If having kids is so awful, why do we do it?

[Lilybow]

Pregnant with my first and in my third trimester. The majority of things other mums tell me are:

"You think you're tired now, you will have a shock when baby is here"
"You and your husband will never go out together alone again"
"Your social life is gone"
"Baby will demand your attention 24/7 and you will be desperate for 5 mins to yourself"
"Hardest thing you'll ever do"
"I hope your baby doesn't have colic, you don't want that"

I'm not under any illusions that parenthood will be easy, and i know my life will change, but I'll be honest I'm pretty terrified as apart from the occasional "oh how exciting" comment, people keep telling me how hard/boring/exhausting it is and how my life is over.
I need some reassurance that my life isn't over and it's not that horrific.

It can he great or it can be hard ..depends on the baby.
Everyone said to me you don't know what being tired means and after baby was born, l thinknwhat they should have said was you don't know the effect tiredness has on a child .
My dd is a different child when she is tired.
But always been a good sleeper so l have never suffered with tiredness since she arrived 10 years ago!

Ignore em OP. I found it wonderful - having my children improved my life 100%!

There are moments that are incredibly hard, much harder than anything I encountered before I had kids. But there are also moments that are just perfect. And a lot of moments that are fairly meh.

I know it's a cliche, but accepting support makes all the difference. Understanding that whilst it is possible to do every single thing all by yourself all the time, it's pretty difficult to be cheery about it! I've found that simmering resentment for my husband has a bigger impact on me than actually looking after the kids. It was a massive adjustment to my whole identity to feel "reliant" on my husband for the first time, but it's not reliance, it's just team work (and the husband has to understand this too!)

@Lilybow

I don't think it helps that I'm so exhausted at the moment, I've never been so tired and I'm feeling drained and sick from how tired I am to the point of tears. And everyone telling me that I'm going to feel worse has sent me in a panic :(

I've never read a comment I relate to so much. At 36 weeks, my bumps doubled in size over night making it hard to get comfortable, I can barely sleep between being battered from the inside out, chronic heartburn and needing to wee constantly. People keep saying you only get more tired, I genuinely don't see how! I feel once baby is here ill at least be able to sleep when he does in the day, screw the housework...

I hope it eases off for you, and we haven't got long left! We can do this!

Congratulations OP!
I loved becoming a Mum.
You will have a beautiful bundle of joyous wonder.
Yes you will be tired. But you will nap.
Watching these tiny precious people you made, grow up will be exciting.
You can still go out with your partner. That's what babysitters are for!
Your kid's childhood will fly by. It's a precious time. Relax, enjoy & ignore the negative types! 💐

@Timeforanewoneofthese that is beautifully put! I can't believe how negative some people are with pregnant women.

@Lilybow I'm only 3 weeks in so probably pretty naive about what's to come but all I will say is the tiredness I felt in pregnancy was so much worse than the tiredness I'm now experiencing from lack of sleep.

@LuckySantangelo35

I will not be bowing to social pressure/expectation and will be sticking at one child.

So many people don’t though and go on to have two or three kids. So, they must get something from it in that case but I don’t know why anyone would feel the need to do it all again when you’ve already experienced it once already especially if you found it hard and struggled with sleep deprivation, lack of social life, etc….could anyone enlighten me??

That wasn't my experience. Maybe it wasn't for you?

Oh, I had these people when I was pregnant. So many people told me I would be so bored and frustrated stuck at home with a baby. I never felt like this - I have loved every stage of both my children. Of course there are things that are hard, and things that are frustrating, but lots of things in life are like that. I wouldn't be without my children for anything in the world and would happily have had more (wasn't to be!)

It's bs basically. All your friends who are saying it's sooo horrible, they/you'll hate it, etc, will be happily announcing their second and third pregnancies a few years from now.

People did this to me too, to the point I was dreading it and feeling like I’d made a huge mistake. I have a three month old and I have honestly never been happier. I’ve never known love like it and my husband and I are closer than ever. It’s a complete joy, and I say this as someone who has got diagnosed with post-partum anxiety.

timefoeanewoneofthese What a lovely post! I remember those days so well!

I'm not going to lie, I also thought everyone was really overdoing it when they said these things to me. I was quite smug about how they must all have never had a difficult day at work in their lives.
First 18 months were horrific. I regretted my decision to have children for a while.
Then it got a lot better. Second child came when first was 3 and was comparatively a breeze.
I'm so glad I did it. It is brilliant. But it's also unbelievably hard. So so hard. They aren't exaggerating, in my experience

Honestly, I felt so much better once I had my body to myself., Except my boobs.

And my baby had awful colic in the evening - I still didn’t regret a thing.

@Andgettingcaughtintherain

I don’t want children and all I get told is it’s magical, you never know joy like it, your life isn’t in colour until you have kids, you become a brand new person, you’ll know what love is when you have kids, you’ll never be lonely again, you see the world as brand new, you never worry about anything again, every day will have wonder and similar.

Everyone I’ve ever known who has said they wanted kids/got pregnant get what you get! Utterly bizarre.

I was once told that not having kids and thinking you know about life is like living on bread and butter and thinking you know about food. Nice. This person knew I couldn’t have children.

I hated being pregnant even thought I was totally lucky and didn’t have any complications or difficulties - but loved having babies & children… would have had more if I’d have realised how much fun it was and started younger! It is all those things they say sometimes - but just in tiny moments. Some of the days can be long but the years fly.

Pregnancy exhaustion was the worst for me. Nothing has come close to that- with a newborn the tiredness was still there but never that back breaking bone aching life sucking tiredness of pregnancy.

I found my first much easier than I’d expected. Rose tinted glasses maybe but I look back to those early months with her as some of the best of my life. Not to say it’s not hard, it is of course. But just amazing in ways you can’t imagine yet.

I found the doom sayers so annoying too! Of course lots of people do find it hard and there should be no guilt or shame about that. But you may well be surprised

I think generally there is an idea going round ATM ,that children will be some sort of time bomb designed to destroy our lives! Really strange as all of us were someones child once ! Pay no attention OP and enjoy your little one .Would we have another as you say if so awful .Also obv some people seem to think its the end of our lives or something . So no one takes babies on holidays ,days out then ? Babysitters are non existant? I think these people seem to thrive on a superior attitude "I have had DC,you havent and I know more" Hmmm...

It’s not awful at all. Yes its bloody hard work but the rewards are amazing, wonderful, irreplaceable, and no substitutions (ie pets) can match the joy of having children.

It’s not awful at all OP in my opinion. My children are teenagers now and I have loved being a mum at every stage. It can be tiring at times of course, and my life is different from before I had children, but it’s infinitely better. Some people just want to spread their misery, I met a lot of people like it at playgroups, I even had a health visitor like it. I’m not sure whether they’re genuinely miserable in their lives or they just enjoy trying to make others miserable. Either way, don’t let it bother you, they’re horrible things to say to a first time mum due to give birth soon.

Because it's equal parts awful and amazing and usually they balance out.

@HoliHormonalTigerlilly

But it clearly is the experience for so many people. And that’s my point- why go on to have more if it’s so bad, if you’re wishing your time and life away saying to yourself “this too shall pass” surely life is too short for that?

If you’ve done it once, why do it again?

I’m not being goady i am just genuinely curious!

It'll be fine, it's bloody hard work for a couple of years but gradually gets easier as they get more rewarding and interactive from about 6 months. Wait until they start running up to you to give you kisses and telling you how much they love you!

[quote LuckySantangelo35]@HoliHormonalTigerlilly

But it clearly is the experience for so many people. And that’s my point- why go on to have more if it’s so bad, if you’re wishing your time and life away saying to yourself “this too shall pass” surely life is too short for that?

If you’ve done it once, why do it again?

I’m not being goady i am just genuinely curious![/quote]
I did it again because I loved doing it the first time 🤷🏻‍♀️