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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be gloating ever so slightly?

145 replies

GloatyMcGloaty · 26/03/2022 11:59

I know I shouldn't but I saw an ex the other day (a photo on a mutual friend's fb) and he looked awful, grey hair, old, really over weight, just quite frankly, awful!! I know it sounds mean but I couldn't help but feel a tad gloaty!

Surely I'm not the only one who has felt this when seeing an ex?

OP posts:
Twiglets1 · 26/03/2022 15:24

@Earlydancing

I was with someone who cheated on me and we split up. Years later he did something wrong, nothing illegal, that upended his life. But I didn't gloat. I don't understand that. I felt sorry for him really - and I admit, glad that I was no longer with him but I don't think I could be happy in someone else's misery. Plus, looks is such a transitory thing. He could look like that because of an illness or someone else's illness. I have put on a quite a bit of weight over covid and am looking not so great and gave developed diabetes. The thought that people might be gloating about that is very unpleasant. I don't think you sound very nice, tbh, but then you already acknowledge that you're mean so I guess you know that.
You’re coming across meaner than the OP!
Original poster
GloatyMcGloaty · 26/03/2022 15:25

Over invested a tad there @MurmuratingStarling

My post was prompted by a photo I saw that popped up on my feed, I haven't been sat thinking about him for years. I didn't go chasing him down the street calling him fatty! That would be rude! Smile

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 26/03/2022 15:26

I use to know a man years ago, in the 80's era, he was a partner at the time, and is twelve years younger than me. I recently saw his profile photo on FB, and he looked quite awful ,like gone to seed somewhat. Balding, big gut and paunchy, all flabby round the face and neck, The photo was taken on some holiday, and he was wearing a big loose Tshirt with coloured stripes on and baggy shorts with coloured flowers on, and showing his legs, which were all bloated and puffed up round the ankles and feet.

I always assumed that he would end up looking like this, as he never valued his health, and drank copious amount of beer all the time, and ate junk food all the time,, and exercise for him, was playing darts and snooker. ... ( and he owes me some money from 1990,, long gone now)!!

barbrahunter · 26/03/2022 15:31

I admit to facebook stalking my ex of many years ago (30 plus years) and it's really incongruous to see what he looks like now. Back in the day I thought he was really really good looking (lots of other people did, too). He was cheeky and great fun for a while until he started being controlling and jealous (or, as it was called in the 1970s 'asserting his rights as a male')
He has aged terribly badly, he looks an absolute mess and I do feel sorry for him but I also feel relieved that I didn't end up married to him.
You gloat away, OP.

Dysco · 26/03/2022 15:32

I mean it's not the done thing to say out loud, but inwardly I'd feel the same.

TillyTopper · 26/03/2022 15:32

I think YABU, it's not nice to gloat. My ex died about 10 years ago, he was an alcoholic. He was awful to me, but honestly I found it a bit sad that he'd not managed to have a good life and then died in his forties.

Maisa45 · 26/03/2022 15:33

People on MN are so full of shit. We all Iove it when our exes go downhill 😂

MurmuratingStarling · 26/03/2022 15:35

@GloatyMcGloaty

Over invested a tad there *@MurmuratingStarling*

My post was prompted by a photo I saw that popped up on my feed, I haven't been sat thinking about him for years. I didn't go chasing him down the street calling him fatty! That would be rude! Smile

@GloatyMcGloaty

'Overinvested in the thread a tad aren't you murmuratingstarling?'

BINGO!

Posting a few opinions on someone's thread on a message forum is not being 'over-invested.' It's called adding opinions to a thread. Opinions that YOU asked for.

'You sound a bit over invested in the thread' is the stock phrase posters come up with when they are being challenged and questioned about their posts and views.

I think YOU are the one who is over-invested! In your exes!!! Everything you come out with just illustrates that a bit more.

I would never dream of starting a thread about an ex of mine, because I don't give a flying fuck about any one of them, and they don't live rent free in my head.

Maybe you should work on why you are still mooning over your exes and see if you can move on from them. It's not normal or healthy to be posting threads like this about an ex from TEN years ago. It just shows you're still thinking about him, and haven't moved on. Whether you admit it or not. And the posters blowing smoke up your arse are very likely people who can't get over their exes either.

I shall leave it there. Don't want to upset you further. Hope your ex enjoys living in your head rent free. Coz he is. And as I said, I will bet he ain't giving you a second thought.

daimbarsatemydogsbone · 26/03/2022 15:37

Grey Hair!

The Horror!

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 26/03/2022 15:39

@MurmuratingStarling, you seem very invested in knocking the OP and she's not even a horrible ex of yours.

halfsiesonapotnoodle · 26/03/2022 15:39

Here we go again. Ffs. Being overweight my entire life, threads like this sicken me. You are extremely nasty OP.

Pinkpigs · 26/03/2022 15:40

Ive done it to looked online years later and yes laughing i did my ex was a bad man really bad came across his face online one day my god karma is a bitch its been years but I i got the last laugh

Original poster
GloatyMcGloaty · 26/03/2022 15:41

Again, merely prompted by a photo I saw the other day, not years of pining away for him.

OP posts:
NannyKrampus · 26/03/2022 15:41

OP, I am with you on that too! I totally get that Schadenfreude in these instances is a rather pure and unadulterated joy. It also shows you as someone with healthy and honest emotions unlike quite a few virtue signalling mardy moos on here.

MurmuratingStarling · 26/03/2022 15:44

@NannyKrampus

OP, I am with you on that too! I totally get that Schadenfreude in these instances is a rather pure and unadulterated joy. It also shows you as someone with healthy and honest emotions unlike quite a few virtue signalling mardy moos on here.
'Mardy moos?' For fuck's sake. Hmm Lovely judgemental misogynistic remark there. You must be so proud of yourself. The irony of you berating others, when you are far worse!

As I said, don't post on AIBU canvassing for opinions and then cry off when you don't like the answers. Not EVERYONE has to agree with the OP you know. Do you not get what this forum is about? Looks like quite a few posters on here don't.

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 26/03/2022 15:46

The predictable bores who say 'No, not I. I am a virtuous person who would never take a moment's pleasure in knowing my unpleasant ex now looks like a well boiled cauliflower. It's unkind'. And then proceed to write an unkind essay to the OP telling her what an awful person she is.

Irony, my love. Irony.

MurmuratingStarling · 26/03/2022 15:46

@halfsiesonapotnoodle

Here we go again. Ffs. Being overweight my entire life, threads like this sicken me. You are extremely nasty OP.
100% this. ^ Very unpleasant jugdy rude thread. Can't believe quite a number of posters are cheering on the OP. Speaks volumes about some posters on here all right!
MurmuratingStarling · 26/03/2022 15:47

@daimbarsatemydogsbone

Grey Hair!

The Horror!

I know right. Shock

How DARE someone get grey and look older and gain weight? Just how DARE they? Hmm

MurmuratingStarling · 26/03/2022 15:49

Anyway I am off out for a walk. Wouldn't wanna be accused of being OVER INVESTED in the thread, and being an old meanie to the OP. (OH THE IRONY!)

And the fact a bunch of posters on here are defending her is quite revolting actually. I'm out. This thread is vile.

Toodle pip!

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 26/03/2022 15:52

It seems some people like to prove they occupy the moral high ground by...being a bit of a cow?

LampLighter414 · 26/03/2022 15:55

Why so much negative energy. Focus on yourself

NannyKrampus · 26/03/2022 15:56

@MurmuratingStarling Ooooh, now I am wounded...Grin

Nope but you are a dry humourless bone, just itching to have a boot in. There are many Mumsnetters chuckling along with OP about an all too human reaction and laughing about themselves too. And then there are folk like you who have to make it all about themselves and their hand-wringing, manufactured outrage.

WomanStanleyWoman · 26/03/2022 16:01

People have posted their opinions - WHICH SHE ASKED FOR - and not all of them are going to be bloody positive, and blowing smoke up the OP's arse. Hmm

So let me get this straight. You can say whatever you damn please because the OP ‘asked for opinnnnnnnions!!!’, but in the previous paragraph, you suggest anyone who disagrees with YOUR view should ‘bore off’? As laughably twee a comeback it may be, it still doesn’t suggest you believe in everyone having a right to an opinion as much as you claim to do.

Back21970 · 26/03/2022 16:09

Some bonkers posts on here….

In my opinion the OP had a perfectly natural response and I believe most people would have felt the same.

But maybe I am a judgemental horrible person too that needs therapy, who knowsSmile

Original poster
GloatyMcGloaty · 26/03/2022 16:15

Wow!

Imagine the horror if I had chased him down the road calling him fatty rather than the chuckle I had to myself, alone!
I blame my best friend for being on holiday, if she was here I'd be talking to her about it rather than posting here.

Enjoy your walk @MurmuratingStarling

OP posts: