What things do your partner's family do that you think are really rude? And what things do your family do that you now realise are rude?!

[SarahAndQuack]

This is absolutely a thread about a thread (the one where the OP's husband leaves the table). It just got me wondering. What does your partner do because they've been brought up that way, that you think is actually really rude? And what things did you discover, as an adult, were really rude that your family thought were normal?

DP's family have no table manners whatsoever - anything I could name that someone somewhere thinks is rude, they do it. But one thing that really irritates me is that they'll let you explain what you're going to cook, then when the meal is being served, they'll say 'is there anything else - I don't like x' or 'is there something else for ChildsName to eat?' Then they fully expect you to heat up something else for them while everyone else's meal goes cold. I trained DP out of this but something minor that bugs me is that I was taught if someone comes home with the shopping, you go offer to help unpack. It's just what my mum does. DP just doesn't get this and, though it's irrational, it never fails to irritate me.

As for my family - my parents are both eye-wateringly rude in shops or any kind of situation where they're paying for a service. They barely bother with 'please' or 'thank you' and they will complain at the drop of a hat. My dad recently had me read an email he was sending to his lawyer - who he thinks is doing a good job for him - and it was so rude I was squirming! No 'I hope you are well' or anything, just a list of demands and criticisms. I was well into my 20s before I really understood how to write a polite letter.

What about you?

My MIL when we first bought our house walked around taking photos/videos of the decor we'd chosen, to send to her siblings.

Then sent me a list of things they all thought we should change and didn't like.

She thought I was rude for not being interested in their comments, because they were elder family. We should defer to them.

DH's uncle loudly going on about 'yummy animals' (he thinks he's hilarious) and berating 12 yo DD for being vegetarian during every. single. meal. out.

My in laws have a habit of pointing out every odd job or chore that hasn’t been done. ‘Oh is your washing machine still leaking slightly why haven’t you done that? Oooh a bit of paints peeled here you should touch that up!’ I’ve got two kids under 4 and both work full time give us a break!

My mum is also very bitter and rude to shop people also. If something is not to her taste she will pull a full Karen while I die in the background.

DPs family don’t say please or thank you, particularly the children. Which I find breathtakingly rude a times.
When we’re all out together they’ll get things for themselves - like go off to the shop to grab water or drinks for themselves and their kids without asking if we would like something, or so we want to come with them to get something. One of them will just disappear for a few mins then rock up with drinks and snacks for themselves.
Even if they have our kids with them, (doesn’t happen often!) they will get treats or a bottle of water for their own children but not ours.

My Dad would have got up from the table as soon as he finished a meal but his excuse was he was a farmer so always a job to be done! Though we knew he quietly just walked up to have chats and tea with his brother after work not always to help him on the farm lol 😆.

My brother will ask for WiFi password wherever he goes to visit and his wife is always mortified!

My mil will talk alot about the Protestant and Catholic divide alot and in front of our children I think its really rude as I'm from a mixed background and would want our children to see everyone as equals not as opposition!

And when we meet them an hour or two later our kids are thirsty, sometimes hungry, because the aunt and uncle only fed themselves and their almost adult kids, but not our two ( 9 and 11)

My family are interrupters.
DH family are complainers.

But everyone is kind and they all have lovely table manners.

DH's family are always early which I think is rude, my family are always late which DH thinks is rude! Neither of us moan about it, we just plan for PIL being an hour early and my DP's an hour later than arranged and take the piss out of each other for having annoying families There's other stuff, and some 'emotional habits' which we've had to tackle a bit more seriously but overall we're both pretty tolerant of peoples differences and have genuine affection for each other's family so nothing grates too unbearably

Well it's mostly my parents who can be rude/ judgey about people/embrassing/annoying say unPC things, when we visit. But dh doesn't complain about them only will respectfully agree if I bring it up. His parents are just lovely and generous people in general. Although I'm glad my parents taught me independence, life skills, such as looking after a home/ cleaning /DIY and paying my own way, because my dh had everything done for him and was pretty helpless in domestic areas, but luckily he was willing to learn.

DP’s family have the TV on constantly and the heating on never. PIL’s house is freezing and loud. When they visit – rarely, hallelujah! – they never take their shoes off, or their coats, just march straight in, sit down, and turn on the TV and stare at it. It’s as bizarre as it is rude.

My fil, who is otherwise lovely, squirts tomato ketchup all over my lovely homemade lasagne, without even trying it first. My husband used to do it too but I trained him to stop!
My mil, who again is lovely, says she doesn't like stuff she's never even tried, winds me up so much!

Oh and my mum talks when she's eating, just swallow then speak mother!

Dear mil used to cook a chicken and invite 20 people

Clearly not a MNer, then - you'd only need one chicken breast for so few people

I really don't get the salting before tasting thing being rude, though. It's not a criticism of your cooking skills, just an acknowledgment that they like a significantly greater than average amount - or maybe much more than they know you generally add.

For those of us who like a large amount of condiments - more than most people would - it makes complete sense that you'd put a minimal/average amount in, rather than leave most people hating it and unable to remove all of the (for their tastes) excess condiments.

Personally, I would have thought it much more rude to taste and then add more salt, as to me, that suggests "I assumed you would have put more salt in, but you clearly don't know how much you should use in this recipe"; whereas reaching for the salt straightaway simply says "I like a lot of salt - more than a 'standard' amount."

This thread is fascinating! And has made me realise that both my family and my in-laws are practically saints 😁

Having said that, in .u husband's family it's much more usual for the men to look vaguely useless/confused when it's time for clearing up and dishes, so that the women shoo them off to the sitting room, conveniently. In my family everyone pitches in with that kind of thing.

BIL2 drives me mad when he visits. He will wander around the whole house, tell DN it's ok for her to take things home and 'borrow' them, tell my DC not to do things they are allowed to do, tell my DC to stop playing with whatever so DN can do it.
Once we said he could use a day out voucher we had, without any warning he came round at 6:45 on a Sunday. DC1 answered the door as she sleeps downstairs BIL walked in and came upstairs to mine and DH's bedroom where we were asleep to ask for the voucher!

None of the in laws take no for an answer if they want to come round. It doesn't matter what we're doing if they want to 'pop' then they will.
PIL always try and sneak in. They'll try the key safe and gates to the back garden before reluctantly ringing the bell. I actually had the lock on the front door changed to one that locks when you pull it shut to stop them walking in.

None of the in laws have any table manners.

Both sets of parents seem to think it's ok to tell us what to do which I hate.
My Dad will complain about the contents of my fridge when he's just come round for a cup of tea.

My MIL was a functioning alcoholic and FIL thought he was helping by rationing her drinking. He wouldn’t accept that it really wasn’t helping. You could instantly tell when she’d had a drink by the slur and her actions. Regularly announcing when visiting that she wanted to go home mid meal.

My father is a homophonic racist and now I’m an adult I’ll call him out on it yet I get complained at by some family members for ‘starting’ As a child I kept quiet but not anymore.

My ex il’s used to send me birthday cards every year saying “love from mum and dad”. They were never my mum and dad, they were a couple of people I saw once or twice a year and our conversations never progressed beyond the weather and the state of the roads.

Having the TV on all the time. I find it really rude to have the TV on when you have guests round. But then we rarely had the TV on growing up.

Asking for money. DH sister constantly "jokingly" asking for big sums of money for cars, house deposit etc. She's 38 and has her own career but spends a lot on weird "side hustles" etc .

Ex’s parents refused to use our front door, instead they used to walk down the side of the house through the garden and let themselves in the patio door. I used to find it so rude and intrusive - possibly because it was a bungalow and it just felt like there was no privacy.

DP's parents are bullies, or at least they would like to be. In the domain of their own house they love to order people about, insult them and then tell them they are rude when you give them the mildest retort back or defend yourself. I am no contact now.

In the past, I have received demands to attend MIL's birthday party ("attendance is required") including instructions for both DP and me to leave work early because her birthday is more important than our jobs (obviously we didn't), been told I am unemployed because it was the summer and I was a teacher, and they have tried and failed to order me about to do stuff for their family which were quite unreasonable. Hence they probably think I am rude - because I don't let them order me about. I don't argue with them - I just don't do it.

There was the time that my car needed jump starting near their house on my way to one of their social events (DP had remarkably wriggled out of it) and DP's father refused to come and jump start it, telling me I should "work harder and buy a newer car".

No contact is such a relief. They have been unbearably insulting this time and its not something I'm prepared to come back from.

I'm actually not sure a family member asking for the wifi password is dreadfully rude ( as long as you don't think they are going to do anything dodgy.

My DFIL never said thank you for a present - he would open them and put them to one side. It used to make me a bit cross but then I bought him a very inexpensive book from the place he grew up in and one Christmas he spent all evening reading it it and saying - "Oh I remember" - so maybe I am just rubbish at buying presents other than that one

@JohnNutLips

Ex’s parents refused to use our front door, instead they used to walk down the side of the house through the garden and let themselves in the patio door. I used to find it so rude and intrusive - possibly because it was a bungalow and it just felt like there was no privacy.

My in-laws used to do this too (though the door wasn't open in our case). They never used their own front door, always went though the gate and round to the side door, and did the same at our house. We'd be waiting near the front when we expected them, then we'd hear them making their way down the side to the back door, where there was of course no bell.

They were trained out of it eventually when we'd been cutting down a beech hedge and left it down the side of the house till we could get to the tip. They actually climbed over all these beech cuttings to get to the back door, and must have decided the front door was preferable after all!

Dh's family are not British and have some very rude-to-me manners at times. If you buy them a present, they'll ask how much it cost as they want to sell it but want to make sure they get more for it than it cost They also point at people they are talking about, which literally kills me.
My family are British to the core. Have to make an appointment before seeing DM, very formal relationship, have to take permission to use the toilet in each others houses. I'm much more comfortable with Dh's family.

Love this thread! My mum is so rude to call centre people on the phone, usually people who are just trying to help like at the bank or council. She doesn’t even say hello, she just launches in with “Right love, I need this sorting today….” (She’s northern, hence the “love” - it’s not meant kindly!)

My family were big fans of eating on trays in front of the telly. I literally never knew that people are round a table every night until I met DH’s middle class family. My dad covers his dinner in sauce too!

On the other hand DH’s sister is completely entitled where her kids are concerned and just leaves their toddler food mess everywhere and let’s them trash other peoples things without saying a word about it.

My parents have the most appalling table manners

Sniffing, slurping and spraying food about. They seem to wait until they have food in their mouth before launching into a conversation

All the grandchildren notice but it's impossible to tell the parents how disgusting without major huffing

Plus DF is so rude. Never a please or a thank you for anything