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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect family money being passed on

390 replies

Soffana · 23/03/2022 11:21

Am I being AIBU if I think that parents that had an inheritance and profited on that when it comes to property investment should pass money on to the next generation and not spend it all?

That money should be passed on from generation to generation?

For example helping next generation buying property?

OP posts:
PinkSparklyPussyCat · 23/03/2022 13:34

DH and I have both inherited. My inheritance cleared our mortgage and DH's is giving us a better standard of living and we plan to enjoy it. We don't have children together but DH's are the same age as me so may or may not inherit anything depending on the 'order of events.'

Original poster
Soffana · 23/03/2022 13:35

@JudgeJ

If no-one passes it on, you included, it would be like a huge money snowball, rolling along getting bigger and bigger. I think the OP means that it should come to her to spend, not to pass on!
I have explained more detailed in posts after the first one. I was a bit unclear, I admit.
OP posts:
that1970shouse · 23/03/2022 13:35

If my gran wanted me to have it, she would have left it to me. (She did leave me and my cousins a small amount but the majority was split between my mum and her siblings.)

kittensinthekitchen · 23/03/2022 13:37

@girlmom21

Do you realise that not all adults living at home - and likely not many of them - get the entirety to spend or save at will. Many, many young adults are helping to keep the family home afloat.

PinkGinBigGrin · 23/03/2022 13:38

I intend to pass our assets on to our dc's - however I do not expect it of our own dp's and neither does dh - we're always telling them to spend a bit of their money and enjoy themselves.

If it's all gone when they die we won't care bc we have made our own money and we don't need it.

Inheritance should never be expected and I always think it smacks of coming from a very avaricious family who place a lot of importance and focus on material things.

My dp's didn't have a pot to piss in when I was growing up so it's never been any expectation of mine or my siblings.

Our d's have no idea what they'll be getting when we die either - we don't talk about it. It'll be a very nice surprise for them!

rookiemere · 23/03/2022 13:38

It really depends on circumstances.

I hope to inherit something at some - hopefully faraway- time in the future. I also hope that our financial planning has been enough to allow a comfortable retirement, but if it doesn't we will use some of the inheritance on ourselves.I'm an only DC and so is DS so it won't be split. I'd prefer to be in a position to help with house deposits and so forth rather than leaving it all until we die.

Siepie · 23/03/2022 13:40

[quote Soffana]@Siepie

Not squirrel away untouched, I mean more in the line of buying bigger property or paying off morgage that then would benefit your children.[/quote]
I don't particularly want a bigger property, so buying one just as a form of investment would still be squirreling away imo - just in property instead of in a bank account.

I'm not planning to leave DS destitute. He will inherit the property we currently own, which should be mortgage-free unless DP and I both die young. But I don't see the point of passing money down if nobody's allowed to enjoy it.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 23/03/2022 13:41

@L0stinCyberspace

I wish my parents would hire a cleaner, eat out regularly, go to the theatre and all the classical concerts they could, go on luxury holidays and leave me nothing, rather than how they are currently living.
Yes, yes, yes!
girlmom21 · 23/03/2022 13:41

[quote kittensinthekitchen]@girlmom21

Do you realise that not all adults living at home - and likely not many of them - get the entirety to spend or save at will. Many, many young adults are helping to keep the family home afloat.[/quote]
There are exceptions to everything - and those people aren't likely to be getting big inheritances to enable them to move out.

Eeksteek · 23/03/2022 13:42

@Soffana

Interesting. Just to make clear it is not about me, I am just making a philosophical and moral question.

I have inherited and am not spending it all as I want to help my children out. Just thinking what you are planning to do.

As I can read here you will all spend your money and not give anything to your children?

For me that would be morally wrong.

Unless you are suggesting that the parents took the easy life by spending all the money completely on themselves, the children’s lives have already been more privileged by their parents not needing to struggle, even if the actual capital passed on no further.
MelCat · 23/03/2022 13:42

Inheritance on MN (like many issues) is a contentious issue.

You have those who insist they would not expect anything. If they were living in a one bedroom shack they would be delighted their parents blew millions away and/or gave it all to their millionaire sibling.

On the other extreme are the, "everything is for my children".

Ultimately every case is going to be different. No one ever knows the full story of a family. It's why the law allows you to leave your money as you want, including all to the Dog's Home if you want.

I have a friend who inherited a large sum and her and her DH used it to buy a house out right and she gave up work. She did this because her parents had their own business and she said she always wanted them around more. Yes she and her DH will be able to leave the children a 1/3 of the value of property, but if she needs care home fees there might not be a lot left. She did what she felt was best, but some may feel she should have remained at work and therefore ensured more could be provided to her children - like she had.

I would hope if I had been given a large inheritance and it had enabled me to have opportunities I otherwise would not have done I would try and leave something to my children to do the same.

Pumperthepumper · 23/03/2022 13:43

Also a 35 year mortgage is very poor financial management.

kungfupannda · 23/03/2022 13:43

There's no 'should' in this, as all circumstances are different. You're essentially saying that no-one who inherits money should ever enjoy it - it should always be passed on, presumably to another generation who, by that logic, shouldn't enjoy it either.

I have a close family member who has this mindset, and has spent the last 20 years tying himself up in ridiculous knots with his ever-changing will, in search of some non-existent method by which his children can inherit his (very modest) estate, use it to have lovely lives, and still somehow pass it on untouched to their own children, who will then be required to do the same thing.

An inheritance is only an inheritance for a very brief period between someone dying and the money arriving in someone else's bank account. Either side of that, it's just someone's money, and everyone should be left to make their own choices about how they manage their own money. Most people will probably choose to help their children if they can, but there's no reason why they should martyr themselves, acting like some sort of temporary custodian of a precious commodity that must be preserved for posterity.

The reality is that most people will inherit very modestly, if at all. Relatively few people will receive the kind of substantial sums that can be invested in property and increase in value. Most inheritance will be substantially eroded within a generation. Being in a position to ringfence and pass on inheritance is just as much of a privilege as receiving it in the first place.

1forAll74 · 23/03/2022 13:43

i have known older people who have passed on large amounts of money to their offsprings, who have then wasted large amounts of it, and been reckless with the money, and blown it on many fanciful things,when the oldies were always careful with money and any property. etc.

Strawmite · 23/03/2022 13:44

I agree with you to an extent OP. If my parents inherited hundreds of thousands, had a grand old time and then left us a grand total of £0 when money is very tight in our household I would be quite gutted. I would never do that to my children- if I inherited a decent sum of money my first thought would be helping them with things like getting on the housing ladder. I know on mn the general consensus is you inherit and do whatever you want with it but in reality most people aren't that selfish.

Sunnyday321 · 23/03/2022 13:44

@Soffana

You say you will keep some of your inheritance for your children to pass on. Best give it to them before you die , as care needs for your old age could be eat it up as well as the value of your home.
Give it at least 7 years before you pop off as well for tax reasons !
I'm sure you can see , it's not as cut and dry as you think.

girlmom21 · 23/03/2022 13:44

@Pumperthepumper

Also a 35 year mortgage is very poor financial management.
Are you still talking to me? I don't have a 35 year mortgage. HTH.
Pumperthepumper · 23/03/2022 13:45

Is it under 25 years Girlmom21?

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/03/2022 13:48

Oh we go.
Another one bleating on about selfish bastard older people not sacrificing themselves for the poor hard done by younger generation.
Maybe, just maybe your kids should work hard and make their own way in life! Start at the bottom
of the ladder, work their way up, do things they don’t want to do, move around for work or placements, sacrifice things, live in the grotty houseshare, etc etc.

HeadNorth · 23/03/2022 13:49

@godmum56 - I asked why you were so keen your children didn't receive a penny from you, not about your relations, the truth of whose family relationships none of us can ever know, families are complex.

So why wouldn't you want your children to get a penny from you?

kittensinthekitchen · 23/03/2022 13:52

@girlmom21

You think that those young adults expected to contribute to their home is the exception? I'd be really interested in seeing the actual figures for that.

Getting to stay at the family home and retain your full, or even most of your salary is a massive privilege.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 23/03/2022 13:52

Not squirrel away untouched, I mean more in the line of buying bigger property or paying off morgage that then would benefit your children.

Whoever inherits from us will get a flat worth next to nothing due to it having a short lease. We don't want to move so I'm not spending £50K to extend a lease for nothing!

godmum56 · 23/03/2022 13:55

[quote HeadNorth]@godmum56 - I asked why you were so keen your children didn't receive a penny from you, not about your relations, the truth of whose family relationships none of us can ever know, families are complex.

So why wouldn't you want your children to get a penny from you?[/quote]
its not about me, its about the principle that BY LAW children must receive part of their parents' estate regardless of how the children have behaved to the parents. Its not a law or a principle that I support. Thankfully, I don't live in Scotland.

James44 · 23/03/2022 13:58

There was another thread recently about this recently.
@Soffana makes a good point. Most of us help our children, most of us would like to do more than we do presently. We all go along with that sentiment.
Somehow when inheritance crops up, MN erupts as rabid left wingers declare that we shouldn't bother to help. All the goodwill is lost and words like grabby are used.
Should we really be islands?

cptartapp · 23/03/2022 13:58

No. Ridiculous to pass it down the line indefinitely. Spend it and enjoy it.