To expect family money being passed on

[Soffana]

Am I being AIBU if I think that parents that had an inheritance and profited on that when it comes to property investment should pass money on to the next generation and not spend it all?

That money should be passed on from generation to generation?

For example helping next generation buying property?

@girlmom21"That looks different for each person.

For lots of people, family holidays and experiences are a better investment of money than a house that could end up being a money pit in 50 years time."

I can definitly see your point.

I agree with you, the younger generations have zero chance of achieving massive wealth from property rises. I hope that if I receive a massive inheritance I won’t spend it all on cruises and will help my children out too otherwise that would be terribly selfish.

When my parents died I received a share of their money. My children didn't expect me to hand any of it over. When I die it will be their turn to inherit. Though if any of them were to appear to think they were entitled to inherit my money, the local cats and dogs home might benefit from their share.

@BigSkies22

Not a popular view on MN, where the wishes of the legator or testator are paramount, and to hell with family expectations, but the UK is, globally, a bit of an outlier when it comes to the requirements of a testator to make reasonable provision for their family out of whatever property is available at their death. Most jurisdictions restrict testamentary freedom to ensure that dependents' /descendants' interests aren't forgotten. Which seems reasonable to me.

So it seems. Perhaps I am not expressing my point as well as I could. More people might agree with me if I did.

Yes OP I agree with you.

If you're lucky enough to benefit you should try and benefit others in the same way. That's how a kinder, more thoughtful society works.

@Pumperthepumper

And *@girlmom21* if you wouldn’t mind, the length of your mortgage.

I’m going to guess: small non-commutable town either in the east of Scotland OR the north west of England. Family help to buy, 35 year mortgage. Your house is now worth 15k more than you paid for it. You earn approx 25k and your partner 30k ish.

Your assumptions are way off.

Earnings are higher, no family help, equity is higher, really good transport links.

I don't know why you're so angry about the suggestion that adults in their 30s still living at home should have enough saved for a deposit - obviously that excludes people who've moved back home after having moved out and ended up being screwed over financially - but someone who's never left home and is still there in their 30s with no savings is bad at managing money.

I think it's what a normal person might expect but I also think there's nothing you can or should do about it if your parents choose to behave differently.

Neither did they earn it. Their ancestors did.

Well that's obviously not true for everyone, not ny a long way.

We have had zero inheritance from grandparents or parents. My husband has a good job and we do ok. We have given our children some cash towards properties and weddings, but that was money that me could afford and had the free will to do that. The minute my children feel entitled to our money is the minute we start saying no.

I will be looking to pass money on to my DS whether I inherit or not. I think that's the right thing for me to do, as I brought him into the world and (due to house prices, climate crisis etc) the prospects of living a comfortable life seem to reduce with each new generation.

However, I won't go without to the extent that my DS would be living a significantly more comfortable life than me. Equally, I wouldn't expect anyone to do that for me.

I don't know why you're so angry about the suggestion that adults in their 30s still living at home should have enough saved for a deposit - obviously that excludes people who've moved back home after having moved out and ended up being screwed over financially - but someone who's never left home and is still there in their 30s with no savings is bad at managing money.

‘No savings’ is not the same as ‘not enough for a house deposit’. Owning a home is an option closed to the vast majority of people in their twenties - you needed two salaries for yours. It’s a market that has massively outstripped wages and has literally nothing to do with poor money management. Length of your mortgage? Under twenty five years?

@knittingaddict

Neither did they earn it. Their ancestors did.

Well that's obviously not true for everyone, not ny a long way.

We have had zero inheritance from grandparents or parents. My husband has a good job and we do ok. We have given our children some cash towards properties and weddings, but that was money that me could afford and had the free will to do that. The minute my children feel entitled to our money is the minute we start saying no.

That kind of money was not the money I was talking about. That is earned money.

I was talking about money that you inherited from past generations.

@HeadNorth

I live in Scotland, where you cannot disinherit your children - all offspring are entitled to a share of your moveable estate. So not your house, but if you have savings, flash cars, jewelry then any children are entitled to a third, by law, regardless of what your will may say. So it certain seems the settled will in Scotland, as reflected in statute, that family money should be passed down.

Wow I did not know this. How awful if someone’s children are complete arseholes to their parents but will still inherit money from them.

If no-one passes it on, you included, it would be like a huge money snowball, rolling along getting bigger and bigger. I think the OP means that it should come to her to spend, not to pass on!

@Pumperthepumper we didn't need two incomes. We happened to be a couple who wanted to buy together.
I've got friends on a lower income than mine do the exact same thing.

If you're working full time and living at home you should be able to save a lot a month. You can be angry about it but it's true. It's perfectly feasible to be able to buy a property in your mid-late 20s

The reason it's so hard for so many people is because they want the independence younger so choose to rent and then it's obviously much harder to save while you're supporting yourself financially.

The other thing lots of people do is get stupidly expensive cars on finance and then pay a shed load in insurance etc.

I voted YABU but only because I think it shouldn’t be a given that inheritance is passed on. We have inherited on DH side, and have given a chunk to each child toward their deposit to get on the housing ladder.

We also give them a reasonable amount of cash yearly to spend as they want.

But a friend has parents who sold their own house and passed all of it to their son, to build a “granny annex”. The house and granny annex are all in the son’ s name. Dad is now in hospital bed blocking as he needs a care home space, but with no assets it has to be state funded and there are very few places, and no choice locally. Compared to DH dad who we sorted a lovely care home latterly, paid for out of his own money.

I think it would be harsh to disinherit a much -loved child simply for expecting a bit of help. Different if they're being a complete shit about it, but... if they were simply trying to have a conversation about inheritance, in order to plan for their future? Makes me wonder what kind of messed up relationship some people have with their DC.

Really some people being born to wealth and others not isn’t fair anyway is it.

Maybe it would be fairer if no one got inheritance.

Arguably there is more moral value in giving it to people who are not genetically related to you and have no expectations of the kind. Fine to pass money down to your kids but let's not pretend it's all that altruistic; when it's your own kids, you're making yourself happy too.

Anyway if you're smart with the money shouldn't it be possible to do both, invest, work and improve on the inheritance, spend a chunk and hand some down?

Sorry, do the exact same thing as a single person.

I'm not going to argue with you because you clearly have some weird obsession with it not being possible so I'll let you keep convincing yourself

[quote girlmom21]@Pumperthepumper we didn't need two incomes. We happened to be a couple who wanted to buy together.
I've got friends on a lower income than mine do the exact same thing.

If you're working full time and living at home you should be able to save a lot a month. You can be angry about it but it's true. It's perfectly feasible to be able to buy a property in your mid-late 20s

The reason it's so hard for so many people is because they want the independence younger so choose to rent and then it's obviously much harder to save while you're supporting yourself financially.

The other thing lots of people do is get stupidly expensive cars on finance and then pay a shed load in insurance etc. [/quote]
Your bank were prepared to give you £150k mortgage with half the deposit you had with no family income? At 24? You must have an incredible salary in that case.

Length of mortgage?

That kind of money was not the money I was talking about. That is earned money.

I was talking about money that you inherited from past generations.

I still don't think it makes a difference. There can't be a blanket rule because everyone is different. If my parents had inherited any money it would have made a big difference to their lives and we would all be happier now because of it. I don't actually need their money in my grubby mitt to benefit from their good fortune.

And above all it's a choice.

@Soffana

Am I being AIBU if I think that parents that had an inheritance and profited on that when it comes to property investment should pass money on to the next generation and not spend it all?

That money should be passed on from generation to generation?

For example helping next generation buying property?

ok I have not read the tread but I am on full benefits and in a privet rental.

my father has lived in a council house since the 1970s and amassed nearly 200k in stocks, shares and savings, he has also inherited two properties from my aunt.

I would like to get a bit of that, it would be nice to know there is something to fallback on, my brother and sister whom live with him will go and live in 1 of the properties when he dies as the council tenancy dies with him, he inherited the two places during lockdown both were owned by the same relative, but its upto them what they do with the studio flat I hope they will rent it out for income rather then deplete his savings, neither work, claim benefits or anything and they are both in their 50s (I am in my 40s), but its totally upto individuals what they do with their money, I wouldnt expect anything from anyone and I think my bother and sister are both lucky and also tragic, they have never had to do anything for themselves they have always sponged off mum and dad but that also means they have never done anything in their lives and have totally wasted over 50 years IMHO.

so you are being unreasonable people can do what they like with their money, my dad doesn't even have a passport and I have neever understood that.

I was happy for my mum to spend the (not huge) inheritance from my gran on making her life more fun/comfortable, e.g. holidays and getting taxis instead of the bus.

The reason it's so hard for so many people is because they want the independence younger so choose to rent and then it's obviously much harder to save while you're supporting yourself financially.

No, it isn’t. It’s because house prices have massively outstripped wages. And combine that with the rising food and fuel (and energy!) costs, people’s standards of living have stagnated while everything rises around them.

The way inflation will eat into my savings I'm not sure I'll have much to pass on to DC.

I'm leaning towards YABVU because OP sounds so blinkered.

Adult DD is a spendthrift, Adult DSs are (mostly) frugal like me & DH. Examples set not followed.