To throw away pink things?

[JustAnotherBadMother]

I have DDs aged 15 mo and 1 mo. I hate pink. I hate the way so much girls stuff is pink. I mostly buy them boys things, although I've no problem with dresses and dolls (which I do buy), providing they are not pink. My SIL is the opposite of me in just about everything. She is very OTT in quantity of presents which I find overbearing, and makes me feel bad, and her tastes are the opposite of mine. She buys masses of stuff for my daughters (which I do not need or want), and the vast majority of it makes me want to vomit. It's almost all really expensive (JoJo, Boden, etc), whereas my stuff is almost all a mixture of freecycle and Primark, partly because of money, but tbh personal taste probably plays a bigger role. My mother recently bought some things for my DDs and they were really heavily biased towards pink. She noted herself regretfully that they were overall a bit pink, and commented on how one dress was largely pink but had other colours, when it was 90% pink. My SIL bought an expensive jacket for DD1 a few weeks ago (JoJo, obvs), and said although it was pink she thought I'd still like it.
I don't know why they do it, because they know I absolutely hate pink stuff and it won't be worn. For more than a year all this pink crap has simply been in the cupboard and literally not worn at all.
Today I was just feeling miserable and put a lot of the pink stuff in a bag (inc the new dress my DM bought a couple of weeks ago) and put it all in a public bin. I felt guilty for a few hours and went out to try and find the bag (just to put in the attic, not use), but the bins had been emptied. I think I'm glad about this, but just can't stop thinking about it and feeling miserable about the whole situation.
Why do my DM and SIL do this? If it really was very very occasional and pink was just one of 100 colours I wouldn't care. But it's not. Almost everything my SIL buys is pink pink pink, and a fair chunk of what my DM buys is pink too. I'm fine with pretty dresses which they like buying, but just draw the line at pink.
(NB I would normally give it to charity - I've got masses off freecycle myself - but I have issues with pink and poorer girls been limited by it. That's why not. Plus I'm cross with my SIL and DM for buying all this pink shit when they knew I hate it and it won't be used, and somehow this seemed more appropriate. If they ever find out there'll be more pissed off, which is what I want bc I'm getting upset about all of this. It feels like they are criticising my values and my abilities as a mother.)

YABVU for putting brand new baby clothes in the bin!

Can't you try and exchange some of it for stuff you actually like?

I think your trying to hard , i have boys older teenagers they also own pink clothes

Why not give to charity or put in a clothes bin. I appreciate you hate pink but not everyone does and this could really help someone out who is struggling to afford nice clothes

Well, throwing away brand new clothes to prove your point absolutely negates your free cycling.
Women's aid or a charity shop donation would have helped somebody else and stopped the utter waste of binning brand new clothes.
Also, why not just mix in the odd pink item with all their other clothes. Then it's just a colour along with all the others. You can't ban pink altogether when they are older and it's a bit ridiculous now.

Look OP, Just tell them "I'm not a regular mum, I'm a cool mum, can't you tell that by my oh so unique rejection of pink"....?
What will you do if they grow up to like pink? Still ban and bin it?

Why would you not give the items to charity? You say that you feel women & girls are limited by association with the colour pink, but you don't see that your actions in throwing away perfectly good items also put people at a disadvantage. Those items are now not available in the shops for poorer families to buy at lower prices, the charity shops have missed out on the money they could have made from them, & you've contributed to the landfill problem.

I wonder how long it will take before the OP will discover she's "been identified in real life" & the thread has to be pulled.

Both my dd and ds were very eclectic in their tastes as toddlers - think Captain Shakespeare from Stardust 😂😂

Annoying and disrespectful that they aren’t listening to your clearly started preferences. I like pink personally (and am a feminist) and my DS 5 adores it. I don’t have DD.

I think you have a couple of options:

1. With DD this young you obviously have the option to calmly say ‘thank you for the present. Unfortunately I will be passing it onto charity rather than giving it to DD as I don’t use pink things for them. I have mentioned this to you repeatedly before’. BUT I think if you wanted to take a stand like that then the time is NOW. Once DDs start getting their present directly and knowing it’s from x person then it will be a world of pain (and cruel imo) to remove the gift. B) Deep breath and accept that we all have our quirks and annoying sides and that it may be best to try and chill on the issue. I would counsel this personally. The positive impact of your DD growing up with an actively feminist and conscious mother who is interested in issues of identity etc will not be deleted by the odd pink dress.

My eyebrows did hit the ceiling with your reluctance to give it to charity. I work with a Babybank in a very deprived area with parents struggling to provide basic clothes and food for their children. They are being harmed regularly by domestic violence, poor housing, malnutrition, poverty etc etc and depriving them of a pink coat is silly and misguided.

@Hugasauras

And children are individuals. DD loves unicorns and dinosaurs, bugs and dirt, her toy kitchen, her pretend DIY set, and a whole heap of other things. Some days she says she's a princess, other days she's a superhero, other days she's a broccoli.

Your daughter sounds really cool!

You can wear pink and not be girly. I think an irrational hatred of one colour on children is batshit. And it’s not your clothes, why do you get to decide your children can’t wear a specific colour? Don’t wear it yourself, fine. But what if they love pink? They will likely want pink bedrooms and pink clothes just to spite you one day.

My DD spends all her free time covered in mud on a farm, sometimes in a pink hoody and wellies. She rarely wears dresses as they aren’t as practical but she wears all colours, pink included.

Wear jeans and climb trees and follow politics

Weird that you think girls who wear pink don’t do these things.

I also hate pink. When people sent me new pink clothing for DD when she was small, I would return it to the shop. Most will do an exchange without receipts.

I still do this every year because some relatives who do not know us at all send us the most hideous PJs/onesies M&S sell, every year! Pink and fluffy for DD who hates both pink and wearing anything too fluffy. Superhero or dull colours for DS who likes Harry Potter and bright colours.

@SpicePumpkin The broccoli is my favourite as when she's a broccoli she's very hot and no one is allowed to touch her and there's a special broccoli voice that goes with it.

Completely agree with the pp who said this all comes from a background of misogyny.

Op: "my daughters aren't going to be like other girls, especially poor girls who all wear pink"

FWIW, the very first item of clothing I bought for DD was from a charity shop. I was 22 weeks pregnant, had only just discovered I was having a girl, & already struggling at work due to chronic illness. It was a pink dress. It was 75p. I'm glad it wasn't sent to landfill.

Incidentally I am fully with you on gendered clothing. I do think there is a value in providing the space for exposing your DC to alternative views, discussions about difference and it’s value etc rather than blanket bans. I have very much let my two two DS do their thing - my eldest wears dresses a lot and I support him fully in this. We look at dresses together and read to him about gender varied dressing (in an age appropriate way)

and my youngest will only wear dinosaur things 😂

There is nothing wrong with pink! Of course you are entitled to your views but you are coming across as extreme and ungrateful perhaps even jealous of their generosity! Bagging up perfectly good clothes and placing them in a public bin is petty and selfish when you could have given them away to (normal and grateful) new parents!!

I’ve always hated pink stuff too, and dressed my little one in more traditionally ‘boys clothes’. But that being said, how could you bin those clothes! Just because they’re a colour you don’t like.
I find that so annoying that you’ve put perfectly good clothes in the bin, very entitled of you. And you should feel guilty enough to never do it again.

Now my daughter is old enough she picks what she wants to wear and she loves pink. So after all these months of you hating pink you may find that one day your girls CHOOSE pink and you can get over this.

I’m never usually this blunt on a forum, I don’t want you to feel bullied over this. I don’t like gender stereotypes either but you do need to find a way to be ok with this. It’s just a colour.

Ask them for the receipt to return things rather than throwing it away - how wasteful. Alternatively You know you don't have to accept gifts right?

Putting it in the actual bin is very wasteful!
Why don't you return it?? I have the exact same problem with loads of people buying my DD loads of pink stuff and I just say thanks, then take it back to the shop next time I'm in town and get something I like! Jojo, next, m&s etc all have good returns policies where you can return things without a receipt for store credit.
I even had a relative send 3 whole pink outfits, with a card saying "I know you don't like pink but..." I was like wtf??!! but just said thank you and returned them! - they were from next and worth quite a bit!

Binning it is atrocious, what a waste. And it’ll have gone directly to landfill. What a stupid thing to do.

What colours do your daughters like? Rather than you?

And an utter waste to chuck perfectly good stuff in the bin. You sound incredibly ungrateful and judgemental and I wouldn't blame your family for refusing to buy anything more for your daughters.

You sound ridiculous. Especially as the stuff you’re throwing away is better quality and better ethically sourced than stuff from primark.

Fwiw I like a lot of stereotypical girls things but didn't really get choice when I was a kid I try to allow mine to choose things they like now within reason and they are small 5 and 7. My dm always makes funny comments like dd hair is so long it's inpractical. It isn't it's put up for school and dance down the rest of the time if she wants. But if she wants it cut she can its her hair. I would have loved my hair long like hers when I was a kid but all pics of me I had a Bob and wore blue 😂

I get the not wanting it to be nothing but pink pink pink, the clothes I bought for my DD when she was a baby were all colours of the rainbow, bought from all sections of the shop. I

However I do think you are unreasonable to throw perfectly good clothes that could be of use to someone else in the bin. That is an extreme reaction.

One thing I will say is this, I'd get used to the idea of pink because once they start to express a preference for what they wear you may find that while you hate it, they LOVE it. My DD who very rarely wore pink as a baby, wasn't bought pink toys and has been taught from a very young age that colours and toys are for everyone, is now a pink, princess and unicorn obsessed 5 year old.