Inheritance query. Is sister being cheeky or is it me?

[IndeterminateCaptainNoises]

Our lovely dm died some years ago. Everything spilt 50-50 between DSis and I. (Some money left directly to the grandchildren) . Recently we have been made aware of some more money (approx £800) coming through a policy that's matured. I was thinking even split but dsis wants to use it to buy things for the children. Aibu to say she can spend her half how she wants but I want my half?

Oh so you don't actually have children? Then absolutely your sister is a CF, this should be a 50/50 split per the terms of your DM's will, and if she wants to spend her half on her children that's obviously her prerogative but how can she not see how completely unfair it would be if she took the lot for her children with nothing for you. As others have pointed out she's already had more for her children with the part that went directly to grandchildren, her children, as if you have children in the future they don't benefit. Stick to your guns OP, YADNBU.

@IndeterminateCaptainNoises

All, thank you for the responses. I really don't want to fall out with DSis over this, which is why have not said anything yet. I just felt a bit aggrieved she had decided what to do with the money. To answer some queries I don't have children yet, we were both executors on the will. DSIs's children were all left an equal amount at the time. We are both in similar financial positions. Given the will was clear on the 50/50 as someone said may blame that.

So she's basically saying she wants ti rake all the money as you have no kids? Massive cheeky fucker, take your half

If you don't have kids then, yeah she is being cheeky.

If you both had kids and she simply suggested splitting between the kids instead, I wouldn't think it was a big deal.

Saying "I think you should give me it all to spend on my kids" is cheeky. Even if it's just a suggestion.

She's being a cheeky fucker whether the OP has kids or not!

Your DSis is especially cheeky given that her kids have already had a set amount as specified in the Will, and if you want kids in the future yours will not benefit in the same way.

IF you are thinking of kids, and your DSis knows that, you could say that as the Will left your Mum’s estate 50 : 50 (after the bequests to the grandchildren) you would like to invest your half in savings / Premium Bonds for your hoped for children.

@TulaOfDarkWater

No no no so many wrong answers here! Not all policies will fall under the deceased person’s estate so no, the will may not apply! There are some polices that will not form part of the estate and will have a named beneficiary instead and in that case they get the lot; it really depends on the terms of the specific policy so no one can give you a definite answer here OP.

This is true, we don't know what this policy is.

Policies don't "mature" after someone dies, the provider needs to be told the date of death now that the policy had appeared and they can recalculate based on that. It might even be higher as it might have had a life assurance element. We just don't know.

If it is separate to the estate it goes to whoever she named, if she didn't name anyone (or if they pre deceased) then the trustees will decide and, to be honest, they usually just replicate the will if there was one.

If it was an endowment then it would have ended on her death. Of course, if the executors didn't know about it, they do now and need to inform the provider of all the details.

Who was the Executor?

Legally the executor HAS to distribute the ££ as in the Will, unless a beneficiary asks for a Deed of Variation to divert some or all of their inheritance to someone else. So the money needs to be paid to each of you, 50 /50. If it all goes to your DSis to spend in her kids, a solicitor would need to draw up a Deed for you to sign.

Otherwise the Executor could be in trouble.

@Cocomarine

What’s she actually said? If she’s just put forward an idea, it’s not cheeky at all. It’s just that - an idea.

Its still cheeky.

@MrsWinters
^Gosh people are funny when it comes to money and inheritance.
Of course the terms of the Will still apply, so it should be split 50:50 between the sisters by the sounds of it, but I don’t think your sister is being unreasonable or outrageous suggesting you use the money to treat the kids to something nice, particularly if she is unaware of your financial situation. She probably just wants to make sure the money is used for something special with the money, rather than just getting absorbed into her household budget.^
Split the money 50:50, but I would be prepared for her kids to accidentally drop in about a treat with grandma’s money at some point. You might want to do something little like buying some afternoon tea bits and going for a fun picnic or something so your kids think they’ve done something too.

You're ignoring the fact that
a) will said 50/50 split
b) OP doesn't have children
c) her sister's children already received individual bequests from their grandmother's estate
d) sister is being both unreasonable and outrageous to suggest OP gifts her share to her sister's children
e) it's not her sister's business to 'suggest' what OP does with her share.

f) £400 is a lot of money - I certainly don't have £400 spending money available every month! And hasn't the sister heard about the massive energy price hike next month?

She probably just wants to make sure the money is used for something special with the money, rather than just getting absorbed into her household budget.

But the OP’s share was never going to get absorbed into her sister’s household budget, was it? So the sister doesn’t need to worry - she has £400 to spend on her children.

Just say sorry sis, DP have some expenses at the moment that this unexpected money will really help us out if a hole with so I can’t afford to give £400 to your children.

Spelling it out should make her see how unreasonable she’s being

@IndeterminateCaptainNoises

Our lovely dm died some years ago. Everything spilt 50-50 between DSis and I. (Some money left directly to the grandchildren) . Recently we have been made aware of some more money (approx £800) coming through a policy that's matured. I was thinking even split but dsis wants to use it to buy things for the children. Aibu to say she can spend her half how she wants but I want my half?

Why do you say ‘the children’, not ‘her’ children?

She is a CF. Any falling would be down to her greed, not you.

We are both in similar financial positions. Given the will was clear on the 50/50 as someone said may blame that.

Don't 'blame' it on that or even suggest that you are - she will (legally quite rightly) say that, after receiving your share, you could hand it straight back to her for her kids.

I really don't see why you feel ashamed to take your inheritance - the same amount that she is getting. Suppose you worked in an old-fashioned workplace where they handed out envelopes with cash in on payday - would you feel guilty or in need of justifying saying "No!" if the next person in the queue, doing the exact same job for the exact same pay as you, turned and asked if they could have yours as well?

Her family has already had more money than yours, plus all of the presents and treats for the children (and maybe free childcare) provided by their DGM that your (as yet non-existent) children obviously never will.

She has absolutely no reason or justification for having the money other than that 'she would quite like it' - well, wouldn't we all! If she thinks that £400 isn't much money, she's quite at liberty to double her half from her own money and spend the lot on something nice for her kids; if she does see £400 as a significant amount of money, why on earth does she think that you should just give it to her?!

Also, as per PP, don't ever have it referred to as 'Mum's money' - and correct her if she calls it that. Don't let her kid you (or herself) that you're letting her/her family have a greater (well, whole) share of 'Mum's money'. It was Mum's money, but now it's yours, having come to you legally and morally indisputably yours - one of two children receiving 50% - it's now YOUR money. She is asking YOU to give HER children £400 of YOUR OWN money.

If you were to succumb and pay her £400 of your own money, on the shaky grounds that it was your share of the inheritance, be prepared for her to maybe start looking back at the whole inheritance. She might use the direct gifts to her DC as leverage and suggest that, instead of you two both having received almost half each and her children a much smaller amount, it would have been 'fairer' really for ALL the money to be shared equally between you two and the DGC - 'all of DGM's offspring' - so you 'should really' e-split it and give their family 'back' what 'should have' been their 'fair' share or - if you don't have it to give them, you're the unreasonable one and YOU owe THEM!!!

Why do you say ‘the children’, not ‘her’ children?

I presume that's how the sister framed it. Saying 'my children' from the outset gives the game away; but if you say 'the children' or 'her grandchildren', that gives you the deniability to play innocent as you 'realise' the 'surprising fact' that all of them happen to also be your children.

@MimiSunshine

Just say sorry sis, DP have some expenses at the moment that this unexpected money will really help us out if a hole with so I can’t afford to give £400 to your children.

Spelling it out should make her see how unreasonable she’s being

Or she could just say the truth …. ‘Sorry sis, as per the will, this must be split 50/50.

Just say sorry sis, DP have some expenses at the moment that this unexpected money will really help us out if a hole with so I can’t afford to give £400 to your children.

Why would she even have to mention bills though? It’s not relevant. OP is perfectly entitled to spend that money on Smarties or crack if she wants, no one else’s business.

Surprised by some of these answers. My thoughts

1. Sister's kids received an inheritance so it's not necessary for OP to try and compensate for that. Sister plans to buy gifts rather than save it for their futures anyway.

2 Sister has kids while Op doesn't so sister is being a cf and spending OP's half for her. Op isn't required to spend her half on her nieces and nephews because some richer posters deem £400 as negligible.

1. £400 is a lot for some. That's more than a week's full time wages for someone on minimum wage and would give someone on a low income some breathing room with inflation being crazy.

1. If policy doesn't have a named beneficiary then 50/50 is fair as that's what the mum saw as fair when she was alive.

Or she could just say the truth …. ‘Sorry sis, as per the will, this must be split 50/50.

I wouldn't bother with the 'sorry', tbh - just "No, Sis, we each get an equal inheritance, so that's £400 each. Obviously, it's entirely up to you how you choose to spend yours".

I'd also be inclined to ask (with a very quizzical look) why she didn't encourage her DC to spend their share on whatever it is she wants them to do/have (or spend some of her own earlier share on it) - and point out that they've already had provision made for them by your Mum, that any DC you have will never get.

It's the easiest thing in the world to use up your fair share of something and then demand/expect the other person to then split their fair share a second time with you, but most people over about 5yo will understand that this is terribly unfair.

The children - HER children are a red herring here - it's not like they're a neutral party to both of you. Does she expect you to contribute to the rest of their living costs, or does she somehow understand then that that is the parents' responsibility? She just fancies the whole lot for her family, which she's free to want, but.... altogether, now.... "I want doesn't get".

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

Why do you say ‘the children’, not ‘her’ children?

I presume that's how the sister framed it. Saying 'my children' from the outset gives the game away; but if you say 'the children' or 'her grandchildren', that gives you the deniability to play innocent as you 'realise' the 'surprising fact' that all of them happen to also be your children.

Ha, very true!

What a CF! No way would I let my sister get away with that.

[quote girlmom21]@Kitkat151 if she wants to do a day trip with all the kids to somewhere they've been begging to go it might be reasonable.

If her husbands just left her and she can't afford to buy her kids new school shoes and OP's just got a bit promotion it might be reasonable.

It's not irrelevant. [/quote]
Of course it’s irrelevant🙄 .....the money was left 50/50 to the 2 DDs ....legally half the money Is OPs ....her sister can spend her half on her own kids if that’s what she wants.....so like I said irrelevant

Just politely say you need your half for something else..Simple. You can't be responsible for other peoples reactions.

Text saying please transfer my £400.

@cherryonthecakes like you I'm surprised by the posters who seem to think 'sorry but...' or some sort of explanation is required. A will is a legal document. The mother did the absolutely right and proper thing by dividing the estate equally between her children; the fact one adult child has already had her own kids is a total red herring. That's her choice. Anyway, the OP might have kids further down the line. But that's irrelevant too. It's quite simple- half the money belongs to the OP end of.