To say this pissed me off about my booking appointment ?

[chattycaterpillar]

I had a pregnancy booking appointment recently, and was talking to a friend about this yesterday, and she agreed this equally pissed her off about her's too, ( she had hers 12 months ago in the same NHS trust).

The actual medical questions were almost skimmed over, ( I wasn't asked if I had any medication allergies, even though I have a serious allergy to doxycycline). But the amount of nosy, social questions asked to "judge," your suitability to parent was ridiculous.

Examples on the proforma list included:

• How long have you been with your partner ? ( Yes, it is a long-term relationship so wasn't an issue for me, but my friend's child was conceived after a short fling and she didn't want to be answering exactly how long it was).

• What is your highest level qualification/ are you educated to degree level ? ( I'm educated to degree level, but interested in the medical relevance of this. Imagine getting asked that at any other medical appointment ...)

• Are you employed ? Is it full time work, what do you do for work ? What does your partner do for work ? ( Why on earth is it medically relevant what my partner does as his job ? )

• Does your partner have any other children ? ( No, but again, not medically relevant...)

• Do you own or rent your property ? ( Why, do you want to take a look at my mortgage deeds....)

Seemed to be a lot more interested in asking a list of nosy, intrusive questions than either a) a serious physical health condition I have that could impact the birth, or b) my medication allergies.

I'm just trying to work out in what other medical scenario this would be appropriate...

Women without partners, one night stands etc may need additional support.

@Jellybellyfun88 what additional support do you believe will be provided? I'm only asking because I feel like in theory it seems that this will be the case. In reality, not so much

@babywalker56

Also, supposing I had said I'm single/ baby conceived via a one night stand, only been together for a few weeks, what actual support could they refer you into for that ?

Literally what support could they give you? None.

I've had my fair share of interesting questions that makes me think what the hell but the one that gets me recently is health professionals asking if my kids have the same dad....

I have a 10 month old and I'm 36 weeks pregnant. So I got pregnant with my second when my first was only 3 months. Every single health professional I've come into contact with (except for my GP) has asked if they have the same dad. They do have the same dad but what exactly are they going to do if they didn't? Raise an eyebrow at me, jot it down and move onto the next question?

I personally stuggle to see how that question is asked in a way to help and support you rather than to judge you. It 100% is to judge you

You're at a higher risk of PET having a child with a new partner. They're asking because it's relevant.

Partners date of birth is really important for id purposes

If you say had concerns about a patients husband James Smith, social services would need to know if its James Smith with a history of violence and previous children removed from care or a completely different James Smith with no history. People move address but a name and dob combo means things link up

It stops them having to ask it later when they have concerns as if you had just said you were worried about your partner and the nurse suddenly asked for identifying details you wouldn't give it

In 2017 1 in 5 infant deaths in a certain Borough came from parents who were blood relatives, a Bradford study estimated that half of newborns from certain ethnic groups born there came from parents who were first cousins.

It's a real prevailing factor in disability and its a very important question to ask

www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-leeds-23183102.amp

Whilst the questions might be “relevant”

What are the NHS/SS or other departments etc going to realistically do if you answer the questions and they don’t like your answers

How long have you been with your partner

“Rough guide to if you'll have another adult supporting you with the newborn stage, which is hard enough as a couple let alone if you'll be a single parent”

How long you have been together has absolutely no relationship to what help they will be.
I had been with dh 20 years when Dd was born. Dh was on a plane out of the country and back at work 2-3 weeks out of every 4,
12 days after I gave birth by EMCS

What is your highest level qualification/ are you educated to degree level

I struggled with O levels but it doesn’t mean I couldn’t raise children. Just because I didn’t know the German for Girafe or a factory act from 1882 doesn’t mean I couldn’t change a nappy or be able to feed and look after my child

Are you employed ? Is it full time work, what do you do for work ? What does your partner do for work

I didn’t work. At the time of getting pregnant neither did my Dh. What difference would it make. I don’t see what they would do.

Does your partner have any other children

“If so, they will have prior experience of how to look after a baby”

Says who? If Dh had remarried and his new wife gave birth then expecting him to have prior experience is misguided.

Do you own or rent your property

Again what would they do if you rented instead of owned or you lived in an over crowded house or B&B accommodation

“The midwife is there to support you through pregnancy until a few weeks after the birth. That doesn't just cover the bare minimum needed for medical reasons. They won't be asking just to be nosy. They have contacts with other services that can give help where needed, but they need to find out when it's needed and people generally won't volunteer the info themselves”

Firstly I never had a midwife at any time during my pregnancy
Going into hospital to have Dd I lost count of the number of midwives who would come into my room when I was in labour and announce they were my midwife and would be staying with me through to me giving birth then say they just needed to get something and walk out never to be seen again. Definitely in double figures.

Whilst it is a nice idea that these questions would flag up if someone needed help but we have to be realistic. What actual help apart from a few leaflets would they actually do.
It is hard enough getting someone to help you when you are crying out for help.

Actually reading and understanding a form someone has filled in and then being able to refer someone to the department that should help is great. But these departments are so behind, overworked and cash strapped what are they going to do?

@DropYourSword and what's that?

@Kennykenkencat
The midwives themselves might not do much but can refer to other teams including high risk midwives, children's service and signpost towards benefit support etc

My sister was rehoused after her accommodation (which she'd been on about to the council) was picked up in a screening like this, her health visitor got her in touch with a charity and put her weight behind supporting the application. I've no doubt without them she'd still be in that accommodation

Can you imagine if they never bother to ask about domestic violence etc because they assumed people would be honest?!

If a partner has children he doesn't see, maybe there's SS involvement and that's something that needs to be looked into and flagged. It would have implications for both as the new baby may be subject to SS intervention. It's basic safeguarding.

A DOB for your partner is to verify identity and can assist with the above and also if anyone tries to advocate on your behalf if you're not well enough, they'll have your partner's details and ask for a DOB which can be cross referenced.

They do seem odd questions but they're to look into whether you're at risk. You might need MH support, extra testing, benefits advice or social services' support.

You will need to get used to it. A good one with no obvious purpose is: 'Is this your first child?' That one is a real cracking one and will probably be wheeled out most of the time you see a GP for your child. Not entirely sure that has a purpose other than to determine if they should take you seriously or not but that one always perplexes me.

[quote babywalker56]@DropYourSword and what's that?[/quote]
See, this is precisely why midwives should just ask questions without having to explain the relevance of each question. Because then when you explain why you're asking, you then have to explain what each condition is. It would take forever!! It's only relevant when it's relevant. Hence the screening questions.

The irony is that I did have a child in need. I needed help and support .
I didn't get any. Looking back , my child should have been assigned a social worker, probably from birth. They never got one. I lost out on child benefit and disability benefits my child was entitled to. There were no helpful NHS staff members signposting the way.

The actual medical questions were almost skimmed over,
Medically at this stage there is not a lot they can do. They can’t stop you having a miscarriage. The medical care increases as the pregnancy progresses, but at this stage the social care is far more important.

Get in the habit of asking questions.
The best medical professionals around you won't always proffer explanations before saying/doing things.
Don't come away from appointments cross or confused. Just ask "what does that mean? Why is that needed?" etc
It's really important to ask questions when you don't understand so you can make informed decisions around your pregnancy/birth.
For a start I'd be asking how the medical condition you mention might affect your birth choices and who to speak to about that?
Don't be passive. Nothing wrong with asking a midwife/obstetrician why they need x or y from you.
It'll also stand you in really good stead for the postnatal period and when you have a child to advocate for.

The actual support they can offer you is real, they don’t just ask out of nosiness. Mums who might have had previous babies removed by SW’s will often move to a new area for the next pregnancy in the hope they are not identified, midwives are the first line of defence for these at risk babies. Asking questions about the dad is vital in helping identify cases of abuse, trafficked women, sex workers or addicts. Our local SW service has a special Pre-birth Team and midwives are the gateway to refer pregnant mums who they feel need extra support to the team. These SW’s can provide a huge range of supports including parenting classes to inexperienced mums without partner or family support, they can offer help with applying for housing or benefits, they can help mums who have been coerced into a pregnancy by an abusive partner and who now want to break free. They can refer struggling mums/couples/families to local charities for things for the baby or clothes for mum while pregnant or food banks to ensure mum eats well during pregnancy. They can help a single mum who has no one to mind her other children when she goes into labour. You may not need any of this help but there are many mums who do, would you rather midwives just take one look at how mums present and make assumptions about how the mums are doing?

You’ll be asked throughout your pregnancy whether you feel safe at home. The health visitor will also ask you.

If you had been at an in person appointment you would see they’re just reeling through the questions that appear on the screen.

Think yourself lucky you have a lovely support network and think these questions are nosey and irrelevant. For some people; this is the first chance they get in pregnancy to get some support.

I think it is inappropriate too OP but honestly good luck getting anyone to agree on here. Most people seem happy to accept any level of state nosiness, judgement and interference in the interest of preventing abuses that said state mostly subsequently fails to prevent anyway.

I have an injection every 8 weeks. Every fourth time I go, they ask me all sorts of questions about if my home is safe, do I have any thoughts of self harm, do I feel safe in my life and relationship. I'm not pregnant, don't have children and the treatment I'm getting is for a gastro issue. But I'm glad they ask these questions because if it helps one person access support to leave an abusive situation, it will have been worth it in terms of my time. Answer the questions OP and consider yourself lucky that you get to think they are ridiculous and not appropriate to you.

The questions aren't to judge or to categorise you but to assess the situation a baby is being born into. The questions regarding your health and c sections and birth plans come later.

The fact that you don't understand why these questions are being asked will, I am sure, have been picked up on.

I was asked this and asked why it was one of the questions. They told me that in some communities there is a much higher incidence of cousins marrying which then leads to a much higher incidence of miscarriages, birth defects, genetic conditions, etc. They need to understand if you are at need of different types of testing and support because of this.

This is a standardised question - if they ask it due to one community group they have to ask it of all. Or would you prefer nurses only ask it of people that look a bit Asian?!

Post above re. Why you're asked if you are related to the father.

I thought you sounded naive at first not understanding why they ask these questions, but so many posters have explained why, and you’re still annoyed about it, why? Do you not understand the explanations? That not everyone is in your privileged position of needing no additional social support?

This is just the first set, in a long line of questioning you are going to receive when it comes to your child.

Welcome to parenting and the attempts various professionals and services will go to in order to safeguard you and your family.

YANBU to feel how you do. I would feel the same OP. I had a private midwife for many reasons. It's overly intrusive in parts.

@Laniania

I think it is inappropriate too OP but honestly good luck getting anyone to agree on here. Most people seem happy to accept any level of state nosiness, judgement and interference in the interest of preventing abuses that said state mostly subsequently fails to prevent anyway.

Completely agree with this.

I think this is all part of the lack of respect the medical profession has for mothers.

These questions have a purpose, but that purpose isn’t what you were anticipating. The booking in appointment is superficially sold to women as a physical medical appointment, not an emotional support or social services one. And the paucity of resources available to help build up social or emotional reserves makes that aspect a fairly judgmental process with, at the end of it, the threat of losing your child. That threat is tiny, and necessary, but it’s there without being really acknowledged.

The treatment is patronizing and frequently disingenuous. It treats women as vessels for the child more than people in their own right who have devoted significant biological resources to nurturing new life and are demonstrably, on average, more concerned for their child than anyone else. It is manifest in the disregard for consent that is so frequently discussed on these boards when discussing child birth and it continues after birth with health visitors and, later, schools.

The questions are not "judging" . Its about identifying people who need support, ensuring you are accessing any/all help you which you may be entitled and about protecting the child.