To say this pissed me off about my booking appointment ?

[chattycaterpillar]

I had a pregnancy booking appointment recently, and was talking to a friend about this yesterday, and she agreed this equally pissed her off about her's too, ( she had hers 12 months ago in the same NHS trust).

The actual medical questions were almost skimmed over, ( I wasn't asked if I had any medication allergies, even though I have a serious allergy to doxycycline). But the amount of nosy, social questions asked to "judge," your suitability to parent was ridiculous.

Examples on the proforma list included:

• How long have you been with your partner ? ( Yes, it is a long-term relationship so wasn't an issue for me, but my friend's child was conceived after a short fling and she didn't want to be answering exactly how long it was).

• What is your highest level qualification/ are you educated to degree level ? ( I'm educated to degree level, but interested in the medical relevance of this. Imagine getting asked that at any other medical appointment ...)

• Are you employed ? Is it full time work, what do you do for work ? What does your partner do for work ? ( Why on earth is it medically relevant what my partner does as his job ? )

• Does your partner have any other children ? ( No, but again, not medically relevant...)

• Do you own or rent your property ? ( Why, do you want to take a look at my mortgage deeds....)

Seemed to be a lot more interested in asking a list of nosy, intrusive questions than either a) a serious physical health condition I have that could impact the birth, or b) my medication allergies.

I'm just trying to work out in what other medical scenario this would be appropriate...

Wouldn’t bat an eyelid regarding a 29 year old with a 60 year old. What I would be very concerned about would be the 16 year old that comes into my clinic and tells me with a big grin on her face that her boyfriend was born in the early 80s! Or the woman who says her partner was 29 at booking and then obviously brings a man who is in his 40s into the delivery room claiming he’s the dad. Or the women who are in a ‘stable relationship’ but can’t remember what month their partners birthday is in, let alone what year they were born in. These questions do seem nosey but for each question you’ve listed I can think of a handful of social concerns that have been picked up due to the answers that I’ve been given in the past. I completely agree though that the medical questions such as your allergy status should have also been asked.

I get that it can feel nosey ..but surely the reason behind most of these questions is clear as explained by many midwives on this post.
Maybe Mumsnet could do an article explaining and reassuring about these questions? As I guess if it catches you off guard it can be a negative start to your maternity care.
Pregnancy is a gateway time for accessing health services and an extremely vulnerable time for domestic violence which often starts in pregnancy, new mental health conditions or exacerbated mental health symptoms, and then first year of baby's life where they are at their most vulnerable to harm.
The are you related question is about likelihood of genetic conditions, cousin marriages are reasonably common in the UK and so something worth asking about as the baby may need extra screening.

@PurplePansy05

YABU. They are asked to check your support network and future environment for your baby. Professionals have a duty of care and if you were finding yourself in difficult circumstances they'd refer/signpost you accordingly.

I disagree. After giving birth you hardly see your midwife.

Issues like income isn't relevant and how long someone has been dating... its impersonal.

@Laniania

I think it is inappropriate too OP but honestly good luck getting anyone to agree on here. Most people seem happy to accept any level of state nosiness, judgement and interference in the interest of preventing abuses that said state mostly subsequently fails to prevent anyway.

Or we understand how statistics work, that people have the option to opt out adn that there are strict data protection rules.

It's not nosiness, you're not allowed to just ask question that you feel like for statistical purposes, you have to show it has policy relevance, i.e. that the data will be used for the benefit of society.

Not in the UK I should say and it was 20 years ago. But I was asked by the anaesthetist in front of my husband whether I had had an abortion when we were there to discuss the epidural. I could truthfully say no but I imagine some women may never have told their partner if they had and could be put on the spot. I don't know why I didn't complain at the time - I was only there because another anaesthetist had nearly killed me when having my first child and there were things that they could do to stop a recurrence and I wanted to make sure they were done. Other anaesthetists I asked later were a bit horrified and couldn't think of a reason why she would ask that.

They have two patients you and your unborn child. In early stages of pregnancy they are assessing your suitability to a, be pregnant and b, raise a child. Any concerns or support needs identified and they can help. They will ask about allergies/ previous ops if relevant.

@WulyJmpr

To understand any hazards the baby and mother may be subject to e.g. insecure accommodation or work patterns. Domestic abuse. Such questions are ways of getting you to talk about your situation as a mother to be. Don't get such a bee in your bonnet.

I don't think they are about this, a lot of these are about monitoring outcomes for different subsections of society, ongoing research projects etc.

There is very little interest in VAWG, we can not get the state to take it seriously when it is happening, there is certainly no interest in checking in advance who might be at risk.

It is kind of cute that you think the state cares.

@OfstedOffred

The questions are not "judging" . Its about identifying people who need support, ensuring you are accessing any/all help you which you may be entitled and about protecting the child.

Given there is no support available for people in terrible situations, I really disagree with this.

The degree question for example is nothing to do with this type of (fictional) support, it is a classic research question where they compare levels of x/y/z between different social groups.

A portion of these questions are about getting the right data for health research to be carried out in future, and of course good data to sell to private healthcare companies.

I had the same questions at my booking appointment and would second FarangGirl and a couple of others who've said these questions are likely to be mostly for statistical purposes - I work in the public sector and people often get annoyed at forms that ask about their sexuality, religion etc but we ask those questions so that we can understand our customer base and plan our services to support them, basically.

If you have the data it means you are able to look at things like 'do people of X ethnicity tend to stop using our service prematurely' (for example) which would indicate a problem with the way we're delivering services to that group.

Or we could look at 'are women with X socio-economic status at higher risk of X complication', which would then mean we need to put extra resources into supporting those women with that status to avoid those complications.

I would guess that the way an individual answers the questions also helps the midwife get to know them too, e.g. if someone breaks down when asked about their partner obviously they might need more support in that area! Or of they mention homelessness the midwife's job would be to help link them to services that could help, and so on.

They do feel intrusive but I didn't take offense at being asked because having accurate data on your customers is critical to being able to deliver services that meet their needs. Otherwise you're just guessing from your own assumptions!

They’re not nosy questions. They’re necessary questions.
Why so prickly. If you’re in a good place mentally and physically to have a child with some support and a suitable home then it’s just box ticking for you.
And nobody is being judgmental. The midwives are doing their job just like you have to do yours.
You’re not forced to have a booking appointment but if you want to access maternity services then this is the process.

They don't care about additional support.

I was asked these questions when I lived on a mattress on the floor in someone's house at 17. It didn't help me get moved on or additional support.

It didn't help me that they knew this. Everything carried on the same.

You should try being muslim, they will ask you if you are related to your husband and if you have been cut (fgm).

@OfstedOffred

The questions are not "judging" . Its about identifying people who need support, ensuring you are accessing any/all help you which you may be entitled and about protecting the child.

The last bit of your post contradicts the first.

Not nosey or intrusive, the questions are designed to highlight early any potential issues eg domestic violence.

@newbiename

Not nosey or intrusive, the questions are designed to highlight early any potential issues eg domestic violence.

What potential issues are highlighted by finding out whether you're educated to degree level?

@newbiename

Not nosey or intrusive, the questions are designed to highlight early any potential issues eg domestic violence.

So they are deliberately intrusive questions then.

You may think that is acceptable, but clearly asking personal questions is intrusive.

@chattycaterpillar

Also, it was a phone appointment as I was covid positive etc at the time of the appointment, ( so she changed it to a phone appointment, which was fair enough). But it seemed a bit pointless. She asked if it was supportive relationship etc, and I thought who's going to answer honestly when their partner is next to them anyway lol

Generally, their partners aren't next to them. I think most women attend their booking appointment solo.

You have lived a very sheltered life if you can’t see why these questions are important.

@carefullycourageous I agree there will be some monitoring going on as well but yes services can help they can refer to early help, nursery nurse team, ss, hv, gp, counselling, womens charities. If you have had a bad experience of accepting or wanting help from services or know someone who has that's awful. But this mentality of services are not there to help just to judge or they won't do anything anyway is really unhelpful and actually stops people from accepting help when it's offered.

If you think thats judgemental youd better buckle up because the next 18 years are going to be looooong.

Oh I see you are "one of those". PP have explained the relevance, you don't have to answer them. Conversations regarding the birth and underlying conditions will happen later, and with a consultant. Do change midwife if you didn't like the one you had, they're generally there because they want to help you have a positive experience.

The system isn't perfect OP.

But.

It is trying to help vulnerable women. And that effort picks up more than not trying would.

Surely you can deal with being asked about your relationship or educational level for the sake of those women who might need some extra support? Because your indignation at these questions is coming across like you think the midwives shouldn't dare ask. Surely you don't begrudge women and babies in a more difficult life than yours some help?! And in that, surely you realise that if they don't ask every woman the same questions, they aren't treating everyone the same?

Often in the appointment they'll ask the question about the relationship being supportive when the partner goes out of the room. I guess on the phone she's a bit stuck with that. Perhaps she'll ask you again in person, alone. And that will be because abusive men would also sit by the phone, abusive men can't be detected by sight and it's her job to get help for you if you're being abused. Not to judge, which is something entirely different.

You're educated to degree level but can't understand why these questions are asked?

@PastMyBestBeforeDate

People do marry and have children with their first cousins. My friend did. That does come with a host of medical problems if it's a common thing in your family.

The percentage of first cousin births in the UK is quite small, relatively speaking. The percentage of children born with huge problems resulting from first cousin marriages is huge. Something like 6%of all UK births annually but 33% of children born with additional needs. Very prevalent in some communities and absolutely relevant to life and additional support after birth.

YABU. They are assessing your risk factors.

That's so strange, I wasn't asked any of that, and would have likely politely refused.