To think that 29/30 years old is not too old to have a baby?

[itssunnyyay]

So I'm 27, I went to uni from 18-21 then have worked since then and been saving for a house, I live in London so it's quite expensive, I have been with my partner for almost 6 years, we have really focussed on buying a place and we are currently going through the process of buying our first home yay! We want to get married soon (maybe next year) and I'd like to try for a baby when I turn 30, as I think that I will feel more ready then and be better off financially at that point (going to be flat out broke once this sale goes through)

I just listened to Chris Williamson's interview with Jordan Peterson about how more than 50% of women are childless at 30 and how bad this is etc, and how women end up regretting it once they hit 30/35/40 etc etc. And he says that he has watched women throughout his life get to 29 or 30 years old and then be unable to conceive.

I have always wanted to be a mum and I am under no illusion that I have an infinite amount of time, I understand that I have a biological clock and I can't wait around forever, but if I had had a child when I couldn't afford it people like Jordan Peterson would probably say it's irresponsible, life is so expensive now and I have been focusing on other things, but this interview has really made me worry and made me wonder if I'm not making a mistake in waiting until I feel more ready and more financially stable to have a child.. but surely 29/30 years old isn't 'too old', I always thought that anything up to 35 was fairly normal and even 35 to 40 was still achievable, my mum had me when she was 36..
What do you think?

I was 34 when I had mine. My auntie had her first at 40 and second at 43

I had mine in my 20s (very happily) but I think he’s talking rubbish.

With a lot of these ‘red pill’ type blokes it’s just them angry that women dare to do anything else with their lives first

I started properly trying for a baby around 29, I'd had some concerns that I may have trouble conceiving however. Went to GP after turning 30 and got referred for tests etc. discovered I had blocked tubes and PCOS. Did IVF and had my 1st at 32.

I have friends that had kids in their early 20's and also now some that are 40+ having their kids. Most women I meet now are having their first baby in their 30's.

Do what you feel is right for you and your family. There's no perfect time x

Well I will be 34 when I have my child do I hope not

@Snazzyjazzpants

30 is not old to have a baby. You have obviously spent a few years planning and laying the foundations which sounds perfect. I'm not sure why you'd take Jordan Peterson's advice though. Surely you don't need to ga far to find women who started families in their thirties. It's the standard age nowadays.

Yeah, fertility is just something I am super paranoid about because you just never know.. I didn't really go to him for advice it was more that I clicked the link and heard what he said and it made me panic!

Honestly please ignore Jordan Peterson. He doesn't hide his fear of women particularly well and he has about as much insight into women's concerns as a potato.

Also please take with a pinch of salt anyone who comments on "all" women or even the majority like the above poster decrying people's actual experiences of life. Assume if someone thinks they can comment for all women they aren't particularly intelligent. It just comes across as a bit stupid from them really

I have a myriad of examples from both ends of the spectrum. Some brilliant early mums , also those that struggled in their early twenties being a mum because of the lack of personal identity.

I had dc in my early 30's and mid thirties and now at 42 I'm fitter , slimmer than I ever was at 20 (despite Katyas rather sad and telling belief that that can't happen. ) I've known several people have a baby in late thirties and early forties and be absolutely fine. A fellow school mum just had her 4th at 39 and she is the most energetic of everyone but yes I've known others who had fertility issues.

Truth is you won't know until you try , you know your body and experience better than Jordan "run awwaaayy from the wimmins because they might have more to contribute than me" peterson the man is a think disguised incel mind (whether or not he actually is one) who happens to be more articulate than the usual , not more intelligent, just more atticulate. And certainly ignore a MN poster who tries to claim anyone disagreeing is lying. Fairly big indication of self esteem issues there.

Honestly its really not too old at all.

I haven’t read the beginning of this thread but I would just like to say I had no problems conceiving my first two children at 29 and 31. We started TTC a third when I was 34 (now 35), a year ago and we’ve had no luck. My FSH is higher than it should be and whether we will have another feels very uncertain. We’ve had to have lots of tests and the prospect of expensive IVF is now looming in the not so distant future. I have major regrets over not trying for another sooner. And after having two children, I didn’t expect any problems. I would also say, it’s heartbreaking whether it’s your first, second, third of whatever: I wish I had prioritised it above anything else 💔

I just had a baby at 29... I don't feel too old!

Just chiming in with Jordan Peterson is a twat. The plan you have set out seems lovely and I wish you all the best.

You sound like I was…you are planning ahead and making sure you are in a good position (mentally, emotionally, financially and physically) before bringing another life into the world. From my point of view you are doing everything right. Age 29/30 is still young in my opinion, and in my experience, early to mid 30’s is the perfect age to have children if you feel in a secure enough position. Do what feels right for you.

I had my first baby at 36 and my second at 38. I would have regretted it if I had had them any earlier because I would have missed out of so much fun stuff, career progression, taking risks, disposable income, random dating, relationships, travelling. I settled down at the right time for me, had my babies and am now in my 40s and loving life the way I planned it.

I don’t know who Jordan Peterson and he sounds like a prat. Ignore him and live your life the way you want to.

I had my first at nearly 33 - took 6 months to conceive, but I reckon that was down to having had a copper coil. Second at almost 35 and that was pregnant first time of trying.

Jordan Peterson is a twat.

30ish seems like a great age to have a baby, though whenever feels right is a great age!
it is good to be thoughtful about fertility though,- all evidence shows that fertility declines from age 35, whilst complications in birth, pregnancy and health go up. In my work I do see a number of women who waited (typically to late 30’s) and we’re not able to keep a pregnancy- often a lot of grief to process.
of course, I don’t see the ones for whom it worked out, which will be many, but if you absolutely know you want children, to me personally it makes sense to start before 35.

I was 27 when I had DS. With the plan that I would have another around now at age 30. Things changed and DS will be an only. The other mums I met ranged from teenagers to late 30s. All equally besotted with the babies and looking after them just fine. There's no perfect age to have a baby. Just whenever you feel ready.

I had mine at 33 and 37. I don’t regret it at all. I was also one of the youngest in my NCT group first time around (London). I’m a healthy, energetic person and I have no issues keeping up with the kids. Having them in my 30s meant my partner and I were settled in careers/home and earning well by the time we added kids to the mix.

My only caveat is that it took me longer to conceive than I would have liked both times, hence the big age gap - but I suspect this was down to stress rather than age. I was lucky to very straightforward pregnancies both times despite being “geriatric” (!!). It’s hard to generalise though and totally the luck of the draw regarding fertility - for some, age can be a huge issue….

(PS: I said I have no regrets, but actually there is one: I’m slightly sad knowing how old I’m likely to be by the time grandkids come along. I know my time with them will be more limited and my energy levels/health likely to be more of an issue than if I’d had my kids earlier.)

Biologically still plenty of time to have a baby at that age. A few of my friends and family members are that age group and they’re having their first babies now. Some easily and some had to go through IVF.

Some women younger than 30 struggle to conceive so it’s really not as black and white as when you hit 30 you’ll struggle.

I’m 27 and pregnant with my first child. I wouldn’t say 29/30 is too old at all! I think the majority of my friends will have theirs around then or after this
There is a biological clock but honestly I know so many people who had their first 35 onwards and I wouldn’t say they were old to be a first time mum either

I thing purely biologically your most fertile years are your early twenties. After that age your fertility diminishes but it's different for each and every woman. Those are also the years your body copes best with the stress of a pregnancy and delivery. That doesn't mean you can't have a baby later than that. If you're fit and healthy and your fertility is still in working order, go have that baby!

This resonates with me.

Had DC at age 31, 33 and 39. (Miscarriage age 37).

Fit, healthy (until post -long- covid issues). No regrets about age/timings, just seeing my in laws at weekend made me think.

MIL is a fit 74, SIL 54, niece in law 31, great nephew age 2. Both granny and great granny do childcare for NIL <not envious at all 😉>

When my youngest is 31, I will be 70… closer to great granny’s age rather than granny’s.

But my children might not have children, we might not all live 20 min from each other. Etc etc etc. It’s just another example of not getting to have cake and eat it.

@Hagpie why?? No need to ‘chime in’ when there’s 7 pages of people saying the same thing months ago 😵‍💫

Yes this about the anger at women daring to establish a good career before thinking about a family.

I mean of course for some women it is the right time to start a family in their twenties. But most women I know had their first child in their 30s. One or two were 28/29. But the vast majority in their 30s. Especially the ones who had been to university and didn't enter the workplace until they were 21/22.

I think in an ideal world both women and men should aim to get 8-10 years' work completed in their chosen field - to build up a decent degree of skill and experience - before thinking about a baby. Obviously this is a huge generalisation and many will have their families much earlier than this. But I still think it's sensible to have a bit of a life and focus on your career before you have a family.

Just had my first at 31. Fell pregnant first try. So not too old to conceive, obviously.

For me personally it was too old. I was told at 30 that my ovarian reserve was that of a 40 year old. So you could always have a fertility MOT?

Jordon Peterson has too many opinions...
Coming from a serial drug addict who dislikes women.

Take no notice, I had my babies at 31 and 33.
I know friends older than me with children younger than mine. He's talking absolute nonsense

I was 29 when I had my first and was the youngest in my NCT group.

I think a lot of the 'biological clock' stuff is about controlling women and not liking the idea of her having another identity other than 'mother'. Obviously getting 'em breeding earlier massively helps with this.

Of course women are not fertile forever, but the vast, vast majority of women I know who have kids had their first at age 30 or above.