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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

School don’t get it when I say I can’t

277 replies

NeverEndingFight · 26/03/2022 15:18

DD is on PP due to my low income.

I’m a single parent.

I do work part time but have no childcare so literally work 4.5 hours a day. There’s no school wrap around and the childminders and external wrap arounds that go to DDs school are full with closed waiting lists.

DD is 7 nearly 8. Is suspected dyslexic and suspected dyspraxia/dcd. She also has hypermobility and vision and hearing issues – she can hear but struggles with subtle differences. I get that she’s complex.

She’s generally well managed at school, behaves well and has friends. She’s working at around Reception level in Literacy and Year 1 level in Maths. She can only read 3 letter words, can’t blend, can’t spell, struggles to hear the difference between sounds due to her hearing, and due to her vision issues struggles to see the differences between letters. She can write but her arm tires quickly and due to spelling ability most of her writing is nonscense.

In the assessment reports we’ve had so far they recommend some apps for DD, I keep being told by school I have to buy them. I can’t afford them; some of them are subscriptions costing £5/month there’s 4 of them and 3 of them want the subscription, the other is a one off cost of £60.

I’m told I should stop DDs out of school activities if it’s a problem as these apps are needed – there’s no guarantee they will work and I only let DD go onto her tablet for a few hours on my weekends, her dad doesn’t let her on at all – they’re apps like Nessy and Reading Eggs but more geared to dyslexia.

Her activities are the love of her life, she doesn’t really enjoy school so she lives for activity nights, and I do think they help her overall. She has gained confidence, and learnt her own abilities. She’s also made friends outside of the classroom.

School then say I should ask her dad for help as he sees her regularly, EOWend only and he doesn’t pay maintenance, if I ask him for money he tells me I’ve got more than him and see her more so it’s my job to pay for things – the CMS can’t find an income for him.

I get told without these apps she will fall further behind, I’m told to work more hours, I asked for them to guarantee her a spot at the wrap around at one of the two external companies so I can work more and got told that’s not their job or up to them.

I asked if school had these apps that DD could try to see if they’ll be suitable but I’m told school can’t afford them either and it’s the parents job to help her progress. School keep saying “If she can crack this we’ll have her reading”

I’m terrified for her future as I know she will struggle for the rest of her primary years. We’ve been rejected for an EHCNA so taking the council to tribunal over that, school are saying we won’t get any more assessments as she’s “Not badly behaved enough”. She behaves in class, but then lets it all out at home, gets very upset over every little thing.

I despair and don’t know what to do. This is the second primary school she’s been to and her last one said the same “She’s not badly behaved enough for an EHCP or 1-1”. I don’t want to move her again as she hates this school slightly less than her previous one.

Just ranting really. I’m sick of fighting. This has come after yet another email last night (that I've only just read) from her teacher saying she needs these apps. I think they think I can't be bothered or expect school to do everything - I read with her daily, I battle her to do homework, I always go to parent workshops, I go to parents evening, I do every medical appointment alone.

OP posts:
Howshouldibehave · 26/03/2022 15:23

I’m surprised you have been told you ‘have’ to buy anything from the school. As a senco who receives tonnes of reports for children, I wouldn’t dream of telling parents they have to buy anything!

megletthesecond · 26/03/2022 15:23

Dropping her out of school activities would be detrimental.
If the apps are essential the school can pay for them.

Wolfiefan · 26/03/2022 15:24

Say you are unable to afford them. School have no right to dictate how you spend your money and her out of school activities are vital to her mental health, happiness and self esteem.
So what do they suggest as an alternative? Apps are not the only tool available.
You sound like you’re doing a great job. Flowers

Samiamnot · 26/03/2022 15:24

That's really atrocious. No school should expect any parent to spend money on apps and I can 100% promise the apps will not replace what effective teaching will do.

EHCPs are not for badly behaved children. I've taught plenty of children on EHCPs with no challenging behaviour but who's learning difficulties warrant them having agencies external to the school support their education and maybe a 1:1.

I'd recommend reading SEN Code of Condict. It's huge so maybe just skim to the bits relevant to you and also going to you GP to see what other support you can get for your Dd (if you haven't already).

Sorry you're having to deal with this.

TeenPlusCat · 26/03/2022 15:25

You don't need to behave badly for an EHCP, that's ridiculous.

If the school say she needs these apps, why can't the PP pay for them?

I'm sorry you are being so badly let down.

Troublesometooth · 26/03/2022 15:25

Push the school to use some of their PP funding to buy the apps for you. That’s exactly what it is there for.

What interventions are the school putting in place? Even without an EHCP the school are expected to use their funding to pay for interventions and support to help SEN children.

LunaLoveFood · 26/03/2022 15:26

Is she accessing these apps at school? If not, I would push for that first. School could use pp money for them. At my schools we then send the log ins home too so they can be accessed at both school and at home (especially something like newsy which is best used daily, lots of schools buy a large license for multiple users.)

Also, there are some really good free websites to use, spelling frame is one of them. I wouldn't be paying for the apps as there are other things that can be used with just as much benefit. Home made sound cards for games, you tube videos and just reading to her will really help.

Ducksurprise · 26/03/2022 15:26

Children learnt before apps were invented. My eldest had paper booklets . The only answer can not be apps.

Samiamnot · 26/03/2022 15:27

I wonder, if you bought the apps, would the school then request access to them in school to use with other children. Maybe they are pressuring other parents too

Whinge · 26/03/2022 15:29

If she's not using the apps at school i'm baffled as to why they're suggesting them for use outside of school.

I would speak to school and ask about using PP to help purchase the apps for use within school, as many of them allow multiple users so would benefit other pupils.

Teaandtoastedbiscuits · 26/03/2022 15:30

I presume you are in the UK, I am not so this might be completely the wrong advice so I apologise in advance if it is, but could you refer yourself to social services to see have they any supports or funding to help you in this situation?
In my opinion it is ridiculous that there aren't any supports or services for her and you have my sympathy.

NeverEndingFight · 26/03/2022 15:30

I asked if she could try the apps in school to see if they'd be suitable with the thinking that if they were I could afford maybe 1 of them but I've been told school can't afford them either as they'd have to buy the tablets as they only have a few,

OP posts:
Piggy42 · 26/03/2022 15:31

Have you thought of it’s worth a move to a more supportive school?

BookHermitBlack · 26/03/2022 15:32

Your not being unreasonable having a child with disabilities is more expensive. And it isn't your responsibility to provide everything, especially if an expert is saying this is what she needs.
Could you talk to sendias? Find out what school should provide, what the pp is being spent on?
Do you claim dla? Could you try a charity like family fund (they've helped me with educational requirements) or another charity?
I also have the 'they're behaving well so not necessary to assess' and have had to fight for everything and it is a lonely, long and hard battle especially when you get little or no support at the end of it.

2reefsin30knots · 26/03/2022 15:33

Ask them for a breakdown of how every penny of her PP money is being spent OP.

These apps are exactly the sort of thing it should be spent on if they have been recommended for her.

PinkPlantCase · 26/03/2022 15:34

OP I think you’re right not to stop her out of school activities if she really enjoys them.

It’s really important if she struggles in school that she does things that she feels she is good at! It’ll be so worth it in the long run for her self esteem

NeverEndingFight · 26/03/2022 15:34

@BookHermitBlack

Your not being unreasonable having a child with disabilities is more expensive. And it isn't your responsibility to provide everything, especially if an expert is saying this is what she needs. Could you talk to sendias? Find out what school should provide, what the pp is being spent on? Do you claim dla? Could you try a charity like family fund (they've helped me with educational requirements) or another charity? I also have the 'they're behaving well so not necessary to assess' and have had to fight for everything and it is a lonely, long and hard battle especially when you get little or no support at the end of it.
@BookHermitBlack Don't get me started on DLA i've given up applying for it because despite having help with the forms from CAB and the local carers centre I keep being told she's not bad enough to need it as she can walk, sleeps alone, doesn't need checks in the night and has "normal childhood issues with vision and hearing".
OP posts:
Chasingaftermidnight · 26/03/2022 15:35

I thought that this was the whole point of pupil premium - the school is supposed to use it to improve her educational outcomes.

SeasonFinale · 26/03/2022 15:36

Can you ask MN to move this to one of the education boards @NeverEndingFight as I suspect there are more people there who will be able to give more practical advice about getting an EHCP in place.

Pipersouth · 26/03/2022 15:36

I know this is not responding to the appalling way the school have treated you but Reading eggs does have a 30 free trial so you can try it and see. Blending and phonics books are often passed on through parent groups in the school so worth seeing if others have grown out of the initial ones. Good luck

mangoallergy · 26/03/2022 15:37

Our school pay for some apps and children can use them on schools' iPads. I supervise some of them doing that (otherwise some children will just randomly press the screen). Tbh with some apps I still struggle to see how they are beneficial.

NeverEndingFight · 26/03/2022 15:37

@PinkPlantCase

OP I think you’re right not to stop her out of school activities if she really enjoys them.

It’s really important if she struggles in school that she does things that she feels she is good at! It’ll be so worth it in the long run for her self esteem

@PinkPlantCase She hates the holidays when her activities stop, she will walk in without a second glance at me, with school I have to hold her hand until the very last minute and even then she will try and avoid going in.

If you ask her about her activities she'll talk to you for hours about them, tell you in detail who everyone is etc. if you ask about school she'll just shrug.

I will starve myself to death before those activities get taken away.

OP posts:
AlexaShutUp · 26/03/2022 15:38

I agree that this is what the pp money is for. Do you know how it is being spent at the moment? If not, ask.

BoredZelda · 26/03/2022 15:39

Don't get me started on DLA i've given up applying for it because despite having help with the forms from CAB and the local carers centre I keep being told she's not bad enough to need it as she can walk, sleeps alone, doesn't need checks in the night and has "normal childhood issues with vision and hearing”

Something isn’t adding up as my daughter gets middle rate for care and none of those are a problem for her either.

NeverEndingFight · 26/03/2022 15:40

@Pipersouth

I know this is not responding to the appalling way the school have treated you but Reading eggs does have a 30 free trial so you can try it and see. Blending and phonics books are often passed on through parent groups in the school so worth seeing if others have grown out of the initial ones. Good luck
@Pipersouth Its not reading eggs but they're apps similar to those but will look into the trials thank you, DD will also just press buttons on her tablet until she gets it right.
OP posts: