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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Woman yelling at me because I wanted to avoid her dog

343 replies

Matleave2022 · 26/03/2022 12:33

I was walking along a reasonably narrow path with trees either side this morning and I had DS (4 months old) with me in a reclined buggy.

I spotted a couple (maybe in their late 50s or early 60s) coming towards me with an agressive looking breed of dog. I decided that I didn't want to take the risk, so without saying anything to them, I politely stopped in the path, stood in front of DS's buggy and waited for them to pass.

I want to stress that I said absolutely nothing to them as they were approaching. However, as they got close, the woman in the couple started yelling at me about how "My dog isn't going to eat your baby." "My dog is fine". "I think you are being overprotective".

My response was that I didn't know her from Adam, so why on earth would I trust a random stranger telling me that her dog was OK.

She continued to yell about me being overprotective and that me stopping in the path was "scaring" her dog. My only response was to tell her that she was being ridiculous to expect strangers to trust her assertions about her large dog, and I walked on once she had finally passed me.

I could have understood her reaction if I had said something like "keep your dog away from us" when I stopped, but I was silent and patiently waiting for her, her partner and the dog to pass.

It seems batshit that she got offended by me silently choosing to stop and not take the chance that her dog could go for the buggy. AIBU?

OP posts:
BeenHereForYonkyDoodles · 26/03/2022 16:01

You did nothing wrong. You went with your instincts and were not rude. The problem was all theirs!

peachy3 · 26/03/2022 16:02

@RachelGreep87

These responses are bizarre. A child was killed in their home a few days ago by one of these dogs, it is perfectly reasonable to be distrustful of strange animals.
One of what dogs? She hasn’t even said what breed the dog was, just assumed it was aggressive and dangerous because it was a big dog.
Lilac57 · 26/03/2022 16:05

A dog is a dog, unless you know it personally, noone has any idea if a dog is potentially aggressive. Why isn't it OK for people to just treat all dogs as potentially aggressive, dangerous dogs? Why do dog owners have a problem with that, what's it to them if a stranger avoids their dog?

MardyMandy · 26/03/2022 16:07

You’re allowed to do that but they’re also allowed to react to it

React to what? Somebody doing something that doesn't affect them in the slightest? Had it been me and my dog I would have recognised that here was a person who was uncomfortable with dogs and had a tiny baby in a buggy. I would have moved the dog to the side away from the buggy, kept my distance and probably smiled reassurance.

I don't even have a dog, but at least I'd know how to behave if I did.
Maybe it's 'because' I don't have a dog that I know. I've never felt affronted that not everybody loves my fur baby.

Steelesauce · 26/03/2022 16:10

Tbh if I was the other dog owner I'd of inwardly rolled my eyes and just walked past. I used to get people crossing the road when I walked my staffy and german shepherd. It never bothered me, thats up to them. I knew my dogs were under control and not aggressive. Its my mums grumpy little shizu you have to watch Grin

MardyMandy · 26/03/2022 16:11

The body language was rude because you were deliberately going out of your way to make a point

Doesn't sound like OP was trying to make a point. Sounds like she was genuinely worried about the big dog being near her tiny baby. That's understandable to most normal people.

HollowTalk · 26/03/2022 16:13

I would have thought a dog would be far more scared by its owner shouting than by a random passerby stopping still.

RoastedFerret · 26/03/2022 16:13

I would have said anything to you apart from hi maybe. I have a little dog and people have jumped in ditches to put room between them(even when there is already lots of space) and it so I am used to bonkers people when it comes to dogs. I just smile and carry on.

On the your making my dog nervous thing you would probs have made my dog nervous too, she knows when people are acting odd and it puts her on edge a bit. She doesn't know that you are acting odd because you are scared of her she gets afraid of you because she thinks that you are a threat to her. That's my problem though and I would just have told her that it's OK and carried on.

LabelMaker · 26/03/2022 16:14

@LaurieFairyCake

This is the second thread today saying pretty much the same Confused
Yes the other one was a bloke
Femalewoman · 26/03/2022 16:15

@elenacampana

Maybe I’m going against the grain, but I find your actions there ridiculous sorry OP. I have a 4 month old as well and it wouldn’t enter my head to do that.
I agree. Body language to go with the actions of stopping and standing in front of pushchair (guarding?) the child. Seems extreme. Both sides seem batshit.
FangsForTheMemory · 26/03/2022 16:17

I've got a six inch scar from a bite by a 'non-aggressive' breed whose owner stood there bleating 'he's never bitten anyone before'.

So YANBU, OP and I wish it were illegal to have dogs off the lead except in designated dog exercise areas.

Stellaris22 · 26/03/2022 16:19

It doesn't sound like this (likely unreal situation) dog was actually aggressive.

If it's calm, on lead, under control and relaxed it's not likely to suddenly change its behaviour. It seems even well behaved dogs aren't allowed any more.

I'm assuming it's on lead because 'big scary off lead dog and out of control' is usually pointed out early on.

Stellaris22 · 26/03/2022 16:20

OP has yet to state if this dog was on or off lead. Usually people say off lead straight away if that's the case.

2022HereWeCome · 26/03/2022 16:29

I had similar OP when DS was 3. We were walking in a park and there was an off the lead German shepherd - DS was terrified (bad previous experience with dog when 2 - owner no where in sight) so I took him to a bench to sit down out of the way. Bloody dog came over to us. DS was visibly upset and I was holding him and I shouted to the woman owner(some metres away) to please take her dog away and put it on a lead as my son was scared. She gave me loads of abuse telling me that it was my behaviour that was a problem, that I was making him scared and the dog was only being friendly. Some dog owners are just arrogant tossers

CatkinToadflax · 26/03/2022 16:30

You say you stood in front of the buggy simply because it was a narrow path, but surely if you hadn’t been trying to ‘guard’ the baby then you’d have stood behind the buggy (where the handle is)!

I suspect that, rightly or wrongly, the dog walker thought you looked confrontational by standing like that. That didn’t give her the right to call out at you but to be honest I think you both overreacted a bit.

Underhisi · 26/03/2022 16:31

We always give dogs a wide berth because ds ( usually in sn buggy) has unpredictable behaviour and will sometimes shriek or shout suddenly and make a grab at things passing by. I think most people assume we move away because he is frightened of dogs.

VeryMuchFlaggingMinty · 26/03/2022 16:36

@milkyaqua

You're allowed to be scared of other people's dogs. Better safe than sorry.
This...with bells on.

I had a couple of bad experiences with German Shepherds between the ages of 10-13. I'm 46 now and would still cross the road to avoid passing one if it looked even remotely skittish.

Abaababa · 26/03/2022 16:38

Amazed at the abuse you are getting especially given the recent incident of a toddler being killed by an aggressive breed of dog. Nobody is going to fucking tell me how to protect by child, and if it means standing in front of their buggy then so be it. Well done for taking your child’s safety first rather than some BS fake politeness.

The Women’s attitude speaks to itself and hence most likely that dog was actually aggressive.

We have a next door neighbour with a staffie, who is horrid and aggressive (like her pet parents), no way is my child going near it. And for the record, I love dogs and work with them and some are just not safe around children.

Jessthemess38 · 26/03/2022 16:39

I own what you describe as a 'big powerful breed of dog' and if you'd have moved away from me I may have eye rolled a bit once I'd passed but I wouldn't have wasted my time saying anything. People are absolutely entitled to feel however they want to feel about dogs in general and certain breeds. But the facts are that big doesn't always equal aggressive and the shouty lady was probably just a bit pissed off at the stereotyping.

EricScrantona · 26/03/2022 16:44

If I'd have seen this, I'd have thought you were hugely over reacting. I wouldn't have said anything to you but I probably couldn't help but give a look. Babies aren't cat nip to dogs. A baby in a pram isn't going to cause an aggressive looking dog to be completely out of control and eat the baby on the spot.

You could have kept walking and equally protected your baby from this menace.

EricScrantona · 26/03/2022 16:47

@StaplesCorner

I remember years ago walking down a narrow footpath with a small timid cockapoo. A lady and I assume her mum approached me with two kids lets say around 4 and 6. She immediately pulled the children to the wall, made them face the wall and then pressed her body against theirs effectively pinning them face first to the brickwork, with her facing the bricks too, saying "its ok darlings its ok it'll be alright". The mother cowered to the side of her but facing me (brave lady). I can only assume she had a phobia of dogs.

Me and the dog were like WTAF? They definitely got our attention. Anyway, that's clearly not what the OP did but I just thought I couldn't miss the opportunity to share that particularly piece of batshittery.

@StaplesCorner doesn't sound too different.
maddening · 26/03/2022 16:57

@Saucery

"Blimey, there’s a lot of these threads about.
I’m sure they all actually happened though, because to capitalise on the horrendous death of a toddler by posting multiple anti-dog fantasies wouldn’t be something anyone on here would do, surely…"

Or is it a symptom? Even based on responses on here this is a common occurrence, however the sort of case we have seen possibly heightens concerns by people meeting these breeds of dog out and about (and based on the stats on cases of dog killings there is a few breeds that do kill more frequently) and the owners of those breeds feeling more self conscious of judgement of their dog's breed, and therefore you do end up with a high tension and increase in these kinds of altercations.

Amici · 26/03/2022 16:58

Some people on here... 🙄 'all dogs should be muzzled when in public' particularly tickled me for its utter stupidity.
OP, as a mother, do what you feel necessary if you feel a threat coming, within reason. The woman walking the dog should have just took it as you were being a barrier and accepted that's how you judged the situation and just walked on by.

I have a Jack Russell. People with big dogs steer them away from him despite him walking in a straight line directly infront of me, paying no attention to anyone or anything and just enjoying his walk. I'm not pissy about it as some JRs as yappy with 'little man syndrome' and although I know mine isn't, they don't. I smile at them and say 'hi' and go about my day as do they.

Pay no heed to her. She had no reason to even call you out on it as she's just projecting her own weirdness on to you. Had you attempted to kick the dog etc without reason, then I could understand her attitude, but she shouldn't have been second hand offended for her dog just because you stood by your baby.

Mickarooni · 26/03/2022 17:03

@Jessthemess38

I own what you describe as a 'big powerful breed of dog' and if you'd have moved away from me I may have eye rolled a bit once I'd passed but I wouldn't have wasted my time saying anything. People are absolutely entitled to feel however they want to feel about dogs in general and certain breeds. But the facts are that big doesn't always equal aggressive and the shouty lady was probably just a bit pissed off at the stereotyping.
Why would you even eye-roll to yourself? People are entitled to be dog phobic and it doesn’t impact upon you or your dog at all. As a fellow dog owner, I fully appreciate people might be scared or even dislike my dog. That’s ok, my dog has no idea, he’s not offended!
Sleepy86 · 26/03/2022 17:04

As the owner of a large dog that you would deem an "aggressive" breed (and a mother to a 4 year old DD) I would probably have just rolled my eyes, had a little snigger and carried on about my day.

However, what I will say is please don't tar all dog owners with the same brush. I am always on the lookout for things that may startle my dog when we are out walking and I react accordingly. I also always put myself in between my dog and any public that we pass. This is more for my dogs safety than anyone else's. People seem to think they can fuss a dog without even asking permission and my German Shepherd won't stand for it. He's big and white and looks like a wolf, so draws lots of attention, but it's my job to keep him safe. I think you'll find all responsible owners will behave the same.