To be gloating ever so slightly?

[GloatyMcGloaty]

I know I shouldn't but I saw an ex the other day (a photo on a mutual friend's fb) and he looked awful, grey hair, old, really over weight, just quite frankly, awful!! I know it sounds mean but I couldn't help but feel a tad gloaty!

Surely I'm not the only one who has felt this when seeing an ex?

@EV117

YABU to judge someone’s appearance in that way I think. He could look ‘awful’ but be happy and not give a shit. What then?

Totally agree. Looks are superficial & no indicator of personal contentment. If you're going to gloat you want something more significant, for example abject misery

[quote GloatyMcGloaty]@OnAWobblyFence I'm not bothered, he face appeared on my news feed from a mutual friend's fb account. My first reaction was to think my god he looks awful and I was gloating.

I didn't go looking for him and laugh in his face[/quote]
Bothered enough to make a thread (and keep returning to it) about him, however…

I was with someone who cheated on me and we split up. Years later he did something wrong, nothing illegal, that upended his life. But I didn't gloat. I don't understand that. I felt sorry for him really - and I admit, glad that I was no longer with him but I don't think I could be happy in someone else's misery. Plus, looks is such a transitory thing. He could look like that because of an illness or someone else's illness. I have put on a quite a bit of weight over covid and am looking not so great and gave developed diabetes. The thought that people might be gloating about that is very unpleasant. I don't think you sound very nice, tbh, but then you already acknowledge that you're mean so I guess you know that.

@GloatyMcGloaty

I know I shouldn't but I saw an ex the other day (a photo on a mutual friend's fb) and he looked awful, grey hair, old, really over weight, just quite frankly, awful!! I know it sounds mean but I couldn't help but feel a tad gloaty!

Surely I'm not the only one who has felt this when seeing an ex?

Was he impressed when he saw the OP or did he also have gloating feelings maybe?

@GloatyMcGloaty I didn’t let on to my current bloke. I think we turned a corner, I spotted ex at the other end of the aisle and turned tail in the other direction. I wouldn’t have wanted either of them seeing how similar they looked, especially ex as he’d be thinking I’d tried to replace him when actually he was a tosser and I was glad to be rid of him.
I’d love to see him now to gloat if he looked shit but it would probably be the other way round as I look shit now

i have only ever managed to find 3 of my exs on facebook , all from back in my twenties and im 50 this year so a while ago now , i didnt gloat as none of them treated me badly , but i must say time has been kind to none of them , well its not to any of us , but poor things do look as if they have been treated esp cruelly . one of them i was mad about , we never lived together , i thought he was hotter than the sun , he now looks a grizzled worn out mess , the other one isnt far behind them , the 3rd loved going out pubbing and clubbing , sadly it looks like hes never stopped , hes got that florid complextion that only heavy drinkers get and from what i could see on his posts hes single and by the jokey comments underneath the pics from his mates has been forever . he does seem to have cats though and appeals for donations to cat charitys so i thought that was sweet , felt a bit sad for him really , as for the other two when i typed in their names and it came up i looked at their pictures and thought omfg , couldnt help but laugh . they look like they are both late sixties and they are only early 50s

@dworky 🤣🤣

@OnAWobblyFence was I meant to post and run and not respond to those who have taken the time to answer? I always hate it when the OP never returns!

@WetLookKnitwear that must be nice, I can't say the same unfortunately!

My ex was a right bitch to me before and after we broke up. I saw a picture of her a year later and she’d gone really grey, I mean like she’d just gone overnight. I did have a schadenfreude moment, not gonna lie.

Stupid really as going grey doesn’t bother me at all, it’s not something that would usually even cross my mind, but she was quite paranoid about it.

@JudgeJ As the OP says, I saw a photo of him, it wasn't a face to face encounter.

@chaosrabbitland you know what i mean!

@WomanStanleyWoman

"Enjoying the sight of exes, old school bullies, bitchy former colleagues etc. looking like a sack of shit is one of life’s great pleasures".

I'll vote for that ^

I think OP was restrained when she said 'feel a tad gloaty! I'd have done a full-on gloaty.

Someone I know recently bumped into my ex and said how much he's aged since we've been apart, and how much I have blossomed. Can't say I was disappointed to hear that.

He might be the happiest he's ever been though. It's not all about looks.

@Thesefeetaremadeforwalking

I would have a little snigger too….

YANBU l saw my ex on Facebook recently and he’s a state. He didn’t treat me well (cheating, trying to financially abuse me etc) and is now married to one of my so called “friends”. He’s a balding chunky mess. She’s let herself go as well

We're all getting old OP (you included), some people turn grey (you will too) and may decide hair dye is not something they're interested in. If he's overweight then he's firmly in the category of 63% of Brits (assuming he's British) who are, but you know what? Maybe he's loved up and very very happy now he's moved on 🤷

I think just the fact you thought about it enough to log into Mumsnet and start a thread about him, perhaps shows you haven't moved on as much as you thought you had.

I have to say it brought me no small amount of joy to see one of my exes' life crashing and burning after we broke up. He was a shit person and abusive to me and he ended up getting what he deserved 🤷 The fact it all went wrong for him at a time when I was recovering from the terrible circumstances of our breakup made it even better. I don't wish anything bad on any of my other exes, am still cordial with some of them in fact, nor do I give that ex headspace anymore, but in the immediate aftermath I was certainly buoyed up by his life going to shit. I think that's fairly normal.

If most people are completely honest if they saw a picture of someone from their past that had been horrible to them and it looked like the years hadn’t been kind there’s a little piece of them that would be thinking mwahaha!

@Orgasmagorical I did once end up behind another ex in a supermarket, didn't realise it was him until I'd unloaded half my shopping (days before scan and go) and we made polite chit chat. He was with his current partner.

When he left, the check out woman asked was that your ex? I said yes and she said if it makes you feel any better, they sound miserable together!

She must have heard them bickering but it did make me giggle!

[quote GloatyMcGloaty]@Georgeskitchen my god!! Glad you got rid of him and thank you for understanding![/quote]
I had fallen for him quite heavily and one day he just vanished. I called at his flat, no answer ( looked through the letterbox and flat looked vacated) No mobile phones or SM back then so I wrote a letter ( no reply) I suspect he had gone abroad with another woman. I was upset for about a week then I thought long and hard and realised what an unpleasant, thuggish racist type he actually was.
Then I realised he had done me a favour getting out of my life 🤣🤣

It's not pleasant to gloat. Everyone changes as they get older, some more than others.

Dh’s ex, who told him he’d be alone for ever without her and not to get any ideas of getting another partner now looks like a drag act.

You wouldn’t think twice about them if they hadn’t treated you like shit but if they have then there is satisfaction at seeing them look awful