To expect family money being passed on

[Soffana]

Am I being AIBU if I think that parents that had an inheritance and profited on that when it comes to property investment should pass money on to the next generation and not spend it all?

That money should be passed on from generation to generation?

For example helping next generation buying property?

@LuckySantangelo35

Oh we go. Another one bleating on about selfish bastard older people not sacrificing themselves for the poor hard done by younger generation. Maybe, just maybe your kids should work hard and make their own way in life! Start at the bottom of the ladder, work their way up, do things they don’t want to do, move around for work or placements, sacrifice things, live in the grotty houseshare, etc etc.

Let's say you inherited money so that you didn't have to start at the bottom of the ladder etc.

Would you not want the same for your children?

I think money should be passed down generations eg if my parents inherited a large sum- for them to spend a big chunk on themselves but also help out their DC with housing costs etc. and then I would pass that saving down to my DC. This is how immigrant families often work in the UK and allows generational wealth to be passed on. I honestly don’t see the point of me splashing loads of cash on myself whilst DC struggle later in life

I inherited. It's all invested so I can retire early and holiday several times a year.
Not saying I won't help my DC out, but I certainly aren't saving any to 'pass on'.

I don't disagree with you OP, but that's partly the way I was brought up.

My parents come into a large amount of unearned wealth in their own lifetime. They are very keen to conserve 'enough' to pass on. Ideally, they want to conserve the capital (and some) while living on the income derived from the capital. They have paid off their mortgage on their very nice, large house. They have bought a second home in France, which the whole family has benefited from. They have gifted large lump sums to my sister and I which has helped us greatly at earlier stages in life. They live a very comfortable life.

They have zero desire whatsoever to spend the capital on 'treating themselves' just for the sake of spending the money because it's 'theirs': they'd see that as a waste. They don't see it as their money tbh, they see themselves as the custodians of what is really family money.

DH and I will be the same, I'm sure.

I see what you are saying. My MIL has just helped us put a large deposit on a house. Something we would never have afforded for many many years. This is my husbands inheritance she would rather see us making use of it now then when she passes. Our main reasons for buying a property not only for a better home for our children is purely for their inheritance so we can help them buy a house when the time is right. Its not easy these days to get on the ladder.

its not about me, its about the principle that BY LAW children must receive part of their parents' estate regardless of how the children have behaved to the parents. Its not a law or a principle that I support. Thankfully, I don't live in Scotland.

Interesting. As a Scot, I feel pretty comfortable with the Scottish approach. It seems a proportionate balance of free will with duty and responsibility - no child should be left destitute for the state to pick up the tab if their late parents died with money in the bank. I think Scottish civic society is more based on duty rather than being as strongly individualistic as England and this is reflected in our laws and customs - land reform, comprehensive school system etc. It is fascinating the different ways we navigate and perceive the world based on an often unconsidered cultural heritage.

@Soffana

Interesting. Just to make clear it is not about me, I am just making a philosophical and moral question.

I have inherited and am not spending it all as I want to help my children out. Just thinking what you are planning to do.

As I can read here you will all spend your money and not give anything to your children?

For me that would be morally wrong.

Generally, in well off families it would be invested, as opposed to cash.

The parents (or whoever) would spend the income / dividends with the capital being passed onto the next generation.

My grandparents helped my parents buy a house. My parents helped us. I feel morally obliged to do the same if I possibly can (and all going well). I’d feel horribly wrong if I could and didn’t.

My partner's ex would suggest every penny he has is saved for their children who will do very well from inheritance from grandparents who have skipped a generation and from him and her anyway.

A balance I think, enjoy your one go at life and if you can help out the next generation.

IMO, yes. I am someone who benefited from wise investments my parents made and I am now doing the same with the view to giving my children that same start in life. I suspect my siblings are doing the same for their kids. I believe most parents would do this their kids, how well it's excuted is another matter

@Eeksteek

Good point. I would say I try to do both, use the money I earn for now. Invest the money I got in property for their future benefit.

@Ifailed

money should be passed on from generation to generation

What's the point of playing pass-the-parcel with money down the generations, no one gets any use of it?
I inherited some money when my Dad died, we spent it on improving our home. Should I've just left it lying around to pass it on (presumably split in half) to my two sons who presumably would be expected to do the same?

But people do get the benefit of the ££

My parents were in a position to lend me the deposit for my first house. This enabled me to buy, rather than rent

I think it's reasonable that I should try to do the same for my children, if I can

OP, in RL, I think most people wouldn't agree with you. On MN, not so much

@Soffana but then like I said, surely that property is being passed on to someone

@kungfupannda

There's no 'should' in this, as all circumstances are different. You're essentially saying that no-one who inherits money should ever enjoy it - it should always be passed on, presumably to another generation who, by that logic, shouldn't enjoy it either.

I have a close family member who has this mindset, and has spent the last 20 years tying himself up in ridiculous knots with his ever-changing will, in search of some non-existent method by which his children can inherit his (very modest) estate, use it to have lovely lives, and still somehow pass it on untouched to their own children, who will then be required to do the same thing.

An inheritance is only an inheritance for a very brief period between someone dying and the money arriving in someone else's bank account. Either side of that, it's just someone's money, and everyone should be left to make their own choices about how they manage their own money. Most people will probably choose to help their children if they can, but there's no reason why they should martyr themselves, acting like some sort of temporary custodian of a precious commodity that must be preserved for posterity.

The reality is that most people will inherit very modestly, if at all. Relatively few people will receive the kind of substantial sums that can be invested in property and increase in value. Most inheritance will be substantially eroded within a generation. Being in a position to ringfence and pass on inheritance is just as much of a privilege as receiving it in the first place.

I think you are making an interesting point.

It has to be a considerable amount of inheritance to be able to help future generations. But it doesn't have to be enormous. Help with down payment can enable children to invest in higher value property, and the same for next generation.

If I get any inheritance (may well do, a middling amount, but not counting chickens) I doubt I will be in a position to pass the whole lot down to my own Dc as I will be scraping through retirement fairly frugally.

But I will do what I reasonably can to be able to leave something from my entire estate, earned and inherited, rather than splash the lot on cruises and fast cars.

[quote Lou98]@Soffana but then like I said, surely that property is being passed on to someone[/quote]
Yes, which is why I said investment in property is an investment for future generations.

I don't think i said anything that contradicts that?

Absolutely not entitled to money that isn’t yours ..

Op the problem is you are talking about what other people should do and that is not really anyone else's business.

Most parents do leave their children something if they can. But nobody should expect them too.

I would do what you think is right and not worry about anyone else. Also if you have parents or in laws who aren't passing on inheritance accept it and move on for your own sake.

My parents have quite a few hundred thousand in inheritance. Both parents are only children and were looked after well by my grandparents over the years. Their first house was sold cheaply to them by my paternal grandparents and maternal grandparents helped them financially loads over the years.
I wish they would treat themselves to things but never do, it sits there building up in their various accounts. They never have holidays or spend money on the home.
They have never given my sister and I anything. Not going to lie, it stings a little especially as both my sister and I struggle financially and I help my parents most days (mum has dementia and I help out when I can) but I don’t expect any money, it wasn’t willed to me so it’s not mine to spend.
Mum has Alzheimer’s so will more than likely need to go into care sometime in the future, the money will all be swallowed up then anyhow so I try not to think about it too much.
BUT if I were to come into any inheritance (or any windfall) in the future I do know that I would open an account for both my dc, it would make me happy to know they had some of it and I would like to see them spend it whilst I was still here.
We are all different I suppose but I do think if you have dc you are close to then it’s a nice, generous thing a parent can do for their child.

There are lots of variables here, it's not all cut and dried.

We have given the eldest a deposit for first house and will do the same with dc 2. However, we won't be going without anything to do so. I wouldn't go without holidays etc in order to save money to pass on.

@souffana
I didn’t inherit any money

People seem to get really annoyed about this sort of thing on here. It’s because they’re either well off enough that they don’t need an inheritance or they know they’re not going to inherit anything.

Of course it isn’t grabby to expect parents not to waste their money while their kids are struggling and can’t buy a house. Parents should be able to have a nice life and not sacrifice everything for their kids but you’d think they’d want to help. If my mum has to go into a care home I’m buggered financially and she doesn’t want that for me.

I spend £40 a month on two life insurance policies for my kids. One will end when they’re 23/25 and one will end when they’re in their thirties. If anything happens to me I want them to at least have enough money.

I got inheritance from parents - passed as much as possible on to DC plus able to treat myself. Will spend own money as well on myself, DC and DGC as don't want it to all go on care fees or inheritance tax.
DH on the other hand wants to squirrel it away but will happily say he will give money to his feckless siblings both of whom have barely worked (artistic leanings) and happy to pay extra for the two things we won't enjoy the benefit (ie fancy care home and tax)

I think your money however it came to you is yours to do as you please with.

YANBU.

My parents are boomers. They both had good jobs but didn't earn a huge amount. My dad bought his first house at 24 and my mum married him two years later. They would never ever have been able to afford their house on their income if they had been born 30 years later. They have both inherited money from their parents at the age of around 60 and kept most of it to improve their standard of living and financial security in retirement, but they also gave fairly substantial amounts to me and my brother to help us buy our first homes.

I think I would have felt hard done by if they hadn't, tbh.