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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be gloating ever so slightly?

145 replies

GloatyMcGloaty · 26/03/2022 11:59

I know I shouldn't but I saw an ex the other day (a photo on a mutual friend's fb) and he looked awful, grey hair, old, really over weight, just quite frankly, awful!! I know it sounds mean but I couldn't help but feel a tad gloaty!

Surely I'm not the only one who has felt this when seeing an ex?

OP posts:
WonderfulYou · 26/03/2022 13:41

When he left, the check out woman asked was that your ex? I said yes and she said if it makes you feel any better, they sound miserable together!

It’s obvious you still have feelings for him and are jealous of his new relationship.

You say you’re getting married soon so just forget about him and concentrate on your new life.

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 26/03/2022 13:44

@WonderfulYou

When he left, the check out woman asked was that your ex? I said yes and she said if it makes you feel any better, they sound miserable together!

It’s obvious you still have feelings for him and are jealous of his new relationship.

You say you’re getting married soon so just forget about him and concentrate on your new life.

different ex.
Original poster
GloatyMcGloaty · 26/03/2022 13:44

@WonderfulYou that was a different ex,not the same one

OP posts:
IVFConfusion · 26/03/2022 13:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
GloatyMcGloaty · 26/03/2022 13:45

@ivfconfusion yeah, I would have too! Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
GloatyMcGloaty · 26/03/2022 13:45

@HappyMiddleChild indeed!

This is purely superficial, I know!
I don't know anything about him anymore and that's fine by me, I'm purely making a judgement based on the photo I saw, that's it.

To some, I'm evil and obviously not over him 🙄 and to others, I'm normal, we've all had a gloat in the past!

I'm off to enjoy the sunshine though some may think I'm going to sit in the cupboard and cry over my lost love 🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
WombatChocolate · 26/03/2022 13:47

Move on.
Giving him the time of day int earns of thought and internet space is beneath you.
He’d probably like to think you’re still dwelling on him.

WomanStanleyWoman · 26/03/2022 13:50

It's not pleasant to gloat.

It’s fun though.

Wedonttalkaboutrats · 26/03/2022 13:58

Of course you’re not being unreasonable. And all the sanctimonious, worthy posters on here that say you are are just being annoying.

BoredZelda · 26/03/2022 14:02

He wasn't nice to me so I have no feeling towards him.

If you had no feelings, you wouldn’t have posted this.

PupInAPram · 26/03/2022 14:03

It's a very human response. I walked past an ex boss the other day who greeted me like a long lost friend and was super chatty. When I worked for her she was devastatingly unkind, rude, dismissive and never tried to talk about our lives outside of work. She made my life miserable for 2 years. All I could think of was, you must be lonely as fuck to think we can now become friends. I was cool but not rude and yes, I did gloat afterwards that she now seemed lonely and desperate for friends. Sometimes what goes around comes around.....

WonderfulYou · 26/03/2022 14:03

that was a different ex,not the same one

Oh wow.

Feeling jealous or happy that 2 of your exes are unhappy isn’t normal.

Are you sure you’re happy in your new relationship?

You say you’re getting married soon. Could it be that you’re just getting cold feet or could it be something more?

Original poster
GloatyMcGloaty · 26/03/2022 14:03

@WomanStanleyWoman and @Wedonttalkaboutrats the drinks are on me 😀

OP posts:
Mangogogogo · 26/03/2022 14:04

I’ve never really had a bad break up so I’m not really bothered about my exes. However my friends boyfriend left her saying she had gotten too fat. We saw him a few years later far fatter than she ever was and yes, we had a little giggle to ourselves

phishy · 26/03/2022 14:04

YANBU, OP. I sometimes check up on a twatty ex, to see if he’s bald and fat now.

Sorry not sorry Wink

Original poster
GloatyMcGloaty · 26/03/2022 14:07

@WonderfulYou eh? The ex I bumped in to at the checkout, I spoke to, no hard feelings there. It was the checkout staff who said they seemed miserable, I just laughed at what she said.

And I'll be running down the aisle to my husband to be, he is truly wonderful and we are very happy.

I'm over my exes, I assure you so maybe give the armchair psychology a rest 🤣

OP posts:
ladygindiva · 26/03/2022 14:08

Yanbu op. I had an ex who was very toxic; played lots of mind games, made me feel inadequate and unattractive. Openly flirted with other women. Could be very cruel.He was very good looking and knew it.We were in our twenties then, now mid forties. He popped up on my fb feed the other day as a person I might know.... bald as a coot. Big shiny head. It was wonderful especially as I know how vain he was as a person and he would not have coped with it at all well.

ladygindiva · 26/03/2022 14:09

Feeling jealous or happy that 2 of your exes are unhappy isn’t normal.

I disagree; if the ex was unpleasant then I think it's an extremely normal response.

WonderfulYou · 26/03/2022 14:22

I'm over my exes, I assure you so maybe give the armchair psychology a rest

Lol you’ve posted about 2 exes who you’re happy about them being unhappy with their new gfs and even took the time to start a thread about it - my psychology degree is irrelevant in this case as surely it’s just common sense.

Mindtheears · 26/03/2022 14:27

I’m 49, I look older than I used to. I hope people I haven’t seen for years don’t walk away from bumping into me thinking “compared to 15 years ago, she looks like a sack of shit”.

AnIconOfImperfections · 26/03/2022 14:35

OP of course YANBU. In the ‘normal’ world, no one would begrudge you feeling like you do.

I had a horrible ex whom I left 10 years ago. He was an absolute bell end and I’ve only in the last couple of years worked through repairing the damage he did to me mentally. To see him balding and losing his looks on a friend’s Facebook photos was rather satisfying. These feelings have absolutely nothing to do with not being over him, I have since married the most gorgeous man I’ve ever met, (with the thickest hair of hair 😂) and couldn’t be happier with my life (baby on the way, etc.) it’s just normal to feel the way you felt.

Everyone experiences schadenfreude now and the, even the super worthy posters who have reprimanded you on this post Hmm that’s MN for you though. So many virtuous posters who you just know aren’t as perfect as they might have you believe 😂

MurmuratingStarling · 26/03/2022 14:59

@Mindtheears

I’m 49, I look older than I used to. I hope people I haven’t seen for years don’t walk away from bumping into me thinking “compared to 15 years ago, she looks like a sack of shit”.
Very unlikely, as most people have the common sense to realise that GASP! people do actually age, put weight on, and their hair goes grey... It's ludicrous to start a thread LOL-ing about how an ex has aged and put weight on/gone grey etc...Happens to everyone. Bet the ex would think the same of the OP if he was giving her the same headspace as she is giving him.
MurmuratingStarling · 26/03/2022 15:00

@Mindtheears

I’m 49, I look older than I used to. I hope people I haven’t seen for years don’t walk away from bumping into me thinking “compared to 15 years ago, she looks like a sack of shit”.
Very unlikely, as most people have the common sense to realise that GASP! people do actually age, put weight on, and their hair goes grey... It's ludicrous to start a thread LOL-ing about how an ex has aged and put weight on/gone grey etc...Happens to everyone. Bet the ex would think the same of the OP if he was giving her the same headspace as she is giving him..
MurmuratingStarling · 26/03/2022 15:08

@Wedonttalkaboutrats

Of course you’re not being unreasonable. And all the sanctimonious, worthy posters on here that say you are are just being annoying.
Oh do grow up. Hmm People are entitled to opinions that don't blow smoke up the OP's arse you know. Hmm
MurmuratingStarling · 26/03/2022 15:08

@WonderfulYou

I'm over my exes, I assure you so maybe give the armchair psychology a rest

Lol you’ve posted about 2 exes who you’re happy about them being unhappy with their new gfs and even took the time to start a thread about it - my psychology degree is irrelevant in this case as surely it’s just common sense.

This. ^

And can people just bore off with the 'ignore the naysayers and judgy fuckers saying you're being unreasonable and quite mean...' etc etc.

FFS, the OP posted on AIBU, (and name-changed before she did it,) and posted a spiteful gloating attack on an ex because he has had the temerity to get a bit older, a bit chubbier, and a bit more grey haired. Confused

People have posted their opinions - WHICH SHE ASKED FOR - and not all of them are going to be bloody positive, and blowing smoke up the OP's arse. Hmm

Personally, as a few posters have said, I think the whole thread just shows the OP is still thinking about this ex, she is not 100% over him, he is living in her head rent free, and posting this thread makes her look a bit petty and bitter.

That is my opinion, and I am entitled to it, and shouldn't be subjected to patronising and rather misogynistic comments like 'ignore the OTT drama queens OP, they are just uptight!' As I said, don't post and ask for various opinions if you don't bloody want them!

Why post a thread like this on AIBU, if you're going to mock and deride people who think you are being unreasonable? Confused

Also @GloatyMcGloaty maybe stop mooning over your exes and get on with your life, because it's very unlikely they are thinking about you. Wink

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