To say this pissed me off about my booking appointment ?

[chattycaterpillar]

I had a pregnancy booking appointment recently, and was talking to a friend about this yesterday, and she agreed this equally pissed her off about her's too, ( she had hers 12 months ago in the same NHS trust).

The actual medical questions were almost skimmed over, ( I wasn't asked if I had any medication allergies, even though I have a serious allergy to doxycycline). But the amount of nosy, social questions asked to "judge," your suitability to parent was ridiculous.

Examples on the proforma list included:

• How long have you been with your partner ? ( Yes, it is a long-term relationship so wasn't an issue for me, but my friend's child was conceived after a short fling and she didn't want to be answering exactly how long it was).

• What is your highest level qualification/ are you educated to degree level ? ( I'm educated to degree level, but interested in the medical relevance of this. Imagine getting asked that at any other medical appointment ...)

• Are you employed ? Is it full time work, what do you do for work ? What does your partner do for work ? ( Why on earth is it medically relevant what my partner does as his job ? )

• Does your partner have any other children ? ( No, but again, not medically relevant...)

• Do you own or rent your property ? ( Why, do you want to take a look at my mortgage deeds....)

Seemed to be a lot more interested in asking a list of nosy, intrusive questions than either a) a serious physical health condition I have that could impact the birth, or b) my medication allergies.

I'm just trying to work out in what other medical scenario this would be appropriate...

YABU. Plenty of PP have explained why these questions are relevant, yet you are determined to have a problem with them 🤷‍♀️

Now you're saying you got 'stick' by way of inference? Perhaps check your assumptions. Not everything needs to be an affront to you.

Your replies in regards to whether dad's have access to their other kids, and why it's relevant, speaks to a blessed, sheltered life. Maybe you've never even heard of safeguarding before? Sincerely hope that continues but do try to see the wider picture now and again.

My husband and I got asked if we were related prior to marriage at both my booking in appointments with different midwife’s…… (we obviously are not)

@JellybeanMama

My husband and I got asked if we were related prior to marriage at both my booking in appointments with different midwife’s…… (we obviously are not)

Not uncommon. Honestly.

You will also have an antenatal appointment with a health visitor towards the end of pregnancy and she will go through ALL of this again with you only in some areas and any health visitor involvement is entirely optional.

If he is a shit dad, he should be the one getting stick, not her.

I don't think the mother is getting stick, it is to find out if he is a shit dad/ potentially unfit dad.

The questions are not to judge. As pps have pointed out they are asked for a variety of reason.

23 years ago at my first born, booking in appointment I was asked similar questions including...
Wait for it!
Do you own a dishwasher?
Owning one has obviously not made me a better parent as my children were never able to make a spaceship, Blue Peter style from the fairy soap bottle.

Yes it feels weird and intrusive. But there are certain stats that flash up that at a population level, certain cohorts of society are more likely to need support than others. If they know that a child that lives in a house with a green door is 10x more likely to suffer neglect than other children, and they don't check what colour door the mum to be has, there would be questions asked if any neglect happened.

All I remember of my booking appointment a dozen years ago was “What did your mum die of”, which was upsetting enough for someone hormonal (I can see the medical relevance though), followed by the absolute killer - her reaction to my answer (a rare form of cancer) - a hearty chuckle and “Ooh that’s a funny name.” I mean, WTAF? Yes I did leave in tears.

I tend to think that if these questions either 1) help to identify someone who is at risk and needs more support or 2) give evidence which allows for more effective and targeted interventions for those that need it or 3) ideally both of the above, I'm more than happy to answer.

Maternal-fetal outcomes are highly correlated with socio-economic conditions. They are actually quite useful baseline markers for patient needs during pregnancy.

The intake appointment also provides a chance to review needs for social services. Just like no matter what the reason we end up in a&e, normally a child asthma attack, our hospital always makes sure I fill out a domestic violence screener away from my husband.

When I was having my first two one of the questions was 'is the father a blood relative' 😮

It's normal, although they should have asked you about your allergies, medical conditions etc as well. Partners date of birth will be partly for data collection. by asking everyone how old their partners are the nhs can do research into whether for example the age of the father affects the chances of the baby being born with certain birth defects. Also on a local level if there are loads of retired dad's doing the childcare the health visitors might decide to set up a Dad's group during the week.

They also need to subtly identify which mothers might need more support while trying not to cause embarrassment or offence. In my area they can refer you to the WREN midwives (women requiring extra nurturing) where they do an amazing job of trying to keep families together. Used to be called the safeguarding midwives but the new wording sounds less scary/threatening for the families who need them.

I was also asked these questions when my child first saw the paediatrician.

@CanIJustHaveAWord

When I was having my first two one of the questions was 'is the father a blood relative' 😮

It's legal for first cousins to marry, and relatively common in some cultures And obviously, there are potential medical issues around this, so the question is asked.

There are few touch points with expectant mothers to troubleshoot a potential issue for a baby. This is done not to annoy you but to identify the women who need more support.
It’s not to offend, it’s to filter.

If you’ve come away so confused and ‘pissed off’ about eh questions you were asked because you didn’t understand why you were being asked them…
Why didn’t you just ask the midwife for clarification on what relevance the questions had.. rather than coming to mumsnet none the wiser just having a moan about a professional who’s going to spend she next 9 months making sure you and your baby are healthy and happy?

Sounds like your friend has just go teen into your head and has convinced you to be as ignorant as she is.

You haven’t got a clue what’s coming to you when this baby is born, have you?

Now is the time to let this kind of precious high horsery go OP. You have a long road ahead of you as a parent if these (very relevant and important) questions are going to drive you crackers.

@chattycaterpillar

Oh and they also wanted to know my partner's date of birth. Why ?! I've been for surgery before under anesthetic and they've never asked that. My partner and I are the same age, (29), but my friend sad it's for them to have a nosy at unsuitable age gaps.....but if i'd have said my partner was 60, what would they actually be able to do ?!

You actually sound paranoid. Don't answer the questions if you have such strong objections. You've received many helpful replies here which explain the relevance of the questions, but you seem determined to be offended. Nobody is it to get you.

You sound like you are just looking for reasons to be difficult. It's not all about you anymore. You are bringing a child into the world. These questions are designed to make sure that child has the best possible outcome from birth onwards.

You're entitled to ask what is being done with your personal data.

Sounds like it's for statistics in which case it would be anonymised and only used in the aggregate to understand trends and inform social and public health policy. For example, education and house ownership will probably be used as an index of socioeconomic status and then, for example, correlated with pregnancy outcomes. Obviously, for any one individual this doesn't matter - your own education level and whether you own a house isn't going to determine how well your baby does - but on average this can be a proxy and this relationship and how it is changing over time is really important for public health policy.

But if you really don't wnat to answer, you should be able to opt out.

Respectfully, it's wonderful that you have such privileged and ideal circumstances. Someone who is vulnerable, more so than you are able to imagine, will need these questions asked so they can receive the correct level of help and support. The answers a woman gives to the questions you seem unnecessary will help find who needs help and who doesn't.

Also, the NHS doesn't give a shit about relationship age gaps as long as you're not 15 with an elderly boyfriend.

*deem

It's nothing to do with your suitability to be a parent. It's to see if you or the child could be at risk.

But the NHS does care about how the age of the father could impact pregnancy outcomes. It has less of an impact than age of mother but still has an effect.

I don't think that most of the questions listed are anything to do with a personal risk assessment. They're for statistical purposes.