To feel robbed of parenthood?

[csm93]

Partner and I are late-20's/early 30's. Feel absolutely shafted with everything that is going on. Cost of living crisis, war, pandemic/lockdowns, stagnant wages etc. I know thousands/millions will be in the same boat. And I'm sure lots of those people view it differently. But we had a conversation last night saying that there is no way we could bring a child into this world, with all the uncertainty, the financial insecurity and the unknown as to what kind of society our child would grow up in.
Feel like our generation has been totally screwed over, and feel resentful of that.

Aibu?
Would you start a family in the current climate??

@csm93

Partner and I are late-20's/early 30's. Feel absolutely shafted with everything that is going on. Cost of living crisis, war, pandemic/lockdowns, stagnant wages etc. I know thousands/millions will be in the same boat. And I'm sure lots of those people view it differently. But we had a conversation last night saying that there is no way we could bring a child into this world, with all the uncertainty, the financial insecurity and the unknown as to what kind of society our child would grow up in. Feel like our generation has been totally screwed over, and feel resentful of that.

Aibu?
Would you start a family in the current climate??

I agree the last 2-3 years have been particularly difficult for many people (if not everyone), and things will unfortunately continue to be difficult for some time.

However, people in previous generations also went through extremely difficult things (like the nuclear threat in the Eighties, for example, and of course the two World Wars, before then).

Also, when you’ve mentioned war, I do understand the war in Ukraine is frightening and horrific, but it is happening very far away from us and most of us are not being directly affected.

In the kindest possible way, I think you are being unreasonable.

Feel like our generation has been totally screwed over, and feel resentful of that.

It's not like things are going to be any better in 10/20 years time. This is how the world is. There are always going to be problems. It's not like it's just your generation that are screwed and then this will pass and people 10 or 20 years from now can bring children into a better world.

I have kids and I am sad about the world that I brought them into. I had mine when I was young but I think if I had waited and got to your age I wouldn't have had them. My kids are happy and content but I still worry about the future of the world for them.

You seem to be having your arse handed to you, OP, but I can understand how you feel. Perhaps 'robbed' is too emotive a word, but I do not agree at all with the "it's always been like this" brigade.

Climate change is now an unstoppable force that will bring misery on a global scale, which simply cannot be compared to the (relatively) localised events in the past. And another big difference is that we can see it coming. Many of the events quoted by PPs would have impossible to predict.

I started a family over a decade ago when I still felt a bit of optimism. I wouldn't say I regret it, but if I dwell on it I feel profound sadness at the world they will inherit, and if I made the choice now, I would stay child-free for all the reasons you've given.

YANBU to doubt bringing a child into this world. I think everyone does at times.

YABU to let current situations cloud your judgement on having a family.

You can sit back and wait for the perfect time. I honestly doubt it will come. Even if by some miracle the world goes perfect for a short time you could then be hit by the unexpected.

Did I and millions or other women expect a global pandemic and lockdown when we concieved in dec 2019? Nope but hey ho we got one. We just had to deal with it. Same as women in 1939 probably werent expecting a world war. Life is unpredictable, the world isn't always a shiny happy place. If you can't ride the storm then honestly you'll struggle being a parent anyway. Like the world children arent perfect nor predictable!

My dad was conceived during World War Two. My grandmother during the depression.

If everyone stopped having babies every time a crisis happened overpopulation wouldn’t be the problem that it is.

I get the sentiment in what you are saying…kind of! But as others have said, there have been much worse times such a world wars, other virus outbreaks, poverty etc and people still had children.

The world has never and will never be perfect and none of us can control that but the environment you surround your child in is within your control.

Work hard to create financial security as best you can. Surround them with love and family and friends who will love, protect and support them. Raise them to be a decent human being who may actually be able to contribute to make this world a nicer and better place. All of that is within your control and should be the reason you have a child if you want one.

@pastaandpesto
Climate change is now an unstoppable force that will bring misery on a global scale

I would say it will cause some huge problems which will need serious solutions in the short to medium term, but I wouldn’t say “misery on a global scale” is a given.

Do have kids. Don't have kids. It's totally your choice. But don't use 'robbed' to remove your own agency from that decision making process - it must be deeply offensive to anyone with fertility issues.

It’s tough right now in some ways, yes. But honestly, with that attitude, humanity could had been finished a long time ago. Apart from obvious current exceptions, in the western world it is literally the safest time in history ever to bring a child into the world. Most children used to be born to die before their fifth birthday. You do sound incredibly over dramatic.

YABU - the bottom fell out the economy overnight in 2008. I was in my late 20’s. I went from in one moment looking at flats to buy to no having a job and when I did get a job it was a 3 hour commute each day! It took me 7 years to reestablish myself and buy a house. I now have 2 DC.

Josie Cunningham certainly doesn't have your qualms. She's on her 6th one!

Jesus - yes there are problems around the world but there always have been. In some ways, this is the best of times! The world is an incredible place and there are mountains of joy to be found. Stop wallowing and look for the positives.

@SnackSizeRaisin

Having children is a basic biological instinct. It doesn't depend on circumstances being perfect. If it did most species would be extinct! However if you don't want to then don't. It's hard work and destroys your freedom. You can have a great life without children.

Humans don’t reproduce instinctively. We make conscious choices about it including not to reproduce.

I get it and when money is so tight it’s nappies or heating - even worse. However my children & family are my absolute joy and brighten up my world

We were completely skint when we had our kids. We cut our cloth accordingly and were very careful

Cheer up, mate. You don’t have to have children. No need to thrash around being angsty and blaming it on the world being shite. The world has always been shite. Maybe you just don’t want kids. That’s ok.

@MrsTerryPratchett

You have penicillin, antiseptics, running water, you can read and write, you live in a democracy, you have enough to eat, you pop in a toilet, free at the point of delivery healthcare, education and emergency services. No malaria, dengue, yellow fever or Ebola. Diarrhea won't kill your child. Nor will female infanticide.

You are contemplating having children with 100 times the average privileges.

Don't what to, don't. But don't pretend your parenting struggles will be remotely similar to a mum in the DRC or Ukraine. Or 200 years ago. You don't know you're born.

Yup

I had a baby in the middle of the pandemic so ...
Yanbu to be thinking things through clealry at all

• have you enough savings to help with crap mat pay?
• would you want the whole year off?
• would you be willing to swap with partner for Shared leave if you make more money?
• have you a council house or own your own home?
• have you support to help with baby ?
• would be paying for childcare?
• can you afford to go p/t and still pay your bills?

I saved for about 14 months and had cash for maternity leave , but its tough. Also trying to buy a home whilst on leave is hard too!
We re having one child , so we can have a nice life and not scrimp.

I think you’re being a bit over dramatic. People have babies in all kinds of circumstances. If you’d like to be parents I don’t think the war in Ukraine should stop you.

My mum was on about this today says the early 70's horrendous . Difference is a lot of people prepared to do without thing nowadays .

Stop being a drama queen. We started ttc during the fucking financial crisis and spent thousands on IVF had dozens of miscarriages and put our lives on hold only for me to pop a baby out two months before Covid. I have been robbed of 10 years of my life, of my dreams, but I took stock and made a decision to live my life instead of run off scared like what you’re doing.

@Capturetotalelotion

My dad was born in 1940, conceived in late 1939. They had been trying for over 5 years. There is never a ‘right time’. You are either ready or you aren’t.

This.

I’m a single parent they are buggers at times but I love them dearly and they give me a point and purpose

Overdramatic people have been claiming that they couldn't bring a child into this mixed up world for hundreds of years. They all sound ridiculous.

It's ok to just say that you don't want kids. You don't need to make up silly stories to try and make yourself feel superior. You don't want to have kids, and that's more than ok. You don't owe people an explanation.

People expect a lot more now. Having children involves sacrifice regardless of your circumstances.