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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To throw away pink things?

483 replies

JustAnotherBadMother · 24/03/2022 15:14

I have DDs aged 15 mo and 1 mo. I hate pink. I hate the way so much girls stuff is pink. I mostly buy them boys things, although I've no problem with dresses and dolls (which I do buy), providing they are not pink. My SIL is the opposite of me in just about everything. She is very OTT in quantity of presents which I find overbearing, and makes me feel bad, and her tastes are the opposite of mine. She buys masses of stuff for my daughters (which I do not need or want), and the vast majority of it makes me want to vomit. It's almost all really expensive (JoJo, Boden, etc), whereas my stuff is almost all a mixture of freecycle and Primark, partly because of money, but tbh personal taste probably plays a bigger role. My mother recently bought some things for my DDs and they were really heavily biased towards pink. She noted herself regretfully that they were overall a bit pink, and commented on how one dress was largely pink but had other colours, when it was 90% pink. My SIL bought an expensive jacket for DD1 a few weeks ago (JoJo, obvs), and said although it was pink she thought I'd still like it.
I don't know why they do it, because they know I absolutely hate pink stuff and it won't be worn. For more than a year all this pink crap has simply been in the cupboard and literally not worn at all.
Today I was just feeling miserable and put a lot of the pink stuff in a bag (inc the new dress my DM bought a couple of weeks ago) and put it all in a public bin. I felt guilty for a few hours and went out to try and find the bag (just to put in the attic, not use), but the bins had been emptied. I think I'm glad about this, but just can't stop thinking about it and feeling miserable about the whole situation.
Why do my DM and SIL do this? If it really was very very occasional and pink was just one of 100 colours I wouldn't care. But it's not. Almost everything my SIL buys is pink pink pink, and a fair chunk of what my DM buys is pink too. I'm fine with pretty dresses which they like buying, but just draw the line at pink.
(NB I would normally give it to charity - I've got masses off freecycle myself - but I have issues with pink and poorer girls been limited by it. That's why not. Plus I'm cross with my SIL and DM for buying all this pink shit when they knew I hate it and it won't be used, and somehow this seemed more appropriate. If they ever find out there'll be more pissed off, which is what I want bc I'm getting upset about all of this. It feels like they are criticising my values and my abilities as a mother.)

OP posts:
Scbchl · 24/03/2022 15:56

Welcome to Mumsnet

JustAnotherBadMother · 24/03/2022 15:57

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

What colours do your daughters like? Rather than you?

And an utter waste to chuck perfectly good stuff in the bin. You sound incredibly ungrateful and judgemental and I wouldn't blame your family for refusing to buy anything more for your daughters.

Well my eldest is 15 months old so no preferences yet....look I get when they are older they will have their own views and preferences, and yes of course that will be taken into account.

You say I sound incredibly ungrateful, but I don't need or want these gifts, and although on one level buying gifts is kind, I don't think that's true if you know someone doesn't like and want it. For example I'm vegetarian, and if someone knew that, buying me an expensive steak would not be good, but quite offensive. My DM and SIL know how much I have pink but still buy pink pink pink constantly, and not as one of many colours. Why should I be grateful for this? And actually I love it if they stopped buying stuff altogether frankly.

OP posts:
LadyJaneHall · 24/03/2022 15:57

You are unreasonable to throw brand new goods in a bin - what a waste. You should have donated to charity.

Papayamya · 24/03/2022 15:57

It's odd that it's always typically feminine things that are seen as lesser isn't it.

TolkiensFallow · 24/03/2022 15:57

I’m conscious that you’re 4 weeks post partum and probably exhausted but yabu I’m afraid. You are really really overthinking the colour issue. It’s just a colour. I get that it’s annoying but you have got really worked up over it.

You threw away new clothes because of the colour. That’s just so privileged. I know you said you get clothes from primark and free cycle so you don’t think you are, but that is just awful to throw away clothes.

nokidshere · 24/03/2022 15:57

Oh, I missed that you already binned it.

In that case you are very very unreasonable and disgustingly patronising about others using it. Who are you to dictate what colours people wear?

Whatalovelydaffodil · 24/03/2022 15:58

I think the "poor girls"would rather have pink clothes than no clothes. You aren't "saving"anyone by not giving to charity shops.

Bananabutter · 24/03/2022 15:58

Oh honey, you’re getting all worked up. It’s just a colour.

Stop projecting your agenda onto your children.

EatSleepReplete · 24/03/2022 15:58

@Scbchl

Welcome to Mumsnet
Oh no, is it one of those threads?
SpicePumpkin · 24/03/2022 15:59

Your comments about 'poor girls' and 'poor families' are extremely offensive though. If you can't see that you never will.

Charity shops are used by everyone, not just 'poor families' as well you know?

SemperIdem · 24/03/2022 15:59

I wonder if op is one of those who has called her daughters traditionally male names because “it will help them get further in life” because as ever, femininity is lesser.

Pumperthepumper · 24/03/2022 15:59

@Papayamya

It's odd that it's always typically feminine things that are seen as lesser isn't it.
Just bog standard misogyny in a different bag.
FoxyFoxyLoxy · 24/03/2022 15:59

My point was that if I gave it to charity then it would almost certainly end up (quite rightly) with a girl from a poor family

And it gets worse. Because of course only "poor families" go shopping in charity shops.

You're not coming across well here at all, OP.

VeganCow · 24/03/2022 16:00

Why did you bin the clothes, what utter waste

TruffleShuffles · 24/03/2022 16:00

What a bizarre attitude, why are you correlating a child’s personality and likes with what they you dress them in? Why do you think putting a girl in a boys outfit will make them want to climb a tree?

I never bought my daughter any pink when she was younger as I didn’t think it suited her, I always used the pink clothes she was bought though as to do anything else was wasteful. Now she’s three she does sometimes choose to wear pink, sometimes she chooses to wear an Incredible Hulk costume. Neither choice has an affect on what she chooses to do or how she acts that day.

Miriam101 · 24/03/2022 16:00

I have a similar situation but I've just shrugged and put my kids in the things I find the least objectionable. Really wasteful to throw them out. A bit extreme to ban a colour. Think you're going to have a tough time when they start school - and you lose control over their likes and dislikes and what they're exposed to- if your thinking is this rigid. Sorry.

Jumpingintomenopause · 24/03/2022 16:01

@ManateeFair

Wear jeans and climb trees and follow politics

Weird that you think girls who wear pink don’t do these things.

This.

Personal preference is fine but your actions were silly and your argument seems very misguided.

I studied politics. I am wearing a white blouse today with pink and red earrings, pink nails and the screen on my watch is set to pink and red numbers too. Should I hand in my feminist credentials? Should my professional opinion be disregarded from the policy meeting I attended earlier?

Don’t project onto your daughters.

worriedatthistime · 24/03/2022 16:01

Op your trying to hard you really are you are going to force your opinions of pink on your girls
Assuming poor people only have pink charity as thats all they can afford like your doing some sort of favour
They maybe like pink and there are plenty of none pink to choose from
It's a bloody colour thats all
All these people saying i boy boys to be gender neutral can you not see the irony , your making pink a girls only by doing just that
Also there are tons and tons of non pink girls clothes incl in the girls section
You almost think your superior to those that choose pink
Your not

yesterdayisgone · 24/03/2022 16:01

And what makes you think the colours you like are so wonderful ? Imposing your bland choices on your daughters tut tut

EatSleepReplete · 24/03/2022 16:01

YABU to buy from Primark as well. Fast Fashion benefits no-one. Especially not the people working in their factories, for barely enough wages to afford the most basic accommodation.

JustAnotherBadMother · 24/03/2022 16:02

@MaryLennoxsScowl

How about dyeing it? They might get the point if they see the same item but dyed?
I'm thinking of this for the future. I'm pretty sure it would go wrong and look ridiculous (I don't know anything about dyeing), but I'd be happy for them to wear that and maybe just maybe my family would get the message.
OP posts:
Siepie · 24/03/2022 16:02

My point was that if I gave it to charity then it would almost certainly end up (quite rightly) with a girl from a poor family

It will only end up with a girl from a poorer family if her parents choose it for her. Why do you think poorer parents need you to make decisions for them about what their children are allowed to wear?

Twizbe · 24/03/2022 16:03

@SemperIdem

I wonder if op is one of those who has called her daughters traditionally male names because “it will help them get further in life” because as ever, femininity is lesser.
Quite agree.

Why is it so terrible to dress a girl in pink alongside other colours? Is it because something seen as feminine isn't as good?

Seriously though, use them for nursery clothes in future. People got me a ton of Disney clothes for my two. I don't like mini mouse at all so all those things were put in the nursery drawer. I disliked those clothes so didn't care if they got covered in paint or food.

Babyiwantabump · 24/03/2022 16:03

YABU because you could have donated the stuff instead of binned it . Someone else has already probably said this anyway but 🤷🏻‍♀️

Nomoreusernames1244 · 24/03/2022 16:03

There's nothing wrong with pink. Do you dislike any other colours?

No, there isn’t anything wrong with pink.

What is wrong is girls clothes being almost exclusively pink, or purple, or pastel cutesy stuff. Often impractical skirts, tights, skinny jeans etc as well.

Go into next, how do you find the girls section? Look for the sea of pink. The boys will be the murky coloured dinosaur themed section.

I had a girl who preferred other colours. If she asked for a blue teddy for christmas, she’d be bought the pink version. If she went to a till with a blue ball, she’d be told they had pink ones if she wanted to swap. If she was looking at pirate toys, an assistant would direct her to the “girls” section.

The pinkification of girls is insidious and harmful.

It isn’t “just a colour”. It represents a shitload of stereotypes we should have ditched in the 70’s.

That said, i was fine about my girls having the odd pink skirt or dress. I used to keep anything really nice and charity shop/return the rest, and buy more practical, less stereotyped stuff.