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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Woman yelling at me because I wanted to avoid her dog

343 replies

Matleave2022 · 26/03/2022 12:33

I was walking along a reasonably narrow path with trees either side this morning and I had DS (4 months old) with me in a reclined buggy.

I spotted a couple (maybe in their late 50s or early 60s) coming towards me with an agressive looking breed of dog. I decided that I didn't want to take the risk, so without saying anything to them, I politely stopped in the path, stood in front of DS's buggy and waited for them to pass.

I want to stress that I said absolutely nothing to them as they were approaching. However, as they got close, the woman in the couple started yelling at me about how "My dog isn't going to eat your baby." "My dog is fine". "I think you are being overprotective".

My response was that I didn't know her from Adam, so why on earth would I trust a random stranger telling me that her dog was OK.

She continued to yell about me being overprotective and that me stopping in the path was "scaring" her dog. My only response was to tell her that she was being ridiculous to expect strangers to trust her assertions about her large dog, and I walked on once she had finally passed me.

I could have understood her reaction if I had said something like "keep your dog away from us" when I stopped, but I was silent and patiently waiting for her, her partner and the dog to pass.

It seems batshit that she got offended by me silently choosing to stop and not take the chance that her dog could go for the buggy. AIBU?

OP posts:
RobynNora · 26/03/2022 13:50

They sound unkind and you sound like a lovely mum. What parent isn’t a little overprotective of a four month old?!

Prams are very much dog level height which is something not all dog lovers consider. Tiny baby trumps dog owners feelings every time for me.

fullofpips · 26/03/2022 13:50

Some dog owners are just arseholes, honestly. Their dogs may be lovely but so many are not and sometimes you just can't take that risk! I was having a picnic in the park with my 1 year old a few days ago and some fat dog came lumbering up off lead "oh he's friendly but he'll probably try to eat your food" so then I had to try to shoo it away while making sure it didn't get too close to my my toddler because 'what if' then it started drinking out of the bowl of water my daughter was playing with and he started kicking off going "ere what's in that bowl?!" Like mate, if you don't want your dog drinking/eating random things, keep it under control!

Irritating Envy

Phineyj · 26/03/2022 13:50

A colleague of mine has been completely traumatised by a large dog that came bounding along her street (having escaped from a dog walker with multiple dogs), knocked her infant son over and broke his arm. He needed a hospital stay.

I'd like to see my cats achieve that.

Some dog owners are in denial. Some dogs are a risk to small children. You have no way of knowing which.

WisherWood · 26/03/2022 13:51

by "aggressive" I mean a big, powerful, breed of dog. You can call that "higher potential to be aggressive" if you would prefer.

This reminds me of the hysterical reaction in the 1990s, the result of which is we have the Dangerous Dogs Act, which is not fit for purpose. A larger breed of dog is not necessarily going to be any more aggressive. In terms of aggression, or at least instinct to kill, terriers are amongst the most problematic but they're also small. And whilst I appreciate your fear of dogs, in the light of recent attacks, do bear in mind that these tend to be dogs attacking members of the family, or friends with them.

I can understand your worry but I think it stems from ignorance and picking up on media hype about dogs. I got sick to the back teeth of people's over-reaction to this stuff in the 1990s. Mind you I wouldn't have escalated it, I'd just have kept my dogs away from you whilst thinking you were being rather OTT and a tad neurotic. Neither you nor the owners come out of this particularly well.

Blimecory · 26/03/2022 13:56

YANBU. It’s a narrow path. Of course it’s right to stop and let the dog people go past. One of you had to stop. I would do the same. It wouldn’t matter the breed or size of dog. A stranger’s dog once grabbed the soft toy out of my baby’s buggy while she was holding the toy. The dog ran up to her, on a lead, and took it.

WindyKnickers · 26/03/2022 13:58

When my kids were toddlers (both early walkers so we're talking 1-2 here) they got jumped on by out of control dogs more than once. No injuries but I am cautious about dogs around children and I instinctively shield or pick up my child if a dog bounds over. Every single owner, every time thinks that shouting over "he's fine, don't worry" should be sufficient for me to put my child's safety on the line. I'm sure in this case their dog probably was "fine" but nonsuch thing as over protective when it comes to babies and dogs imo.

brainhurts · 26/03/2022 14:01

I think you were a bit over the top . I own three dogs one is a large breed , she's a gentle sole but not been around small children. I was out on a walk , she was on her lead , a toddler managed to wriggle free of his mom and make a bee line for her . Before anyone could react he had her in a bear hug squeezing her . Mom was horrified, I was horrified, dog was happily wagging her tail at her new little human friend who was now trying to climb on her .

Gilly12345 · 26/03/2022 14:04

Love me love my dog.

She sounds bat shit crazy.

🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶

SleepingStandingUp · 26/03/2022 14:08

If you've got a fairly young baby in a buggy where a dog could quite easily get their head in to the baby, then I don't blame you for stopping an essentially protecting the baby from the dog. I think standing there silently and still is probably going to wind people up. I'd have probably bent down and spoke to baby so it was more subtle. She over reacted and agree with a pp, you could have escalated it quite easily.

Mindtheears · 26/03/2022 14:09

If I saw someone doing what you were doing I’d think you were nervous around dogs for whatever reason which was no business of mine and the last thing I would do would up the ante by berating you about it. I hope it doesn’t put you off using that path, OP.

Mindtheears · 26/03/2022 14:11

Or at least nervous around my dog anyway and it was none of my business why

Ohfgsnotagain · 26/03/2022 14:15

I think your reaction was OTT. And I say this as someone who doesn’t like dogs. If the dog was off the lead then I would say YANBU but on the lead YABU.

I also think the woman was OTT and should have just ignored you.

StopLying · 26/03/2022 14:16

You're not unreasonable for stepping out of the dogs way. I would have done the same.

You are unreasonable and ageist by suggesting it was the woman's age that was a factor.

There's plenty of arseholes out there of all ages that would behave in the same way.

Booklover3 · 26/03/2022 14:18

Strange that there’s so many shouty dog owners out in the last 24 hours

Original poster
Matleave2022 · 26/03/2022 14:23

To all the people saying that I was "escalating". What am I supposed to do? Meekly accept a random woman shouting at me as if I were a naughty schoolchild?

The woman was essentially being a bully because she took personal offense to the fact that not everyone loves large dogs. I actually wouldn't have stopped if I had been out by myself, as I had a dog growing up, so know that most dogs are fine. However, I am not prepared to take even an extremely small risk with DS in the buggy at the same height as the dog.

OP posts:
Stellaris22 · 26/03/2022 14:27

Assuming this is true and actually happened, and that's a big if.

It was rude. If the dog was calm and on lead, and owners were being responsible, then your response was rude. I wouldn't have said anything, but would be very annoyed.

Would you react the same if it was a small, fluffy breed that actually was being aggressive? Or is it just the size. Lots of larger dogs are far gentler than small ones.

Tdcp · 26/03/2022 14:27

I dog walk though I'm more of a cat person really but I do find your reaction of standing in front of the buggy a bit much but I wouldn't have said anything to you about it, I would have just smiled and carried on as usual. Your issues or concerns are just that and there's no reason for me to shout at you because 'my' dogs are friendly or whatever. You could have had a really bad experience for all I know.

Tontostitis · 26/03/2022 14:29

OTT and ageist get a grip

RachelGreep87 · 26/03/2022 14:30

These responses are bizarre.
A child was killed in their home a few days ago by one of these dogs, it is perfectly reasonable to be distrustful of strange animals.

oakleaffy · 26/03/2022 14:30

@Matleave2022

This just shows how aggressive and shouty the general type of owner is with “The usual suspect “ dog.

DS had to look after his friend’s dogs ( Aggressive types according to media)

He said walking them was sooooo different from walking our dog .

Mothers crossed the road, people avoided him.

He understood.

He saus they were ok with him, but he didn’t know them from Adam when entering their house, and admitted to being a little wary..
As was I.

Luckily all was well, but DS said it was very noticeable how he was judged..

With a Whippet he is a magnet for people coming up to say hello.

YellowPlant · 26/03/2022 14:32

stopped in the path, stood in front of DS's buggy and waited for them to pass.

She was trying to scold me for not liking the look of her dog and it was patronising beyond belief.
You didn’t just ‘not like the look of her dog’, you did an OTT shielding of your son’s buggy. That sends quite a message to them. You’re allowed to do that but they’re also allowed to react to it. It’s odd that you’re acting surprised about that.

ChinstrapBobblehat · 26/03/2022 14:33

It does sound a bit much, the whole ‘standing sentry’ in front of the buggy thing - it might have been less obviously confrontational to just fuss around your baby for a minute, putting yourself in between the pram and the dog. No need at all for such an obvious statement.

But in their position a bit of an eyeroll is all that’s warranted - they were massive arseholes to make such a big deal about it.

And all those posters claiming not to know what a ‘potentially aggressive’ dog looks like are being plainly disingenuous. Being pedantic, yes, you’re way more likely to get bitten by a terrier or toy breed, but they do not have the capacity to maim or kill in the same way that larger animals do. And certain dogs - and we all know which ones - have been bred to have strength plus heightened guarding or shielding behaviours, so being wary of them is not remotely unreasonable. I’m the owner of a large dog and he’s soft as shit but I wouldn’t expect everyone else to know that.

Pandypuff · 26/03/2022 14:33

I'd never have stopped and stood in front of my son's buggy like that. It's very dramatic and a bit passive aggressive. If I had to I'd have pretended I was sorting DS's jacket or something so I appeared to have a normal reason to be stopped in front of him. I'd have been a bit Hmm about this if I'd have seen it too tbh.

Original poster
Matleave2022 · 26/03/2022 14:34

@Stellaris22 How is it "rude"? They could see I had an extra reason to be cautious (the buggy) and I didn't say anything to them, just waited for them to pass.

If that's all it takes for a dog owner to become "annoyed", then I'd rather risk hurting the feelings of a random dog owner than risk my DS getting bitten.

OP posts:
DogInATent · 26/03/2022 14:35

@RachelGreep87

These responses are bizarre. A child was killed in their home a few days ago by one of these dogs, it is perfectly reasonable to be distrustful of strange animals.
And there have been several threads discussing that incident.

The peculiarity is the variations on a theme threads involving encounters with "powerful" dogs that have emerged in just a few hours. It's an extraordinary coincidence.