To throw away pink things?

[JustAnotherBadMother]

I have DDs aged 15 mo and 1 mo. I hate pink. I hate the way so much girls stuff is pink. I mostly buy them boys things, although I've no problem with dresses and dolls (which I do buy), providing they are not pink. My SIL is the opposite of me in just about everything. She is very OTT in quantity of presents which I find overbearing, and makes me feel bad, and her tastes are the opposite of mine. She buys masses of stuff for my daughters (which I do not need or want), and the vast majority of it makes me want to vomit. It's almost all really expensive (JoJo, Boden, etc), whereas my stuff is almost all a mixture of freecycle and Primark, partly because of money, but tbh personal taste probably plays a bigger role. My mother recently bought some things for my DDs and they were really heavily biased towards pink. She noted herself regretfully that they were overall a bit pink, and commented on how one dress was largely pink but had other colours, when it was 90% pink. My SIL bought an expensive jacket for DD1 a few weeks ago (JoJo, obvs), and said although it was pink she thought I'd still like it.
I don't know why they do it, because they know I absolutely hate pink stuff and it won't be worn. For more than a year all this pink crap has simply been in the cupboard and literally not worn at all.
Today I was just feeling miserable and put a lot of the pink stuff in a bag (inc the new dress my DM bought a couple of weeks ago) and put it all in a public bin. I felt guilty for a few hours and went out to try and find the bag (just to put in the attic, not use), but the bins had been emptied. I think I'm glad about this, but just can't stop thinking about it and feeling miserable about the whole situation.
Why do my DM and SIL do this? If it really was very very occasional and pink was just one of 100 colours I wouldn't care. But it's not. Almost everything my SIL buys is pink pink pink, and a fair chunk of what my DM buys is pink too. I'm fine with pretty dresses which they like buying, but just draw the line at pink.
(NB I would normally give it to charity - I've got masses off freecycle myself - but I have issues with pink and poorer girls been limited by it. That's why not. Plus I'm cross with my SIL and DM for buying all this pink shit when they knew I hate it and it won't be used, and somehow this seemed more appropriate. If they ever find out there'll be more pissed off, which is what I want bc I'm getting upset about all of this. It feels like they are criticising my values and my abilities as a mother.)

[quote Hugasauras]@SpicePumpkin The broccoli is my favourite as when she's a broccoli she's very hot and no one is allowed to touch her and there's a special broccoli voice that goes with it. [/quote]
Sometimes DD pretends she's a popcorn machine. Usually when she's supposed to be brushing her teeth! TBH I think she just likes to make the bathroom fan rattle.

EBay or Facebook marketplace and make some money

I agree with you, OP.

Big joke was we were looking for a coat out my DD and picked up a red one in the "boys" section of a shop. The shop assistant told us it was a bits coat. Our DD is 3. Over half her new clothes come from boys sections in shops that segregate by sex.

Also please don't give the stuff to charity.

Put it in an age appropriate bag and when you have 15-20 outfits sell it online for as little as you feel you can get away with. Alternatively give the bag to your SIL or mother telling them your children have grown out of the items.

@EatSleepReplete

Similar happened to my friend’s son. He loved pink so much, the majority of his clothes were pink. After being at nursery he suddenly stopped wearing it during the week, then not at all. It’s so sad that children pick up on societal prejudices at such an early age.

This post is probably just for laughs.

I don't think anyone would act like this in real life.

I think you're being taken in previous responders.

@Mummy1608

Completely agree with the pp who said this all comes from a background of misogyny.

Op: "my daughters aren't going to be like other girls, especially poor girls who all wear pink"

That was not what I said at all. My point was that if I gave it to charity then it would almost certainly end up (quite rightly) with a girl from a poor family, and I didn't like them having to wear something which has such sexist connotations. Never made any offensive generalisations about what poor girls wear. And don't see how this comes from a background of misogyny. I am objecting to the idea that girls should be wearing pretty pink dresses.

I am building up supplies for my daughter, not yet born, and I also hate pink.

But I absolutely cannot believe that you'd put unworn, expensive clothes in the bin what about a charity? Giving gifts to friends with babies? Passing on to someone that needs or wants them? I'm just overwhelmed by the waste

What if they like pink when they grow up?

I think you are being a bit OTT but I have given things back to my parents (think old style bloomers) and told them to exchange it for something I would use - was a different country so I couldn't do it here

BTW if your girls like pink leave them be... one of mine embraced pinkness at 4 to 7 years old and now she is a goth-ish in black, dark and space clothes

Throwing good quality clothes in a bin in the midst of a cost of living crisis when people can’t afford food and would appreciate them hugely because you had a paddy about the colour is ridiculous. I love pink, what if your daughters love pink and want to wear it when they’re older?

You could've given it to charity or sold it. You're being silly and I don't believe anyone would be that stupid

How about dyeing it? They might get the point if they see the same item but dyed?

I'm disgusted in this day and age you're admitting to putting perfectly good clothes in landfill. Shame on you. What a terrible waste especially with so many people living in poverty in this country. Dress your kids how you like but maybe set a better example about looking after the planet?

I think some of the criticism op is coming in for is a bit harsh tbh.

OK, her action was OTT but she has a 15mo and a 1mo and I think she deserves a bit more kindness. How many times have you seen posts here where mum with an infant or a newborn loses it or gets emotional etc.

And whether you agree with her action to chuck the clothes or not, she clearly doesn't feel respected by her mum and SIL and that's a big thing at the best of times let alone when it relates to parenting.

Also if she'd got there in time to retrieve the clothes I think the responses would be a bit different.

Op, I'm the same as you re pink but I do find it really hard to avoid when it comes to buying things for little girls because so many of the pink stuff is just so sweet.

Your SIL is probably a lost cause but hopefully you can have a honest chat with your mum and find that she's listens to you properly in the future.

Why are you objecting to it though? They’re not stupid for liking pink things, blue and red things are not automatically better just because they’re associated with boys.

That was not what I said at all. My point was that if I gave it to charity then it would almost certainly end up (quite rightly) with a girl from a poor family, and I didn't like them having to wear something which has such sexist connotations. Never made any offensive generalisations about what poor girls wear. And don't see how this comes from a background of misogyny. I am objecting to the idea that girls should be wearing pretty pink dresses.

FFS.

Rejecting pink for your daughters doesn’t make you superior.

And yes, you’re incredibly unreasonable to throw away perfectly good clothes.

I would imagine “limited poorer” women are significantly less wasteful and entitled than you.

Good luck when your daughters want to choose their own clothes.

My god how ungrateful are you?!

They've brought you clothes for your kids. So what if you don't like them, use them for nursery or messy play or as spares when they get mucky or during potty training.

Ok they're pink, yes a lot of girl stuff is pink but that's ok. I'm wearing a pink top today.

You threw away perfectly ok clothes because they were pink and you don't want 'poor girls' to be limited to pink.

Seriously give your head a wobble.

Say please don't buy pink but then thank you when they give you things.

As an aside, what are you going to do if you daughters start asking for pink. My daughter wears a lot of my sons hand me downs but if given the free choice she loves a bit of pink.

Good luck. I was like you and the minute my daughter was able to express a preference she only wanted pink.

I really don't know what to say OP. Sounds like you've got a real issue. Not just with the colour. But actual issues. To throw out perfectly good clothing like that because you don't like the colour. I'm sorry but that's so incredibly selfish. I honestly can't believe such childish behaviour. I'm genuinely disgusted by the selfishness of this. Why didn't you just donate them? Facebook marketplace, charities, donation bins and charity shops (there's literally 5 on my local high street) would have all gladly taken these off your hands. You also could have just refused to accept the gift or asked for a gift receipt. God help your children if they actually like pink and want to wear it in the future. Will you not allow them to? Your behaviour is beyond ridiculous. As is your family's who keep gifting you these items knowing that you don't want them

I think you are being ridiculous, but different strokes for different folks i guess.

I don't see what the problem is? Seriously. Say thanks and take it to the charity shop. Job done. They know you aren't going to use it so the rest is up to them.

You can't change people, only your response to their behaviour. And since they've made it clear they want to buy pink then all you can do is stop fussing about it.

Although I do think that the more we protest about pink/blue the less likely they are to become 'just another colour'. Just get a good mix of stuff and all will be fine.

@Thatswhyimacat

What will you do if your child is a girly girl who loves pink and doesn't want to climb trees or follow politics? You seem to have internalised misogyny that anything that could be seen as girly is bad and traditionally male stuff is better. There is a fine line between letting girls know there is more than pink and frills and dictating that pink and frills are inferior and shaming the traditionally feminine.

or what if they want to climb trees or discuss politics while wearing pink frilly clothes?

I would normally give it to charity - I've got masses off freecycle myself - but I have issues with pink and poorer girls been limited by it

This is completely ridiculous, you know that right? Just because you personally don’t like pink doesn’t mean “poor people” shouldn’t wear it if they like it.

Jojo have a very good exchange policy, just take the new stuff back there and get something navy blue with tractors on it instead. Charity shop the rest. Somebody will be glad of it.

You sound like you have a lot of internalised misogyny - dressing in a feminine way or liking girly things isn’t a failing, and your daughters are likely to be more harmed by you looking down on them when they want something princessy to fit in with their friends, than they are by having a pink jacket in the wardrobe.