He ate the soup ...

[Tdcp]

I'm really ill, I've had an annoying cough for a few days which today has turned in to a snot fest. I'm tired. I've had a smear test this morning which they've found a few issues with my cervix, I've dragged my arse to Asda, where I bought myself a tin of tomato soup. I drove him 15 minutes away for a walk and picked him and DD up after they were done, had a bath and thought.. I've not eaten yet, I'll go and have that soup.

He doesn't really like tomato soup, in fact I can't recall him ever eating any, that's why I bought one tin. He likes chicken soup which there's 3 tins of as well as other random flavours in the cupboard.

He ate my tomato soup. Ffs. I don't know if this is light hearted or not but after a string of bullshit I'm just a bit fed up right now.

He is abusive, a thief, a selfish p$@#* you walk around with holes in your shoes,
OP go and see a Solicitor divorce him you are being treated like dirt but he is shit

Ltb

I know it's a small mercy but it sounds good that he has those types of bills in his name so you can leave him. İnternet and phone etc are the ones on a long term contract so you wouldn't be able to stop paying them. But if you're paying the big ones like gas and electric etc then you can tell them you don't live there any more and get them cancelled.
I definitely second the advice of going straight to your nan's and starting again up there. You can seek temporary accomodation through her local council as you are related. She just has to write a letter saying that she is unable to keep you both there. I know you're worried about uprooting your DD but it will be so much better for her in the long run. İt's just one sacrifice for a much better life for you both.

Dear OP, I hope you are reading all these insightful comments and they are giving you the strength you need to change your situation. Your husband is being extremely abusive and controlling. He stole your money that your nan gave you FFS. You need to involve the police if he doesn’t transfer YOUR MONEY. Also please contact womens aid for further advice and support.
Best wishes.

OP,
Please get on to Women's aid.

He is a thief and stealing the money is deliberate.

Please really consider your situation and go to the police.

He has no entitlement to your inheritance.

Please do not let this go.

You are being abused.

You poor women.

Only you can help yourself.

First step.

Tell Women's aid the truth.

That was heart breaking to read through. I hope you take strength from these replies and get away from that vile man for good. Seek out any and all advice that's been suggested. What a way to live... My ex stole my bank card and went to the shops to buy a tenners worth of sweets for himself... Like wtf goes through their minds 😬 I seriously hope you're in a better place as soon as possible, go see your nan ❤️

Nip back and buy two more ( and whatever chocolate you want also )
Cook both cans then tip one over his head.
Bet he thinks twice next time.

Has your Nan got enough room for you & DD to stay?

Go up for the Easter Holidays and have a good think about life. I think you don't realise just how bad he is because you're the frog in the pot.

DD won't be better off with him than she would be with you as a single Mum, because you love her. He's a nasty, manipulating, controlling, selfish arse and by treating you badly is also treating her badly and will treat her badly directly when she's older and defies him.

YOU deserve MUCH better than this way of living.

Go see your Nan x

Can you speak to your Nan? Explain your predicament and your need for an escape fund? Be honest about how he took what she gave before but you don’t want it to happen again. You need to start planning, I’m so sorry💐

Please get yourself and your DD into the car and away to your Nan's house as fast as possible. You can speak to a solicitor/women's aid/the police/DD's school from there. he is a horrid, horrid excuse for a man and you so not have to put up with his shit.

Sorry I've been quiet, it's a lot to take in. I've spent 10 years with him. Sometimes I say to someone something he's said and they're shocked but it hasn't even registered as out of order to me. I don't even cry any more. Still even now, I think that I'm overreacting or blowing things out of proportion but I go about my day thinking to myself " I don't think he even likes me". I feel so pathetic. I really do need to go. I have 2 cats and obviously DD so leaving isn't easy without a house to go to. I'm going to apply for universal credit but as I live with him I'm not sure how that works

I genuinely thought he isn't as bad now as he used to be but maybe I'm just used to it now

@Tdcp

Sorry I've been quiet, it's a lot to take in. I've spent 10 years with him. Sometimes I say to someone something he's said and they're shocked but it hasn't even registered as out of order to me. I don't even cry any more. Still even now, I think that I'm overreacting or blowing things out of proportion but I go about my day thinking to myself " I don't think he even likes me". I feel so pathetic. I really do need to go. I have 2 cats and obviously DD so leaving isn't easy without a house to go to. I'm going to apply for universal credit but as I live with him I'm not sure how that works

You are not pathetic! You have been gaslighted by a bad man for 10 years. Can you take the cats with you and DD to your Nan's house? You could apply for UC from there too, depending on turd-man's income your probably have a better chance of getting it there.

The soup is obviously the tip of the iceberg.

You need to start making plans, OP, and one of them should be going straight to the Police to report the theft of your money.

I'm so sorry he's being an arsehole when you need some tlc.

@oldcatlady22

This is awful and clearly about so much more than soup.

I think £2.5k is significant enough that I would say you return it or I will be contacting the police.

I would echo others, contact womans aid, this is abuse. It sounds like he is doing what he can to control you and you need to take steps. It will be hard but the first step, contacting them, will hopefully give you strength to take the next steps.

You dont sound like you realise how bad these things are, try talking to people irl about this and hopefully they will also help. You need to change your situation both for you and your DD, you dont want her growing up thinking this is how relationships are supposed to be.

This!!! My thought was to report the theft too!

I don’t normally post on threads like this one as they’re just too close to home for me (due to exh).

But if a friend or colleague said to you what you’ve posted here what advice would you give them?

Honestly though, you need to get out. I know it’s easier said than done, but is this really how you want your life to carry on?

Omg this thread really took a turn from soup eating. You need to get out of that relationship Op

Op look up the power and control wheel then look up the equality wheel. They will open your eyes to see he's the b..tard, and you've done nothing wrong. Chuck the cats and your Dd in the car and just get out of there as soon as you're safe to do so. Report him for theft and domestic abuse. They'll be able to look at his bank statements to see when money has been deposited and how much. Sending love and strength xxx

@NandorTheRelentlessCleaner

Bloody soup wanker

👆

My Apologies, I didn't read the full thread!
Clearly more to this than just the soup!

We've just had a row about something ridiculous. No shouting but angry and quiet. I've told him I want my money back, he just keeps interrupting me, telling me I'm ridiculous and I'm harming my child. I've said I'm fed up with not even being talked to or asked if I'm ok, he called me abusive. Said I need therapy among other things. He said I do nothing, I don't do anything and he does it all. I just kept saying that I want my money in my account tonight. He hasn't said he'll give it to me yet. He told me to get out so I did.
It all started because he's put DD to bed in an unmade bed, no sheet, cover, bedmat (she still wets at night). I said I need to wake her up and put a sheet on because if she wets through it'll ruin the mattress. He came up whilst I was in the bed with DD and had a go at me telling me I've had all day to do it. I admit I followed him downstairs asking him what that meant and it went from there. He really does just see me as a leech. Because he's been a actual parent today whilst I've had to go out, he sees that as me doing nothing.

Sorry, that last post was before I read the full thread.

What’s your current situation in terms of the property? Can you get him to move out?

Don't even engage with him and just leave as soon as you can. Save your energy for setting up a new life. Go when he is at work.

I don’t know what to say OP but I’m sending you hugs.

I do all the childcare, most of the cleaning.. like 99%, animal care..all appointments, all shopping, meal planning, anything that involves outside of the house, any activities etc all of the driving stuff like taking him where he needs to go or to work sometimes. Every phone call. He's never done a school or nursery run (he's been in the car whilst picking up DD when I've had a migraine and he's sat in the car whilst I go in and get her) Everything apart from work.. well I do work when I have the hours, it's not a lot of money. I told him they found issues with my cervix earlier so I need to see a gynecologist and probably get cauterised.. he didn't say a word to me. Didn't ask why or if I'm ok. He barely notices me but claims everything he does is for me and DD.
I've been emotionally abused by my mother. I was gang raped at 12. I was physically abused by an ex, like blow jobs make me sick now. I always feel pressured to have sex or do things I don't want to do but I feel like it's because of my history and not because of him.
I told him a very specific awful thing, whilst in loads of tears 6 weeks or so ago. 2 weeks later he said he wanted to blindfold me (giving the impression it was going to be him giving me attention or whatever). He did the thing I cried to him about instead. I didn't even say anything after. I just feel used and stupid.