Page 15 | DH has hidden my make up bag

AttackCat · 2022-03-24T09:08:43+00:00

So I am a messy person. DH is a tidy person. This is probably one of the biggest causes of day to day minor disagreements between us. DH has been complaining about me leaving my make-up bag on the bathroom worktop (it can fit in the cupboard directly under the worktop). He often puts it away if I leave it out (which I often do). He warned me that if I kept leaving it out, he’d hide it. I went to put my make up on this morning and yes, he has hidden it. I’m not a huge wearer of make up (I’ll do the school run with a bare face) but I have a client meeting on zoom today so need to look vaguely presentable. I’ve managed to find a tinted moisturiser and a mascara but the make up bag isn’t in any of the bathroom cupboards so he’s properly hidden it. So who is being unreasonable? YABU - your fault for being messy YANBU - DH shouldn’t have hidden your make up even though he’s put up with 20 years of your mess

Luredbyapomegranate · 24/03/2022 14:13

[quote LookItsMeAgain]**@AttackCat* - YOU* are being massively unreasonable.

He has put up with you leaving cups on the side (you admitted you do this) and he's put up with you leaving your makeup bag on the bathroom worktop and on the latter, he has given you plenty of warning and advised you that if you do that again, he'll hide it on you. Tough that you have a Zoom meeting, in my opinion. If the meeting was as important as you make it out to be, you would have been more careful with your make up bag and put it back in the cupboard under the bathroom sink.

If the roles were reversed and it was a wife on here complaining that her DH kept leaving his dirty socks/jocks on the bedroom floor or having been asked to put the tea bag directly in the compost bin/regular bin and he repeatedly didn't do it, and the wife had said if he kept doing it she would hide his phone/iPad/something of importance to him and then followed through on it, he would be flamed and it's very possible the comment that he clearly doesn't respect his wife because he is not doing something that is clearly upsetting his wife and driven her to take such actions. I also wouldn't be surprised if the wife was told to leave her husband and find someone who doesn't do that.

What are you going to do about your habits that are clearly upsetting to your DH?[/quote]
@LookItsMeAgain.

Are you fucking mad?

It’s a make up bag on a shelf in a bathroom. That’s a normal and convenient place to keep a make up bag. It’s it no way equatable to leaving out teabags or dirty cups.

You also seem to have mistaken the OP’s husband for her Dad. It’s a shared house, he doesn’t get to make rules - and neither does he get to warn and then punish her when she breaks his rules.

What does your husband do when you break his rules - put you over his knee, pull your knickers down and give you a good spanking?

Your post is disturbingly weird.

If you need rescuing from a basement let us know

🤯

theemmadilemma · 24/03/2022 14:15

If this is the thin end of the wedge then it reminds me of this article:

www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288

Which is rolled out regularly on here when it's the other way around. He's probably exasperated.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 24/03/2022 14:16

What's the problem with a make up bag? If all the make up's in a bag & not scattered everywhere, who cares where the bag is? That would count as tidy, in my house. Does the worktop have to be completely empty so DH can enjoy looking at his PFB (Perfect F+++ing Bathroom)?

LTB. Or at least hide all his pants for a week.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 24/03/2022 14:17

He sounds a bit controlling. If he knew you needed the make up today, and wanted to make sure you didn’t feel confident in the meeting, it’s a very mean spirited thing to do.

Speaking as someone who’s dad used to tell her mum not to wear makeup even though SHE wanted to, and then a future bf actually destroyed her makeup, I see red flags.

AnxiousPixie · 24/03/2022 14:21

Am wondering if we are both victims of bigamy @AttackCat?? I could have written this post. My DH often hides things I've forgotten to put away, one time threw it away completely, which backfired as I just needed to buy a new one.

HELLITHURT · 24/03/2022 14:28

[quote LookItsMeAgain]**@AttackCat* - YOU* are being massively unreasonable.

He has put up with you leaving cups on the side (you admitted you do this) and he's put up with you leaving your makeup bag on the bathroom worktop and on the latter, he has given you plenty of warning and advised you that if you do that again, he'll hide it on you. Tough that you have a Zoom meeting, in my opinion. If the meeting was as important as you make it out to be, you would have been more careful with your make up bag and put it back in the cupboard under the bathroom sink.

If the roles were reversed and it was a wife on here complaining that her DH kept leaving his dirty socks/jocks on the bedroom floor or having been asked to put the tea bag directly in the compost bin/regular bin and he repeatedly didn't do it, and the wife had said if he kept doing it she would hide his phone/iPad/something of importance to him and then followed through on it, he would be flamed and it's very possible the comment that he clearly doesn't respect his wife because he is not doing something that is clearly upsetting his wife and driven her to take such actions. I also wouldn't be surprised if the wife was told to leave her husband and find someone who doesn't do that.

What are you going to do about your habits that are clearly upsetting to your DH?[/quote]
Do grown adults really treat each other like children?

SirVixofVixHall · 24/03/2022 14:42

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

Surely as an adult and equal in your home and marriage you can leave your make up bag where the fuck you want?

This. I would “hiding” all his shoes in response. While he sleeps. Or maybe his trousers.

saleorbouy · 24/03/2022 14:42

Maybe he's in work all glammed up and he has your make-up bag in the car after doing himself up in the office carpark.

DontStopMeNow7 · 24/03/2022 14:43

I’m a bit biased in your favour because I’m not a super tidy person.

What is the definition in your marriage of “messy/untidy”????

Leaving something out instead of putting it in the cupboard, if the house is clean and not in a mess, is in my opinion the definition of acceptable. Insisting it gets put away is my definition of obsessive. Threatening to hide it if you don’t comply (and then doing so) is controlling.

I second what another comment said: Surely as it’s your make up bag, you can leave it wherever the fuck you want. I’d be absolutely furious. Ideally comprising such things is a discussion to be had early in a relationship where you make it clear you won’t necessarily abide by all the tidy rules. That hasn’t happened unfortunately. Insist on having it back, make it clear this isn’t okay and that you can and will leave things wherever the fuck you want, in return for sharing the household chores of cleaning and general organisation.

Calandor · 24/03/2022 14:46

I don't know really. It's got your attention on the matter for sure. He should tell you where it is as you have a meeting but tbh you being messy would piss me off. Mess makes me really irritable.

Campervangirl · 24/03/2022 15:07

Ahhh you're a better woman than me op, I'm glad you both laughed it off.

I once nipped to the corner shop with no makeup on and the lady who always serves me took a step back (like I was contagious) & said "what the f**k happened, you look horrendous, are you ill"
We both laughed when I said "nah I've just got no makeup on" 😂

DoWhatYouLike · 24/03/2022 15:15

YANBU. Hide his car keys/wallet/phone.

Hollyhead · 24/03/2022 15:18

Leaving a make up bag by the sink isn’t mess. Some people are so highly strung!

I hate the way people who are naturally tidy see it as some sort of virtue, most messy people are wired differently, not lazy or disgusting etc.

Snoozysnoozy · 24/03/2022 15:24

Leaving a make up bag by the sink isn’t mess.

Something tells me that it's not just the bag but the make up is strewn everywhere.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 24/03/2022 15:25

Why shouldn’t your make up bag be out?

A make up back is exactly the sort of thing that you would keep out because it’s in daily use. It’s like putting the kettle away after each use. Yes, it needs a specific place to go but not in the cupboard.

I’m so glad I’m single as this would piss me right off.

Also the right to keep sanitary towels by the toilet (in a little open box on a shelf, quite tidy) and not in a cupboard you have to walk too from the loo.

Peanutbuttercupisyum · 24/03/2022 15:27

Errr he’s not in charge of you! He can’t “punish” you for something he thinks is annoying!! Fair enough it annoys him (he sounds weird and pedantic but fine) but he can’t force you to change by issuing little consequences!! He just has to accept that’s where you put it! My DH accepts I leave my books in the sofa arm, I accept he leaves his bag on the table. Annoying..but it’s called living with someone else!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 24/03/2022 15:28

I was going to mention shaving stuff - that’s generally left conveniently by the sink isn’t it? Or a toothbrush.

1forAll74 · 24/03/2022 15:39

I leave my makeup all scattered about on top of a bedroom unit,, a bit messy, and my three cats often flick lip sticks eye stuff and hair grips etc, onto to floor.. I live alone, so no men complainers to bother with ! I don't much like nit picking men, who bother about such minor issues. though.

doobyscoob · 24/03/2022 15:41

He's punishing you like a naughty chikd!

LTB

TheBeautifulMoors · 24/03/2022 15:51

Yabu. How hard can it be to just pop it into a cupboard, instead of leaving the area looking untidy?

Tilltheend99 · 24/03/2022 15:55

How and where you put your makeup bag signifies your space within the home and the relationship. Him hiding your things if he doesn’t like where you chose to put them is disrespectful, demeaning, and controlling.

I bet he doesn’t feel the same about his personal items. Are they put where he wants them? What would happen if you moved something of his?

Reminds me of a passive aggressive housemate I had as a student. Everyone else’s stuff would be moved if it was left ‘out’ but all her stuff was out wherever was convenient so it was essentially her space she had dominance over.

You shouldn’t have to live like that and I would expect an apology and an agreement never to touch your stuff in that way again. (Not saying he can ask you to tidy up politely)

It might sound like I’m overreacting but to me this is a feminist issue; the woman’s stuff is rubbish and the man’s is important!

LakieLady · 24/03/2022 16:10

@PoshPyjamas

Shit in his shoes!

This really made me lol!

A friend once had a cat that liked to shit in her shoes. Years after the cat had died, she was still in the habit of shaking her shoes before she put them on.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 24/03/2022 16:55

Oh, I remember those days with the ex. Cups all over the place, dirty clothes on the floor, shaving stuff and bristles over the sink, towels in a puddle, skid marks on the pan and his boxers.

'I don't see it. I'm thinking about something else by then. I don't care. You clean it. It'll give you something to do'.

Or, the old faithful 'It's my house, bitch, you can't tell me shit. If I wanted to take a dump on the kitchen floor, I'd take a dump on the kitchen floor and there's fuck all you can do about it' [slap].

Just another way of asserting his dominance.

Strange how a penis makes trashing the place unacceptable, but a uterus makes it perfectly reasonable.

HELLITHURT · 24/03/2022 16:56

@NeverDropYourMooncup