Page 3 | He ate the soup ...

Tdcp · 2022-03-26T19:00:13+00:00

I'm really ill, I've had an annoying cough for a few days which today has turned in to a snot fest. I'm tired. I've had a smear test this morning which they've found a few issues with my cervix, I've dragged my arse to Asda, where I bought myself a tin of tomato soup. I drove him 15 minutes away for a walk and picked him and DD up after they were done, had a bath and thought.. I've not eaten yet, I'll go and have that soup. He doesn't really like tomato soup, in fact I can't recall him ever eating any, that's why I bought one tin. He likes chicken soup which there's 3 tins of as well as other random flavours in the cupboard. He ate my tomato soup. Ffs. I don't know if this is light hearted or not but after a string of bullshit I'm just a bit fed up right now.

Bananalanacake · 26/03/2022 20:16

If this happened in my house my DH would get straight in the car to buy me some more once he realised the mistake. You know he is controlling and financially abusive, you need to leave. Sorry if you've said but is your DD his child?

Original poster

Tdcp · 26/03/2022 20:19

I feel like he's done it to make sure I can't leave him. Christmas time I was leaving him, looking at a house etc. I heard him say to his brother that I'm not taking DD anywhere. I feel like he's been very calculated since to make sure I can't actually go.

I have all the 'big' bills but I have almost no income, he gives me bill money but never enough to cover anything. He has 6k or so ( I think, I didn't know until this moving stuff came up) in his bank account and I have minus £800. He took some bills to help his credit score but he took small ones like the phone bills, about £30 and water which is £27 or so. I have petrol, food, rent, council tax, internet etc etc.

I've tried to work properly for years but being the only driver, I'm the only one that can do the school runs, he calls me a bad mother and lays a guilt trip when I mention childcare of any kind. He wants me to work nights, which I'm not against but that means working 10-6, getting DD for up school, doing the school run, getting home for 9:30, sleeping maybe by 10, up at half 2 and straight out for school again. Plus cooking and all that. I also mentioned school holidays where dd will be home all day so she'll be either with me whilst I'm exhausted or asleep. He says I'll have to suck it up and do what it takes.

On one hand I know we have to move. Our neighbours are awful, they're kicking off now and I can't hear myself think. DD sleeps with me every night in the box room because it's the only room that doesn't back onto their walls. I just wish it was my choice to use the money for moving or to have access to it at least. Not that I want to move with him but I grew up so poor that I feel like DD is better here having food to eat and clothes on her back rather than with a skint single parent that can't get a job.

OP posts:

DenverDoer · 26/03/2022 20:26

So he's controlling, manipulative, uncaring, selfish and unkind.

And you think your DD is better off in this situation? I say this with bitter experience - you and your DD are much, much better off without him.

Hausa · 26/03/2022 20:27

@Ryderneedsus

I once had dental surgery that meant I could not eat solid food for a week. I bought some yogurts and pudding cups. My DH had never eaten either during our 6 years together. However, when I bought them and it was the only thing I could eat, he decided to eat them all. Once I was recovered he never ate them again. I think it is a territorial power thing.

Even now, a decade later he cannot leave food alone if I say it is earmarked for something. e.g. if I buy biscuits for a friend that is visiting, he will ask if he can have one every hour before the visit, even if we have many other biscuits in the house. If I say he can have one he will eat the packet.

And you stayed married to this person?! Have you at least brought up this behaviour and told him it’s fucked up?

Bobbajobs · 26/03/2022 20:30

I would definitely hold a grudge over this... We call this hanger in our house (hungry+angry)
There's nothing worse than fancying something only to find it's already been eaten! In my light hearted opinion

Bobbajobs · 26/03/2022 20:31

If it makes you feel any better I did the food shopping last weekend and came home from work Monday evening to find he'd eaten a whole packet (x5) pepperami!!!! So annoying

Hausa · 26/03/2022 20:34

@Tdcp

I feel like he's done it to make sure I can't leave him. Christmas time I was leaving him, looking at a house etc. I heard him say to his brother that I'm not taking DD anywhere. I feel like he's been very calculated since to make sure I can't actually go.

I have all the 'big' bills but I have almost no income, he gives me bill money but never enough to cover anything. He has 6k or so ( I think, I didn't know until this moving stuff came up) in his bank account and I have minus £800. He took some bills to help his credit score but he took small ones like the phone bills, about £30 and water which is £27 or so. I have petrol, food, rent, council tax, internet etc etc.

I've tried to work properly for years but being the only driver, I'm the only one that can do the school runs, he calls me a bad mother and lays a guilt trip when I mention childcare of any kind. He wants me to work nights, which I'm not against but that means working 10-6, getting DD for up school, doing the school run, getting home for 9:30, sleeping maybe by 10, up at half 2 and straight out for school again. Plus cooking and all that. I also mentioned school holidays where dd will be home all day so she'll be either with me whilst I'm exhausted or asleep. He says I'll have to suck it up and do what it takes.

On one hand I know we have to move. Our neighbours are awful, they're kicking off now and I can't hear myself think. DD sleeps with me every night in the box room because it's the only room that doesn't back onto their walls. I just wish it was my choice to use the money for moving or to have access to it at least. Not that I want to move with him but I grew up so poor that I feel like DD is better here having food to eat and clothes on her back rather than with a skint single parent that can't get a job.

OP, this is really really awful. I do y think you fully realise how awful.

Go through this checklist. I think the results might illuminate things for you a bit: www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/am-i-in-an-abusive-relationship/

Then ring them and learn what your options are. I’m very sorry that you’re going through this.

AtelierDuSol · 26/03/2022 20:36

Your 'D'man is an abusive arsehole and I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Wiser women will be along but for the love of god, LTB, or make a plan too. Your daughter diesn't deserve this, you deserve better.

@Ryderneedsus WTF did you eat then, if he ate them all?
I'd have left my DP if he did that to me. Selfishness is one of the worst traits. I can bear a lot of things...fastidiousness, boring conversation etc etc but not unkindness. Your partner's supposed to look after you, otherwise what are they there for?

Nanny0gg · 26/03/2022 20:37

@Bobbajobs

If it makes you feel any better I did the food shopping last weekend and came home from work Monday evening to find he'd eaten a whole packet (x5) pepperami!!!! So annoying

You might need to RTFT.

OP - can you get to Citizens' Advice or ring Women's Aid?

They can help you

thecurtainsofdestiny · 26/03/2022 20:39

He's a bad rascal

Herejustforthisone · 26/03/2022 20:40

This is one of the saddest threads I’ve read in a long time.

OP, he’s an abusive thief and a cunt.

I’m so sorry. I really hope you get free and get your money back.

CountryCousin · 26/03/2022 20:43

Your opinion might be less ‘light hearted’ if you’d read the whole thread, Bobbajobs …

WhatIsThisPlease · 26/03/2022 20:43

This thread is absolutely heartbreaking OP.

Please don't raise your daughter in this kind of environment if there is any alternative at all. Being poor is better than her growing up to think his behaviour is normal. You both deserve so much better.

I can't believe he stole your money. His lack of respect for you is astonishing.

Go and stay with your nan and have some time away from him. He's vile.

thenewduchessoflapland · 26/03/2022 20:44

@Tdcp

I really don't want to be here. I'm trying so hard to get a new job as mine is 0 hours and they're mucking me about but he makes it so hard for me. My nan gave me 2.5k last year to do whatever with (I don't have much) and it was in cash in the house because I wanted to know it wouldn't go on household bills. I found out that he put it in his bank account and he won't give it me back because we need to use it for moving house. I asked for it in my account because it doesn't make a difference where the money is as long as we have access to it but he won't give it to me. I wanted to train as a veterinary assistant and use the money for that, I really just want to do something with my life and I'm walking around with holes in my trainers whilst he buys whatever he wants. I got told off because I bought some chocolate bars for 65p. Sorry I'm just so done in right now.

So he stole money from you?

That's a crime and 2.5K is still significant enough that the police will take that seriously.

GrowingUpIsATrap · 26/03/2022 20:46

@Tdcp all your posts are building more of a picture about what's happening here. He is controlling you in many ways. You and him aren't a team, he is a dictator and he is deliberably making your life harder so you are forced to stay with him.

You deserve better.

Please reach out to your local domestic abuse service. They can give you the options for what you can do going forward. They won't make you do anything you dont want to do. He might not be hitting you but he is controlling you.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 26/03/2022 20:49

I was typing a longer answer. But no, he’s just a selfish, lazy wanker.

LottyD32 · 26/03/2022 20:49

@Tdcp

He said he didn't realise it was for me. I said that I only bought one tin because he doesn't like tomato soup, that I've not eaten yet etc and he said he ate it because he fancied it so I need to stop making it a big deal.

What a cunt.

oldcatlady22 · 26/03/2022 20:49

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

LottyD32 · 26/03/2022 20:57

@countdowntonap

How long was he out with your DD on a walk? You also had time to have a bath. He’s not the villain some pp want him to be.

Your standards are low, fucking hell.

TatianaBis · 26/03/2022 21:00

I don’t know why someone eating the thing you specially got for supper feels like such a disaster, it just does.😕

newbiename · 26/03/2022 21:01

@countdowntonap

How long was he out with your DD on a walk? You also had time to have a bath. He’s not the villain some pp want him to be.

Did you read about him stealing her money ?

TatianaBis · 26/03/2022 21:02

Just caught up with the rest of it. You need to get that money back.

AdaColeman · 26/03/2022 21:02

Let that be a lesson to you…always have at least four tins of tomato soup tucked well away for emergencies.

In the meantime, eat the chicken soup.

As soon as you are a bit better, get rid of that nasty selfish controlling git.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 26/03/2022 21:03

Drive to your Nan with DD, stay there, put in a claim for UC and CMS, report the coercive control and financial abuse/theft and get somewhere as far away from him as you can.

Then you can have all the soup you want whilst he glowers at the chicken in the cupboard.

Pallisers · 26/03/2022 21:05

My nan gave me 2.5k last year to do whatever with (I don't have much) and it was in cash in the house because I wanted to know it wouldn't go on household bills. I found out that he put it in his bank account and he won't give it me back because we need to use it for moving house. I asked for it in my account because it doesn't make a difference where the money is as long as we have access to it but he won't give it to me.

Call the police and report your 2.5k stolen. Seriously.

you are in a bad situation OP and I think you know that. Sometimes the straw is a tin of soup - shows exactly how you are living and how awful it is.