly it's not unusual. You have some warning so it's easy to say whilst ds is at the party we are going to do x.

BuanoKubiamVej · 29/03/2022 09:42

It would ne weird for your daughter to be the only girl at an otherwise all-boy event. I think my son had mixed-sex parties up to about age 5 and then started wanting to only invite male friends. Its a normal part of development to be a bit tribal and while some kids choose not to go along with that it's certainly not any of your business what your nephew chooses. Inviting the cousins that will fit in with the rest of the group of party friends is fine. They can do stuff as a mixed-sex group of cousins at other times.

Hoppinggreen · 29/03/2022 09:42

Boys only party, she’s not a boy
It’s pretty simple
Now your job is to manage your daughters expectations and/or disappointment, which will be far easier if you stop making such a fuss.

Original poster
Karenm25 · 29/03/2022 09:42

It's not just cousins. They're friends, all of them and I have to tell my daughter she can't go to her friends party but her brother can because she's not a boy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Karenm25 · 29/03/2022 09:43

Thanks

OP posts:
Vispa · 29/03/2022 09:43

Boys/girls parties are common here because its good way of limiting numbers without hurting anyone's feelings if you can't accomodate/afford the whole class. If your dd is close to her cousin maybe suggest a birthday get together with your kids separately?

Gilly12345 · 29/03/2022 09:44

It’s your Newphews Birthday so it is his choice, personally I would of invited girl cousins but it’s not your decision.

I would take your Daughter somewhere when the party is on.

Don’t make a fuss it’s just not worth it.

DarleneSnell · 29/03/2022 09:44

Yes, totally unreasonable. She's told you it's boys only which is perfectly normal and clearly nothing personal. Don't be awkward about it.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 29/03/2022 09:45

It's perfectly fine, your daughter would probably get bored anyway. DS(7) has been to plenty of boy only parties, often football related, and plagued with poo jokes, bum waving, poor sportsmanship and straws up noses. He has also been to a few parties where he was the only boy, and he enjoyed those less.

toomuchlaundry · 29/03/2022 09:46

Welcome to the joy of children’s birthday parties! There will be some other friends too who may be disappointed they are not invited. Assume numbers may be limited.

Were you assuming they will always be invited to each other’s parties?

Everydaydayisaschoolday · 29/03/2022 09:47

YABU. If it's boys only then that's that. Do something fun with your DD while her brother is at the party.

BoristalkedaboutBruno22 · 29/03/2022 09:47

It’s just how parties go, originally mixed, then all girls or boys. Offer a family thing, cinemactrip/ tea party etc to get them together, your DD won’t thank you in future when she’s being attacked by paint balls.

Due to distance I have never been invited to a cousin birthday party, it’s not a huge issue. We did a family meal for significant birthdays though

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 29/03/2022 09:47

@Karenm25

It's not just cousins. They're friends, all of them and I have to tell my daughter she can't go to her friends party but her brother can because she's not a boy.
And it will happen plenty of times during primary school.

You don't always get invited to everything/ don't make it personal.