Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

School don’t get it when I say I can’t

277 replies

NeverEndingFight · 26/03/2022 15:18

DD is on PP due to my low income.

I’m a single parent.

I do work part time but have no childcare so literally work 4.5 hours a day. There’s no school wrap around and the childminders and external wrap arounds that go to DDs school are full with closed waiting lists.

DD is 7 nearly 8. Is suspected dyslexic and suspected dyspraxia/dcd. She also has hypermobility and vision and hearing issues – she can hear but struggles with subtle differences. I get that she’s complex.

She’s generally well managed at school, behaves well and has friends. She’s working at around Reception level in Literacy and Year 1 level in Maths. She can only read 3 letter words, can’t blend, can’t spell, struggles to hear the difference between sounds due to her hearing, and due to her vision issues struggles to see the differences between letters. She can write but her arm tires quickly and due to spelling ability most of her writing is nonscense.

In the assessment reports we’ve had so far they recommend some apps for DD, I keep being told by school I have to buy them. I can’t afford them; some of them are subscriptions costing £5/month there’s 4 of them and 3 of them want the subscription, the other is a one off cost of £60.

I’m told I should stop DDs out of school activities if it’s a problem as these apps are needed – there’s no guarantee they will work and I only let DD go onto her tablet for a few hours on my weekends, her dad doesn’t let her on at all – they’re apps like Nessy and Reading Eggs but more geared to dyslexia.

Her activities are the love of her life, she doesn’t really enjoy school so she lives for activity nights, and I do think they help her overall. She has gained confidence, and learnt her own abilities. She’s also made friends outside of the classroom.

School then say I should ask her dad for help as he sees her regularly, EOWend only and he doesn’t pay maintenance, if I ask him for money he tells me I’ve got more than him and see her more so it’s my job to pay for things – the CMS can’t find an income for him.

I get told without these apps she will fall further behind, I’m told to work more hours, I asked for them to guarantee her a spot at the wrap around at one of the two external companies so I can work more and got told that’s not their job or up to them.

I asked if school had these apps that DD could try to see if they’ll be suitable but I’m told school can’t afford them either and it’s the parents job to help her progress. School keep saying “If she can crack this we’ll have her reading”

I’m terrified for her future as I know she will struggle for the rest of her primary years. We’ve been rejected for an EHCNA so taking the council to tribunal over that, school are saying we won’t get any more assessments as she’s “Not badly behaved enough”. She behaves in class, but then lets it all out at home, gets very upset over every little thing.

I despair and don’t know what to do. This is the second primary school she’s been to and her last one said the same “She’s not badly behaved enough for an EHCP or 1-1”. I don’t want to move her again as she hates this school slightly less than her previous one.

Just ranting really. I’m sick of fighting. This has come after yet another email last night (that I've only just read) from her teacher saying she needs these apps. I think they think I can't be bothered or expect school to do everything - I read with her daily, I battle her to do homework, I always go to parent workshops, I go to parents evening, I do every medical appointment alone.

OP posts:
Purple52 · 28/03/2022 20:20

Toe by Toe: A Highly Structured Multi-sensory Reading Manual for Teachers and Parents amazon.co.uk/dp/0952256401/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_5NADC898CGGHMXANGQXY]]

Oops. Gone up a bit on price since I last looked. But actually that was in 2016!

My son could NOT grasp phonics (as taught in schools!) at all.

SCHOOL paid for this book and a TA to do it with him 15-20 minutes a day. We had to do it Fridays and weekends and in the holidays.

It really helped him.

Much better than any app.

My mum had even written an app (as an experienced teacher) for helping children learn phonics, but he just couldn’t get on with it and he was number one guinea pig during its development!!

This requires on 1:1 interaction, with an adult, face to face.
It’s a hard slog.
But it REALLY helped.

Good luck !!!

Purple52 · 28/03/2022 20:23

In fact. I’m not very proficient on mumsnet. & don’t even know if it’s possible for you to DM me. But if you like the look of that book and think you can put in the time, I’ll buy you one and send it to you.

Mumsnet. Apologies if this isn’t allowed. & OP sorry if this isn’t possible - but I’m prepared to make it work if we can!

& as a scout leader and parent I absolutely blooming value those extra activities!!! - for some children they are sooooooo much better than school in just an hour a week!! - I’ve seen lives change because of them. xx

SpringsSprung · 28/03/2022 20:50

My child's school have provided subscriptions for Reading Eggs & Maths Seeds. However both of those offer free trials so why can't you try them? You don't have to buy them if it turns out they're not beneficial. If they are, then I don't see how £5 per month can be unaffordable if it's something this important.

Also, why is she only allowed on her tablet at weekends? That seems a little extreme. You'd be very surprised how educational some of the FREE apps are! Try downloading Lingokids. There's loads of fantastic free activities on there. They also offer a free trial

ldontWanna · 28/03/2022 20:53

@SpringsSprung

My child's school have provided subscriptions for Reading Eggs & Maths Seeds. However both of those offer free trials so why can't you try them? You don't have to buy them if it turns out they're not beneficial. If they are, then I don't see how £5 per month can be unaffordable if it's something this important.

Also, why is she only allowed on her tablet at weekends? That seems a little extreme. You'd be very surprised how educational some of the FREE apps are! Try downloading Lingokids. There's loads of fantastic free activities on there. They also offer a free trial

OP said the apps are like Reading eggs not that it is reading eggs. Maybe they don't have a free trial option. As for her screens decision,that is up to her. Maybe she feels activities and exercise are more important and beneficial for her DD, especially for her fine and gross motor skills development.
NeverEndingFight · 28/03/2022 20:56

@SpringsSprung

My child's school have provided subscriptions for Reading Eggs & Maths Seeds. However both of those offer free trials so why can't you try them? You don't have to buy them if it turns out they're not beneficial. If they are, then I don't see how £5 per month can be unaffordable if it's something this important.

Also, why is she only allowed on her tablet at weekends? That seems a little extreme. You'd be very surprised how educational some of the FREE apps are! Try downloading Lingokids. There's loads of fantastic free activities on there. They also offer a free trial

@SpringsSprung EO Sunday only ExH won't let her have her tablet at all as he doesn't think a 7yo needs a tablet or internet access.

And it's because of time, between activities, homework, reading and spellings she gets a bit of wind down time before bed where she doesn't even get the TV, and Saturday we're out most of the day - keeping her physically moving helps her hypermobility, she's so much worse in the winter when we can't get out as much due to it being wet and cold.

It isn't even every Sunday as sometimes she has friends parties or she doesn't want it or we play a board game or watch a film together instead. I'd say she goes on maybe 1 Sunday a month for 2-3 hours.

OP posts:
SpringsSprung · 28/03/2022 20:57

@StripeyDeckchair

The school receives £1345 pupil premium per year for your daughter. In your shoes I would be blunt.

Dear teacher,
I am a single parent and unable to afford the apps you suggest for DD. Please stop sending me emails suggesting I buy items I have previously stated I cannot afford.
I know that the school receives £1345 pa PP to support disadvantaged students such as my daughter. Can you please let me know what you are spending her PP allowance on to support her education and why you are not buying these apps which you have, repeatedly, told me will benefit DD.

If you don't get a satisfactory response, and school buying the apps, escalate to the governors. There will be a governor responsible for PP and another for SEND. Contact both.

I'm sorry your daughters school is so unsupportive of her.

My child's school receive just short of £700 per pupil Confused
GalactatingGoddess · 28/03/2022 21:04

Hmmmm, EHCPs are not just for badly behaved children, the whole point is that they are an educational document outlining the support needs for children with a high level of SEND.

Your DD is what year group, Year 3 or 4?She's working around 3 years below her chronological age which is a significant learning gap.

Things like NESSY and Readings Eggs are things the school can fund themselves? So not sure why they're getting you to.

With regard to your EHCP it should not be taking 12 months to go to tribunal? I would be getting in touch with your LA SEND department and querying this. I also think you should apply for an EHCP again yourself.

What type of SEN plan is your DD on? Has she been seen by an EP? Can you say what area you are roughly so someone with area specific info can help maybe

LetHimHaveIt · 28/03/2022 21:57

'My child's school receive just short of £700 per pupil Confused'

Where are you getting that figure from?

budlea64 · 29/03/2022 07:38

I would email the local councillor who is responsible for education and make your points to them. Just what you’ve said here but be assertive. If you get nowhere with that contact your local MP. Councils hate being pushed into action by the MP.
I’ve done it years ago for an educational issue for my now adult DS. They wouldn’t consider my issue before and after the MP intervened they almost rolled out a red carpet and even asked if I wanted a coffee. I said no on principle as they had been shitty with me weeks before.
There is something very wrong with the way schools are being briefed regarding SEN IMO, as my DD has often been told the same in primary and secondary, that she would get more help if my granddaughters behaviour was bad. 😠
It’s really not on, parents are having to fight and it’s exhausting. Be cross but polite and insist, as a union rep who has learned strategies to be politely assertive, the word “need” is useful. As in I need you to provide, or my dd needs this (as in her activities which are also a learning process and for her wellbeing and MH).
Also there’s no shame at all in saying I cannot afford it!
Go with councillor with education portfolio first, I would even tell them your next port of call is the MP. (Cllr details are on your LA website, contact details for MP are online).

Crazycrazylady · 29/03/2022 09:55

Op
I agree absolutely that the school should be buying these aps but if it was my child I'd be downloading the free trial ones and try to find 10 minutes every day to do it.
My son really struggled with a language and duolingo made a massive difference albeit I had to bribe him to do 10 minutes each week day.
I wouldn't be cutting off your nose to spite your face on this issue . Ultimately if they will help your daughter than I would do it .

NeverEndingFight · 29/03/2022 16:21

Update:

Headteacher has sent me a list of all the apps that school have access to and said she'd find out DDs logins so I can use them at home, including 2 of the suggested apps by the assessor/consultant.

She didn't know why the teacher has told me DD can't have access to them at home as apparently thats why they buy them!

Will still be looking at some of the suggestions on this thread.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 29/03/2022 16:25

Brilliant glad your making some progress with them

Wolfiefan · 29/03/2022 16:53

That sounds good OP. Good luck.

NeverEndingFight · 29/03/2022 20:36

Was very impressed.

Just went to the head at the end of the day and said "I'm constantly being asked to buy these apps for DD and I feel guilty I just can't afford it without stopping her activities which she gets a lot from so don't really want to"

She just said leave it with her

And emailed me a list of the apps about 4pm and said if any of the apps DDs been recommended are on that list (2 were) to let her know and she'd find or sort out a log in for her.

OP posts:
Volhhg · 29/03/2022 21:25

This has nothing to do with the problem you are posting about but I don't understand why it's up to you to to be the go between for your daughters father and the school. I don't know anything about the issue but I doubt that an app would be the cure all and nothing can match 1 to 1 attention for difficulties like this.

danishkids · 29/03/2022 21:39

If you haven’t tried it yet. My kids loved watching alphablocks. We watched it on YouTube. They learnt so much about sounds and reading. Maybe 30 minutes of that a day might help? Maybe not but I thought it was worth mentioning. We have loved it

NeverEndingFight · 29/03/2022 21:45

@Volhhg I'm not the go between school and ExH, he has nothing to do with school and they rarely if ever speak to him, he couldn't even tell you DDs teachers name I don't think

@danishkids She hates Alphablocks, I've tried. Loves Numberblocks but hates Alpha.

OP posts:
danishkids · 29/03/2022 22:05

Haha. One of my kids are the same! Hates alphablocks but loves numbers blocks!

My other two! Almost learnt to read by watching alphablocks. Hopefully you will find something else that will help :)

Btw my daughter was almost 8 before she finally managed to blend sounds and understand reading. Now she is at a total average for her age. So don’t worry

danishkids · 29/03/2022 22:05

Some kids just need a bit longer and a bit extra help

KisstheTeapot14 · 29/03/2022 23:31

@NeverEndingFight So glad you have been successful talking to the head.

It can be worth going in for a chat with head if fobbed off further down by staff - often they can cut to the chase, and some are really good and supportive of SEND children.

All schools under LA's have a nominal budget of 6k for each child with SEN. Note the word notional. This means money not ring fenced so ends up being spent on other stuff or diluted as many more kids identified with SEND than there is notional money in pot.

But it is your child's right to access that money via school provision for additional to/different from the ordinary needs of a child.

Most LA's expect schools to evidence they have used these funds - they especially look for it when someone starts waving an EHCP application in the air. Schools are fully aware of this.

For clarity - no child ''needs'' to have accessed this money in order to get an EHCP, nor do they need to be x years behind peers.

This is pure local LA policy and contradicts law - it is nowhere written into legislation (SEND Code of Practice 2014 - read it- its a real eye opener and very useful to have in handbag for meetings with people who wish to frustrate the educational rights of any child with SEND. My friend used to whack it on the table at school meetings with SENCO's - it is a real wedge of a thing but crystal clear in terms of what SHOULD happen).

Here endeth the sermon.

I've been doing a course all about SEND and I swear during each module as the neat theories of how things should work are often totally the opposite to what occurs in real life up and down the land every single day. I have not been shy in pointing this out in my essays!

KisstheTeapot14 · 29/03/2022 23:38

Toe by Toe is pretty boring I have to say - but it has a good reputation for helping children who have 'fallen behind' in reading. You can sometimes get second hand copies just check they are mark free (little grids to help chart success with each word over a number of days).

You have to work with the child but its maximum 20 mins per day (we do about 10 mins) and starts with small words like at, then 3 letter CVC words etc.

They may even have a copy at school they could use with her - worth asking SENCO/head.

NeverEndingFight · 30/03/2022 08:16

[quote KisstheTeapot14]@NeverEndingFight So glad you have been successful talking to the head.

It can be worth going in for a chat with head if fobbed off further down by staff - often they can cut to the chase, and some are really good and supportive of SEND children.

All schools under LA's have a nominal budget of 6k for each child with SEN. Note the word notional. This means money not ring fenced so ends up being spent on other stuff or diluted as many more kids identified with SEND than there is notional money in pot.

But it is your child's right to access that money via school provision for additional to/different from the ordinary needs of a child.

Most LA's expect schools to evidence they have used these funds - they especially look for it when someone starts waving an EHCP application in the air. Schools are fully aware of this.

For clarity - no child ''needs'' to have accessed this money in order to get an EHCP, nor do they need to be x years behind peers.

This is pure local LA policy and contradicts law - it is nowhere written into legislation (SEND Code of Practice 2014 - read it- its a real eye opener and very useful to have in handbag for meetings with people who wish to frustrate the educational rights of any child with SEND. My friend used to whack it on the table at school meetings with SENCO's - it is a real wedge of a thing but crystal clear in terms of what SHOULD happen).

Here endeth the sermon.

I've been doing a course all about SEND and I swear during each module as the neat theories of how things should work are often totally the opposite to what occurs in real life up and down the land every single day. I have not been shy in pointing this out in my essays![/quote]
@KisstheTeapot14 I've always found the headteacher to be brilliant, it seems to be individual staff who're the issue, DDs year 1 teacher was fantastic, Reception ok, Year 2 was a bit hit and miss brilliant on somethings rubbish on others, Year 3 has been ok she's good at implementing things in the class but does seem to resort to worksheets and apps for outside of it - I was however very surprised to hear school have access to some of the recommended apps. HT is the PP lead though and she's also the PP lead governor so that might be why she knew and individual teachers didn't.

OP posts:
Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivf · 30/03/2022 20:58

School telling you to work more hours?
Telling you a child who isn't naughty can't get an ehcp?
Telling you to demand money off the father?
Telling you to spend your money on apps!?

Sorry, but if you are being truthful and not exaggerating massively then you should be moving your child and reporting the school to ofsted for seriously overstepping the mark.
I am a highly experienced teacher and qualified SENDCO and have never heard anything of the like.
I just don't buy it.

KisstheTeapot14 · 30/03/2022 21:22

Why would she come on here and lie about something like this?

What exactly do you think she has to gain? Its not so easy to move a child, especially if they have grown up with friends at the school and it is near to where the family live/work.

I have been told so many things which were not true by school and LA staff over the years I could write a book. Very close myself to removing my child from a school where there was gas lighting and being selective with the truth about SEN

However, like OP said there have been teachers who have gone above and beyond to help.

EthelTheAardvark · 31/03/2022 00:52

@Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivf, you are really being naive if you believe that what OP reports doesn't happen. Unfortunately variants on OP's experience are being encountered every day, all over the country. Just have a look at websites like Special Needs Jungle, the reports of major charities like IPSEA and SOSSEN, and SEN Facebook and Twitter groups to educate yourself.