To think that 29/30 years old is not too old to have a baby?

[itssunnyyay]

So I'm 27, I went to uni from 18-21 then have worked since then and been saving for a house, I live in London so it's quite expensive, I have been with my partner for almost 6 years, we have really focussed on buying a place and we are currently going through the process of buying our first home yay! We want to get married soon (maybe next year) and I'd like to try for a baby when I turn 30, as I think that I will feel more ready then and be better off financially at that point (going to be flat out broke once this sale goes through)

I just listened to Chris Williamson's interview with Jordan Peterson about how more than 50% of women are childless at 30 and how bad this is etc, and how women end up regretting it once they hit 30/35/40 etc etc. And he says that he has watched women throughout his life get to 29 or 30 years old and then be unable to conceive.

I have always wanted to be a mum and I am under no illusion that I have an infinite amount of time, I understand that I have a biological clock and I can't wait around forever, but if I had had a child when I couldn't afford it people like Jordan Peterson would probably say it's irresponsible, life is so expensive now and I have been focusing on other things, but this interview has really made me worry and made me wonder if I'm not making a mistake in waiting until I feel more ready and more financially stable to have a child.. but surely 29/30 years old isn't 'too old', I always thought that anything up to 35 was fairly normal and even 35 to 40 was still achievable, my mum had me when she was 36..
What do you think?

@Momicrone

I wouldn't take advice of that nature from a bloke, 30 is young

30 isn't young, its the average age area. 18 is young. 40 is old.

It’s a pretty normal age to have a first. If you have no fertility issues it will be fine. His point is that if you start then and have fertility issues it is more of an uphill struggle than someone in their twenties for example. Of course there is no way of knowing until you start. That is the problem. So yes many women will start trying in their early thirties and have issues and then it is a long road for them and they will wish they had started earlier. But statistically it’s obviously fine.

I had my first child at 31.
I was the first out of all of my friends. Most are 2/3 years older than me and waited another 3/4 years before they had a child (making them around 37/38)
One friend had their first child at 39 and another at 41.

Nearly all the Mums at the school gate were either my age or older too.
I’m sure everyone has a different experience but that was mine.

Anyone can be unlucky, fertility wise, and it’s not necessarily just older women, either. So many women have babies a lot older than 30 now.
My dd had hers at 38, 39, and 42.

Many of her friends have been similar. One had her 2nd at 45.

I had my daughter at 33! 29/30 is definitely not too old, you sound really responsible and level headed.

I had my first baby when I was 33 and that was completely planned. I wanted to travel, get on the property ladder, buy a new house etc before I would be ready financially or emotionally to have a child. It was the best thing I done for me and for my little one. We are financially stable, have the home I wanted for a family, and I don’t feel like I missed out on anything in life before settling down and committing to family life! Enjoy your 20’s and have a baby in your 30’s if that’s what suits you best. You sound like you have your head screwed on and know what is best for you and your future so don’t let anyone knock you off of the path you are on if it’s a happy one 💗

It's not like you think hey I'm 25 time to have a baby but oops forgot I'm not married/in a relationship and I have this thing I've been building called a career....
I met my husband at 39 and had two kids in my 40s. Anyone I know who struggled with fertility struggled in their 20s and 30s - it wasn't age related.
I probably would have liked kids younger (I'm 60 next week with a kid still in school), but life doesn't happen to some arbitrary schedule.

I have no idea who Jordan Peterson is, but I get the feeling I wouldn’t like him. If he’s right , a huge number of us have done it wrong. I had mine at 38 and 40.

@Cakesnbiscuit

30 is prime age for a kid, good balance between finances, jobs, life experience and age.

Best advice I got was come off any birth control affecting your body a year before you ttc. Get any pills / hormones out your body in advance.

I've been off the pill and any contraception other than condoms for 5 years now, so I shouldn't have any problems with coming off contraception.. I do have irregular periods though hmm

41

I had my first at 35, I'm now pregnant with second at 37.
Raising kids is damn tough and it takes over your life. I'm so so glad I lived my 20's and early 30's to the full, lots of travel, parties, festivals, restaurants, sports etc. And now I feel I lived that part of my life well I'm plunging 100% into parenting without feeling like I'm missing out or trying to be a parent and do all these things for me.
Fertility issues are scary the layer you leave it though
Xx

I had my daughter at 38, I wish I had her at 28. I’m the oldest mum in the playground, I’m so so tired and I worry as the risk of disease increases massively over the age of 45.

It’s something I’d never recommend but that’s my opinion, I’m sure there will be someone along shortly to tell me I’m wrong and how they’ve never felt fitter (they’re lying.)

He's talking utter nonsense. The whole fertility falls off a cliff at 35 myth has been thoroughly debunked. Of course if you have your heart and soul set on children then it probably makes sense to start trying in your early 30s, but the fact is most women in 35-40 age group will get pregnant within a year if trying.

See Guardian article that summarises recent research: amp.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/apr/10/fertility-cliff-age-35-week-in-patriarchy

I conceived my own DC easily and quickly at 37 and 39. I'm not saying it's the same for everyone but to worry about being too late at 30 is crazy! Jordan Peterson (who I had to Google) sounds like just another right wing idiot.

I had 4 kids between the ages of 33 and 40

Oh my! I’ve not yet had children (I’m 35) and only just feeling ready.
There are options if you’re worried about conceiving if there is a family history. Maybe speak to your GP about it?
Don’t have children before you’re ready! I’ve always had the mantra that I have my life to be a mum, but not all my life to be me.
Be kind to yourself and do what you feel is right, and at the time you’re both ready to!

@Katya213

Please stop dismissing women’s lived experiences. This is the crap we have from society (read men), and we don’t need it from other women. If someone tells you they feel fitter, sexier, more comfortable, more confident when they get older - please just believe them!! Just because you’ve got less fit, doesn’t mean that’s the norm. Personally I take comfort in the aged 40+ friends I know who have got a lot fitter in their (old 😂) age. They have a great family life. Stop telling women they are lying just because it’s not your experience. It’s like when people say they’ve experienced sexual assault, but because you haven’t experienced it, they are ‘lying’. Don’t put your weird hang ups in other people.

Haven't RTFT but the average (mean) age of a first time mother is around 29 years, that's absolutely not too late.
My mum was regarded as a geriatric mother when she had me at 30 (late 70s)
I had my 2nd child at 31 and the midwife commented how young I was! (Although I think demographics change depending on area - there were hardly any other 20-somethings in my first antenatal group)

I had my first at 25, second at 36 and third at 38. Whoever this Jordan Peterson person is - he's a twat. Pay no attention to him. You have plenty of time!!!

[quote Qwill]@Katya213

Please stop dismissing women’s lived experiences. This is the crap we have from society (read men), and we don’t need it from other women. If someone tells you they feel fitter, sexier, more comfortable, more confident when they get older - please just believe them!! Just because you’ve got less fit, doesn’t mean that’s the norm. Personally I take comfort in the aged 40+ friends I know who have got a lot fitter in their (old 😂) age. They have a great family life. Stop telling women they are lying just because it’s not your experience. It’s like when people say they’ve experienced sexual assault, but because you haven’t experienced it, they are ‘lying’. Don’t put your weird hang ups in other people.[/quote]
😆😆 knew it!

@Katya213 just because you feel like a bag of crap - doesn't mean everyone your age does!? What a strange thing to say

My 5 month old was conceived at 36 and born at 37.
My mum had her last baby at 41

@Katya213 - and I actually DID have a baby mid twenties and again mid thirties - found it much harder in my 20's!

30 is normal nowadays. It's quite common for women up to 40 to have children now women focus on careers too, building a strong career and getting on the housing market puts you in a much better position for having children.

[quote OhFFSMum]@Katya213 - and I actually DID have a baby mid twenties and again mid thirties - found it much harder in my 20's![/quote]
Of course you did.

I really would take Jordan Peterson with a huge side order of salt. The way society is structured these days means the reality of having a baby isn't practical for a lot of people till their late 20s/early 30s as we go to uni, make a career and do lots of other things before hand it's not the same as life 60 years ago and our realities and options are far greater.

I had my daughter 2 weeks after turning 31, if we have a second I hope to be about 34 when that's the case. Have your baby on your timeliness, forget what Jordan Peters on or any other so called expert says they're not living your life.