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Original poster

To think that 29/30 years old is not too old to have a baby?

201 replies

itssunnyyay · 23/03/2022 17:17

So I'm 27, I went to uni from 18-21 then have worked since then and been saving for a house, I live in London so it's quite expensive, I have been with my partner for almost 6 years, we have really focussed on buying a place and we are currently going through the process of buying our first home yay! We want to get married soon (maybe next year) and I'd like to try for a baby when I turn 30, as I think that I will feel more ready then and be better off financially at that point (going to be flat out broke once this sale goes through)

I just listened to Chris Williamson's interview with Jordan Peterson about how more than 50% of women are childless at 30 and how bad this is etc, and how women end up regretting it once they hit 30/35/40 etc etc. And he says that he has watched women throughout his life get to 29 or 30 years old and then be unable to conceive.

I have always wanted to be a mum and I am under no illusion that I have an infinite amount of time, I understand that I have a biological clock and I can't wait around forever, but if I had had a child when I couldn't afford it people like Jordan Peterson would probably say it's irresponsible, life is so expensive now and I have been focusing on other things, but this interview has really made me worry and made me wonder if I'm not making a mistake in waiting until I feel more ready and more financially stable to have a child.. but surely 29/30 years old isn't 'too old', I always thought that anything up to 35 was fairly normal and even 35 to 40 was still achievable, my mum had me when she was 36..
What do you think?

OP posts:
Su9999 · 23/03/2022 22:08

Just curious why were you listening to Jordan Petersen on this issue? Was this suggested by DP?

L251090 · 23/03/2022 22:13

@itssunnyyay

So I'm 27, I went to uni from 18-21 then have worked since then and been saving for a house, I live in London so it's quite expensive, I have been with my partner for almost 6 years, we have really focussed on buying a place and we are currently going through the process of buying our first home yay! We want to get married soon (maybe next year) and I'd like to try for a baby when I turn 30, as I think that I will feel more ready then and be better off financially at that point (going to be flat out broke once this sale goes through)

I just listened to Chris Williamson's interview with Jordan Peterson about how more than 50% of women are childless at 30 and how bad this is etc, and how women end up regretting it once they hit 30/35/40 etc etc. And he says that he has watched women throughout his life get to 29 or 30 years old and then be unable to conceive.

I have always wanted to be a mum and I am under no illusion that I have an infinite amount of time, I understand that I have a biological clock and I can't wait around forever, but if I had had a child when I couldn't afford it people like Jordan Peterson would probably say it's irresponsible, life is so expensive now and I have been focusing on other things, but this interview has really made me worry and made me wonder if I'm not making a mistake in waiting until I feel more ready and more financially stable to have a child.. but surely 29/30 years old isn't 'too old', I always thought that anything up to 35 was fairly normal and even 35 to 40 was still achievable, my mum had me when she was 36..
What do you think?

First of all, HUGE congrats on buying your first place. That's a big achievement and it sounds like you've both worked very hard so good on you! Secondly... no one, and I mean absolutely no one, ESPECIALLY a bloke, should be telling women that it's bad to be childless at 30 ... it's a personal choice and he is a moron for saying that.

You should have a child if and when you feel ready. Try not to let outsiders influence you. I am having my first child this year I am 31 (32 in October) and my partner is 29 (30 in September). My Mam had me at 35 and my brother at 40. It may begin to take a little more effort to fall pregnant after about 33+ but it's certainly still possible. You're only born with a certain amount of eggs and yes, after 30 they reduce more and more but honestly? My doctor told me after a blood test that my ovulation was high. Everyone is different but I had the same concerns as you before I fell pregnant. It's natural to feel this. But try to relax, go at your own pace, your child will thank you for it.

All the best to you both, I hope everything goes well with the house and your decision on having a baby Grin

Xx

Andacherryonthetop · 23/03/2022 22:21

I had my second at 29- it felt young to me. I think most people these days are around 28-35 having their first so definitely not too old

Qwill · 23/03/2022 22:24

@Katya213

Thanks, it takes a big person to admit they’re wrong. I’m glad you’ve seen sense!!

OhFFSMum · 23/03/2022 22:34

@Katya213 lol - why would I lie? I found having a baby at 25 exceptionally hard, but then also found it hard at 36 and 38.

I don't know why I bother arguing with idiots on the Internet. I should be in bed at my age after all! Believe what u like love :)

powershowerforanhour · 23/03/2022 22:36

You lost me at "...interview with Jordan Peterson". I wouldn't take that person's advice on fertility any more than I would take diet advice from him. He isn't a fertility expert- the only thing JP is an expert in is JP's massive ego.

Two thoughts- is your DP a fan of Peterson? If so watch carefully for any overbearing mansplainy alpha wankiness and nip it in the bud or dump before you get pregnant

Also- of the women in your family have had fertility issues then you're better off gathering as much family history as you can and consulting a fertility expert who can do some tests and give you advice tailored to you . A friend of mine did this in her mid 30s and thought it was a great thing for thinking about it clearly.

Greatexpectations77 · 23/03/2022 22:41

@PenguinPup What does he say about only children?

I finally had my Dd at age 40 after 9 years of trying and many traumas. I’m pleased I had so much time to travel and really enjoy life, but I wish now I was younger with her and had more time with her, if I could’ve lived the life I’ve had but be 10 years younger now to be 34 with a 4 year old, it would be perfect, it makes me v sad at times,
I can see both sides to it…I never wanted kids young and wanted to travel the world and live my life..I’m glad I did in lots of ways, but sometimes looking at women in their early thirties with a few kids makes me feel a bit envious.
Ideally, if I could’ve had kids at around 33, it probably would’ve been a good age.

Appolonia · 23/03/2022 22:46

I was 47 having my twins, after 7 years TTC.
Yes, I wish I had been 10 years younger having them, but it's fine.

29/30 is a great age to have kids. I think the perfect age is about 33. It's a good balance of time out of uni to work on your career, travel, hobbies, but still be young.

Boxowine · 23/03/2022 22:56

So how old was Jordan Peterson when he gave birth?

Chely · 23/03/2022 23:08

Not old but gives you less time for treatments if you do find you have problems.

GiraffesInScarfs · 23/03/2022 23:09

Huh? The average age of a FTM is now over 30. What an odd question OP!

OhFFSMum · 23/03/2022 23:16

@Greatexpectations77 I will agree with this. Whilst I don't think I was 'too old' when I had my third and fourth babies in my late 30's, I also feel a bit sad when I think how I will have less time with them, and also that I will be nearly 80 when my youngest is my age. I still need my mum very much (in her late 60's) so I hope I'm still around at nearly 80! Agree early 33 is probably a good age!

Original poster
itssunnyyay · 24/03/2022 07:59

@GiraffesInScarfs

Huh? The average age of a FTM is now over 30. What an odd question OP!
Did you read what I wrote?
OP posts:
Original poster
itssunnyyay · 24/03/2022 08:07

@Su9999

Just curious why were you listening to Jordan Petersen on this issue? Was this suggested by DP?
No, I was at work and it popped up as recommended by YouTube so I was intrigued, I don't often listen to Jordan Peterson because his voice annoys me. I don't think my boyfriend knows who Jordan Peterson is
OP posts:
Yummymummy2020 · 24/03/2022 08:10

I had my first at 33 and second at 34, no issues. Trying for number three but it’s been almost a year now and nothing so I guess you can’t assume if you want a larger family especially. I would also say as nice as it is not having a gap between kids it’s very hard on your body, so if you want a few this would steer me towards not waiting too long too!!!

dizzydizzydizzy · 24/03/2022 08:12

Had DC1 at 35, DC2 at 37. It's been fine. Babies at 30 sounds sounds good to me.

greenteafiend · 24/03/2022 08:18

At a population level, 30 is later than ideal for some women. If your mother went through the menopause early at 40 there is a good chance that you might do so as well, which could well mean infertilty by your early 30s.

That's not the average situation though. Talk to your mother about her menopause and consider getting a ovarian reserve check/fertility MOT if you are worried. But most women are fine having their kids in their 30s, assuming they don't want a really big family.

I had my two children at nearly-33 and 40. Easy pregnancies and healthy bright children. No issues here.

GodspeedJune · 24/03/2022 08:33

I think I was 29 when we started TTC and I’m now pregnant with an IVF baby at 31. 29/30 felt like a great age to become a parent, definitely not too old.

I’d always had horrendous periods so was upset but not surprised to find I had fertility issues. It’s true that if you have issues time slips away with referrals, investigations and treatment etc. But I still feel a good age to be starting a family.

Original poster
itssunnyyay · 24/03/2022 08:54

@GodspeedJune

I think I was 29 when we started TTC and I’m now pregnant with an IVF baby at 31. 29/30 felt like a great age to become a parent, definitely not too old.

I’d always had horrendous periods so was upset but not surprised to find I had fertility issues. It’s true that if you have issues time slips away with referrals, investigations and treatment etc. But I still feel a good age to be starting a family.

Congratulations of your IVF baby! My sister is about to start the IVF process after 2 years of TTC, I hope it goes well for her too :(
OP posts:
Catalinka · 24/03/2022 09:03

It's a good age to ttc. I can understand your concerns with your family history, so maybe say to your dh that you'd like to start by 30. That gives him a couple of years. If he doesn't want to ttc then, don't hang around indefinitely

headspin10 · 24/03/2022 09:14

That just isn't true. I had my first at 30 and second at 35, I felt like I was a better Mum second time around, not just due to having some experience behind me, but because I felt I was more patient due to being older.

I have 2 friends who had their first child aged 41 and 42 and I conceived naturally aged 41. I think your plan is really good. Congratulations on the house!

cantthinkofabetterusername · 24/03/2022 09:18

I had my youngest when I was 33, so 30 isn't too old

GodspeedJune · 24/03/2022 09:25

Thank you itssunnyyay and best of luck to your sister.

PenguinPup · 24/03/2022 11:40

@Greatexpectations77 he was talking about the ideal number of children to have and basically said one was not good. Well good for him, his wife could have 2. I was 40 when I had my DS and I am very grateful to have him. He is a happy boy with lots of friends. I couldn't have anymore children, I had 2 losses, then decided not to try again as I couldn't face having Hyperemesis again. I stopped watching him as he says everything as if he's some sort of great expert, when in actual fact a lot of what he says is just his opinion.

Wellthisiscrapeh · 24/03/2022 11:46

Do you know what, I’ve had 3 children.

First I was 22, the second I was 34 and the last I was 40.

NONE of those ages were the correct age to have a baby according to all the people who gave me their totally uncalled for opinions.

I was either too young, too old, the ages gaps were too big, they thought it was the wrong time in my life for some bizarre reason that hasn’t even occurred to me.

The only person you can please in life is yourself.