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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU: Friends want me to dog-sit, but...

228 replies

GoldfinchTart · 23/03/2022 18:30

I have family friends (her mum was my mum's best friend and she was like a sister to me when we were young) who took early retirement in 2019 and moved to the Devon coast, in a house with a beautiful garden overlooking the sea. I visited them before lockdown and it's lovely there. They acquired two dogs over lockdown. A cockerpoo and a terrier cross. I've seen loads of photos and videos and they seemed happy, playful dogs. I was looking forward to spending some time with them.

They contacted me in January to ask if I'd dog-sit for a fortnight over Easter. They're visiting her husband's family in Italy for the first time in three years. I said yes. I need a break and I can work from their home as easily as I can from my own. I had plans to take the dogs out to interesting places to walk, explore the coastline and generally turn it into a bit of holiday.

We've just been on the phone organising the finer details and they've dropped the bombshell that the dogs can't be left alone in the house or car, even if crated. The cockerpoo suffers abandonment anxiety and shits and howls if left. Neither of the dogs can be trusted off lead when out walking. Neither has been properly socialised and both are quite reactive and bark and lunge at other dogs when they're on a lead. The terrier is an escape artist and has to be on a long extending lead even in the half-acre garden.

I said that did she mean that the dogs couldn't be left, even for an hour, and she said yes, and that she'd recommend I didn't take them out walking on my own either, as they are both quite difficult around other dogs. So it'll basically mean that I'm stuck in the house and garden for two weeks, unable to go anywhere. They have a neighbour who will take the dogs for an hour or two but no longer — and not more than once or maybe twice a week. Otherwise they put them in kennels, where apparently the cockerpoo howls herself hoarse, or pay a dog-sitter to look after them at home.

I asked them how they cope and she just sighed and said they'd had a professional advise them and were working on the situation, but the cockerpoo was still a nightmare. When they'd asked me to dog-sit in January they'd hoped the dogs would be easier to manage by now, but there's been little improvement.

I think she picked up my concern because she suggested I bring a friend with me to make it easier. I can't think of anyone who's available for a fortnight and would want to spend time alone with the dogs while I have a morning or day out.

When I started saying that I wasn't sure and this sounded like a job for professional dog-sitters my friend got upset and said it was a bit late to arrange that now.

AIBU? Could I say that I'll do it, but they have to organise kennels or a dog-sitter twice each week so that I get a couple of days off to explore and have some time out to myself?

OP posts:
YupNameChangeAgain · 23/03/2022 22:25

People on munsnet are so rude !

The oP said they were upfront ( eventually ) and stupid In not realising that it would still be so rubbish months down the line for the original invite

People don’t have to call these people demon spawn
Op has come up with some good ideas
Like asking for kennel , friend , relief

However - the reality is it may be too much for OP

I can see why you would rehoming such a dog
Too much for most people to deal with

Juniper68 · 23/03/2022 22:28

Has someone called the dog owners devil spawn? Bit extreme 🤣

GoldfinchTart · 23/03/2022 22:29

@milkyaqua

So, she's not bothered to train her dogs, or got them behavioural help, and she's not bothered to tell you this until now! No way.

You sound a very nice accommodating friend, but she has not been a marvellous friend in withholding this information until now, whatever the reason, and for expecting you to spend an awful two weeks locked in with her self-created problem.

No, she's had professional help training them, but it's taking time. As other cockerpoo owners have attested, the separation anxiety and sensitivity when out is fairly standard for the breed.
OP posts:
londonrach · 23/03/2022 22:31

No! Just say no. Sounds like hell and very stressful..

milkyaqua · 23/03/2022 22:32

My friend has a perfectly well-adjusted cockerpoo who came out with her and was sweet and friendly and placid from the time it was a puppy.

Even if she's had this help, she has not informed you of the (lack of) progress. You sound nice, and also as if you are about to bend yourself into a pretzel to do this for her.

Juniper68 · 23/03/2022 22:34

I was watching the dog house the other day. They were saying cockerpoos can take years to mature.

I've never fancied one but that put me off if I ever did think about it.

Ladybyrd · 23/03/2022 22:35

These "friends" are CFs. I have cats. I also have friends. My cats aren't responsible for my friends and vice versa.

Just say no, sooner rather than later.

Pushpull · 23/03/2022 22:44

I have a cockapoo, she can be a little nervy on the lead (amazing recall off lead and the beginnings of agility/fly ball) and they are known as velcro dogs for a reason. (I wanted velcro) this behaviour is not typical at all though. The idea that it genuinely cannot be left, even for an hour is ridiculous, and means I'd not dog sit unless walkers are organised. Mine is pretty chilled but two weeks of no walking and she would be climbing the walls. But I'd be more worried about the fact that the terrier means you cant even fully relax in the garden.

I think you're lovely for considering this, but what if the separation anxiety kicks in because you're a person but not the cockapoos person. It has so much potential to go wrong. A shorter time might have been manageable, if you go there has to be added support l.

onemorerose · 23/03/2022 22:57

You have clearly been mis-sold this opportunity and they need to reconsider what they are offering but a few thoughts come to mind

Are these both not reasonably small dogs? Should an adult not be fit to restrain them when both on the lead?

The barking is annoying but maybe you could take them somewhere with less dogs?

A lot of dogs howl for their master when left alone. They don’t continue the whole period. How do you friends know theirs do?

Sswhinesthebest · 23/03/2022 23:04

I’d be worried they won’t settle with you. They might be fine in the videos but presumably their owners were there too.

a1poshpaws · 23/03/2022 23:07

Tell her to contact www.trustedhousesitters.com/

It's unfair on both you and the dogs - who'd be sure to pick up on your stress and worry and resentment, and be even MORE unsettled - to expect you to sit them when they're very much still special needs dogs.

www.trustedhousesitters.com/ were recommended by my dogs' insurer, Bought By Many - in fact I got a year's free membership from them - and the people you get are experienced and insured.

CoastalWave · 23/03/2022 23:08

@TolkiensFallow

It’s been very mis sold to you. I would say you’ll stay but request they pay for professional dog sitters to do a lot of sitting
^^ This.
Booklover3 · 23/03/2022 23:33

It’s a no for me. My friends having my dog who is excitable but mostly well behaved for two weeks while we go on holiday… she’s amazing with dogs and I trust her 100%… but its still stressful for me.

No way would I ask anyone to have a dog like you’ve described… let alone two!

saraclara · 23/03/2022 23:36

@a1poshpaws

Tell her to contact www.trustedhousesitters.com/

It's unfair on both you and the dogs - who'd be sure to pick up on your stress and worry and resentment, and be even MORE unsettled - to expect you to sit them when they're very much still special needs dogs.

www.trustedhousesitters.com/ were recommended by my dogs' insurer, Bought By Many - in fact I got a year's free membership from them - and the people you get are experienced and insured.

They're not necessarily experienced. It's down to the 'hirer' to establish whether they're up to the job.

As I mentioned upthread, I've used them several times, and the idea that any of their unpaid sitters would accept being under house arrest for two weeks is laughable.

CrazyTimes123 · 23/03/2022 23:47

These sound like my mum’s dogs and no way would she ask a friend to dogs sit them - she pays for them to go to professional kennels, and so should then.

They took a chance they’d be better and it’s not worked out - their problem does not become your problem x

oakleaffy · 23/03/2022 23:57

Oh my goodness.
A big fat nope.

They haven't been responsible dog owners at ALL.

Dogs need training from day one, to be social, quiet, well mannered on the lead, and to come when called.

It is so common these days to have badly behaved dogs, and why on earth should you have to put up with their untrained behaviour?

With dogs, you get out what you put in.

Dogs like you describe sound an utter nightmare, and once bad habits are formed, it is far harder to set them right.

Why didn't they bother training them?

A dog should be a delight, not a pain in the backside.

I'd say no.

CallmeHendricks · 24/03/2022 00:02

"As other cockerpoo owners have attested, the separation anxiety and sensitivity when out is fairly standard for the breed."

Nonsense. I've had mine for 11 years and met many, many examples of the breed out and about and that's not my experience at all.

VivX · 24/03/2022 00:46

@GoldfinchTart
We've just been on the phone organising the finer details and they've dropped the bombshell that the dogs can't be left alone in the house or car, even if crated. The cockerpoo suffers abandonment anxiety and shits and howls if left. Neither of the dogs can be trusted off lead when out walking. Neither has been properly socialised and both are quite reactive and bark and lunge at other dogs when they're on a lead. The terrier is an escape artist and has to be on a long extending lead even in the half-acre garden.

Well, it's logistically impossible, isn't it?
Even if you were willing and had enough food/supplies for the duration, you can't walk both together but you can't leave one behind either.
Bonkers situation.

Short of cloning yourself, how exactly do they think you would achieve what they're saying you'd have to do?

RoseGoldEagle · 24/03/2022 01:12

I would say: Hi nightmare dog owners. I should have said this on the phone, but it really took me by surprise to hear quite how bad the dogs are and that they can’t be left. I had loads of plans to explore the area, and honestly having to stay inside or in the garden for most of the two weeks, lovely though your home is, is not the holiday I was hoping for! I’m going to have to decline now that you’ve told me this, and I think professional dog sitters would be much better suited to helping you out. Yours, OP

HELLITHURT · 24/03/2022 01:33

Decline, what a miserable fortnight!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 24/03/2022 01:42

Absolutely not. Not a chance. You definitely shouldn’t go. This will be a nightmare.

She deliberately left it until the last moment to give you very key information, so that she could say “it’s a bit late now” and you wouldn’t feel able to back out. Don’t be manipulated.

TheGrinchsDog · 24/03/2022 02:22

I kind of love how there have been some extremely polite messages composed for the OP to send to her friends.

My good mate would get 'No fucking way, cheeky sod! lol' from me and I would expect similar if I was being a CF with them Grin

You are all very polite!

KosherDill · 24/03/2022 02:28

What a dilemma!

I know it's controversial but could the dogs be medicated?

LuckySantangelo35 · 24/03/2022 02:32

Fuck that! They can go in kennels

PrincessNutella · 24/03/2022 02:40

These dogs could be aggressive and dangerous if they are that anxious when abandoned by their owners.