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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be gloating ever so slightly?

145 replies

GloatyMcGloaty · 26/03/2022 11:59

I know I shouldn't but I saw an ex the other day (a photo on a mutual friend's fb) and he looked awful, grey hair, old, really over weight, just quite frankly, awful!! I know it sounds mean but I couldn't help but feel a tad gloaty!

Surely I'm not the only one who has felt this when seeing an ex?

OP posts:
EV117 · 26/03/2022 12:02

YABU to judge someone’s appearance in that way I think. He could look ‘awful’ but be happy and not give a shit. What then?

MurmuratingStarling · 26/03/2022 12:02

Bit of an unpleasant attitude to be honest. Not a good look. And the fact you're saying this suggests (to me) that you may still have some kind of feelings for him.

What is wrong with ageing, and being overweight, and going grey anyway? Hmm

Germolenequeen · 26/03/2022 12:04

YANBU if he isn't a nice person
YABU if he is 🤷‍♀️

JudgeRindersMinder · 26/03/2022 12:05

YANBU, except, my ex improved with age 🙄😂

Original poster
GloatyMcGloaty · 26/03/2022 12:07

He wasn't nice to me so I have no feeling towards him.

He's married with kids, I have kids, getting married later this year.

OP posts:
TheArtfulBlogger · 26/03/2022 12:07

Depends. If he was abusive and that is why he is an ex - YANBU
If he was a nice bloke, but the years haven't been kind then YABU

Original poster
GloatyMcGloaty · 26/03/2022 12:10

The last time I saw him, he was all on a mission to get in shape as his new girlfriend, now wife, had told him to. I, at the time, was overweight.

That was nearly 10 years ago, haven't seen him since.

OP posts:
DoubleYouOhEmAyEn · 26/03/2022 12:12

Your feelings are your feelings, you cant help them. You have insight into the fact its not kind to feel this way. So yanbu.

FabFitFifties · 26/03/2022 12:16

Relief would be my primary response.

OnAWobblyFence · 26/03/2022 12:19

YABU to be even bothered about an ex from 10 years ago who has moved on and plays no part in your life anymore.

Original poster
GloatyMcGloaty · 26/03/2022 12:19

@FabFitFifties very much so!!

OP posts:
Original poster
GloatyMcGloaty · 26/03/2022 12:22

@OnAWobblyFence I'm not bothered, he face appeared on my news feed from a mutual friend's fb account. My first reaction was to think my god he looks awful and I was gloating.

I didn't go looking for him and laugh in his face

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 26/03/2022 12:28

Bothered enough to name change and start a thread about him though.

Georgeskitchen · 26/03/2022 12:30

With you on this one OP, an ex of mine years ago always used to call me fatty. I was a healthy weight, not drastically overweight, not skinny. He used to say it at least 5 or 6 times every time we were together.
Not seen him for 30 years but after a sneaky Facebook stalk I found him, and he's now massively overweight!!

godmum56 · 26/03/2022 12:31

yabu but undersstandable

Original poster
GloatyMcGloaty · 26/03/2022 12:39

@Georgeskitchen my god!! Glad you got rid of him and thank you for understanding!

OP posts:
Eggshausted · 26/03/2022 12:40

Sounds like he had a lucky escape from Judgmental Judy.

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 26/03/2022 12:42

People will wag their fingers in chastisement at you but if he was a prick then it's absolutely fine to gloat.

Bananabutter · 26/03/2022 12:43

YABU and quite clearly for you to have this reaction you never really got over him no matter how happy you claim to be now. You wouldn’t care if you had.

WomanStanleyWoman · 26/03/2022 12:44

Enjoying the sight of exes, old school bullies, bitchy former colleagues etc. looking like a sack of shit is one of life’s great pleasures. Ignore the op-faced ‘It’s not very nice’ comments.

FatFilledTrottyPuss · 26/03/2022 12:49

I’d totally be gloating secretly if I saw my ex and he looked shit. It’s not like you’re publicly being mean about him.
As it happens, I saw my ex in a supermarket once with my current bloke, they looked like fucking twins and I ran and hid down the next aisle! Blush Grin

Mistlewoeandwhine · 26/03/2022 12:49

I’d be friends with you op. It’s exactly how I’d behave too xx

Original poster
GloatyMcGloaty · 26/03/2022 12:52

Yes lots of wagging fingers!!

But he was a complete arsehole towards me back then, got me into debt, caused no end of upset with my family. The last time I saw him it was to sign the car over in to his name so he could sell it. He made such a big deal about how loved up he was and how he was going to the gym, eating well etc and I just thought OK, that nice for you.

I said to myself then to never see him again, the last thing holding us together was the car, that was done so there was never a need to see each other. I moved out the area so no chance. Then other day, scrolling through fb as you do and there he was! And i felt very gloaty and hugely relieved that i finally got the courage to leave him back then and that I don't still have to deal with all the crap I had to back then!!
God I wish I could tell my younger self to run for the hills! Oh well, you live and learn!

OP posts:
Original poster
GloatyMcGloaty · 26/03/2022 12:56

@FatFilledTrottyPuss OMG! What did your current partner say?

@Mistlewoeandwhine and @WomanStanleyWoman you are my people! Grin

@Bananabutter nope!

OP posts:
WetLookKnitwear · 26/03/2022 12:56

Nope but nobody I’ve been out with was a dickhead

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