School don’t get it when I say I can’t

[NeverEndingFight]

DD is on PP due to my low income.

I’m a single parent.

I do work part time but have no childcare so literally work 4.5 hours a day. There’s no school wrap around and the childminders and external wrap arounds that go to DDs school are full with closed waiting lists.

DD is 7 nearly 8. Is suspected dyslexic and suspected dyspraxia/dcd. She also has hypermobility and vision and hearing issues – she can hear but struggles with subtle differences. I get that she’s complex.

She’s generally well managed at school, behaves well and has friends. She’s working at around Reception level in Literacy and Year 1 level in Maths. She can only read 3 letter words, can’t blend, can’t spell, struggles to hear the difference between sounds due to her hearing, and due to her vision issues struggles to see the differences between letters. She can write but her arm tires quickly and due to spelling ability most of her writing is nonscense.

In the assessment reports we’ve had so far they recommend some apps for DD, I keep being told by school I have to buy them. I can’t afford them; some of them are subscriptions costing £5/month there’s 4 of them and 3 of them want the subscription, the other is a one off cost of £60.

I’m told I should stop DDs out of school activities if it’s a problem as these apps are needed – there’s no guarantee they will work and I only let DD go onto her tablet for a few hours on my weekends, her dad doesn’t let her on at all – they’re apps like Nessy and Reading Eggs but more geared to dyslexia.

Her activities are the love of her life, she doesn’t really enjoy school so she lives for activity nights, and I do think they help her overall. She has gained confidence, and learnt her own abilities. She’s also made friends outside of the classroom.

School then say I should ask her dad for help as he sees her regularly, EOWend only and he doesn’t pay maintenance, if I ask him for money he tells me I’ve got more than him and see her more so it’s my job to pay for things – the CMS can’t find an income for him.

I get told without these apps she will fall further behind, I’m told to work more hours, I asked for them to guarantee her a spot at the wrap around at one of the two external companies so I can work more and got told that’s not their job or up to them.

I asked if school had these apps that DD could try to see if they’ll be suitable but I’m told school can’t afford them either and it’s the parents job to help her progress. School keep saying “If she can crack this we’ll have her reading”

I’m terrified for her future as I know she will struggle for the rest of her primary years. We’ve been rejected for an EHCNA so taking the council to tribunal over that, school are saying we won’t get any more assessments as she’s “Not badly behaved enough”. She behaves in class, but then lets it all out at home, gets very upset over every little thing.

I despair and don’t know what to do. This is the second primary school she’s been to and her last one said the same “She’s not badly behaved enough for an EHCP or 1-1”. I don’t want to move her again as she hates this school slightly less than her previous one.

Just ranting really. I’m sick of fighting. This has come after yet another email last night (that I've only just read) from her teacher saying she needs these apps. I think they think I can't be bothered or expect school to do everything - I read with her daily, I battle her to do homework, I always go to parent workshops, I go to parents evening, I do every medical appointment alone.

Oh and the charity also helped us with filling in the DLA form too.

Her dad will not pay for anything

Does he have her overnight?

Could you try and get him to have her for an extra evening or night a month so it saves you giving her dinner and will save a couple of pounds.

When you say she has a child scribe during the day at school (along with an adult one), are you saying that another child from the class is being used to do her writing for her?

I know it's a small detail, but this is gobsmacking if it's the case.

There is no way one of her peers should be doing this. It destroys your daughter's confidence, it is a gross invasion of her privacy that another child is aware of her difficulties, and it is a social and emotional killer for her to realise as a result of this that she can't write as well as others in the class. The dynamic here is appalling.

This is a terrible thing for the child scribes too. Children who have finished their work should be given extension work to do that benefits them, and not used as a free classroom resource.

Your child is attending an awful school.

Have you contacted Guide Dogs? They do loads of work with young children with visual impairments, including within the school setting. They also provide equipment like iPads to support children. They’ve really branched out and there’s so much more they can offer than just a dog now, it might be worth contacting and seeing if they can support you at all :)

YANBU @NeverEndingFight

I hope things get sorted out soon- it'll probably be somewhat easier once she gets official diagnoses.

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this, it must be so frustrating.

She needs an EHCP, and DLA. It's a joke that you're having to fight for both! If she was receiving DLA you could then apply for help through family fund to pay for these apps. There's no way the school should be telling you to pay for them, or to cancel her activities!

My Dd is dyslexic and I find listening to songs on you tube helps with her times tables. Good luck

Contact your MP?

Has she got an EHCP? This will give additional money to school so she can get additional support.

School can suggest apps but it is up to you whether you get them or not; it is strange they are insisting so much and asking you how you should spend your money.

@Hankunamatata

Buy a book called Hornet Literacy Primer (it's from author of toe by toe) £14.50 from.laods retailers www.wordwasp.com/ this is website that explains about it You work through the book doing about 10mins a day - mix of reading and writing words. Cheaper and much better than most apps

I second this. We did that went from being 2 years behind reading age at 8/9 to age expected age 12. It's a long old slog through the books though. Also Alphablocks (CBeebies) on repeat and reading every evening

You don't needs apps to get through schooling, plenty of dyslexic people have achieved a lot in life and got their education without apps.

Have you taken advice from IPSEA or SEN SOS? I reckon they could cut through the schools bullshit pretty quick.

Sounds like they are trying to force your hand to move schools.

I worked for an academy that used to pull this shit with parents of send children. They didn't want anyone in the school who made the data looked bad so would be deliberately unsupportive/blame parents for not doing everything they could for their child (like download apps).

Can a compromise be found with you buying maybe one or two of the apps and seeing if they actually make any difference? My experience of the educational apps is very varied and not all of them have helped my dcs.

Like other posters I totally think that the school SENCO should be able to provide some free resources! I also think that schools really want all children to learn at the same pace and that everyone should fit in the same hole. In reality a lot of children (not just SEND children) are struggling to keep up with the curriculum and feeling very stressed with it - mine included!

Hello I work as a SENCO in a primary school.
Firstly - you should not be expected to pay for these apps. Ask the school what her PP money is being used for- they could have funds for one of these apps if they want her to use it.
Second - you can apply for an EHCP as a parent. Look up your local council “ SEN local offer” on their website and there should be info about where to apply . Sounds like you have plenty of evidence.
There may also be a parent advice service locally for exactly this kind of support . Do you have any other SEN parents attending the school who can help with advice? I’m sorry you are having such a hard time and I hope your child gets the support they need.

@Amici

Is there a cancellation policy on the subscriptions? Would it be possible (check first though!) to subscribe for the first month then cancel it if you're not seeing any progress before the next payment is due?

That isn't really the point she shouldn't have been asked to pay for anything. Nobody should be told they have to do this regardless of their income.

She’s working at around Reception level in Literacy and Year 1 level in Maths. She can only read 3 letter words, can’t blend, can’t spell, struggles to hear the difference between sounds due to her hearing, and due to her vision issues struggles to see the differences between letters.

I wouldn’t say this is dyslexia. In my experience, dyslexics sometimes stumble on their words when reading aloud and make spelling mistakes. However, they don’t have issues with chunking and blending or spelling things phonetically (the reason for their spelling mistakes). I’m not sure what’s causing your DD’s low reading, writing and maths abilities, but it sounds like there’s a “block” in the processing part of her memory, meaning she can’t retain information she’s learned. You need to keep pushing for a diagnosis, especially as she’s at the age where schools start to acknowledge SEN diagnosis.

She can't filter out distractions - that's why she has trouble when there's more than one sound going on bless her. Mine has ASD and is the same, but it is common with dyslexia too I believe. Sitting at the front of the class, directly in front of the teacher makes an incredible difference to ds.

This school sound terrible, lots of people have asked about moving her OP is there a reason you can't? I'd be phoning around all local schools and asking if they have space for her and how they would cater for her needs. Really there has to be somewhere better than where she is - it doesn't sound like she's very happy there so I'd be looking at alternatives.

Haven’t read the thread OP but at trying to navigate an education system completely unsuited to children with SENs.

It’s been quite a few years now, but NONE of those damn apps or computer programmes made one bit of difference for my DC’s reading. There is precious little actual evidence they help any dyslexic child.

My DC never learned to read or write by phonics. Oh the endless wasted hours forcing phonics. Eventually DC has learned to read and now loves to read but it was by whole word memorisation. Agree with others saying it’s crucial to keep those activities that does boost confidence.

@Sushi7

She’s working at around Reception level in Literacy and Year 1 level in Maths. She can only read 3 letter words, can’t blend, can’t spell, struggles to hear the difference between sounds due to her hearing, and due to her vision issues struggles to see the differences between letters.

I wouldn’t say this is dyslexia. In my experience, dyslexics sometimes stumble on their words when reading aloud and make spelling mistakes. However, they don’t have issues with chunking and blending or spelling things phonetically (the reason for their spelling mistakes). I’m not sure what’s causing your DD’s low reading, writing and maths abilities, but it sounds like there’s a “block” in the processing part of her memory, meaning she can’t retain information she’s learned. You need to keep pushing for a diagnosis, especially as she’s at the age where schools start to acknowledge SEN diagnosis.

Children with dyslexia can have problems blending due to issues with auditory processing. List of lots of possible dyslexia symptoms/issues here, www.helpingchildrentoread.com/articles/what-are-the-symptoms-of-dyslexia/

@WonderfulYou

Her dad will not pay for anything

Does he have her overnight?

Could you try and get him to have her for an extra evening or night a month so it saves you giving her dinner and will save a couple of pounds.

@WonderfulYou Yes he has her overnight, 1 overnight a fortnight and no he won't have her more, I've tried to ask him and he says he's happy with the amount of contact he has.

Any school that recommends a child dropping after school activities where they can flourish shows a woeful lack of understanding about developing the whole child.
You can read their pupil premium statement on the school website. It is a statutory requirement that they publish it and it should include reference to the impact of the funding.
The school should be providing whatever is recommended in a report. They should also be supporting your child to access her learning in school by using those apps - especially if you have made it clear that you can't provide them at home.
An EHCP isn't initiated due to bad behaviour. Sometimes that will be part of the learning barrier and the EHCP will identify, through multi-agency involvement, what the best and most specific approaches are to enable that child to learn. It then becomes a legally binding document.
Personally, I would move school again. The right school is out there somewhere and the deal breaker, for me, is in my first sentence.

@mathanxiety

When you say she has a child scribe during the day at school (along with an adult one), are you saying that another child from the class is being used to do her writing for her?

I know it's a small detail, but this is gobsmacking if it's the case.

There is no way one of her peers should be doing this. It destroys your daughter's confidence, it is a gross invasion of her privacy that another child is aware of her difficulties, and it is a social and emotional killer for her to realise as a result of this that she can't write as well as others in the class. The dynamic here is appalling.

This is a terrible thing for the child scribes too. Children who have finished their work should be given extension work to do that benefits them, and not used as a free classroom resource.

Your child is attending an awful school.

@mathanxiety I am told the child scribe is only used where it doesn't matter, so in pairs or group work the teacher will tell the other child or another child in the group to do the writing, she also doesn't ask DD to volunteer for the board writing and never asks her to come up and write.

The TA is occasionally used in places where the writing needs to be readable, so when she did her Year 2 sats she had a TA do all the writing for her.

School should be paying . This is something that could be funded within her EHCP . Behaviour shouldn’t be a factor, she clearly has needs requiring support and extra funding to support her learning

I will move her school if I have to but she's already moved school once (at the end of Year 1, she starts Year 2 in this school) and she hates this school slightly less than the last one, so I think I'm worried I'll move her again and she'll struggle even more and then I'll get even more school refusal - I took her out of the last school due to school refusal and them not helping me with it.