Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Siblings, one invited to cousins birthday

151 replies

Karenm25 · 29/03/2022 09:08

I've two children 14 months apart. My sisters sons birthday falls in between them. They all go to the same school and play together. My sister invited my son but not my daughter to her sons birthday. My sister said it was "boys only". My daughter would be hurt and I'm annoyed on her behalf. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Bootothegoose · 29/03/2022 11:44

Forgive me, I've misread he is also six and there's nine going!

I would say the same still stands. They can still celebrate together but he may want his 'proper friends' there and want to celebrate with his cousins separately.

I had a lot of friends (cousin relationships) through my mum's friends as a child and I was always the one a parties no one knew. It was uncomfortable for me, the birthday child often felt they had to look after me and I think I brought out a different persona their friends were used to which always seemed to form little pockets of groups within the party.

AnnesBrokenSlate · 29/03/2022 11:46

Your DD might not mind as much as you think. She'll probably be noticing that not everyone is invited to every party and that some parties only invite boys and others only ask girls.
Tbh I always invited a mix of boys and girls to my DCs' parties when they were small but it's not unusual for some people to very quickly divide into 'boys' or 'girls' parties.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 29/03/2022 11:48

Out of interest has your other son been invited?

TabithaHazel · 29/03/2022 11:51

@Karenm25

They are 5 and 6. I never treat my two differently and as they're so lose in age they're almost like twins. I just felt it was unnecessary.
Poor kids, they are not twins, and most twin mums I know try not to treat their twins like twins - more like two separate people who happened to be born at the same time.

I can't believe you are so entitled that you think your daughter should be invited to a boys only party - let your son do something on his own for a change. It sounds like you are fostering a very unhealthy dependent relationship between your children.

WimpoleHat · 29/03/2022 11:52

They always play together as a threefold and I feel she's being unfairly exuded.

She hasn’t been unfairly excluded. Your nephew is having a boys’ party and your nephew has been included. Do something else all together to celebrate?

Gogodonu · 29/03/2022 11:53

You say your children are 14 months apart in age, and in year 1 and 3 at school? This isn’t possible

Thewindwhispers · 29/03/2022 11:53

Most schools have many single sex parties from about yr 1 age. I find it disappointing and would rather they all play together, but the push for this very much comes from the kids. They usually start playing at breaktimes in single sex groups around this age as well, from sometime in yr 1. It seems to be a developmental thing. (Also around this age there are always a few mock weddings / kisses on the playground that teachers don’t talk about 👀)

Let the little boy have his ‘boys only’ party. And accept that your children will begin to seek out / create have their own, separate, single sex groups in the near future.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 29/03/2022 11:55

@Gogodonu

You say your children are 14 months apart in age, and in year 1 and 3 at school? This isn’t possible
Child born in July/August, second in September/October a year later. It can happen. Or
Original poster
Karenm25 · 29/03/2022 11:55

Did you read my other comments?! They have different friends and different hobbies and interests!!!

OP posts:
seasaltstripes · 29/03/2022 11:56

Wow, some of the comments on here are harsh! My view is that you're not unreasonable to feel a bit put out (though you would be unreasonable to make a big deal of this with your sister). The obvious thing to do is see at as a chance to do something nice with just your daughter, and sell it to her that way, which you've also embraced.

I have b/g twins, and another child close in age, and a pack of cousins we live close to. I'd feel a bit hurt if any of them were excluded on grounds of gender - it's not something I'd do myself - but everyone has their own ideas about this kind of stuff and, as you've said, it's not worth blowing out of proportion!

Original poster
Karenm25 · 29/03/2022 11:56

Oh really? Maybe I should ring the school and ask what's happened?

OP posts:
Original poster
Karenm25 · 29/03/2022 11:58

No, he's 12.

OP posts:
Original poster
Karenm25 · 29/03/2022 11:59

Yes ones the oldest in year and one the youngest

OP posts:
NdefH81 · 29/03/2022 11:59

@Karenm25

No, he's 12.
Age discrimination right there
Original poster
Karenm25 · 29/03/2022 12:00

Thanks, a fair comment (one of few Wink).

OP posts:
Original poster
Karenm25 · 29/03/2022 12:02

Don't engage the troll...

OP posts:
JanetheObscure · 29/03/2022 12:03

I'm not sure I understand why boys/girls only parties are so awful, if that's what the child wants. My DCs requested single sex parties for a few years at primary school, but were soon back to wanting mixed as they got older.

Isn't it perfectly normal?

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 29/03/2022 12:06

They are years 1, 2 and 3. My son is 5, my daughter is 6 and my nephew will turn 6 on his birthday

How are they in those 3 different year groups with those ages? I've been trying to figure it out and it doesn't work!

Original poster
Karenm25 · 29/03/2022 12:09

I'm in n. Ireland. Our system is diff I believe. End of June cut off, Start of July beginning. Daughter is end of June, making her youngest, son is Start of August the next year meaning he missed the year in between and started as one of oldest.

OP posts:
Original poster
Karenm25 · 29/03/2022 12:11

I suppose it must be! All part of growing up.

OP posts:
zingally · 29/03/2022 12:12

Age 6 is getting to peak "girls are yucky!" age. I personally wouldn't think too hard about it. But if you think DD is going to be upset about it, I'd do a bit of a nudge and a wink about "they'll be doing weird, gross boy stuff" with an eye roll. And then pitch the idea of you and her doing a "girls day" instead.

Rosehugger · 29/03/2022 12:13

DD2 is really good friends with and the same age as her male cousin. They haven't been to every birthday party each has had, but equally have sometimes been the only boy or girl or in the minority at lkeast at one another's parties. So I don't think it really matters, just don't make a big deal out of it.

GetOutOfTheBathPlease · 29/03/2022 12:23

Isn't it perfectly normal?

@JanetheObscure Yes it is. At 5 DD was playing pretty equally with boys and girls and we'd have boys round to play regularly. At 6, if I suggested inviting a boy to play DD would look at me as if I'd just suggested inviting round Brian Blessed or Batman or the concept of time...just complete bafflement that I'd suggest something so obviously unthinkable...and then a few years after that she was back to playing with everyone again!

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 29/03/2022 12:29

@Karenm25

I'm in n. Ireland. Our system is diff I believe. End of June cut off, Start of July beginning. Daughter is end of June, making her youngest, son is Start of August the next year meaning he missed the year in between and started as one of oldest.
Ah I see! Thanks. It was honestly driving me mad trying to figure it out for my own benefit Grin
dottydodah · 29/03/2022 12:48

I dont like the idea of Boys Only parties(never heard of them before) but I think if this is what her Cousin wants then thats fine. maybe take her and her girl cousin out for the day?