My bully has Facebook friend requested me

[planetme]

At school, there was a girl in the year above with a reputation for being really "hard". She didn't even know me but when I was about 13 she beat me up in front of loads of people walking home from school. I just remember her pulling me about by my hair and just slapping and punching me over and over again including in my face while all her mates were laughing and encouraging it

I think The worst part was I was with my so called friends, they walked away really fast and let it happen. I think they were scared they'd end up getting hit as well

I never told my parents or school, i wish I had as if it happened to any of my ex (god forbid) I would go to the police. I was too ashamed, I blamed myself

I don't understand why she'd try to friend request me but part of me actually wants to accept her. So I can send a message asking if she remembers what she did to me. Or let her find out from my page that I now have a lovely family, own a very successful, profitable business, drive a Porsche and have a damn good life

Both are pointless so I'll do neither, I am best to just block her

I guess seeing her name pop up has bought it back a bit and I just wanted to get it down.

My childhood bully runs the only Facebook page for parents of my kids school.

I didn't realise until I joined the group and she messaged saying 'oh didn't you go to such and such a school' and trying to reminisce with me. I stay in the group and I ignore all her messages. I don't care what she wants from me.

[quote Gonnagetgoing]**@emu85* - yes - it's probably a few factors that @Hoppinggreen*'s bully got fired. But if someone had seen the FB post by Hoppinggreen then people talk and it might have had some bearings on her future there. You'd hope not.[/quote]
I didn’t read Any posts saying anyone got fired

PP (ridiculously) said the OP should post on wall so she got sacked

Which is laughable

@Hoppinggreen - apologies wasn't you it was @hoplittlebunnyhop.

There was a post saying they had posted on their former school bully,s page about all the terrible things the " bully had done ,and the "bully " later got sacked for it ,which is of course ludicrous.

@Gonnagetgoing, I agree - there really is no one size fits all when it comes to the people who have treated us poorly in life.

2 of my childhood bullies approached me during our Uni days and sincerely apologised. I accepted those and it went a long way towards me healing. They were kids with troubling home lives and I unfortunately was their whipping boy for all their distress.

But there's been other people as adults who bullied me and honestly, they can die roaring for all I care, I'll never forgive them for what they put me though.

This might make somebody feel better

[quote ValerieCupcake]**@Femalewoman I don't think it is as cut and dried to say all bullies are bad

Their parents and homelife may be.
They may do it to be in with the in crowd. FOMO.
Or they may be psychos/sociopaths.[/quote]
@ValerieCupcake and @Femalewoman

So - there was one girl at my school (secondary) who didn't bully me as such but set fire to my hair - but I had hardly anything to do with her, so that doesn't count! It was the reason why I left that school and went to a private school though. One reason I went there was that a girl (friend) I'd known at this secondary school also went there. This was the girl who bullied me there. She'd (A) bullied me about my home life, what I did/didn't have and what I was like, what I'd supposedly said about her etc. I recall going on a school trip with her to Alton Towers (it was a school camp trip) and being allowed to tag along with her and her best friend. Later on that year I got my hair permed and it suited me and turned me from a pretty girl into a swan.

So I knew that A had a mother who wasn't that pleasant to her sometimes, but she had a great home-life and things seemed ok. So many years later I FB messaged her saying I forgave her (bad move) and she says she recalls bullying me and her best friend but she can't remember exactly what happened and says her own mother bullied her physically and emotionally. She says that she was open to me telling her details as she blocked out a lot of what happened to her. I actually downplayed this and didn't tell her anything as I didn't want to give her power.

See the thing is I never met up with her (she wanted to meet up for coffee/lunch/dinner) but she then proceeded to try to offer me a free 'healing' session with her company (and then paid for after that) and tried to get me to join FB groups. I had to bat her off as I was only interested really in just hearing her side of the story.

Anyway - I believe on the whole most bullies do not change.

@CatNameChange101 good for you! It just goes to show that the bully was reaching out for their own selfish reasons. Thats why my friend point blank refused to accept an apology from her bully she said it felt fake and all the bully talked about was herself not once did it occur to her to ask how my friend felt so my friend told her to fuck off 🤣

I'd message and say I can't believe you have the nerve to show your face after the way you treated me at school. Fuck off, you're scum and I want nothing to do with you.

@mnnewbie111

Not judging honestly but I am genuinely surprised at how many wouldn't even consider forgiving when they were kids and people DO change. Or should I say they CAN change. I've not been in either situation so I'm not qualified to have an opinion but am just genuinely surprised that more wouldn't hear them out,

@mnnewbie111 I was bullied all through secondary school from aged 11 to 16. Every single day the bullies would repeatedly humiliate me, hide my stuff, torment me and one even pretended to be my friend and asked me to hang out with them then didn't turn up when I accepted and the next day that was the biggest joke that I actually thought they wanted to be my friend. I was bullied over my weight (I was a a size 12) and was given an incredibly cruel nickname about my weight that I was referred to for 4 years rather than by my name and it was just an amusing joke to the bullies! They also made me a social pariah because I had a bad skin condition at the time and anything I touched was treated like I had bubonic plague they'd say "oh don't touch that WickedWitch used it you'll end up with bad skin like her" because of that I had no friends in my class I was an outcast and a loner. I put on a brave face every time but inside I was absolutely devastated and didn't know what I did to deserve it I was shy and timid and wouldn't have hurt a fly. What little self esteem I had was destroyed by that nickname and even now I'm still insecure about my body and my looks.

Would you still want to forgive and forget all that and think oh maybe they've changed? At the age between 11 to 16 kids should know better and understand how wrong bullying is and how much damage it does!

Whilst I don't wish any harm on my bullies, I'm not interested in hearing them out on why they picked on me I don't give a fuck what their home life was like or what issues they were having my home life wasn't a picnic either and I didn't bully and make someone's life a nightmare.

I would never accept an apology from anyone of them if it was offered nor would I ever be friends with them either, as far as I'm concerned any apology would be to make the bullies feel better about what they did and get rid of their guilt rather than because they feel remorse and regret for making my teen years a misery and all because it gave them some sort of twisted pleasure to humiliate me. If any of them did apologise my response now would be to tell them to fuck off and shove that apology where the sun doesn't shine and I'd walk away with my head held high.

@WickedWitchOfTheEast87 like I said, im not qualified to respond really but was just saying I was surprised. Not saying I disagree with you

@WickedWitchOfTheEast87 also, sorry for what you went through

@WickedWitchOfTheEast87 I am exactly like you. I posted a few pages back about all the crap I had, beaten up, laughed at, called names. Fitting Fiona because I had a one-off fit in class. Stuff being stolen. I looked up the bullying boy and the biggest mean girl today on Facebook after this thread. Am so pleased I look 15 years younger than her. She still looks dog rough. He is just a joke.

@mnnewbie111 No offence but your post came across as judgemental that's why I wrote an essay of a reply on my own experiences to give you some perspective on why so many posters refuse to accept apologies and hear the bullies out and why it still effects them into adulthood.

Like I said I don't wish my bullies any harm but no way would I be willing to hear them out or accept an apology too little too late the damage to my self esteem was done. One sent me friend request years ago and I declined it and put it out of my mind these vindictive people don't deserve the head space.

[quote WickedWitchOfTheEast87]@mnnewbie111 No offence but your post came across as judgemental that's why I wrote an essay of a reply on my own experiences to give you some perspective on why so many posters refuse to accept apologies and hear the bullies out and why it still effects them into adulthood.

Like I said I don't wish my bullies any harm but no way would I be willing to hear them out or accept an apology too little too late the damage to my self esteem was done. One sent me friend request years ago and I declined it and put it out of my mind these vindictive people don't deserve the head space.[/quote]
I agree with you. They made my life hell. I couldn't function properly as a young teenager and made terrible choices. It took decades to sort myself out.

[quote WickedWitchOfTheEast87]@mnnewbie111 No offence but your post came across as judgemental that's why I wrote an essay of a reply on my own experiences to give you some perspective on why so many posters refuse to accept apologies and hear the bullies out and why it still effects them into adulthood.

Like I said I don't wish my bullies any harm but no way would I be willing to hear them out or accept an apology too little too late the damage to my self esteem was done. One sent me friend request years ago and I declined it and put it out of my mind these vindictive people don't deserve the head space.[/quote]
I don't want argument, I think you're taking me wrong. I wish you well

@ValerieCupcake I read your post and can totally relate especially the nickname, that felt like a knife to the heart. I have no clue what my bullies are doing now because none of them are on my facebook but I did bump into a lad from my year about 7 or 8 years ago he was one of the popular crowd but he was one of the few people who was nice to me. I was in a bar, he saw me and he came over to say hi and we had a catch up and he told me one of my bullies now has a horrible nickname herself and she gets taunted a lot over it basically she looks like a celebrity who over did the cosmetic surgery and everyone calls her that celebrity's name and she hates it. I didn't laugh or be nasty (I so wanted to though) but I did say that I have no sympathy for her and I hope she realises now that its not so funny when you're the one on the receiving end of someone's vindictiveness, he said she hadn't changed she was still nasty and uppity then we got drunk and had a laugh the rest of the night lol but hearing that did give me some closure and made think karma paid that vindictive cow back for what she did to me

@mnnewbie111 sorry if my reply came off harsh that really wasn't my intention I was just trying to give you another perspective not start an arguement or snap at you or be mean. I apologise but feel free to tell me to fuck off I can take it lol have a or on me 😊

Im really sorry this happened to you, i wish youd gone to my school because in my secondary school i was that girl, except i never forgot the torment i suffered in primary school at the hands of bullies. I was well known for stepping into situations like that and giving the bully a beating for picking on someone for no reason.
Certainly not the way id handle things now and i got me into a lot of trouble in my teenage years (the school threw me out eventually because i was very disruptive) but i made some really good long term friends from saving some of the easier targets who were actually really interesting people including my daughters god mother. So glad youre smashing life now 💕

I was bullied all through secondary school from aged 11 to 16. Every single day the bullies would repeatedly humiliate me, hide my stuff, torment me and one even pretended to be my friend and asked me to hang out with them then didn't turn up when I accepted and the next day that was the biggest joke that I actually thought they wanted to be my friend.

Aww this reminds me of something that happened to my friend - she was bullied when we were about 13 and she spent 6 hours in town waiting on a bench for some people who told her they were going to meet her

[quote WickedWitchOfTheEast87]@mnnewbie111 sorry if my reply came off harsh that really wasn't my intention I was just trying to give you another perspective not start an arguement or snap at you or be mean. I apologise but feel free to tell me to fuck off I can take it lol have a or on me 😊[/quote]
No no no you're all good. I realised I offended so didn't want to keep talking and make worse 😂

Maybe just message asking who she is? and if you are supposed to know her and when she tells you who she is(she's probably so up herself she thinks everyone knows and likes her)just say sorry I think your mixing me up with someone else🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣,that will show her she was so insignificant you don't remember her.Closure

She will already know that you've done well for yourself OP. She wouldn't be contacting you if you were driving a 20year old Fiat Panda and working in a minimum wage job.
She wants something.
Don't give it to her, just block and move on.

Not judging honestly but I am genuinely surprised at how many wouldn't even consider forgiving when they were kids and people DO change. Or should I say they CAN change. I've not been in either situation so I'm not qualified to have an opinion but am just genuinely surprised that more wouldn't hear them out

I get that people change but honestly I don't give a fuck if they've changed. They took so much joy from making my life an ongoing torment, making me hate myself for being so repulsive and having so much wrong with me that there wasn't a single thing about me that was likeable. I wished I was dead. They literally destroyed me and that damage was lasting. They don't deserve to be heard out. The only reason they're alive is because it's illegal to kill them.

So, no. People don't change that much. They were pieces of shit then, they're pieces of shit now. I don't care if they're sorry. If any of them had the nerve to approach me as an adult, they'd find out the real definition of sorry.

@mnnewbie111 I wasn't offended but it did come across a bit judgemental the downside of writing is you can't read tone of voice or body language shall we call it a misunderstanding and get virtually drunk on ? 🤣🤣

@MondaysChild7 Yeah that was so humiliating I felt like a complete twat for falling for it. I didn't wait 6 hours though I waited about an hour and the penny dropped so I left but they must have seen me come out of Wimpy because they all had a good laugh the next day. Your poor friend waiting 6 hours I can relate she must have felt so hurt and humiliated.

Even though it was an awful experience I have taken some positives out of it all. It toughened me up and I started standing up for myself and I always befriend people who are excluded and left out because I've never forgotten how that felt. But I will never understand how people can get twisted pleasure of bullying others that's why I don't believe bullies can change because in my experience bullies develop a taste for feeling superior and powerful over others, maybe thats why they do it in the first place.