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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be gloating ever so slightly?

145 replies

GloatyMcGloaty · 26/03/2022 11:59

I know I shouldn't but I saw an ex the other day (a photo on a mutual friend's fb) and he looked awful, grey hair, old, really over weight, just quite frankly, awful!! I know it sounds mean but I couldn't help but feel a tad gloaty!

Surely I'm not the only one who has felt this when seeing an ex?

OP posts:
Pinkpigs · 26/03/2022 16:24

Ive got gray hair and put on the ££££s over the years not massive but its There but I get where shes coming from you see someones face you havent seen in years yes your gonna look its called being human i dont find it rude at all im sure plenty on hear do it or have done it

DreamTheMoors · 26/03/2022 16:26

The grey hair…
Well, that’s the icing on the awful cake… Hmm

TAKESNOSHITSHIRLEY · 26/03/2022 16:42

i so get what your saying, its great when karma hits, especially when you have been wronged by that person

i think on here people are being dicks just for the sake of it, you had a normal reaction to some one you probably felt did you wrong.

i feel just like you, but my ex is very recent and wronged me

after 22 years together in oct 2020 he left me(and 2 disabled kids)overnight out of the blue for my best friend and made me not only a single adult for the first time in my life but a single mother and a single mother without transport to 2 kids a si dont drive that need 24./7 transport.
he didnt even move close its a 40 minute car ride away.
i also didnt have my best friend to fall back on, so i was doubly betrayed

since then he put on so much weight, went grey and grew a thick black beard with grey specks in.
he was 37 at the time so not older

with me he was clean cut and a decent weight but it would not have bothered me about the weight if he put it on

i believe heavily in karma(complete atheist religion wise)and with in the few years they both betrayed me boy have karma hit them both hard.

he left because he couldn't cope with 24/7 care anymore to 2 kids

hes now a carer to a disabled wife who 8 inches bigger than him and 10 stone heavier than him so he has to lift her around and he physically cant, this has caused him severe back problems and stress has ages him
when he left she wasn't disabled

theres 5 disabled kids that need 24/7 care as she also home educates(as do i) and not one of their dad are involved(5 kids by 5 different dads, all born with in 5 years so a baby each year)and shes now pregnant and there is a 99% chance that baby will have asd as both of his kids do as do her 5 as do he
2 adults and my 17 y old have gone to him(without my blessing)

social services have been called 3 times and they dont know who is doing it

me ive lost 4 stone, my house is 100% calmer and quieter as he had asd and adhd as well and i didnt realise how loud and full on he was as i didnt know any different as he was my only boyfriend ,he was 17 me 18 when we got together

even though my money have dropped with out him here ive saved a fair bit as he had a curry habit and a coffee habit, and im talking 12 expensive pods a day and instead of 1 portion of curry and the rest that goes with it he would by enough for 3,this was every other day and 4-5 meals a day

they haven't got a pot to piss in as they have accumulated so much debt.
im in a big 3 bedroom with just me and a 11 y old so we have plenty of space, they have 8 people and a baby soon in a cramped 3 bedroom and both are sleeping in the hall way(yes i mean hallway)as there is no room for them, council wont move them as she chose to move in another 2 adults and have another baby(they really said this to them)
so when the baby comes they are putting a cot in the corridor with them.

im learning to drive when she cant drive anymore and nor he can he go far as his back spasms

people will come on and say im nasty and bitter but after you have been wronged and betrayed by 2 people you would never think would do it to you and have you're whole life turned upside down overnight completely out of the blue and you really was unaware when karma hits those that deserve it you feel joy about it.

Dillydollydingdong · 26/03/2022 16:46

George's kitchen ha! I'd be sending him a message saying "hello fatty".

GloatyMcGloaty · 26/03/2022 16:49

OMG @TAKESNOSHITSHIRLEY

Hats off to you! You've done great and identical blame you at all for the way you feel! Good luck with the driving Smile

OP posts:
notanothertakeaway · 26/03/2022 16:53

@halfsiesonapotnoodle

Here we go again. Ffs. Being overweight my entire life, threads like this sicken me. You are extremely nasty OP.
@halfsiesonapotnoodle

Please don't think that all of us think like OP

Mamette · 26/03/2022 16:59

I’d have felt exactly the same OP. It’s on a par with bumping into an ex when you’re looking your best and they’re not.

But then again nearly all my exes are thundering pricks so maybe that’s colouring my view?

stripeyflowers · 26/03/2022 17:05

@FatFilledTrottyPuss

I’d totally be gloating secretly if I saw my ex and he looked shit. It’s not like you’re publicly being mean about him. As it happens, I saw my ex in a supermarket once with my current bloke, they looked like fucking twins and I ran and hid down the next aisle! Blush Grin
Have a 'type' then FFTP? Grin
Mindtheears · 26/03/2022 17:05

It’s really depressing that a “normal human reaction” is ‘oh yuck, he got old’.

Wedonttalkaboutrats · 26/03/2022 17:10

Oh do grow up. hmm People are entitled to opinions that don't blow smoke up the OP's arse you know. hmm
@MurmuratingStarling
Gosh, you’re a bit rude! Hope your walk cheers you up a bit.

Mindtheears · 26/03/2022 17:13

It’s not the gloating as such, it‘s the contextualising of what she seems to view as losing at life is signs of ageing. The replies agreeing illustrate how acceptable ageism is.

EV117 · 26/03/2022 17:14

This reminds me a bit of when Matt Leblanc was very much changed and older on the friends reunion. Except that it kind of rocked many a lady’s boat according to MN Grin you might think he’s let himself go OP but if he’s happy with himself and is in a good relationship to boot, particularly with someone who digs his old age looks, as more women than you might expect do, I don’t see what there is to gloat about or why you think you’ve got one up on him. You’ve just seen a photo - you seem to be equating ‘good’ looks, whatever that is to you, with being in a good place in life, when they are definitely not the same thing.

EV117 · 26/03/2022 17:18

Also, some people don’t look their best after a long or serious illness for example. How would you feel if you found out he had cancer or was recovering from a heart attack Confused so no, definitely not something to gloat about with no context other that one photograph… wouldn’t you feel like a first class dick then? I’d wind in this kind of gloating or you may massively put your foot in it one day.

SmellyOldOwls · 26/03/2022 17:20

Person in ' looking older after ten years' shocker

Mindtheears · 26/03/2022 17:23

It could be he’s more comfortable in his own skin nowadays and is with someone he feels happy and relaxed with. Who knows?

VyeBrator · 26/03/2022 17:28

@Maisa45

People on MN are so full of shit. We all Iove it when our exes go downhill 😂
What do you mean by 'downhill' though? All this man has done is get older, embrace his grey hair and gain some weight.

In that case most of Mumsnet has gone 'downhill', or is heading there fast.

tkwal · 26/03/2022 17:33

The girls/women I went to school with all seem to be maturing nicely and I have no problem recognising them even with the odd wrinkle and greying hair here and there. A couple of them have remained pretty much as they were then...beautiful and looking a good 15 years younger than the rest of us. The boys/men are a different matter I really have to study their
I turned to see the boys I knew. One in particular shocked me , he was the years heart throb good at rugby, eyes you could swim in...I'm sure you get the picture. I looked at a picture of a rugby club dinner and was wondering who the old bloke was...couldn't believe it when I saw it was him. Definitely a huge shock but can't say I gloated

GloatyMcGloaty · 26/03/2022 17:41

@halfsiesonapotnoodle

Here we go again. Ffs. Being overweight my entire life, threads like this sicken me. You are extremely nasty OP.
About my ex in my head!

I haven't been rude to anyone! I just thought wow, you've let yourself go considering he was telling me years ago that he was going to get in to shape because his new girlfriend was telling him to!
I'd say that's meaner than me thinking to myself.

Also I am overweight, always have been, probably always will be but I do wear clothes that fit me rather than having my belly fighting to get out of my shirt.

OP posts:
VyeBrator · 26/03/2022 17:59

Also I am overweight, always have been, probably always will be but I do wear clothes that fit me rather than having my belly fighting to get out of my shirt.

We get it. You're stylish, you're not grey, you're overweight but still gorgeous in your opinion 🙄

Perhaps he's super happy in his marriage and him and his wife love each other enough to not be so shallow.

Gotajobthrunepotism · 26/03/2022 18:03

@FatFilledTrottyPuss are you me?? The exact same happened to me. Both DH and my first boyfriend in sainsburys. Both similar height, colouring, beard, dressed like dads (superdry hoody, jeans and adidas trainers). I found it hilarious. Both are lovely

GloatyMcGloaty · 26/03/2022 18:10

@VyeBrator well I don't go round saying look at me I'm gorgeous, I think I dress OK.

And yes, let's hope he is happy!!

A lot of people have really taken this far too seriously. I wasn't actually rude to anyone's face and I've not said anything mean to mutual friends or even commented on the photo with anything nasty. I just thought something to myself and asked if others have ever done the same.

@EV117 I don't go round gloating at everyone, it was one photo! And Matt Le Blanc looks bloody sexy in my opinion!

OP posts:
ImAvingOops · 26/03/2022 18:24

If someone has treated you badly, it's normal to feel a bit glad to see them looking ropey or to hear they're having a hard time. Posting about it doesn't mean the OP has been pining away for him. It's just an enjoyment of the the justice of life biting a nasty ex on the arse!

Riseholme · 26/03/2022 18:48

I’m impressed at all the virtuous people on here who never have a bad thought about anyone.
As long as the ex doesn’t know what you’re thinking then it can’t harm him OP.

Dentistlakes · 26/03/2022 19:02

We all get older, that’s an unfortunate fact. Usually women seem to come off worse than men, so I wouldn’t gloat to much. Give it a few years and the shoe could be on the other foot!

WomanStanleyWoman · 26/03/2022 19:10

@VyeBrator

Also I am overweight, always have been, probably always will be but I do wear clothes that fit me rather than having my belly fighting to get out of my shirt.

We get it. You're stylish, you're not grey, you're overweight but still gorgeous in your opinion 🙄

Perhaps he's super happy in his marriage and him and his wife love each other enough to not be so shallow.

Well it won’t matter what the OP thinks then, will it? He’ll be too happy to care what his ex thinks, and the OP is unlikely to ever find out if this marriage is blissfully happy, so it won’t affect her. Everyone’s happy.