To feel robbed of parenthood?

[csm93]

Partner and I are late-20's/early 30's. Feel absolutely shafted with everything that is going on. Cost of living crisis, war, pandemic/lockdowns, stagnant wages etc. I know thousands/millions will be in the same boat. And I'm sure lots of those people view it differently. But we had a conversation last night saying that there is no way we could bring a child into this world, with all the uncertainty, the financial insecurity and the unknown as to what kind of society our child would grow up in.
Feel like our generation has been totally screwed over, and feel resentful of that.

Aibu?
Would you start a family in the current climate??

I do think you are being dramatic about this. Covid has been difficult but is becoming manageable, Ukraine is awful but wars have been raging for millennia and babies still born and we all went through the credit crunch, Great Depression, 70s, 80s and continue to procreate. Think about all the babies born in Europe during WW2. If you want children, just have some. You’ll find a way to make it work. It’s good to be realistic about the realities of parenthood but the things you mention seem very far away from that.

Yes it’s depressing. But you think it wasn’t depressing during the Middle Ages or during the Second World War?

As crazy as it sounds, the current day is no worse than it has been throughout history. Humanity will always go in circles. Yes our generation will be poorer and do less.

The only big thing is climate change.

And there are already many improvements for our children’s generation compared to ours. The world will keep going around until it doesn’t so if you want children, have them.

I don't think you are being unreasonable but I do think your judgement may be clouded by all the Doom and Gloom. It's a tough one to call as nobody know it what would happen for them in the future and none of us know for sure when or what will happen to the world. My mum always says never to make life changing decisions in the face of extreme tough times. OP whatever you and your oh decide you both need to see how to start seeing any positive. We're not on the train track to hell, there's still so much good and hope out there, so may people doing incredible things, fundraising, saving people, doing challenges, there's art, music, life, animals, bubblegum feel good reads (I'm a rom com author, can you tell?;)).

During the Black Death a quarter of the population died. A quarter!

YABU Even when Britons "never had it so good" there were still people dealing with shit and they still had children.

But you are robbing yourself?
Who is shafting you exactly? who could control a pandemic or war?
either have children or don’t but I don’t see that you can blame the world for it

You shouldn't have children because you've got a very immature outlook.

There’s never been a good time in history to have a child. I think especially since the pandemic people have been highly sensitised to world events due to 24hr news, social media etc. There were plenty of horrible things going on in the world 20 or 30 years ago, as well as various economic crises over the years

Things will get better , they always do . The economy will recover, oil prices will come down. We will prosper again. Have a baby if you really want one

Bloody hell you are being a tad dramatic aren’t you? What do you think life was like for previous generations, a bed of roses? They also had wars and pandemics. The only person robbing you of parenthood is you by being neurotic.

Is this meant to be a dig at people who already have children?

Yes, it does sound like a passive aggressive "haha you're fucked" to those who already have children, framed like mock personal concern. Also seems incredibly insensitive to those who are struggling to have children. It's not like having kids is a god-given right and climate change is "robbing" you of that.

Personally we're not at all worried about DD's future. We worked hard, are financially stable, the pandemic was shit but we had enough savings and assets to buffer us through. Even in the event of a war or disaster, we have friends and family in other countries that would happily help out. We have the will and resources to move anywhere and live comfortably without income for a while. Even if the banks went tits up, we have six-figures worth of crypto. We built this safety net for ourselves bit by bit over a decade using common sense and a bit of foresight.

It's not possible to live a full generation without an immense amount of shit happening (world wars, hiv, 9/11, covid) just to name a few. So by that reasoning, there really is no point living at all or having children cause they'll end up experiencing something unpleasant.

OP it's your choice. You aren't being 'robbed' of anything. Quit the dramatics.

I think climate change is the biggest worry at the moment and yes I think it possibly would affect how I think about things if I was at an age where I was having my kids now. However there will always be something going on. My grandad came back from ww2 and was involve din liberating the concentration camps. He was badly affected and said he would not bring any more children into the world, hence why my dad remained an only child. It's personal choice but a choice that people have always faced.

What point in history would you go back to, then, if you could? I'm sure at all points in the past, people have worried about bringing children into the world (albeit they had very little choice about it until relatively recently). In 100 years there will be a whole new set of issues- and your great great children will be debating some of the same problems, and a host of new ones (or not, depending what you decide). There are still lots of lovely things about being alive, none of it will last forever, whatever we do. Make your decisions, if they are good and honest ones, for you, and your loved ones. Honestly, the rest is just too big.

'Twas ever thus

You have penicillin, antiseptics, running water, you can read and write, you live in a democracy, you have enough to eat, you pop in a toilet, free at the point of delivery healthcare, education and emergency services. No malaria, dengue, yellow fever or Ebola. Diarrhea won't kill your child. Nor will female infanticide.

You are contemplating having children with 100 times the average privileges.

Don't what to, don't. But don't pretend your parenting struggles will be remotely similar to a mum in the DRC or Ukraine. Or 200 years ago. You don't know you're born.

If you want children go ahead and have them. The world is never going to be "right" enough for your precious children, if you want to look at it like that. Just do it if you want to. You won't get these years back again, fill them with whatever will make you happy.

I think the people saying YABU haven't thought about climate change hard enough tbh. I'm dreading the day I have to explain to DC why we had them despite knowing the planet is likely headed for horrible changes - mass migration, food shortages, storms and floods. I don't think it's being dramatic. It's what's predicted.

It's true that people have always worried for the future but climate change is something else.

My children were born when nuclear war was a prospect

We earned a pittance
We bought very little and our children did fine

You could honestly say this at any point in history.

Blimey, if everyone held off having a family due to a crisis of some sort in the world, the human race would’ve died out centuries ago.

People thrive in war zones that last years and years

Life in the UK is far far more comfortable than vast majority of countries (there is much room for improvement)

There has never been a perfect time to live but this is far from the worse time

Yabu. And OTT. There have always been wars. Recessions. Disease.

Only you are stopping yourself having DC

Cost of living crisis, war, pandemic/lockdowns, stagnant wages etc.

YABU

History is full of crappy situations and even before the pandemic and this war we have Ebola, malaria, war in Syria etc and we’ll still have them after this pandemic is over.

It just sounds like you and your partner don’t want children right now and that’s ok, you may never want to.
You don’t need to justify your reasons.