To throw away pink things?

[JustAnotherBadMother]

I have DDs aged 15 mo and 1 mo. I hate pink. I hate the way so much girls stuff is pink. I mostly buy them boys things, although I've no problem with dresses and dolls (which I do buy), providing they are not pink. My SIL is the opposite of me in just about everything. She is very OTT in quantity of presents which I find overbearing, and makes me feel bad, and her tastes are the opposite of mine. She buys masses of stuff for my daughters (which I do not need or want), and the vast majority of it makes me want to vomit. It's almost all really expensive (JoJo, Boden, etc), whereas my stuff is almost all a mixture of freecycle and Primark, partly because of money, but tbh personal taste probably plays a bigger role. My mother recently bought some things for my DDs and they were really heavily biased towards pink. She noted herself regretfully that they were overall a bit pink, and commented on how one dress was largely pink but had other colours, when it was 90% pink. My SIL bought an expensive jacket for DD1 a few weeks ago (JoJo, obvs), and said although it was pink she thought I'd still like it.
I don't know why they do it, because they know I absolutely hate pink stuff and it won't be worn. For more than a year all this pink crap has simply been in the cupboard and literally not worn at all.
Today I was just feeling miserable and put a lot of the pink stuff in a bag (inc the new dress my DM bought a couple of weeks ago) and put it all in a public bin. I felt guilty for a few hours and went out to try and find the bag (just to put in the attic, not use), but the bins had been emptied. I think I'm glad about this, but just can't stop thinking about it and feeling miserable about the whole situation.
Why do my DM and SIL do this? If it really was very very occasional and pink was just one of 100 colours I wouldn't care. But it's not. Almost everything my SIL buys is pink pink pink, and a fair chunk of what my DM buys is pink too. I'm fine with pretty dresses which they like buying, but just draw the line at pink.
(NB I would normally give it to charity - I've got masses off freecycle myself - but I have issues with pink and poorer girls been limited by it. That's why not. Plus I'm cross with my SIL and DM for buying all this pink shit when they knew I hate it and it won't be used, and somehow this seemed more appropriate. If they ever find out there'll be more pissed off, which is what I want bc I'm getting upset about all of this. It feels like they are criticising my values and my abilities as a mother.)

I mean even if something was truly offensive (e.g those baby clothes with really crude slogans), surely you would put in fabric recycling rather than a random bin. As it is, these clothes aren't offensive - just pink...

The point is pink isn't just a colour. It totally dominates so much of girls stuff, which is what I object to. If it really was one of many colours and both sexes were equally exposed to it, I wouldn't care.
But this isn't even really about that - why do they buy this crap when they know my feelings???

You threw away brand new baby clothes from expensive shops, in the BIN, when so many people are searching charity shops for second hand baby clothes? YABU for not passing it on to someone could have made use of it!!

Yanbu to dress your child how you want. Next time someone who knows that you hate pink, gives you a pink gift, just refuse to accept it. “No thank you, I know we can’t use it so better you pass it to someone esle or try to exchange it.” Then whatever they say just reply “Thank, you but no, it’s no use to us.” Literally do not touch the gift and if it’s placed in your home, hand it back at the end of the visit.

Yanbu to be hurt that your relatives are ignoring your requests and impliedly insulting your taste.

FWIW, when DD was a baby/toddler, we dressed her in mostly neutral colours. Quite a lot of boys clothes in green, blue, brown etc as they were more practical for running about. Some dresses but not many. As soon as she turned 5 & started noticing what the other kids in nursery were wearing, she expressed a preference for pink & only wanted dresses. The next time we bought her clothes as she'd outgrown everything, most of it had to be pink as she said she didn't like anything else. She's nearly 10 & still loves pink. Just saying...

As you have already told them your feelings, just hand the pink crap straight back to them, with a simple “No thanks.” If they protest, remind them you stated your position clearly at the outset. They will get the message eventually.
My DDs are adults now, but I remember feeling the same about pink rubbish. Fortunately in those days, toys and clothes were much less sex stereotyped, and I bought my girls lots of turquoise, purple or blue leggings and tops, and toys ranging from lego to trains.

I don’t understand why you think boys clothes are better
And I don’t understand what’s so bad about pink if it’s mixed with other colours in their wardrobe which is clearly is
Pink isn’t harming them and it’s a weird thing to pick a hatred to, yet be ok with buying them dolls?
What part of pink is it that you hate?
Fwiw I try to be fairly gender neutral with DC and would hate tons of pink and girls clothes - but that’s the same reason I’ve avoided buying dolls, and play kitchens and all of those ‘girl’ toys exclusively. And I encourage the science and active toys that they often don’t get gifted. The pink itself seems significantly less harmful…

Throwing it away is a bit silly, could you just exchange the stuff for a different colour? Some of the jojo stuff is really nice quality and you could just take the coat in and exchange for something to your taste.

I can sympathise though, one of my family members buys tonnes of stuff for DD I'm totally unsuitable styles. I just give it away.

You binned brand new clothes because you didn’t like them? You are far worse than the people buying pink just because it’s for a girl. You have gone far too extreme in not wanting pink items. You sound a bit deranged tbh.

If somebody buys you a gift, accept and let your kids wear once or twice and then pass on to charity

Its just clothes. Why such strong feelings against a colour?

They're not asking you to paint their bedroom walls or get tattoos

Your reaction to pink is a bit extreme. Just donate it next time. It's not going to limit 'poorer girls'. That's a really weird comment. Poverty, lack of access to education, domestic abuse, sexual exploitation are issues women in 'poorer' communities face. Not wearing pink!

Yabu

Give it to the charity shop or womens aid

Throwing it in the bin is wasteful and unnecessary

I know the deluge of pink shite is annoying but there’s no need to landfill unused items that are not to your taste.

YANBU not to like pink but YABVVU not to give the stuff to charity instead of binning it because you ‘you have an issue with poorer girls being limited by it’.

Making such a big deal of this is bound to be picked up by your daughters and will create needless issues about clothes.

They're clothes. They don't need this much angst.

I say this as a woman with a good degree in a heavily male subject area. My daughter wears only practical comfortable clothes in all colours, including pink peppa pig themed. If she's happy and comfortable that's all I care about in terms of clothes

You're giving an incredible amount of power to a colour. I can hardly believe this is serious. You think poor girls' lives would be limited because their parents might make the choice to buy them pink clothes from a charity shop? I better go bin my wife's pink jumper, in case someone decides her medical degree should be revoked on the grounds of wearing pink!

YANBU not to put your babies in clothes you don't like, but YABU to have such an extreme reaction to the colour and YWBU to ban pink clothes once they're old enough to choose for themselves. You can raise strong, independent, high achieving girls without teaching them that anything traditionally feminine is bad.

Why not at least donate it ? Also what if your daughters like pink? There is also tons of girls clothes that are not pink around

I can assure you, 'poorer girls' and their mothers are less limited by pink clothes than by the poverty that may mean they can't afford clothes at all. Its very high handed of you to decide to deny people access to clothing they may badly need on order to impose your principles on them. Why do you get to decide what 'poorer' people dress their children in? It's done now, so guilt is a waste of energy, but in future, it would be better to afford other people the respect of allowing them to decide if they want their daughters to wear pink or not.

As for 'limiting' poorer girls, we are about to be in one of the worst cost of living crises we've seen in recent times, where people have to choose between heating their homes and eating. And you're chucking new, expensive clothes in the bin because of some misguided mission to 'save' poorer children from the evil clutches of some pink clothes. Give them to charity if you actually care about poorer children being clothed.

What will you do if your child is a girly girl who loves pink and doesn't want to climb trees or follow politics? You seem to have internalised misogyny that anything that could be seen as girly is bad and traditionally male stuff is better. There is a fine line between letting girls know there is more than pink and frills and dictating that pink and frills are inferior and shaming the traditionally feminine.

It's hard when a lot of small baby things are either pale pink or pale blue and very little in other colours or more primary colours.

We have a DD who rarely wore pink if we could help it - it just didn't suit her or us. We bought a lot of boys clothes, and other colours when I saw them. By the time she was about 3, it was easier, and others also realised and gave her less pink things (either clothes or toys).

At 16, she wears a lot of black, navy, plain white, and some green, blue and red. Mostly quite primary colours rather than pastels. Will not wear a skirt unless absolutely forced into formal school uniform (as she has sports every day, she gets away still post-covid with school tracksuit instead as they have not yet reopened changing rooms).

YABU

Why don't you take it back and swap it for something more to your taste?

Throwing away unworn / clothes in good condition - as you don't like the colour - is wasteful and stupid.

Your unreasonable sending stuff to landfill and actually using a public bin you could technically be done for fly tipping , public bins are not for dumping your unwanted stuff in

You're being ridiculous and horribly wasteful ☹️. Can't believe you threw away perfectly good clothes because of the colour you. Try dropping them off at a charity shop next time. It's just a colour, nothing else.

And children are individuals. DD loves unicorns and dinosaurs, bugs and dirt, her toy kitchen, her pretend DIY set, and a whole heap of other things. Some days she says she's a princess, other days she's a superhero, other days she's a broccoli.

Yanbu at all not to like a certain colour and request not to be bought stuff in that colour. That’s a reasonable preference. I had a thing that blue was a restful colour when my dd was a baby and bought lots of it - don’t think it made much difference but we all have our “new parent” ideas

Ywbvu to put it in the bin rather than giving to a charity shop- environmentally and socially unacceptable in my view

Word of warning - your dd might like pink her self when she’s 2 or 3 (mine did) and you’ll have to live with it if it’s her preferences. It didn’t last long though!

Also your comment regarding poor girls being limited to pink is so patronising, judgemental, and incorrect. Cheaper clothes like supermarket brands, second hand etc have all different colours and are often very comfortable. It's the expensive stuff that is froufrou - my MIL recently bought my 18m DD an actual tulle ballet skirt from selfridges (?!) My daughter wouldn't put it on as it's uncomfortable lol but she loves her toy handbag! Who cares! It's not making her less likely to be an engineer or a pilot!