Just found out OW is having a baby from 10 year old

[LexieB]

My husband left 1.5 years ago after having an affair. Just before bed my 10 year old let me know she’s pregnant. His dad told him to keep it secret. He did for a week but said he couldn’t anymore as it was upsetting him. My older 2 children didn’t even know. When he left us he was all like OW doesn’t want children she was 28 he’s 42 wtf
I’m left doing all the childcare with our 3. Older 2 refuse to go. Just feel really sad for my kids. He gets his child free weekends every other week well at the moment. I’m literally never on my own.

@Riseholme the ex will probably not have another 18 years. He'll probably leave the OW aka 2nd wife for someone younger after about 10-12 years, once the OW is 40. Sadly there will possibly be some woman with low self esteem who he exploits.

I agree it is awful for the OPs DC.

Op rubbish thing of your ex to do re your son. If he’s a coward though he may have hoped it would come out anyway.

It’s a really familiar script though: middle age man leaves wife for “young/fun” woman, no kids and then a few years she’s pregnant. I’m sure with a lot of woman the chap is getting itchy feet again and they think a baby will make sure they don’t leave.

i just can’t wait to be divorced

Is getting a husband to leave his wife and family some weird kind of absolution? Can't believe pp arguing the toss about whether someone is the OW currently or previously.

Broken they aren’t divorced he’s still married. See post 9.16.
Op hasn’t done anything wrong but she’s dealing with repercussions.

LexieB How far off are you? Hope you’ve got decent legal advice. Don’t be rushed if he’s trying to push things through to your detriment to get things sorted before baby 4 comes.

@LexieB

I guess my kids liked having their dad around and I feel bad for them. It’s the small things. Quick game of footie in the garden, a lift to a friends, a tea and chat in the morning. Obviously teenagers don’t really want to hang around with their parents. I guess so much childcare but endless washing, shopping. Whilst the ex enjoys 4 nights a week to himself and EOW no having to worry about anyone’s schedule and who needs to be where

Is there any way you could push for him to have 50/50 contact?

He's a shit dad to your kids and is unlikely to be any better with his newborn. If she stands up and demands he step up good for her, if not then that's her problem. You are foing tour best, no doubt its full on and relentless being a single parent so don't beat yourself up about it. It's up to your kids if rhey woupd.like to see their dad and its great that you aren't interfering in this. For your youngest, it must be upsetting bit I'd just reassure them that they are very special to you and always will be. I'd explain that babies can be exciting, might look similar and it could be a whole new experience. Aside from that I'd rise above the two of them and continue working towards your own happiness.

@WrongWayApricot

Is getting a husband to leave his wife and family some weird kind of absolution? Can't believe pp arguing the toss about whether someone is the OW currently or previously.

Cool

@Dixiechickonhols

Broken they aren’t divorced he’s still married. See post 9.16. Op hasn’t done anything wrong but she’s dealing with repercussions.

As per OPs own words i just can’t wait to be divorced. It's clear that both parties no longer see themselves as involved in a relationship with eachother they just waiting for the Official paper

well it’s dragging on as he would not supply correct financial documents

@LexieB

well it’s dragging on as he would not supply correct financial documents

How annoying. Do you think he's trying to hide is financial status ?

"Hopefully your 10 year old will stay close to him and have a sibling to play with"

My guess is that very few siblings (especially siblings who don't live with their step sibling all the time but only sees them 48 hours every 14 days) who have a 10-11 year age gap are going to "play with" each other much. What would they have in common?

Had an affair/failing to parent 3 children/dragging his feet over the divorce - you are seriously well rid of him.
My guess is by time younger one is a teen he won’t want anything to do with him either. Children aren’t daft. Onwards and upwards Op. You sound like you have lots of positives to come like University.

My sympathies OP.

Please make sure you are getting enough child support from the divorce, which you suggest you aren't.

Without being nasty to your soon to be xH he surely needs to understand basic financial support for his 3 existing children during the divorce settlement? Is this sorted?

Could you prime your older DC to look after your 10 year old? Is your DH planning not to have him any more? Obviously it'll be difficult round the birth of his step-brother, and he seems the one who will suffer most.

@bubblesbubbles11

"Hopefully your 10 year old will stay close to him and have a sibling to play with"

My guess is that very few siblings (especially siblings who don't live with their step sibling all the time but only sees them 48 hours every 14 days) who have a 10-11 year age gap are going to "play with" each other much. What would they have in common?

Guess? Growing up I didn't see my step sibling much(13 year age gap) but when I did bothered with my step sibling. Each family is different

It's not a step-sibling. It is a half-sibling.

Sometimes half-siblings are very close. Luckily this was the case in my experience. I hope the 10 year old doesn't get pushed out, that would be very sad.

What I can't get over in these cases is when the Father doesn't try his hardest to be there for all his children. If I was the new partner I would be encouraging him to sort this out and I would find it very unattractive if he didn't care about his own flesh and blood.

@BrightOrangeOrange

It's not a step-sibling. It is a half-sibling.

Sometimes half-siblings are very close. Luckily this was the case in my experience. I hope the 10 year old doesn't get pushed out, that would be very sad.

What I can't get over in these cases is when the Father doesn't try his hardest to be there for all his children. If I was the new partner I would be encouraging him to sort this out and I would find it very unattractive if he didn't care about his own flesh and blood.

@bubblesbubbles11 mentioned step siblings that's why step siblings were mentioned

Broken Records you seem absolutely desperate to obligate OP and her 10 year old son to bend over backward to accommodate the (what was an affair now) partner and the soon to be baby / half sister.
Your personal agenda alone and your own personal circumstances seem to be the reason for your posts?

@bubblesbubbles11 mentioned step siblings that's why step siblings were mentioned

Oh, I must have missed that.

sorry I meant baby/half brother.
It is not the OP's 10 year old son who should feel in any way obliged to react in a certain way to his new half sibling.
He is 10 years old.
The only real consideration is not "will the new baby have a half sibling to play with?" but
"will OP's 10yr old son's father continue to father the 10 year old son as he should.

Brokenrecord? or stuckrecord?

@bubblesbubbles11

Broken Records you seem absolutely desperate to obligate OP and her 10 year old son to bend over backward to accommodate the (what was an affair now) partner and the soon to be baby / half sister. Your personal agenda alone and your own personal circumstances seem to be the reason for your posts?

Not to bend over but just be normal. Allow the 10 year old to spend time with their dad, don't be bitter, start a new life. Sound advice.

@bubblesbubbles11

sorry I meant baby/half brother. It is not the OP's 10 year old son who should feel in any way obliged to react in a certain way to his new half sibling. He is 10 years old. The only real consideration is not "will the new baby have a half sibling to play with?" but "will OP's 10yr old son's father continue to father the 10 year old son as he should. Brokenrecord? or stuckrecord?

will OP's 10yr old son's father continue to father the 10 year old son as he should. Fingers crossed

Even if he’s told a tale of woe to her - evil Op won’t let me see my kids surely you’d be asking what he was doing about it - why wasn’t he going to court for 50/50, why don’t you contact school and go to all parents evenings etc (they are usually on zoom now distance no excuse)
Knowing he’s such a deadbeat dad she’s got pg by him, hardly bodes well.

ummmm my DD recorded him being abusive to us and calling me a C#%T for asking him
to take her to dancing. She then demanded school took him off school parents evening