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Original poster

Just found out OW is having a baby from 10 year old

320 replies

LexieB · 28/03/2022 08:39

My husband left 1.5 years ago after having an affair. Just before bed my 10 year old let me know she’s pregnant. His dad told him to keep it secret. He did for a week but said he couldn’t anymore as it was upsetting him. My older 2 children didn’t even know. When he left us he was all like OW doesn’t want children she was 28 he’s 42 wtf
I’m left doing all the childcare with our 3. Older 2 refuse to go. Just feel really sad for my kids. He gets his child free weekends every other week well at the moment. I’m literally never on my own.

OP posts:
Original poster
LexieB · 28/03/2022 12:47

honestly the wtf was not in regard to age more how we found out
he’s been a parent since age 24. that’s a long time to have another at 42.
no doubt you can be a great parent at any age

OP posts:
MyNameIsAngelicaSchuyler · 28/03/2022 12:49

That’s the most confusing thread title ever. I didn’t know if a ten year old was pregnant or a ten year old has got someone pregnant. All I felt on reading the actual post was relief

BurntEnds · 28/03/2022 12:49

When he left us he was all like OW doesn’t want children she was 28 he’s 42 wtf

So? They've changed their mind. It's nothing to do with you. I would have a word with him about asking your youngest to keep it a secret as it's not fair on him. Anything else is none of your business you aren't with him now.

BurntEnds · 28/03/2022 12:50

@LexieB

honestly the wtf was not in regard to age more how we found out he’s been a parent since age 24. that’s a long time to have another at 42. no doubt you can be a great parent at any age
So? There's an age gap? So what.
BurntEnds · 28/03/2022 12:50

@MyNameIsAngelicaSchuyler

That’s the most confusing thread title ever. I didn’t know if a ten year old was pregnant or a ten year old has got someone pregnant. All I felt on reading the actual post was relief
Me too
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 28/03/2022 12:51

There seem to be a few different issues woven into one here.

I'm sorry your 10-year was upset; that's a really cruel and unfair thing to do to a kid.

But...

"I’m literally never on my own." Surely the kids go to school, go out, go to clubs/activities etc? If your ex was still with you, this wouldn't be any different.

So is your issue the fact that she is pregnant? If they have been in a relationship for 1.5 years, this surely can't be that much of a surprise?

But he is now going to go through the whole cycle of nappies and night crying again while you don't have to. Focus on reassuring your kids and leave the selfish bastard to his (future) sleepless nights.

bubblesbubbles11 · 28/03/2022 12:54

"So? They've changed their mind. It's nothing to do with you."

More like

  • the 28 year old woman changed her mind; and
  • of course it has to do with OP - her ex husband is the partner of this other woman and will shortly be the father to OP's own children's new step siblings. It will impact OP's life every day because of the consequences for her own children and how they are affected by having a step sibling.
NdefH81 · 28/03/2022 12:54

How come literally never in your own?

You work part time and you have two mid/late and a 10 year old.

Original poster
LexieB · 28/03/2022 12:55

i guess i just feel i work and do the majority of childcare

anyway i’ve taken everyone’s points onboard.

OP posts:
bubblesbubbles11 · 28/03/2022 12:56

Burtends

"he’s been a parent since age 24. that’s a long time to have another at 42."

come on. An 18 year age gap between first child and this soon to be born step child is a BIG age gap for siblings.

Staters · 28/03/2022 12:56

@fruitbrewhaha

OP I fee for you but she's not the OW anymore, he is your ExH an she is his partner. It is a shit situation but you need to move on. You have EOW with just the teenagers, they can be left on their own so you can go out and do your own thing, either dating, or just meeting friends and doing some things for yourself. You can also leave the 10 yo with the older ones if you wanted to go out. I think if you did this it would change your perception.
Well her divorce is still going through so technically OP is still his wife and the new partner is the still the OW!!

I feel for your kids. They’re always the ones that get the worst in these situations. Older ones feel like Dad abandoned them, younger one feels like he’s being replaced by new baby. You’re doing a great job OP, you reassuring your kids that you’ll always be there will mean everything to them.

BurntEnds · 28/03/2022 12:57

@bubblesbubbles11

"So? They've changed their mind. It's nothing to do with you."

More like

  • the 28 year old woman changed her mind; and
  • of course it has to do with OP - her ex husband is the partner of this other woman and will shortly be the father to OP's own children's new step siblings. It will impact OP's life every day because of the consequences for her own children and how they are affected by having a step sibling.
None of OP's business. They could have 5 more children and there's nothing she can do a out it so no point getting upset about it. Their children are just as entitled to be in the world.
BurntEnds · 28/03/2022 12:57

@bubblesbubbles11

Burtends

"he’s been a parent since age 24. that’s a long time to have another at 42."

come on. An 18 year age gap between first child and this soon to be born step child is a BIG age gap for siblings.

And? So what? What is it to OP?
BurntEnds · 28/03/2022 12:58

If OP makes it "A BIG THING" then so will her kids.

Original poster
LexieB · 28/03/2022 12:58

my year 13 child always has free periods the days I don’t work! bad timing. I’m starting a degree in September and working. Of course they can change their minds and do what they want but it does have an impact. I can have feelings.

OP posts:
bubblesbubbles11 · 28/03/2022 12:58

"i guess i just feel i work and do the majority of childcare"

you do do the majority of the childcare and domestic tasks etc

And that is not fair on you but then neither is your ex husband being unfaithful and running off with that person fair on you nor on your children.

Original poster
LexieB · 28/03/2022 12:59

I don’t want to do anything about it! I felt upset after finding out. Apologies

OP posts:
Original poster
LexieB · 28/03/2022 13:01

It’s the fact he said family like wasn’t as fun as he thought it would be so surprised he’s having another

OP posts:
Original poster
LexieB · 28/03/2022 13:01

*life

OP posts:
bubblesbubbles11 · 28/03/2022 13:01

Burntends

I am not going to reply to your various messages because it is so obvious from your messages what your personal circumstances are and why you are posting on this thread.

Dixiechickonhols · 28/03/2022 13:03

It’s everything to do with Op. He’s still married to her he hasn’t even waited until he’s divorced before getting someone else pregnant.
An extra child or two or three will dilute maintenance to her 3 children. So Op will have to pick up difference. Teens aren’t cheap.
He’s been a shit dad to 3 already. No doubt he’ll continue in that vein with them.
It’s hurtful to the 3 eldest if he does step us as a dad to number 4 and they see him spending time and money on new ‘replacement’ child.
My DH’s dad abandoned him and siblings and quickly remarried and had a new family. He never had contact with him. I was so angry reading his dads online obituary which was gushing about how he was a wonderful husband to x (ow) and his 2 children. I was tempted to leave a comment saying obituary had missed off 3 children but didn’t.

Babadook76 · 28/03/2022 13:04

@bubblesbubbles11

Burntends

I am not going to reply to your various messages because it is so obvious from your messages what your personal circumstances are and why you are posting on this thread.

I was going to say please start ignoring her. You can’t argue with stupid 🙄
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 28/03/2022 13:06

@AthenaPopodopolous

Jeez, this is all so nasty. Just pass on your congratulations and help your kids accept the happy news. A new life is a blessing. Your hurt will pass OP.
All right, Pollyanna, keep your hair on!

Since the OP has no communication with her ex, on the OW's say so, that ain't going to happen.
The older DC have nothing to do with their Dad or the OW, so they're not going to accept a new baby either and there is no reason that the OP should try and force them to.
The "Blessing" is not on the OP's family.

In fact, I strongly suspect on the info given thus far that the 10yo DS is going to be elbowed out quite soon as well, as OW is likely to want to focus only on her own child.

So, ya know, your thoughts are both trite and irrelevant.

BrokenRecords · 28/03/2022 13:10

It's important to realise here we are only having OPs version of events and when someone is hurt and emotional perhaps there version of events isn't quite the full truth. Maybe he does want a family life but it wasn't working with OP.

CoastalWave · 28/03/2022 13:11

If your older too are 14 and 17, you pretty much do have child free time? It's not like they need babysitting. You could leave the house, go the gym etc.

I think you're focusing too much on what they're doing. She's what, 29/30 now, and he's still only 42 hardly old. It's pretty natural to move on. Leave them to it. Just make sure he's paying child maintenance.

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