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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU: Friends want me to dog-sit, but...

228 replies

GoldfinchTart · 23/03/2022 18:30

I have family friends (her mum was my mum's best friend and she was like a sister to me when we were young) who took early retirement in 2019 and moved to the Devon coast, in a house with a beautiful garden overlooking the sea. I visited them before lockdown and it's lovely there. They acquired two dogs over lockdown. A cockerpoo and a terrier cross. I've seen loads of photos and videos and they seemed happy, playful dogs. I was looking forward to spending some time with them.

They contacted me in January to ask if I'd dog-sit for a fortnight over Easter. They're visiting her husband's family in Italy for the first time in three years. I said yes. I need a break and I can work from their home as easily as I can from my own. I had plans to take the dogs out to interesting places to walk, explore the coastline and generally turn it into a bit of holiday.

We've just been on the phone organising the finer details and they've dropped the bombshell that the dogs can't be left alone in the house or car, even if crated. The cockerpoo suffers abandonment anxiety and shits and howls if left. Neither of the dogs can be trusted off lead when out walking. Neither has been properly socialised and both are quite reactive and bark and lunge at other dogs when they're on a lead. The terrier is an escape artist and has to be on a long extending lead even in the half-acre garden.

I said that did she mean that the dogs couldn't be left, even for an hour, and she said yes, and that she'd recommend I didn't take them out walking on my own either, as they are both quite difficult around other dogs. So it'll basically mean that I'm stuck in the house and garden for two weeks, unable to go anywhere. They have a neighbour who will take the dogs for an hour or two but no longer — and not more than once or maybe twice a week. Otherwise they put them in kennels, where apparently the cockerpoo howls herself hoarse, or pay a dog-sitter to look after them at home.

I asked them how they cope and she just sighed and said they'd had a professional advise them and were working on the situation, but the cockerpoo was still a nightmare. When they'd asked me to dog-sit in January they'd hoped the dogs would be easier to manage by now, but there's been little improvement.

I think she picked up my concern because she suggested I bring a friend with me to make it easier. I can't think of anyone who's available for a fortnight and would want to spend time alone with the dogs while I have a morning or day out.

When I started saying that I wasn't sure and this sounded like a job for professional dog-sitters my friend got upset and said it was a bit late to arrange that now.

AIBU? Could I say that I'll do it, but they have to organise kennels or a dog-sitter twice each week so that I get a couple of days off to explore and have some time out to myself?

OP posts:
Howeverdoyouneedme · 23/03/2022 21:33

Amazed people would want such difficult pets. I’d be worried these dogs were going to eat my face in the night.

BikiniB0tt0m · 23/03/2022 21:36

No way I would never agree to this sounds my idea of prison and locked in with two untrained dogs not able to go anywhere especially if they live in Devon and you can't go out. Online shop?! Do one!

Juniper68 · 23/03/2022 21:36

TheGrinchsDog I used the dog whisperer techniques. Frowned upon on here but couldn't give a toss. He's been happy for all these years. Everyone loves him.
Hmm for you too.

stillherenow · 23/03/2022 21:36

I can't leave my dog and I don't even get a pet sitter for holidays as I think it's unfair. Mine goes to a boarder who at least is in their own house , and not for long either

VickiG85 · 23/03/2022 21:37

I have a dog and finding people to help is really easy!
Having a challenging pair isn’t fair at all. Like others have said, they haven’t given you the full story.
If you’re prepared to do it I’d absolutely suggest a sitter / kennel for x amount of days; u will need a break too!
Good luck

Juniper68 · 23/03/2022 21:38

A lot of the problem lies on the owner. If they're nervous dogs can sense it. And they're bound to be stressed after all this time dealing with it.

grapewines · 23/03/2022 21:39

Say no. It's her fault for not being honest with you about the dogs. They'll have to find another solution.

TheGrinchsDog · 23/03/2022 21:39

@thenightsky

Seriously though, some dogs take longer to get over these issues than others

Oh yes, I totally get that. But I think what me and PP I quoted are saying is that OP's CF friend could have made a few inroads by now and been honest from the start.

Yes they should definitely have been upfront in the first place with the OP!

Glad you took my comment in the tongue in cheek spirit it was intended, some people are 'it wasn't an issue for me so why is it for you' about stuff like this, with no understanding that dogs are all individuals too and some take longer to get over issues, some never completely do.

I do think it's good that the CF friends have sought help from a behaviourist though. Still don't think the OP should dog sit lol.

Bonbon21 · 23/03/2022 21:42

Huge responsibility. Not one I would consider.
They should have thought all this through before they booked the holiday, before they tried to con you into looking after the animals.
They should have been honest from the outset.
Thats the detail I would be emphasising... because you would not have agreed if you had the full truth.
Their dogs.
Their holiday.
Their problem.
Do not let them make you feel guilty.

Itwasnotmeormydog · 23/03/2022 21:42

I wouldn't ask a friend to come to my house to look after my dog for 2 weeks and my dog is a dream compared to those 2. Unfortunately for your friend she either isn't going to be able to go on holiday for the next 15 years or she is going to have to use kennels or take the dogs with her. I would work on the separation anxiety before using kennels if I were her as it sounds as though her dog will be stressed the whole time they are in kennels. Realistically you cannot look after dogs that don't know you with separation anxiety, reactivity and a tendency to escape their own gardens.
Also if the cockapoo has toilet accidents in the house when stressed are you going to be having to clean that off the carpet on top of everything else?
Don't let her make you feel like this is your fault. The situation is her fault as she was trying to get you there under false pretenses.

TheGrinchsDog · 23/03/2022 21:46

@Juniper68

TheGrinchsDog I used the dog whisperer techniques. Frowned upon on here but couldn't give a toss. He's been happy for all these years. Everyone loves him. Hmm for you too.
Good for you, glad it worked for you.

Just in case you don't know, his views such as pack mentality and alfa-ing have been soundly debunked and are now known to be harmful. The treatment of dogs in his facilities have been reported on because of neglect and actual physical harm coming to dogs under 'his' care.

But cool, cool, cool! Wink

blisstwins · 23/03/2022 21:47

I realize I am an outlier, but I also have difficult dogs. I would talk to them and tell them you need a little more respite—like hire someone local to come sit in the house during the day for a few hours a day or a few full days so you can do some stuff. Work with them. It is not great, but I believe them that they thought it would be better and these are old friends

Juniper68 · 23/03/2022 21:48

TheGrinchsDog I did know. Am so cool I'm ice.

TheGrinchsDog · 23/03/2022 21:52

Also @GoldfinchTart just because I can't remember if you've said, the dogs might not be old enough to walk the legs off them in order to get a quiet moment at home.

Some breeds it's recommended to go gently with short walks until they are 3, when they are physically able to do longer and more energetic walks without incurring physical damage.

Just a thought prompted by the PP saying take them out for a good looong walk to tire them out. It'd work for mine, but he's 4 now and can cope with the exercise without damaging his long jangly legs. It wouldn't have worked the year I got him because he was too young and it would have caused him damage.

TheGrinchsDog · 23/03/2022 21:54

@Juniper68

TheGrinchsDog I did know. Am so cool I'm ice.
Grin am now singing Cold as ice in my head lol.

No offence meant Juniper, your first post just came across as I said like 'it's not an issue for us, why is it an issue for you'

I don't agree with CM based training but I'm not Queen of the dog world so I don't get a say in what others choose to do, just wasn't sure if you knew.

greenlynx · 23/03/2022 21:54

I think the main point is that your friend can’t cope with her dogs on her own without help of her husband however she expects you to cope. It’s very unfair expectation.
Yes, her dogs are not aggressive and manage around other people well but this is how they behave with 2 owners available. It might be very different when it’s only you.
I would refuse. They do it together, they can’t expect one person to manage.

Juniper68 · 23/03/2022 21:58

TheGrinchsDog no problem. Just had a Google of him actually to see what he's up to now. Some sad reading.

He helped my dog so that's all I know.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 23/03/2022 21:59

@Wiredforsound

Dear friend,

After our discussions today it has become apparent that I do not have the skills or experience to care for such high needs dogs and I fear the experience would be traumatic for both them and me. I cannot in good conscience come down and try to care for your pets, and would recommend you seek specialist support. Kind regards, etc.

This. They are massively taking the piss. We used to foster dogs so we had lots with complicated backgrounds, but we never had one you couldn't leave at all. That's insane.
MintyGreenDream · 23/03/2022 22:05

"Unfortunately I won't be able to dog sit as I genuinely need time out of the house every day"

Fcuk38 · 23/03/2022 22:10

My cockapoo is the same as this. Tbh if it’s a nervous dog and not socialised then it’s going to take a time to get used to you. My Cockapoo looks cute as fuck but when he’s in the presence of strangers I treat him like he’s a Rottweiler as he barks and goes for strangers.

StScholastica · 23/03/2022 22:13

You aren't qualified for this job. Growing up with an unruly terrier doesn't make you able to look after someone else's badly behaved/untrained animals in a house you are unfamiliar with.
What about if they get out and cause an accident or attack an animal or child? Who is legally responsible then as they are in your care?
They sound like liabilities.

Arucanafeather · 23/03/2022 22:18

We’ve got a cockerpoo. He is sweet sensitive soul and a dream at home (so much easier than other breeds). He great with other dogs and people but is a little anxious in some settings where he needs to stay on his lead (like parks etc), which leads him to bark (a lot!) We’ve popped a DAP collar on him which has notably helped him feel calmer. Not directly related to your op, but I thought I’d mention DAP collars in case anyone reading fancies giving them a go.
I do think they’ve ask way to much of you but I suspect in your situation, I would similar to you and find a way to do it (as a strict once off!) with as much extra help I can get.

milkyaqua · 23/03/2022 22:20

So, she's not bothered to train her dogs, or got them behavioural help, and she's not bothered to tell you this until now! No way.

You sound a very nice accommodating friend, but she has not been a marvellous friend in withholding this information until now, whatever the reason, and for expecting you to spend an awful two weeks locked in with her self-created problem.

tara66 · 23/03/2022 22:20

I looked after a young cockerpoo for about 8 hours a while ago and it was really exhausting! I had to phone owners to come and get it sooner than they wanted to!

Whydoiwearsomuchleopardprint · 23/03/2022 22:20

Seriously this is not fair on you or the dogs, please say no for all your sakes.