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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance query. Is sister being cheeky or is it me?

188 replies

IndeterminateCaptainNoises · 23/03/2022 22:52

Our lovely dm died some years ago. Everything spilt 50-50 between DSis and I. (Some money left directly to the grandchildren) . Recently we have been made aware of some more money (approx £800) coming through a policy that's matured. I was thinking even split but dsis wants to use it to buy things for the children. Aibu to say she can spend her half how she wants but I want my half?

OP posts:
Ddot · 25/03/2022 17:38

Tell her you need it all for the car, dog, fence, anything will do, then watch the penny drop

Mandyjack · 25/03/2022 17:50

I'd want to split it 50/50

fuzzywuzzywombat · 25/03/2022 17:54

It's part of the 50/50 split inheritance. The kids have had theirs . End of

Galdos · 25/03/2022 18:09

@65honeybee

If your mother's will stated that the inheritance is split 50/50 (apart from specific amounts for grandchildren) then it's absolutely not up to your sister to try to dictate anything else. She can do what she wants with her share and can butt out of what you do with yours
Exactly. If she gets more than her bequeathed half, it isn't your mother's bequest, it's a gift from you.
Newnamefor2022 · 25/03/2022 18:13

Surely if the will said a 50/50 split, that is what has to happen to this policy as well, by law? Wouldn't it need a formal deed of variation to change that?

LittleOwl153 · 25/03/2022 18:21

I would tell her you want to out it all in a bond for your future children as they missed out on any original inheritance - see what she has to say to that!

doobyscoob · 25/03/2022 18:21

So she wants you to give your half to her kids!

Rather cheeky

Twitterwhooooo · 25/03/2022 18:27

As others have said, it's not up to you and your sister to make a decision, it comes down to the terms of the Will.

If it specified that assets should be split 50/50, then assets should be split 50/50.

Lizzy53 · 25/03/2022 18:32

Need more info and if it's going to cause a rift is it worth it for £400? If she's desperate for this money can you be that person and let her have it?

justasmalltownmum · 25/03/2022 18:39

Just saw your most recent update. She has kids and you don't.

CF. Should be 50:50

Dee00 · 25/03/2022 18:44

Is it possible when your sister said she wants to spend the money on the children, she means her half of the money?

If not I think you need to play dumb and bring it up again, ask her what she’s buying for them and then tell her what your planning to do with your half and how the money is coming at such a good time for you as you could really do with it!

Hopefully she will twig either way!

WomanStanleyWoman · 25/03/2022 18:46

@Lizzy53

Need more info and if it's going to cause a rift is it worth it for £400? If she's desperate for this money can you be that person and let her have it?
I see a lot of comments like this and always wonder - why is it always the OP in these scenarios who has to ‘be the bigger person’? Why can’t the sister be the bigger person and decide that, given her children have already had an inheritance, the OP should be the one to get the whole £800? It would be interesting to see the sister’s reaction to that suggestion.

As for not causing a rift, I can only see one person causing a rift. I bet she’s not willing to give up her 400 quid to avoid it.

Painiscrap · 25/03/2022 18:53

@IndeterminateCaptainNoises

All, thank you for the responses. I really don't want to fall out with DSis over this, which is why have not said anything yet. I just felt a bit aggrieved she had decided what to do with the money. To answer some queries I don't have children yet, we were both executors on the will. DSIs's children were all left an equal amount at the time. We are both in similar financial positions. Given the will was clear on the 50/50 as someone said may blame that.
She’s being a CF! Her dcs have already had a share from their dgm, but she wants them to get more. You haven’t got children yet, so any you have, will have missed out on getting anything from their dgm.

Perhaps say to your ds that you think it would be fair if you get all the money, in trust, for any children you may have in the future! After all, surely that would be fairer!!

Alison1978 · 25/03/2022 19:01

It’s not your sisters decision. The Executers and solicitor will divide it 50/50.

NicB2016 · 25/03/2022 19:02

Soooooo cheeky. I'm going through the same thing at the moment in that we are dividing my parents estate. No way we'd assume everything isn't shared 50/50. £400 is alot of Money....especially in current times

TitsInAbsentia · 25/03/2022 19:03

Cf indeed, just say how she spends her £400 is up to her!

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 25/03/2022 19:04

Exactly, WomanStanleyWoman - why is it always up to the taken-advantage-of person to back down so as to avoid the natural consequences of the awkwardness/argument that the CF has deliberately instigated?

2018SoFarSoGreat · 25/03/2022 19:11

@LittleOwl153

I would tell her you want to out it all in a bond for your future children as they missed out on any original inheritance - see what she has to say to that!
I love this, and think it is actually totally fair. Do this!
blubberyboo · 25/03/2022 19:29

Tell her that’s a great idea and you’ll keep your kids £400 for them until they are born
Wink

FrozenWillow263 · 25/03/2022 19:31

50/50 no matter the circumstances! In Scotland you are not allowed to write children out of an inheritance for a start.

It literally does not matter if you have 100k in your bank and she has zilch. You are within your rights to half, plain and simple. If there were more of you, sibling's wise, it would be as my will says, split per stirrup evenly from my estate. As there are only two of you, it's half.

I'm sorry you lost your DM. Sending my condolences. I am sure she would not want her children fighting over the money as I certainly would not want mine fighting over my estate either. This is obviously why we need lawyers. She gets half, not all or any other percentage.

Must be a difficult time for you now.

Tynetime · 25/03/2022 19:34

Yep 50/50.

Doris86 · 25/03/2022 19:45

[quote girlmom21]@Kitkat151 if she wants to do a day trip with all the kids to somewhere they've been begging to go it might be reasonable.

If her husbands just left her and she can't afford to buy her kids new school shoes and OP's just got a bit promotion it might be reasonable.

It's not irrelevant. [/quote]
It is irrelevant.

The Mother specified in her will that everything should be split 50 50. The sister can’t just claim the OP’s half as her own, no matter what she wants to spend it on.

PussInBin20 · 25/03/2022 19:56

Obviously it should be split 50/50 and if she wants to spend her half on her kids that’s up to her. She is being unfair otherwise.

WhyOhWine · 25/03/2022 20:02

No way i would agree to this in the circs.
I would just go with the line that the will says 50:50 and you think it right to respect parent's wishes.
If you are being guilt-tripped I would mega-guilt-trip right back, e.g. your future children did not get to know they grandma and you feel very sad about that and therefore you would not want to give the money away so you can use your share in future to give a gift to your children from grandma because you know your parent would think that the right thing, particularly as they missed out on the original bequest to grandchildren. Then spend as you see fit.
And actually maybe you should have all the money for that purpose as her children got the original bequest and even more so were lucky to get to know grandma (which i fear will probably be a genuine sadness for you when you do have children)

Stilsmiling · 25/03/2022 20:20

So she wants you to spend £400 on her kids??
That’s essentially what she is asking. Fine if you want to but I can’t imagine actually asking someone to do this for my kids.

Whoever is involved with issuing the money eg solicitor, ask them what way it is issued (ie divided) and they will be very matter of fact with you and DSis and will very likely state “in accordance with the wishes of your mother the money will be split 50:50. Maybe then your sister will see it differently if the money goes to you and you then have to spend £400 on her kids.

It’s quite bizarre really.

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