To feel robbed of parenthood?

[csm93]

Partner and I are late-20's/early 30's. Feel absolutely shafted with everything that is going on. Cost of living crisis, war, pandemic/lockdowns, stagnant wages etc. I know thousands/millions will be in the same boat. And I'm sure lots of those people view it differently. But we had a conversation last night saying that there is no way we could bring a child into this world, with all the uncertainty, the financial insecurity and the unknown as to what kind of society our child would grow up in.
Feel like our generation has been totally screwed over, and feel resentful of that.

Aibu?
Would you start a family in the current climate??

I think you’ve had your arse handed to you a little unfairly. I understand your concerns- the world feels more bleak at the moment than it has at any other point in my 35 years. I find the idea of giving birth to a little life that might end up struggling or suffering in some way too hard to think about. News reports of women giving birth in appalling situations in other countries doesn’t make me feel privileged, it just puts me off wanting to be responsible for the needs of another life as there are no guarantees as to how things will pan out for anyone.

I don’t feel ‘robbed’ though as I’d feel this way regardless of the current global concerns. Becoming a parent isn’t for me and instead I choose to work with children.

Well you are not wrong about the climate change factor. I mean wars and pandemics start and stop, but climate change is forever.

No it isn't fair. Fairness has never been applied in life.

I'd agree your generation has a lot to worry about, even worse for the next.

My generation lived it up, flew and drove without conscience (ignorance), embraced plastic rat and consumerism and generally messed it up royally.

All we can do now is try to do better.

YABU. My grandmother lived through two world wars, and was a mother of 8 through the 2nd one. Her first baby died at 9 months old because they couldn't afford a doctor and there was no NHS.

If people thought like you humanity wouldn't have survived. There's never a right time to have a baby, ever. I've just had my first and although in the background I'm anxious about the things you mentioned I'd never use them as reasons not to have children.

Whilst a lot of people have said in this conversation that previous generations have had it worse for example with ww1 and ww2, and still had children, I think it needs to be considered that previous generations quite often actually didn't have the choice that we have nowadays to weigh the pros and cons up. Access to contraceptives in previous generations was either non existent or difficult and the level of education that women had of reproductive choices and as a general standard was not as high. I personally think that the poster is actually quite sensible- maybe not in the wording of this generation being 'screwed over 'as, in the most part, the current situation in regards to the pandemic and the war in Ukraine is something that we can't control , but I personally think its really quite sensible to actually consider what you may be bringing a child into. If you can see that the food costs/petrol costs/ everything costs are just about to go through the roof and there's the prospect that you may be about to struggle in these circumstances I personally think it is a little crazy to bring another dependent into the mix.

I feel that all of this hysteria about 'the world these days' comes from people who have a very poor grasp of history and what the people of literally every other generation before went through.

I can't stand these threads. No we're not being robbed of having children. I'm the same age as you, pregnant and bloody excited about it. If everyone had the same woe is me attitude then civilisation and populations would've ground to a halt years and years ago. Get over yourself

[quote Greatexpectations77]@Whatthefleckster Absolutely desperate times how?[/quote]
Currently around 1% of the world is uninhibited due to being too hot. Forecasts are showing that will rise to 19% in the near future. That's mass migration on a scale we have never seen before. In the UK our problem will be flooding. Coastal and low lying areas in particular. More people, less food.

The fact that none of these messages have cut through makes them all pretty inevitable futures.

And to the other posters casual sex was a thing before Victorian times, abstinence was not an option in marriage and the only 'reliable' contraception was illegal and dangerous abortions.

I don't think YABU but from your comments its better you dont bring children into this world as you will find it tough and might regret. Instead enjoy what you can with what you have.

I do understand why you feel that way, but yabu. Humans have babies in much worse situations. Not always through choice of course. But it is still one of the safest times and places to have kids, looking at it via historical and geographical perspective. Children are are best hope. I wasn't sure a few decades ago, but I have to say, they have improved life immeasurably and I have the added bonus of some near-adults now who are fantastic people.
When I was most unsure, I imagined how I'd feel as an old woman, with no children.

Clearly, Giant Pandas are refraining from reproducing due to their concerns over deforestation

My great-great grandfather was born in the late Victorian era. He believed the "end of days" was nigh, especially when WW2 broke out and his young grand-daughter was on the brink of life and death. The anti-biotics that could have greatly assisted were a new development but for military use only.

Look around a church yard and there are so many graves of infants, children and young women. It's easy to delude ourselves that people were pragmatic about their chances of premature death, but human feelings are human feelings. A few months back there was a beautifully ornate headstone for two children past infancy with their parents details underneath. The carefully chosen wording conveyed the pain and grief of those parents to the point of making a stranger cry nearly 150 years later.

When I conceived in March 2010, the world was twisting. We had a general election 2 months later. The first round of austerity was kicking in before baby was born. He was a few weeks old when the Arab Spring occured and wars broke out in Libya and Syria.

By all means consider your means and security in planning a child as that will directly affect your family. Global events are rarely settled and usually are of limited tangible consequence at a personal level.

Read "Factfulness" OP - everything is better than you think

www.amazon.co.uk/s?hvlocphy=9045654&hvnetw=g&hvadid=259128836123&k=factfulness&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIv4Xi5N_b9gIVB-rtCh059wCeEAAYASAAEgJTOfD_BwE&ref=pd_sl_59ox60k822_e&hydadcr=4175_1795555&hvdev=m&hvqmt=e&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=kwd-345049939819&adgrpid=57296586230&hvrand=2380623041523518625

@BogRollBOGOF giant pandas have only just been reclassified from endangered to vulnerable due to huge efforts to stabilise their habitat. Biggest threat to their habitat? People.

No doubt many people on this thread would be all 'chop those trees down, they'll grow back!' 🙄

Two thoughts to throw in are:

1. It's easy to view history as settled and predictable, just because you know what happened next. The people living through it didn't.

Those who had children during the cold war lived in very real fear of nuclear obliteration. We got away with that one - so far.

Those who started families in the prosperous late Victorian and early Edwardian era thought that all was rosy, peaceful, more comfortable than ever before - but their boys barely grew up before being slaughtered in the trenches.

2. Climate change is real. Do something about it. Raise your children to do something substantial about it.

Your helpless attitude speaks of passivity. If you were doing your best to change things, to make the world you want your children to live in, you wouldn't feel that way. You might feel hopeless some days but you'd know you were doing your best and pushing as hard as you can in the right direction.

And do remember to be grateful, for antibiotics, anaesthetics, contraception.

In previous eras you'd have seven kids by now and spend your every waking moment toiling physically in a sometimes hopeless attempt to keep bodies and souls together. Some of them wouldn't make it.

The time and freedom you have to worry about this, is a luxury itself. Use it well.

Oh and washing machines, the welfare state, employment legislation. The list of gratitudes is endless.

@Superhanz

YABU. My grandmother lived through two world wars, and was a mother of 8 through the 2nd one. Her first baby died at 9 months old because they couldn't afford a doctor and there was no NHS.

If people thought like you humanity wouldn't have survived. There's never a right time to have a baby, ever. I've just had my first and although in the background I'm anxious about the things you mentioned I'd never use them as reasons not to have children.

Is it even right that humanity survives? Humans are awful.

Feel like our generation has been totally screwed over, and feel resentful of that.

And every other generation has probably felt like that before us.
Those born in the 1920s
Those born in the 1940s
And at any other time in history!

There have always been terrible things happening, it's not just your generation that suffers.

If you don't want children, that's fine. You don't need to blame others though.

I hate when OPs dont come back

Do you read the Daily Mail per chance? Perhaps you'd be better seeking out some positive stats. The world has never been more stable or secure - less wars, less people die from hunger and poverty. Health better, life expectancy all time high. Pandemics happened before - and will again, but we're handling them better. Look back at UK history and certainly lots of positives compared to 30/40s & 70s. Wages are rising hugely now for most - if yours aren't personally then look to change career if you want to earn more. You can be part of driving positive change and contributing to society or you can hand wring and moan from the sides.

@ChampagneLassie

Do you read the Daily Mail per chance? Perhaps you'd be better seeking out some positive stats. The world has never been more stable or secure - less wars, less people die from hunger and poverty. Health better, life expectancy all time high. Pandemics happened before - and will again, but we're handling them better. Look back at UK history and certainly lots of positives compared to 30/40s & 70s. Wages are rising hugely now for most - if yours aren't personally then look to change career if you want to earn more. You can be part of driving positive change and contributing to society or you can hand wring and moan from the sides.

Probably more that she hears the pleas from the climate scientists who are desperately trying to make people understand what's coming.

There’s always been uncertainty and if you want children then have them while you can - you only have one life.
I had mine in the late 80s - my husband was in a temporary job and like many, we had no central heating at home: mortgage interest rates became very high.
We managed and every day was so much more rewarding than it would’ve been without our children.
It’s fine to be careful and plan ahead but don’t let your chance go by if you truly want to be parents.

I understand the gut feeling that it's too much to bring a child into the world in its current state. And I would worry that feeling will become more intense after you've had a baby. I never really thought on the state of the world when I was planning my family, but I do worry now, and I tell myself if I was childless, the worry would be less.

But I'm pretty sure it's another manifestation of my own anxiety. A fixation. And I imagine it is for you too.

To state the world isn't a place to bring up kids is to state that you believe in letting humanity die off, that there is no hope (after all, had our ancestors made the decision during some epically shit times, we wouldn't be here). You don't just make the decision for you, you are making it for all the generations that are likely to follow. That's not to say you are obliged to have children. But it certainly gives some perspective.

YABU and quite honestly, ridiculous

Nobody has 'robbed' you of parenthood. You've not been found to have fertility issues, you've not been refused for adoption, you've simply chosen you don't want to raise a child unless it's within what you think are optimal conditions.

Get a grip.