To think that 29/30 years old is not too old to have a baby?

[itssunnyyay]

So I'm 27, I went to uni from 18-21 then have worked since then and been saving for a house, I live in London so it's quite expensive, I have been with my partner for almost 6 years, we have really focussed on buying a place and we are currently going through the process of buying our first home yay! We want to get married soon (maybe next year) and I'd like to try for a baby when I turn 30, as I think that I will feel more ready then and be better off financially at that point (going to be flat out broke once this sale goes through)

I just listened to Chris Williamson's interview with Jordan Peterson about how more than 50% of women are childless at 30 and how bad this is etc, and how women end up regretting it once they hit 30/35/40 etc etc. And he says that he has watched women throughout his life get to 29 or 30 years old and then be unable to conceive.

I have always wanted to be a mum and I am under no illusion that I have an infinite amount of time, I understand that I have a biological clock and I can't wait around forever, but if I had had a child when I couldn't afford it people like Jordan Peterson would probably say it's irresponsible, life is so expensive now and I have been focusing on other things, but this interview has really made me worry and made me wonder if I'm not making a mistake in waiting until I feel more ready and more financially stable to have a child.. but surely 29/30 years old isn't 'too old', I always thought that anything up to 35 was fairly normal and even 35 to 40 was still achievable, my mum had me when she was 36..
What do you think?

Why are you listening to a mans opinion about getting pregnant?

OP word of general advice - before worrying about something someone’s said, research who’s saying it. And if that person is a notorious facist and misogynist, carry on with your day!! Honestly it just gives their opinions oxygen to be discussing them on mumsnet.

29/30 is a completely average age to have your first child in the UK these days. That's older than in the 1970s, but interestingly, quite similar to the 1930s. Quite interesting information here: www.parliament.uk/business/publications/research/olympic-britain/population/have-kids-settle-down/

Anecdotally, especially among mums in London and also among those who've been to university, 29/30 is young. I was 33 when my first child was born and was the youngest in my NCT group. The oldest was 42.

My husband and I met in our early 30s and chose to have children at 35. It didn’t happen, and has been the very worst thing that has ever happened to us. All the women in my family had children in their late 30s and early 40s. I never thought I wouldn’t be able to.
Anecdotally you will hear of loads of women having children late in life. It means nothing if you’re the one who can’t.
You’re not too old now to have a baby, you might have 10 or 15 years of fertility ahead. But consider how important having children is to you, and take into account the fact that your fertility does decline rapidly in your 30s, and don’t be complacent. IVF has a 70% failure rate. Don’t take anything for granted.

It never occurred to me that educated people might be listening to Jordan Peterson.

Strangely these types never seem to put any pressure on men. Your partner is fast reaching the age when the poor quality of his ageing sperm will increase the risk of miscarriage. Is anyone telling him he needs to get a move on? No? I wonder why not.

There is no point listening to anecdotal evidence staking they had their first child at 40. Helenahandkarts post speaks a lot of sense. If you have irregular periods then that is something that needs to be addressed. It may be a problem. It may not but it certainly isn’t the best starting point at the age of 30.

According to my friend it's "so old" (she's having her 2nd at 29) which I actually find offensive. I'm 30 this year, 90% of our friends don't have kids yet. She has a younger mum herself but again, most of our groups parents are 60+ so their parents didn't have them until 30+ either.
Life isn't a competition and given the current economic climate etc not everyone can afford to have them at the so called "ideal time"

Your fertility starts declining at 26.
Or even 25?

One of them. After the age of 35 you’re classed as a geriatric pregnancy.

You might find this informative (and funny!).

That’s a totally normal age to have a baby and it’s great that you’ll have set yourself up in a career and got on the property ladder as they things can feel harder with kids.

Dd was born when we were 35 & 39 and DS born when we were 39 & 43. We won’t try for more now as 2 is enough and, for us, mid-40s feels like we’d be pushing it a bit.

Jordan Peterson is a dick, ignore this and everything else he says!

JP ie a bona fide cunt and I wouldn't take advice from him on ANYTHING. I had one at 34, second at 36 and might try again at 38. It's the right thing for me and my family.

I couldn't have children at 29/30. That's because I have pcos and if I'd tried at 16 I still wouldn't have conceived. I had my daughter through ivf at 41.

If you have fertility problems then you have trouble conceiving at any age. Women without fertility problems generally conceive easily (which is within a year) up until late thirties. It does tend to get more difficult or take longer in your forties.

You're not too old and made a sensible decision to be ready for a child before conceiving.

You're mistake is listening to a single word Jordan Peterson says.

Having said that, if I was in a good relationship and wanted children, I wouldn't wait beyond early to mid 30's to have children. It is true that fertility dips and it's not helpful to ignore that biological fact.

He will have known women unable to conceive at 29/30, but I highly doubt that their age is a factor. Some people have fertility problems. It's a sad fact of life. They would probably be having the exact same problems if they were 26.

If this is something you are concerned about then I would recommend speaking to a doctor. People have an awful lot to say on the subject of when women "should" have babies, and most of them don't know what the fuck they are talking about. Get some good medical advice and make your decisions from there.

I had all mine under 30 (starting at 24). My daughter is already older than I was when I had her and I see that as a good thing. Agree with the live a bit first advice.
Also most of my children's friend's parents were in their mid to late thirties when they had children. And things have worked out well for them.

30 is not old to have a baby. You have obviously spent a few years planning and laying the foundations which sounds perfect.
I'm not sure why you'd take Jordan Peterson's advice though. Surely you don't need to ga far to find women who started families in their thirties. It's the standard age nowadays.

The thing is that if you don't have any fertility problems, having kids throughout your 30s shouldn't be a problem. Yes, fertility declines, slowly at first and then speeding up after 35 but the majority of women should have no problem conceiving, even if it might take a little longer (as the probability of conception per cycle decreases).

The problem is IF you have any fertility issues. Then time isn't on your side as you have the naturally declining fertility against the backdrop of lower conception probability due to fertility problems. So it'll just take that much longer and then if you want more than one child it can then prove difficult.

But what's frustrating is that you don't usually know if there are problems until you start trying.

You could do some of the tests that can assess thigns like ovarian reserve, hormone levels etc to give you peace of mind that there are no identifiable problems.

I wouldn't even take Jordan Peterson's advice on sandwich fillings

Strangely these types never seem to put any pressure on men. Your partner is fast reaching the age when the poor quality of his ageing sperm will increase the risk of miscarriage. Is anyone telling him he needs to get a move on? No? I wonder why not.

IIRC her partner is 32? (Potentially 35-ish when ttc) I thought risk factors are higher in men over 45 or 50.
(I was in my 20s/early 30s when I had DC but my DH was late 40s so it was something I read about)

I wouldn’t listen to him on this issue. He has a very set, blinkered point of view that is not helpful to women or even realistic. 30s is a perfectly normal time to have children and always has been. Yes, some women have infertility problems and I myself had miscarriages but it can happen to you regardless of age. It is wrong to pile on pressure to women to have children when they’re young. Many women haven’t met a partner yet or aren’t ready for children and that’s ok.

Never heard of him ,looks like I haven't missed much! Quite honestly 29 to 30 is a perfect age to start trying . You sound sensible and practical 2 things he isn't.take no notice. Carry on as you were !

I had my first at 35, second at 36, third at 40. They’re talking rubbish

Problem is if you have issues ttc then over 30 can be late

But uou don’t know still you start ttc if have any issues

For many it’s fine and preg within 2yrs

I was like you op @itssunnyyay. Had a good job. Wanted to be married before ttc. Came off pill after honeymoon

I was 32 - then took me 10yrs to ttc - 4 failed private ivf - 7 embryos failed to implant

Finally our 5th private ivf and no 8 embryo was successful - I ended up being almost 44 when I gave birth

I would prob have amh and fsh tested privately to see how you are doing

Gives you an indication tho you won’t know if say tubes are blocked etc

I was always advised gently by friends (who were going through IVF) that 29/30 was the perfect age to start trying because IF you have problems (and the majority of women at that age don’t) you have plenty of time to try, get medical opinions, tests and IVF if needed.