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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that 29/30 years old is not too old to have a baby?

201 replies

itssunnyyay · 23/03/2022 17:17

So I'm 27, I went to uni from 18-21 then have worked since then and been saving for a house, I live in London so it's quite expensive, I have been with my partner for almost 6 years, we have really focussed on buying a place and we are currently going through the process of buying our first home yay! We want to get married soon (maybe next year) and I'd like to try for a baby when I turn 30, as I think that I will feel more ready then and be better off financially at that point (going to be flat out broke once this sale goes through)

I just listened to Chris Williamson's interview with Jordan Peterson about how more than 50% of women are childless at 30 and how bad this is etc, and how women end up regretting it once they hit 30/35/40 etc etc. And he says that he has watched women throughout his life get to 29 or 30 years old and then be unable to conceive.

I have always wanted to be a mum and I am under no illusion that I have an infinite amount of time, I understand that I have a biological clock and I can't wait around forever, but if I had had a child when I couldn't afford it people like Jordan Peterson would probably say it's irresponsible, life is so expensive now and I have been focusing on other things, but this interview has really made me worry and made me wonder if I'm not making a mistake in waiting until I feel more ready and more financially stable to have a child.. but surely 29/30 years old isn't 'too old', I always thought that anything up to 35 was fairly normal and even 35 to 40 was still achievable, my mum had me when she was 36..
What do you think?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 23/03/2022 19:07

YABU to take advice from two blokes talking about what women should do.

I fancy interviewing women and telling men what to do. Sounds fun. Doubt I could get men to listen to a word of it.

Stompythedinosaur · 23/03/2022 19:11

Jordan Peterson is a misogynistic idiot.

EatSleepReplete · 23/03/2022 19:16

Typical, men trying to dictate to women what to do with their bodies.

FWIW, I had DD at 31.

sydenhamhiller · 23/03/2022 19:20

Ignore! Of course, biological we are probably in our prime at about 22… but no way I was ready for kids then.

I met DH at 19 (uni) started going out when we graduated. We both went and worked abroad/ in other cities, moved in mid to late 20s, 3 Children at age 31, 33 and 39. (A month before turning 40!!)

AngelinaFibres · 23/03/2022 19:27

@itssunnyyay

Thanks everyone for the replies.. infertility is something I really worry about as women in my family do tend to take quite a while to conceive, so when I hear things like this it really makes me panic!
Perhaps, because of your family problems with conception, you need to have a baby sooner rather than later. If you don't have any problems 29/30 is perfectly standard age for first baby.
cornflakedreams · 23/03/2022 19:38

Why would you take life advice from that man?

I opened this thread in good faith, not to read that man's latest ignorant ramblings.

Original poster
itssunnyyay · 23/03/2022 19:41

@LadyCordeliaFitzgerald

I haven’t listened to the interview but I wonder if he considered the broader picture? That having less children, slightly later is correlated with better outcomes, (trifling things like life expectancy) for women and children. Or do those things melt into insignificance compared to the real priority of mens’ need for sex?

Honestly the thoughts of giving birth to a child that would grow up to be Jordan Peterson is making my ovaries shrivel a bit.

He did mention that a child's educational status tends to be impacted by their mothers education status, whereas their fathers educational status has no impact, but he didn't really mention whether he thought that was good or not (although clearly it is good)
OP posts:
DarkShade · 23/03/2022 19:42

Stupid advice. 29/30 is fine.

RidingMyBike · 23/03/2022 19:43

It only starts to decline after 35. We got married when I was 30, had DD when I was 36. I asked the GP how long I'd realistically got if we did decide on a second child and she said until 42 to be in with a realistic chance.

It's worth looking at the Taking charge of your fertility book as that helps with cycle tracking and assessing the likelihood of problems (don't forget though that there's also your partner's fertility to consider!).

MrsGHarrison87 · 23/03/2022 19:46

I had my fourth baby at 29. Personally having a family was very important to me and so there's no way I would have waited till I was 29 to start, especially if I wanted more than 2 kids. I was a single mum for years, I didn't wait until everything was perfect, but everything fell into place and I'm now married with a family and I didn't regret my choices.

OnceMoreWithoutFeeling · 23/03/2022 19:48

Jordan Petersen is a galloping dickhead provocateur who makes his money by talking bollocks on the TV/radio. He also apparently eats an all meat diet so is probably addlepated into the bargain from nutrient deficiency. Just ignore the twatty fucker.

latetothefisting · 23/03/2022 19:48

Surely the fact that 50% of 1st time mums (let alone 2nd, 3rd, 4th time mums!) do get pregnant after 30 years old shows it's not too old! Otherwise that wouldn't be the statistic!
Obviously younger than 30 is better biologically, but for lots of women, socially, financially getting pregnant when they are more stable is better.

Sceptre86 · 23/03/2022 19:51

I had my first at 29, second at 30 and 3rd at 34. I'm 35 now and I don't think 29 is too old at all. I met my husband at 26 and was at uni from aged 19-22, did a year's training and then worked full time. Thankfully no issues getting pregnant.

I wouldn't have wanted to have started having kids aged 35 as I am now but I recognise that life doesn't always work out as we plan.

Qwill · 23/03/2022 19:51

When I had my first baby the average age of my NCT group was 42!! I wish people would stop trying to tell women when/where/how to have children. If your body can produce a baby (and you want one), then it’s the right age to get pregnant, whether you’re 25 or 45. I wish people would butt out of women’s lives, in what other scenario do people feel the need to make these comments? Nobody tells men they’re too old or young to have children.

boobot1 · 23/03/2022 19:52

Jesus, there's more to life than having babies, I would suggest living a bit first. Travel the world. 30 is not oldHmm

Whiskers4 · 23/03/2022 19:52

I have what I believe are seven true longlife friends. Six had their first at age of 31-38. I have one friend who had hers DDs when she was 18 and 26. Relationship didn't work out and she had her third with new husband at 40. She's really happy and coping well.

Momicrone · 23/03/2022 19:53

Apparently he's doing a world tour, I wonder what that will consist of?

BiscuitLover3678 · 23/03/2022 20:03

It’s just comparative. Old by previous standards, normal by todays standards and in some social situations considered young.

Biological it’s on the later end as peak fertility is 19-25 but I really wouldn’t worry. You are being entirely sensible. Best indicator is your own mother’s age of menopause.

BiscuitLover3678 · 23/03/2022 20:05

Also why are you taking this guys advice so specifically?

Pllink · 23/03/2022 20:06

I'm 33 and have a 4 month old. Took 2 months to conceive. Planning on having a second but not for a few years (I'll be 35+)

As a general rule, don't listen to Jordan Peterson.

Saskatcha · 23/03/2022 20:08

I became a mum at 25. I was the youngest in my friendship group of new mums by 4 years.

BunnyBerries · 23/03/2022 20:10

Just check out the govt stats for 2020

https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/livebirths/datasets/birthsbyparentscharacteristics

The top bold number is within marriage/civil partnership and the bottom bold numbers are outside (non bolded figures are related to stats on fathers)

So women aged 30-34 (when you add up both within/outside marriage/civil partnership) is the group with the highest number of first births Smile

To think that 29/30 years old is not too old to have a baby?
iklboo · 23/03/2022 20:23

I was 36 when I had DS. SIL was 42 with her youngest.

Cakesnbiscuit · 23/03/2022 20:26

30 is prime age for a kid, good balance between finances, jobs, life experience and age.

Best advice I got was come off any birth control affecting your body a year before you ttc. Get any pills / hormones out your body in advance.

Qwill · 23/03/2022 20:26

Fertility peak (the ones a PP posted are very outdated though), is completely irrelevant. Nobody is going to have a baby at 20 if they haven’t met a man, don’t have the means to support a child, etc. - just because some outdated research says it’s the prime time. If your body (and partners sperm) isn’t playing ball to have a baby it’s irrelevant how old you are. General statistics are just that. Luckily we are all individual and our bodies work in different ways. If you want a baby, and your body lets you have one, then it’s the right time, nobody knows your situation like you do, so. The sooner people stop giving their opinions on how women should live their lives the better. We aren’t stupid, we can all do our research, so please trust us when we’ve made the decision to have a baby/not have a baby!