School don’t get it when I say I can’t

[NeverEndingFight]

DD is on PP due to my low income.

I’m a single parent.

I do work part time but have no childcare so literally work 4.5 hours a day. There’s no school wrap around and the childminders and external wrap arounds that go to DDs school are full with closed waiting lists.

DD is 7 nearly 8. Is suspected dyslexic and suspected dyspraxia/dcd. She also has hypermobility and vision and hearing issues – she can hear but struggles with subtle differences. I get that she’s complex.

She’s generally well managed at school, behaves well and has friends. She’s working at around Reception level in Literacy and Year 1 level in Maths. She can only read 3 letter words, can’t blend, can’t spell, struggles to hear the difference between sounds due to her hearing, and due to her vision issues struggles to see the differences between letters. She can write but her arm tires quickly and due to spelling ability most of her writing is nonscense.

In the assessment reports we’ve had so far they recommend some apps for DD, I keep being told by school I have to buy them. I can’t afford them; some of them are subscriptions costing £5/month there’s 4 of them and 3 of them want the subscription, the other is a one off cost of £60.

I’m told I should stop DDs out of school activities if it’s a problem as these apps are needed – there’s no guarantee they will work and I only let DD go onto her tablet for a few hours on my weekends, her dad doesn’t let her on at all – they’re apps like Nessy and Reading Eggs but more geared to dyslexia.

Her activities are the love of her life, she doesn’t really enjoy school so she lives for activity nights, and I do think they help her overall. She has gained confidence, and learnt her own abilities. She’s also made friends outside of the classroom.

School then say I should ask her dad for help as he sees her regularly, EOWend only and he doesn’t pay maintenance, if I ask him for money he tells me I’ve got more than him and see her more so it’s my job to pay for things – the CMS can’t find an income for him.

I get told without these apps she will fall further behind, I’m told to work more hours, I asked for them to guarantee her a spot at the wrap around at one of the two external companies so I can work more and got told that’s not their job or up to them.

I asked if school had these apps that DD could try to see if they’ll be suitable but I’m told school can’t afford them either and it’s the parents job to help her progress. School keep saying “If she can crack this we’ll have her reading”

I’m terrified for her future as I know she will struggle for the rest of her primary years. We’ve been rejected for an EHCNA so taking the council to tribunal over that, school are saying we won’t get any more assessments as she’s “Not badly behaved enough”. She behaves in class, but then lets it all out at home, gets very upset over every little thing.

I despair and don’t know what to do. This is the second primary school she’s been to and her last one said the same “She’s not badly behaved enough for an EHCP or 1-1”. I don’t want to move her again as she hates this school slightly less than her previous one.

Just ranting really. I’m sick of fighting. This has come after yet another email last night (that I've only just read) from her teacher saying she needs these apps. I think they think I can't be bothered or expect school to do everything - I read with her daily, I battle her to do homework, I always go to parent workshops, I go to parents evening, I do every medical appointment alone.

@Acheyknees

I'd push for some financial support from her father. She is his responsibility as well, no matter what he says

@Acheyknees CMS cannot find an income for him, I have no idea how he lives off fresh air but he apparently does.

I’ve done a bit of research into EHCP processes recently and a friend who has some involvement with this in school says pretty much every needs assessment goes to appeal.

The other thing that jumps out at me is that your DD is PP. The school receive money on an annual basis for her, can you ask them to fund the apps with her PP money?

Is there a cancellation policy on the subscriptions? Would it be possible (check first though!) to subscribe for the first month then cancel it if you're not seeing any progress before the next payment is due?

Buy a book called Hornet Literacy Primer (it's from author of toe by toe) £14.50 from.laods retailers
www.wordwasp.com/ this is website that explains about it
You work through the book doing about 10mins a day - mix of reading and writing words. Cheaper and much better than most apps

You 100% should not be expected or told to pay for these apps. The school should absolutely be funding them for use in school. Been teacher for 10 years and plenty of kids with EHCPs who aren't 'naughty '. If they aren't responding well consider sending a letter to the chair of governors with this issue. If it gets elevated beyond that it goes to ofsted which obviously no one wants but the school should definitely not be telling you to buy sen resources

It is bad that you have to take the council to a tribunal, though that said, I hope you are successful.

Also, what’s the school PTA like? Could you ask the school to approach them to cover the cost? They wouldn’t need to know which child it was for.

OP,

I know applying for DLA is a bloody hideous experience and I can quite understand why you don't want to put yourself through it again, but even from what little you've put on this post, your daughter is eligible for it.

Start digging out her medical letters, start gearing yourself up and when you do complete it next time, take guidance (from here on MN too).

You need to complete the forms in the words they're looking for.

You need to make it clear that your daughter needs far more support from a parent - and school - than the average child her age.

You need to describe your daughter in a way that will get her the financial support she is entitled to.

Being reasonable and middle of the road in this instance is not the approach that will help your daughter, unfortunately,

It's bloody draining, I know and I'm sorry you're going through it.

School then say I should ask her dad for help as he sees her regularly, EOWend only and he doesn’t pay maintenance, if I ask him for money he tells me I’ve got more than him and see her more so it’s my job to pay for things – the CMS can’t find an income for him.

What an idiot. Backwards logic he has there. Arsehole. Do you have a relationship with his family?

@Moser85

School then say I should ask her dad for help as he sees her regularly, EOWend only and he doesn’t pay maintenance, if I ask him for money he tells me I’ve got more than him and see her more so it’s my job to pay for things – the CMS can’t find an income for him.

What an idiot. Backwards logic he has there. Arsehole. Do you have a relationship with his family?

@Moser85 Ex-MIL blames me for the split and will blank me when she walks passed me in the street even if I have DD with me. The rest of his family I never really got to know.

I asked if school had these apps that DD could try to see if they’ll be suitable but I’m told school can’t afford them either and it’s the parents job to help her progress. School keep saying “If she can crack this we’ll have her reading”

So they don’t have the apps, so they can’t have used them successfully with any pupils and yet they are recommending them a if they are some sort of panacea for all your DD’s difficulties. Based on what exactly? Do any of the apps have a free trial that you can cancel if not happy. Otherwise, I definitely wouldn’t subscribe. Your DD sounds as if she needs targeted support rather than a one size fits all app.

No advice OP but I feel you’re really getting the runaround here.

Best of luck

Has she been referred to a peadiatrian about the probable DCD and any other possible comorbids?

With regards the DLA if you do apply again I would recommend looking at the cerebra guide.

Good luck!

Please ask the school to fund them and open accounts for her on the apps out of the Pupil Premium funding the school receives for her. Put the request in writing.

So angry for you.

X

Pupil Premium is £1345 per primary school student per school year at a minimum. That's more than school trips will be costing her. Ask for them to pay for the apps.

Also has she been tested for visual stress? If often goes hand in hand with dyslexia and things like coloured overlays (in the right colour) can make a massive difference

Do not stop her out of school activities.

I’ve got no doubt these apps will help her but I’m sure there are plenty of free alternatives you can try instead.

I used to take mine to the local library and there’s usually a selection for dyslexic kids. You can also try coloured filters and read along with her.

If you really want the apps I’d research the best two and get dad to pay for one. At £5 a month you could see if there’s anyway to get that money from elsewhere like buying non name brands, walking some places instead of driving, using less electricity etc.

I'm sure you meet the criteria for an EHCPNA already, however thinking ahead for refusal to issue... I would now be asking the school to demonstrate where her pupil premium money has been spent. I would ask for a costed provision map. If they aren't allocating all the money they should and she is still falling behind then it really helps demonstrate why an EHCP is needed. You can also ask for the SEN budget and number for pupils on the SEN register. You can get this information via a SAR if they aren't forthcoming. Tbh once they know you are looking at this level of detail I'll be surprised if they either don't come up with the cash or alternatively they may buy into the need for further financial support from the LA.
I definitely wouldn't stop clubs.
I would also consider if there are better schools nearby.
Also consider requesting at OT referral to build up your evidence of needs.
My son refuses to do most work at home. Although it would help, ultimately school are responsible for doing the literacy interventions needed.

@WonderfulYou

Do not stop her out of school activities.

I’ve got no doubt these apps will help her but I’m sure there are plenty of free alternatives you can try instead.

I used to take mine to the local library and there’s usually a selection for dyslexic kids. You can also try coloured filters and read along with her.

If you really want the apps I’d research the best two and get dad to pay for one. At £5 a month you could see if there’s anyway to get that money from elsewhere like buying non name brands, walking some places instead of driving, using less electricity etc.

@WonderfulYou I can't afford to run a car it's too expensive especially right now, I walk most places. I already buy the cheapest brand food I can get away with, make a lot from scratch and batch cook to save electricity.

Her dad will not pay for anything, according to the CMS he has no income, doesn't claim benefits, doesn't work and therefore has no money, he therefore owes me £0.

Do you claim DLa her for? I think she will meet the criteria. It's not affected by earnings or other benefits!

The not being badly behaved enough for an EHCP is bull shit btw. Both my dc have EHCP's and they are not badly behaved. They both have autism (one diagnosed, one not) and significant learning delays.

When you win the tribunal for EHC assessment (you will, the ball is set very low), insist on her being assessed by Ed Psych, Speech Therapist AND O.T. (the O.T. bit is important as the council may not include this). Use the reports from the assessments to apply for dla. You must include copies of them in the dla application. Use a paper copy application from DLA rather than downloading one yourself as these have a date on so the 1st payment will be backdated to that date.

After you get the DLA, don't forget you can apply to Family fund for things like iPads, computers etc. Don't forget to inform child tax credits too and make sure they back date to when the DLA starts.

Ask the school to ask the dad

My son had hearing issues and as well as the hospital folk, there was a super helpful team at the council who led on hearing issues specifically who spoke directly to the nursery and then school

I expect someone has already suggested this as I haven’t read the whole thread, but please try local charities. I don’t know where you live but here in Sussex I have been involved with a visual impairment charity who provided my DD with a laptop and software and then a few years later an iPad, and another one who provided her with an adapted bike. Have a look what’s in your area, and definitely try again for DLA. Good luck.